Daughter of My Heart, Chapter Thirty-One
"Is that what you're wearing?," Jack asked from the doorway.
"Evidently," Daniel frowned, glancing up from the book he'd been reading.
"Have you forgotten about dinner?," Jack pressed, checking his watch. "We're due at Carter's house in half an hour."
"I'm not going," Daniel replied sullenly.
"What do you mean, you're 'not going'?," the other man growled. "This is your family we're talking about, here."
"Yeah, well, it's been made abundantly clear that I'm not part of the family anymore, Jack, so if you'll excuse me..."
"Like hell you're not," Jack spat impatiently. "Get dressed. We leave in three."
"I already said I'm not going."
"Daniel, what's this really about? Janet said you and Cass got along great a few days ago. What the hell's changed?"
"Sam hates me, and I really can't blame her. I screwed up, Jack."
"Daniel, so help me. What are you talking about?," Jack demanded, glowering impatiently.
"I chose death over life with my family. I left her, and she hates me for it."
"Do you even remember any of this, or is this just everyone else talking?," he snapped.
"What difference does it make?," Daniel asked, dejected.
"Every bit of difference!," Jack retorted. "The Daniel I know has never made a decision unless it was for the greater good. Anyone who says otherwise is a damned liar."
Daniel swallowed, hard. "She kicked me out of her lab. I tried to apologize for the way things were, and she kicked me out. I don't think I'll be very welcome in her home."
"You tried to apologize for something you still don't remember?," he asked, perplexed.
"Uh, yeah," Daniel replied.
"Get dressed, Daniel."
"Why?"
"Because if you don't, I'm going to drag you kicking and screaming from this base, dressed exactly the way you are."
"Jack, I really don't think it's a good idea for me to go."
"You're an idiot, Daniel. You have thirty seconds before we leave."
"I can't face her, Jack. I may not remember everything, but what she said hurt. Like I was being gutted right then and there..."
"Time's up," he said, grabbing Daniel roughly by the arms. "Up you get," he grunted, hauling the younger man off the bed.
"Wait! We can't just go barging in there, completely unwanted..."
"Speak for yourself," Jack growled, dragging Daniel from the room. "I'm a very wanted man."
"I'm not even wearing shoes!"
Janet answered the door, frowning at the two men waiting on the stoop. Jack was looking decidedly harried, and Daniel... For whatever reason, Daniel was arriving to dinner in a rumpled black t-shirt, stained BDU pants, and no socks or shoes to speak of. Her gaze wandered back over to Jack, who shrugged.
"Come in," she sighed, resisting the urge to comment. There was probably no point. If the Colonel had felt it necessary to bring him looking this way, then so be it. He didn't get to argue her on medical grounds, so who was she to argue him on how he handled members of his team?
At that moment, Cassie strolled by, stopping to give the men a once over. Her frown deepened once she got to Daniel's feet.
"Why didn't you want to come?," she asked, hurt in her voice. Her gaze never left his face. He swallowed nervously.
"Who says I didn't want to come?," he tried.
"Don't lie to me," she said, jaw tight. Janet knew that look all too well. Nobody saw through a lie quite the way Cassandra could.
"He's just nervous," Jack replied. "Nothing to be concerned about."
Cassie frowned. Janet could tell it was a half-truth at best, but probably the most they would get out of either man on the subject.
"Why are you nervous?," Cassie asked, turning back to her dad. Even Jack was looking uncomfortable now. Score one for Cassandra.
"I-uh-I'm not sure I should have come," Daniel whispered softly.
"Why not?," Cassie asked, searching his face.
"I...I'm not sure I belong here anymore," he confessed, barely loud enough to hear. Jack scowled. Cassie's brows knit together.
"You and mom," she muttered. Daniel looked confused. Janet smirked.
"I don't...I don't understand," Daniel said, shaking his head.
"Mom doesn't think you'll ever be you again, and you're blind enough to believe her!," Cassie retorted. "Even when you're barely communicating, you two orbit around each other. Neither one of you is quite right without the other. And trust me, the harder you try to deny it, the crazier you both get. So do us all a favour, dad, and change your gravitational force."
"Wha..?"
"Work it out with Sam," Janet clarified helpfully, grinning.
Nobody saw through lies quite like Cassandra. Especially when it came to her parents.
Sam could hear his voice filtering down the hallway into the kitchen. Her muscles tensed, hand stilling over the knife she was using to dice onions. She took a deep breath, willing her body to relax, to look normal. At any moment Janet would come back in to help, and the last thing she needed just then was the well meaning advice of her good friend. She could already hear the doctor now: He's the same old Daniel, Sam. Maybe he doesn't remember just yet, but he really is the same person inside.
They'd had the same conversation the day he'd come back, the day Sam realized just how much everything had changed.
The worst part was, she wanted to believe, more than anything else. But she couldn't. The laws of science forbade it. Daniel had died. Everything he was, everything he knew, everything he felt, everything he believed, it'd all died with him. The moment he'd taken the path to ascension, he'd changed. It was the point of divergence for new realities. In one, Daniel would have allowed them to save him. In another, he would have died without ascension. In several others, he never would have been exposed to the radiation in the first place, or he would have died then and there, on Kelowna. And her Daniel, her Daniel had allowed himself to transform into something new. Something which by definition could no longer be her Daniel. So as much as she wanted to believe, as much as she wanted to go back to the way things were, she knew it could never be the same. He wasn't the same, and neither was she.
There was a soft tap on the wall, and she turned, startled. "Can I help?," Daniel asked quietly, his eyes filled with apology, trepidation, hope.
So many emotions, so much turmoil.
"I'm fine, thanks," Sam replied, returning to her chopping.
"Sam, I'm really sorry about the other day," he said, stepping into the kitchen anyway.
"Don't be," she replied. "I was out of line. I know you were only trying to make me feel better. It's what you would have done before, too."
"But...?," he pressed, waiting.
She turned, facing him. Lips pursed. "I won't deny you access to Cassandra," she replied carefully, meeting his impassioned gaze. Relief blazed across his face, quickly followed by sorrow.
"I knew there was something between us, even back on Vis Uban," he said softly. "That has to count for something, has to mean something, Sam."
"Do you remember the quantum mirror, Daniel?," she asked, staring him down. He shook his head no.
"You went through to another reality, one which looked very much like our own, but with small differences," she explained. "This feels like that, Daniel. Like you're him, but you're not. And it's the 'not' that scares me."
"We were friends for a long time before anything else happened between us. Couldn't we...I don't know. Couldn't we try that again? Back on Vis Uban, you told me I was worth getting to know. Well, I think you are, too."
"Daniel, I don't think you appreciate how hard this is for me," Sam said, shaking her head. "I still miss him... you... whatever..., every single day. I was in love. It took losing you to understand it, but you were as much a part of me as Cassandra. I would have done anything, given anything, to save you. But you wouldn't let me, and it's been a year, Daniel. A year without you, a year without SG-1, a year of giving everything I have to the only person I have left. And you are not the same person you were before, anymore than I am."
"For what it's worth, I think I made the wrong choice back then."
"In what way?," she asked, arms crossed.
"Cassie is an amazing kid. I feel more myself when I'm with her, than I do anywhere else, if that even makes sense. Being her dad is more natural than anything I've tried since waking up on Vis Uban. And you..." He sighed. "You make me feel alive. Even though you want nothing to do with me. Even though I can't remember anything specific. I just can't... I can't even begin to imagine wanting to give that up."
Emotion threatened to overwhelm Sam, but she reined it in. God, but she wanted to believe!
"Look, I'm not trying to pick up where things left off," he said into the heavy silence. "I just want the opportunity to get to know you again, and to play a role in raising Cassandra."
"Grab a bowl," she said softly, turning back to her cutting board. "You're on salad detail tonight."
She could almost feel his answering smile on her back as he quietly shuffled around, looking for everything he'd need.