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Memories
"Mom," Shepard addressed the woman before her, the word escaping her lips in an exhausted sigh. The older woman quirked a brow at her daughter and Shepard knew, in that single motion, her mother knew what plagued her. Hannah Shepard was far from unobservant, a trait she knew passed down to her children. Today, however, her daughter wished they all lacked it. She felt like a open book with text significantly larger than normal, all capitals with a thick bold font.
"The last time I saw that haunted look, it was during your brother's funeral." The woman spoke, her voice clipped. Shepard's heart stopped, for the tenth fucking time that day, despite knowing her mother was too attentive to her children's emotions and expressions since birth. She was creepily spot on with who caused her daughter's distress.
"Well, you're not far off from the truth... Mom... I," Shepard choked on the lump that formed in her throat, her eyes stung and she cursed her sudden vulnerability.
"I saw him, mom. I saw him alive on Horizon and I wanted so bad to just punch him. To tell him we thought he was dead and then... Then I couldn't speak and Staff Commander Alenko was yelling at him, and after the mission he was yelling at me for not saying a damn thing... And now," the woman sucked in a sharp breath as tears streamed down her cheeks and she bowed her head. She squeezed her eyes shut as memories of John's funeral flooded her mind.
"Kas..." Said woman snapped her eyes open and straightened up like the soldier she was, but her mother knew her better than that and her expression hardened, almost scolding her for even trying to hide. "Kastanie, what happened on that mission?"
Without a moments hesitation Shepard had spoken of the colony, how she and Kaiden received backlash from the colonists as they built the defense towers. She spoke of the Collector invasion, the twisted forms of monsters, the swarms and paralysis that froze her body but kept her mind aware as colonist after colonist was abducted. She had only choked up once, and that was during her retelling of the conversation with Kaiden on the shuttle back to the Citadel.
"What if Cerberus is working with the Collectors and Reapers? What they're using those threats as a means to control him? He owes them and you know it."
The two women were silent, too silent for the younger one to handle. It was Alchera all over again and the memories threatened to creep up as the silence continued to stretch for an indomitable amount of time. Finally, Hannah sighed, shifted and wiped away tears that her daughter refused to acknowledge. It meant that she had to acknowledge her own.
Voice barely above a whisper, her mother inquired; "Have you spoken to him since then?"
"No, I haven't."
"No?" Hannah frowned deeper. Shepard sighed, wishing her fears would exhale just as easily.
"What if it's true..? What if he is being controlled? You didn't see him, a shadow of the man from two years ago, with those scars from his cybernetics that were practically glaring,"
"Kastanie," Hannah interrupted, her head shaking profusely and Kastanie regretted her words. She crossed a line, a painful mistake that caught her heart in a vice grip. John was - is - her brother, regardless of what the galaxy will say of him. No exceptions, she read in her mother's expression. "I'm not demanding you forgive him, but we both don't know the details of his... Resurrection... And I'm sure our worries are his owns and he is not only dealing with them alone, but also with whatever mission he is on now."
Shepard was silent afterwards, her mother's words ringing in her ears - drowning out the pounding of her heart. Ever wise, ever forgiving and ever loving was Hannah Shepard; a stark contrast to the woman's formidable background as an infiltrator and veteran of the First Contact War.
"Be there for him," Hannah added, acknowledging her daughter's silent admission of her words. "Two years for us was probably two weeks for him. He's got a lot to catch up on and the last thing he needs is isolation from his own family."
"You're right," Shepard admonished, her mother cracking a sad smile. Briefly, she returned the expression, hers more heartbroken that she'd ever admit. "I'll talk to him."
"Good," Her mother nodded and her smile brightened ever so slightly. "And when you do see John, don't forget to smack him."
Shepard spluttered a laugh, "Yeah, will do."
"And Kas?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm proud of you. Both of you. Be safe, okay?"
There was brief moment of silence as the woman regarded her mother's words. "Okay."
Hours later, after a too hot shower and untasteful dinner, Kaiden trying - and failing - to get her to meet up with him in Zakera Ward, Shepard had found herself trapped in a fitfull slumber. There were too many times she awoke in the night, tangled in the sheets that were the Collector pods in her nightmare, drenched in sweat as she tried desperately to breathe. It was 0600 when she had slogged through her apartment, the sleep that clouded her mind ever present, and made her way to the kitchen. A pot of coffee and a toasted bagel later and she found herself perched out on the balcony, the slight breeze from the Citadel's faux weather rustling her too long hair.
Shepard had just finished the last bite of her bagel, the jelly squeezing out the edges onto her fingers, when her omni-tool began to beep. She pulled up the message and growled, her teeth biting down on her fingers as she had cleaned the jelly off them. Her other hand tightened around her mug.
Kastanie,
You think I wouldn't find out about your brother running around with Cerberus? What the hell kind of game does he think he's playing? He did the buddy act when I had the gun on that Cerberus scientist, telling me he understood because his "sister faced the same horrors" as me on Akuze. Now I find out that he's working for Cerberus? I bet you won't be far behind him either.
Tests were done on me that you can't even imagine. For years. Cerberus did them. They tortured me. They used me as a damn lab rat. And now you're both teaming up with them like they're any other merc band?
I've got my own merc team now, Kas. And I kill any Cerberus team I can find. If I run into you or your brother, don't expect any different.
Corporal Toombs. Shepard stared at the screen in disgust, her body rigid as her blood ran hot with rage not unlike a Krogan. Her biotics crackled and hissed around her fingers, the fucking audacity he had, and before she could stop it - the ceramic was crushed under the force of power. Temporarily distracted by the mess she'd made of the lukewarm coffee, Shepard took her time cleaning it up.
Forty five minutes later with a new set of Alliance fatigues on she paced her apartment, her mind rolling over the message while it simultaneously planned on how she'd hunt down Toombs. It took twenty minutes for her to realize the incessant beeping from her terminal and, despite her rage that still simmered at the surface, she hurriedly answered.
"Shepard," Hackett greeted as he shifted. She couldn't see but she knew, Admiral Hackett had the habit of standing straight with his hands clasped behind himhim whenever he was preparing to drop a mission brief. "There's another colony that's suspected to be abducted, Sanctum. Like before, it'll be you and Staff Commander Alenko again."
"Sir," Shepard began, unsure of how to continue her thought without sounding insubordinate. "Permission to speak freely?"
"Permission granted, what's bothering you Lieutenant?"
"We were sitting ducks on Horizon, paralyzed by those... Insects. How will we stand a chance if they happen to come?" Her voice was an octave too high, but kept it's firm edge.
"We have that covered actually, you'll be able to upgrade your armor once on the shuttle to Sanctum." Hackett answered coolly and before she could inquire what exactly that upgrade was, he interjected; "I don't know the nitty-gritty details, but thank your brother for forwarding the research to Alliance R&D. Also, Shepard?"
It took her a fraction of a minute to get over the initial shock at the mention of John - her brother. She forced herself - for the millionth time since his return - to merge the two Johns together; Alliance and Cerberus allied, they were still the same man. "Sir?"
If he noticed her hesitation, he did not give attention, simply saluted and said; "Dress warm and good luck, Hackett out."
Despite the sour mood she was still in, Shepard smirked and returned the salute. "Yes sir."
The feed cut and Shepard sighed. Her gaze raised to the ceiling of her apartment as her mind visualized the impending days she would spend surrounded by snow.
So much for getting over those nightmares of Alchera.
For those that didn't choose the Sole Survivor psychological profile, Corporal Toombs appears to those Shepards with it back in ME1. However, I changed it here with John meeting Toombs and choosing to save the scientist despite his pysch profile being different from his sister's. Yes, this will be expanded on later.Also, please don't be mad at Shepard not being 'Jane'. Trust me, this is very relevant to the story. I promise!