AN/ Thanks so much to everyone who takes the time to read our stories. John and Anna don't belong to us, but Eamon, Will, Percy and the twins do. If you enjoy what you read, please consider leaving a review. It makes our day. :) Handy-for-the-bus & Terriejane

From the Journal of John Bates

July 12th, 1928

It's seven a.m., and Anna has the entire family up, dressed and eating breakfast. Typically, she lets the children sleep in as late as the want. Not today. Percy's head is nearly resting in his porridge bowl; he's so sleepy. Will's pestering his sisters already. And Anna is standing behind me, impatiently waiting for me to finish my tea and toast and asking why I must write in this journal right now, at the kitchen table. I think she's ready for me to leave for work. It's bound to be a fine day... no, it's not. I jest.

'Please, John, can't you write in that at the office? I need to get the kitchen cleaned up. I have so much to do before ...'

Why all the hurry this morning? The maid is coming, and Anna hasn't stopped cleaning since she the moment she learned the boys had won her a maid for a week. Unfortunately, my lovely wife fails to grasp the whole idea behind having a maid.

'John, please, move. I need to get the children ready and the house in order -,'

'I know, love. I'm going, I'm going,' I said, downing my tea and reminding the boys to be good for their Mum.

One can only hope things will calm down once the maid gets here. Wish us luck.

~ John Bates

xxx

'Boys? Boys! Come on, hurry up. She's almost here, look at the time!'

William and Percy ran down the stairs, wearing their best summer outfits. The occasion? The arrival of Anna's prize, the maid, who was due to arrive in ten minutes time.

Anna was just putting the twins in their pen, for a bit of control while they waited. At that moment, John's voice came to her ears, as he walked in through the back door, followed by Eamon.

'Anna, love? Where are you?'

'John, you're late!' she scolded, checking him from head to toe as the two men walked in the parlour, before straightening his tie and vest.

'Late? For what?' Eamon asked confused; the next in the line for inspection. His cap was removed so she could tame his hair her way before putting it back on.

'For the maid, you sillies. I want us all here when she arrives.'

'As long as you don't offer to help with her work,' John remarked with a smirk.

'I don't see the problem in that,' Anna shot him a look.

'Well, the point of having a maid is for you to rest, not to do her bidding or follow her around checking on her, understand?' he said, placing a sound kiss on her forehead.

'Yes, yes, I understand. Don't worry about that; your children will keep me busy.'

'And me too!' Percy shouted, pulling at her skirt.

'You are one of our children, you beggar.' Anna smiled down at the boy. 'Now let me see how you look.'

'Nothing says one of our children as much as being inspected over and over again, hm, son?' John ruffled Percy's hair, and the boy couldn't help but giggle.

'Will? Come on, let me look at- Oh! Did you hear that? She's here!'

The knock on the door was loud enough for them to hear from the parlour, if not the pub, and as if on cue they all straightened up and stood tall. Anna's family came to attention.

Anna drew a deep breath and straightened her dress. 'I'm going to answer the door now.'

The family listened attentively to the warm greeting from Anna followed by the maid's response. John thought she sounded alarmingly like a sergeant he had when he first entered the Army. He and Eamon exchanged worried glances. A moment later, the two women entered the room, where introductions were made.

'Mrs...er...Harmony Hollander, I'd like you to meet, my husband, John Bates.' The woman nodded solemnly. 'Mr Eamon Bates, my father in law. Then we have the children; Percy, William and the girls, Fee in blue and Finn in yellow.'

'You have a big family, Mrs Bates,' the maid said as if that were a bad thing. Then she eyed the children before taking a critical look at John as if laying the blame for the large family solely on him. Eamon received a look of disdain.

The woman was probably around John's age, but she looked so much older. Maybe it was her black dress and hair. She was tall. She towered over Anna, who had to look up to speak to her and so thin, rail thin, and her features were unyielding. From their expressions, everyone seemed to be thinking the same; was this a good idea?

'Oh, please! Call me Anna.'

'I will not call you, Anna. I will call you Mrs Bates, as is proper,' the woman replied shortly.

'Are you from around these part, er...Harmony?' John asked, stretching his hand out, in an effort to make her feel comfortable.

'Mrs Hollander, if you please. And no, I'm not from around here.'

John smiled but was rather unsure of what to say next. Harmony? A name has never fallen so far from its meaning. 'Welcome to our home.'

'I'm his father,' Eamon stepped in, thinking he'd have a go at it. His charm had never failed him before. Taking Mrs Hollander's hand, he placed a kiss on her knuckles. The woman stared at him in shock. 'You can call me Eamon, no need for fanciness.'

'I most certainly will not!' When the maid pulled her hand back from the old man's grasp, he considered himself lucky not to have been hit about the head. So much for the Bates charm offensive.

Eamon recovered quickly, even managing a tiny smile. 'As you wish.' He'd already made his mind up about this one. 'My daughter in law is a busy woman with all these children running around,' he pointed out. 'She'll enjoy your help, she will, but she can manage the meals if I may.'

'Father!' John regarded his father with a scolding look.

'I'm just saying. When one's stomach gets used to a particular cook, it doesn't want anything else.'

'I came to do everything, including cooking. My job is to make lunch and leave dinner ready for you to eat later.'

'But-'

'That's what I came to do, and that's what I will do,' the woman insisted.

'Mrs Hollander, we lunch at the pub every day. So, no need for that,' Anna said timidly.

'Fair enough. Better for me then. I will be making your dinner, though.'

'All right, I think you are sorted,' Anna continued. 'Now John and Father can go back to work, and the boys can go play. I'll show you the house and where everything is. Shall we?'

'I'll get started as soon as I know what to do.'

'Splendid!' Anna clapped her hands together, which caused the maid to react with an annoying eye roll.

It was settled then and not one person in the room expected this to end well.

xxx

Time was passing quickly, as it usually did when the weather was this nice, and John found himself in his office hours later, going through notes and organising new bookings. The clock on the wall struck four o'clock. From the window, he could hear the giggles and noises of his daughters and sons playing in the garden.

When he looked, an expectant smile already playing on his lips, he saw something that made him frown right away. 'I knew it!'

'Anna?' he waved, again and again, but she didn't seem to listen to his calls. 'What on earth…'

There she was, hanging the laundry on the line and humming a catchy tune to herself. But working! Not resting!

Eamon was napping in the shade, Mr Sunshine on his lap, while the other kitties slept with their mama under the strawberry bushes. William and Percy played with the twins, building block towers purposely for the girls to destroy, which led to more of giggle fits.

Not one minute later, he was there, walking up behind her with a cheeky grin on his lips. 'I can't believe my eyes, Mrs Bates.'

'What?' She turned to face him, a pair of his underwear in her hands. She knew she'd been caught. 'This is nothing, John. I swear. It's the first thing I've done - and I'm doing it for you!'

'You should be doing nothing!' He shook his head, taking the damp shorts from her hands. 'Stop it, please. If we have to put up with that blasted woman the least you can do is take advantage of the rest. Wait, I'm not sure I want her hanging up my underwear…'

'Exactly. I saw her holding them up and looking at them before she tossed them in the wash tub. That seemed a bit presumptuous to me, John. So, you see my point? Father didn't want her touching his either and was making that known rather loudly. That's why I'm doing it before she gets the chance.'

John pulled her to him. 'Well...I think I do see your point. I don't want her bony fingers on anything that touches my…' He shivered, then placed a kiss atop her head.

'Where's my tea?' Eamon's voice reached their ears; the old man had just woken up with a start. 'Say...what's going on?'

'You dozed off again, Father,' John told him.

'God! I feel like I've been away for three years. I need tea.'

'Mrs Hollander is going to bring us some. She's just brewing -'

'What?' The old man interrupted his daughter in law. 'I said she wasn't to cook for me.'

'Father, it's barely cooking. It's tea. She's just boiling water and throwing some leaves in, and cutting some bread for ham and cheese sandwiches.'

Eamon turned up his nose, not liking what he was hearing.

'There, tea and bread, as you asked for.' The maid came out a few minutes later. Her expression had not changed all day; it was like she had her own personal thundercloud following her around. 'Oh! Look at how filthy those devils are.'

She pointed out, and everyone looked. The source of her complaint, the four children playing happily. Devils? Oh why, you-.

'They've gotten all dirty and disgusting,' the maid continued. 'That's why you have so much to do, Mrs Bates. You have to keep them clean; else they'll run inside and ruin everything again.'

Anna's mouth was hanging open after hearing the woman's words. 'They...they hardly ever ruin anything.' She tried to defend her children, but she was at a loss. She couldn't believe her ears.

'Well, there's not much to ruin, that's true.' With that, Mrs Hollander went inside, leaving everyone aghast.

'Did she just -' John sputtered, trying to take in what had just happened.

'Eh, these sandwiches aren't cut right.' Eamon complained.

'If that was all there was to it.' Anna pursed her lips, unamused. 'Children? Tea's ready, come eat.'

x

'It's cut too thick,' Percy complained, chewing on a big chunk of bread, ham and cheese.

'I think she punched it a few times before giving it to us,' William added. 'It's not as good as Mummy's.'

'Exactly!' Eamon exclaimed, taking his sandwich apart to eat just the ham and cheese.

'Well, we all know Anna Bates is the best at everything,' John winked at his wife. 'But these are not that bad, and the purpose of all this is to give Mummy a rest, remember that. We'll survive. Isn't that right, Father?'

'Hm, maybe, maybe not. I'll be as skinny as the maid before the week's out; that's all I know.'

'Don't you worry, Father. Perhaps dinner will be better, and then there's always lunch tomorrow,' Anna said. 'You like Archie's cooking, don't you?'

Eamon shrugged his shoulders. 'I like it because I have to. And you don't make lunch.'

Anna laughed as she stood from her chair. 'I'm going to see if Mrs Hollander needs help with anything.'

'Better not,' John warned. 'She'll kick you out!'

'I'll just ask. She might have forgotten where the dishcloths are or something; I'll be right back.'

Anna walked to the kitchen then, where the maid was washing some of the dishes she had used for tea.

'Mrs Hollander, do you need help?'

The woman gave a sigh, obviously letting Anna know she was being a nuisance. 'You keep asking me that.'

'I just...I was a maid once too, years ago, and I can help.'

'I know you were, you've said it twice before, and I know I have to toss the pillows on the floor for better shape and so on and so on. I know all of that...I've been a maid for years too, all right?'

'All right, I'm...I'll go outside then. If you need -'

'I won't. You can go. And I'll be hangin' that laundry myself. No need for help.'

Reluctantly, Anna did as she was told, and surprisingly she was able to spend a lovely afternoon among her flowers and plants. She was able to relax and enjoy herself, while her husband watched from his office window. The children were in a fine mood, overjoyed to have their mummy all to themselves, even if Mrs Hollander was the epitome of a walking witch.

xxx

It was much later that day when Eamon complained for the last time. Dinner had been a soft flavourless meat pie and lumpy mashed potatoes that had made the old man cringe with every bite. He hadn't been alone. The children had left much of it on their plates, and even Anna and John couldn't work up an appetite.

'Well, I better go...it's late and I feel weak in my legs. A man needs to eat good, you know. I need sustenance.' The old man had said before heading out the door. 'I'll probably get something from the kitchen; Archie always leaves some leftovers in that fancy cold cabinet.'

'The refrigerator?'

'Yeah, that's it.'

x

From the Journal of Anna Bates

July 12th, 1928 10:15 pm

This won't be long because I'm beat and more than a little stressed at the moment. The maid arrived today. To say things did not go swimmingly would be a massive understatement. In a matter of a few hours, she managed to insult my whole family.

The boys are terrified of her, the twins start crying whenever she comes near them, Father is convinced she's trying to poison him with her cooking and the way she glares at my poor, John is unforgivable to say nothing about how she was handling his underwear.

Never again! I'm vowing right now to stand up to her the rest of the week if she lasts that long.

Here comes John now. He looks like I feel. Poor love.

~Anna Bates

x

Now, one hour later, after putting the children to sleep and having had their wash, Anna and John sat in bed, in silence, only the sound of the clock ticking echoing in the background.

She was the first one to let go of a long sigh, and he followed her right after.

'This is not going well, is it?' she said.

'Not one bit,' he added.

'I reckon a free maid can't be expected to be a good one. She would be working in a house otherwise.'

'You're probably right,' John agreed.

'I do feel sorry for the children, though. They were so happy to give me this rest, and now they're terrified of her. She told them to stay out of her sight until she left! Can you believe it?'

'What? And what did you say?'

'I didn't know; they only told me when I was getting them ready for bed. The…'

'Bitch,' John finished it for her.

'Exactly. And she called them devils! And she didn't want the pets inside either.'

'Didn't it say she took care of pets as well?' John asked.

'Outside. Outside pets, whatever that is.' Anna rolled her eyes.

'Maybe it will be better tomorrow, hm? You did rest, didn't you?'

'Well, I did, but I was restless anyway, because of her,' she confessed. 'I did have more time for the children. That was nice.'

'And I am glad you took care of the laundry, even if she gave you the looks for it. Thank you for protecting our modesty, darling,' John chuckled.

'It's my bloody house! I can do whatever I bloody want!'

'Oh my! You are angry…' he laughed.

'I am! I'm furious I allowed her to bully my family and me.'

'Oh, come on...at least you aren't as tired now,' John told her, leaning in to place a kiss on her neck. A sound, sloppy kiss followed by a cheeky smile. 'You can always unload all that anger on something good. Is that not what they are claiming now? Let go of the stress by using that energy for something more pleasant?'

'What are you suggesting?' She looked him questioningly, not quite grasping the teasing behind his words.

'Well,' he took a deep breath, resting his head on her shoulder. 'Remember when we agreed that we would have more time to...that we wouldn't be so tired to love and be loved once the children were all in bed?'

'Oh, well, tonight is not your lucky night, Mr Bates. All this upheaval has only worn me out.'

John frowned, sitting back up to look at her. 'Love -,'

'No, don't you love me, I'm tired.'

Anna said, turning off the lamp on her nightstand and laying down, pulling the covers up to her chin. John sighed and did the same. For a moment, they lay in silence, their backs to each other.

'John?'

'Yes?'

'I told you I'm tired; I didn't say you had to turn your back to me.'

'No?'

'Just,' reaching for him from behind, she pulled his arm to turn him to her. 'Just hug me close. Tomorrow is another day.'

With a smile he did as she told him and soon they were both sleeping, his face buried in her hair as he held her tightly to him, spooning her frame against his own.

But not an hour later they were awakened by the horrific sounds of two screaming boys in the throes of a nightmare. A black haired witch wearing a white apron was chasing them with a feather dust mop. Her name? Harmony Hollander, the worst maid ever to exist.

Next time: The continuing saga of Harmony Hollander - Will this end well? Will she last the week?