Chapter 8 – Break Up

Kim sat on one of the benches in the locker room, staring at her engagement ring. She had finally made the most difficult decision of her life, but that didn't mean she was happy about it. She didn't know how she was going to tell him. She didn't even know if she was doing the right thing. Kim couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Adam had proposed to her in that very room. She had been so happy then. But that happiness had faded in recent memory. Their relationship had become strained and difficult. In the back of her mind, Kim had known for a long time that Adam wasn't ready to get married. Finally, she was ready to take the necessary step and go back to being her own person.

Adam burst into the room and found her sitting in the back.

"Hey," he said, barely even stopping to look at her. "Everyone's going to Molly's. We're going to meet up with some of the fire cats from 51." Kim was barely processing what he was saying as Adam walked away. "Wanna go?"
"I don't think so," she answered. "No."

Tears were pricking her eyes, but she wasn't going to let them fall. Not until she told him what she needed to tell him.

"No?" Adam questioned.

Kim shook hear head even though he couldn't see her.

"No," she said quietly.

Adam finally reappeared from behind a bank of lockers, as if for the first time noticing that something was wrong with her.

"What's going on?" He asked. "You ok?"

"You were never gonna meet my mom, were you?" Kim countered, suddenly getting strength from her anger. She could tell by the look in his eye that she was 100% correct. "Because you were afraid if you did, the wedding would become real."

"Come on," Adam replied. "Hey, where's this coming from?"

He sat down on the bench opposite her.

"It's fine. I accept it now. You don't want to be on the hook." Kim stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder. She was trying to appear as calm as she possibly could even though her heart was broken and she was practically shaking. Kim slid the engagement ring off her finger. She took Adam's hand and placed the ring in his palm. "I am letting you off."

Kim walked away. She could hear Adam say her name, but she didn't stop. She knew she couldn't stay in that room. She had to get out. She had to be away from him before he was able to convince her that breaking up was a bad idea.

Kim immediately headed for the front doors. She burst outside, letting the cool air surround her. She hailed a cab, thankful that one pulled up almost immediately. She could think of only one place to go. She climbed into the backseat and gave the driver the address. She wiped her tears away as he sped off. Kim couldn't help but stare at her empty finger. She had loved looking down at the ring, reminding herself that she was loved. Without it, she didn't quite know who she was anymore.

Kim took out her phone. She was half expecting to see a message from Adam, but there was nothing. She quickly texted her mom.

'Dinner's cancelled. Stay home.'

A reply message from her mother came just seconds later.

'Everything ok?'

'I'll call you later' Kim typed back. 'Love you mom.'

Kim put her phone away. She wasn't ready to explain everything to her mother. She wasn't even sure she could explain it to herself.

A few minutes later, the taxi stopped in front of a small house. Kim paid the driver, giving him a generous tip. She was thankful he hadn't commented on her tears. Kim walked up the familiar path to the house. She stopped outside the door, composing herself. She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and took a deep breath. After a moment, she rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, a woman, who looked a lot like Kim only a little older, answered the door. Kim had never been happier to see her sister in her whole life.

"Kim, what are you doing here?" Lauren asked. "I thought you were taking mom to meet Adam's dad tonight."
"I thought so too."
"What happened?"
"I gave Adam his ring back," Kim answered. She wasn't quite ready to use the word 'break-up.'

"What?"
Kim put up her left hand as if to prove to her sister that what she said was true.

"Ok, I'll get the wine."

Lauren stepped aside so Kim could walk into the house. Kim immediately headed for the sofa in the living room.

"Where's Zoe?" Kim asked.

"She's at a sleepover at a friend's house," Lauren answered from the kitchen. Kim could hear her taking out two wine glasses.

'Did you tell mom about ending the engagement?"
"No," Kim said in a near whisper. "I didn't want her to freak out."

Lauren appeared in the living room with two glasses and a bottle of chilled white wine. She handed Kim a glass and poured them each a cup.

"So…what happened?" Lauren asked.

Kim wondered how she was going to explain what had happened to her sister when she didn't even quite know herself where things had gone wrong.

"He didn't want to get married," Kim stated.

"Did he say that?"
"He didn't have to. All the signs were there. I had just been too blind to see them."

"But I thought you two were happy," Lauren said.

"I thought so too. But first he agreed to push the wedding back like it was nothing. And every time I'd try to get him to talk about the wedding, he would always change the subject. I couldn't get him to set a date. He wouldn't even talk to me about the guest list. Then there's the fact that we still haven't found an apartment together. And he would never have put me as his emergency contact if I hadn't bugged him about it. Then he cancels dinner with mom. I mean, how many more signs could there be?"

"You didn't think you should…talk to him?"

"I did!" Kim exclaimed. "I've done nothing but talk to him. He would always just say exactly what I wanted to hear so I believed him. But then he would turn around and keep putting everything off. And I'm tired of it."

"So you're just…done?"
"Yeah." Kim took a long sip of wine. "The worst part is, I still love him."

"You don't think you could break off the engagement, but still stay together?"

"I don't want to be that girl," Kim said. "The girl whose boyfriend says he wants to get married someday, but just isn't ready yet. How long am I supposed to wait? A year? Two? Five? What if he's never ready? I'll have wasted my time."

"I get it," Lauren agreed. "I'm just sorry to see him go. I liked Adam."

"Yeah, me too."

Kim's phone began to buzz in her pocket. She pulled it out. A picture of Adam flashed on the screen with his name at the top of the screen.

"Speak of the devil," Lauren commented. Kim silenced the buzzing and put the phone back in her pocket. "You're not going to answer it?"
Kim shook her head. "I can't talk to him right now." She finished the rest of her wine. Her sister immediately poured her another glass. "I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, most of my stuff is at his place."

"We'll get your stuff."
"And work. What am I supposed to do about work?"

"What do you mean?"

Kim felt herself losing control. She hadn't stopped to think about the ramifications of breaking up. Tears sprang to her eyes once again.

"How am I supposed to see him every day at work?"
"You'll figure it out."

"What if I can't? I need to transfer."
"What? No."
"I have to. I can't work with him. I can't handle running into him in the locker room or going undercover or…"

"Look," Lauren interrupted. "Right now, it's all new. You're sad and scared and that's completely ok. But don't do anything you're going to regret. He's just a guy. That's not worth losing a job you love. Promise me you won't do anything stupid."

"But…"

"Promise."

"Ok," Kim agreed, although she didn't necessarily mean it. And she didn't agree with what her sister said. Adam wasn't just a guy. He was the man she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with. He was the man she was still madly in love with.

"Why don't you stay here tonight?" Lauren suggested.

"Thanks."
"It's going to be ok."

"When?"

"After you've had more wine."

Lauren topped Kim's glass off. Kim sat back against the cushions and closed her eyes. No amount of wine was going to fix her broken heart.

Adam popped the top to his second beer and chugged a good portion of it.

"So, she just gave the ring back to you? Just like that?" Atwater asked.

Atwater was across from Adam. They were at Atwater's house, sitting in his kitchen around his small dining room table. As soon as Kim left him alone in the locker room with her engagement ring in his grasp, Adam knew he wanted to get drunk. There was no other solution to the way he was feeling. He didn't want to go to Molly's though. Molly's was too popular of a spot among cops and firefighters. There would be too many people asking too many questions. Adam just wanted to drink the memory of Kim dumping him away. That was why he decided to show up at Atwater's door with a twelve pack of cheap beer.

"Yup," Adam answered.

"What did she say?"

Adam kept replaying the moment in his mind. How had he so badly screwed things up? How had they gone from happily engaged to broken up? How had he missed the signs?

"She said she was letting me off the hook."

"Wow. I'm sorry, man."

"How did I not see it coming? I mean, I thought she was happy."
"Well, you did cancel dinner with her mom."
"My dad got overtime!" Adam exclaimed. "You can't expect him to pass that up."
Atwater gave him a look. "Look, I know overtime is important, but this was both of your parents meeting for the first time. That was important, too."
"I know," Adam mumbled, knowing he was wrong.

"But it can't just be about you missing dinner. I mean, you did agree to push the wedding back."

"She's the one who suggested it!"

"Doesn't mean she meant it."

"You think she was testing me?"

Atwater shrugged. "Maybe. And don't forget, having Olinsky and his daughter living with you guys wasn't easy on your relationship. You two never could agree on an apartment together."

"Alright, so I made a lot of mistakes," Adam admitted.

"Look, you know I'm your boy," Atwater reminded him. "But Kim's also my girl. I gotta watch out for both of you."

"What's your point?"

"My point is, don't hate me for asking this next question."

"I know what you're going to ask."

"Oh yeah?"

"Did I really want to marry her," Adam stated.

"And the answer is…"

Adam sighed. It had been the question he had been asking himself every minute since Kim had broken up with him. He knew he loved her. He loved her more than he ever loved Nicole or Wendy. He knew he wasn't afraid of commitment. He knew he wanted to grow old with her. But marriage? His parents' marriage hadn't ended so well. Adam remembered screaming matches in the middle of the night and his dad sleeping on the couch more times than Adam could count. Then, one day, his dad just walked out and that was that. His mom cried for weeks after that, not really because she missed Bob, but because the life she thought she was going to have was over. She was a housewife who thought her marriage could withstand the test of time. She was wrong. Adam didn't want that to happen to himself and Kim. They were happy the way that they were. He didn't need marriage.

"I don't know," Adam finally answered.

"Then why did you ask her to marry you?"
Adam shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe because it felt like the right thing to do. Maybe because every guy I know from high school is married with a kid on the way already and I just wanted to fit in. Maybe because I was afraid that if I didn't ask her, she'd get restless and end up leaving me and then marrying somebody else."

"Had you two talked about marriage before your proposed?"

"No."

"Look, you and Kim are made for each other. Anyone can see that. But if weren't ready, you shouldn't have asked her to marry you."
"I know," Adam said, burying his face in his hands. "I screwed it all up."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

Adam lifted his head up. He pulled out his cell phone. After only two beers, he wasn't drunk, but he definitely could feel the alcohol in his body. Perhaps that was why he was feeling bold enough to dial her number. It rang only twice before her voicemail picked up. She purposefully ignored his call. Adam waited for her voicemail message to play.

"Hey, it's me," he said. "Look, I think we should talk. I'm sorry that I cancelled dinner. I just...I don't want to lose you, Kim. Please, please call me. I love you."

Adam hung up the phone. He knew the message wasn't going to be enough to send her running back into his arms, but he hoped it would be enough to at least get her to talk to him.

"That's a good start," Atwater said.

"Yeah, thanks."
"Another beer?"
"Hell yes."

As Atwater went to get another cold beer from the refrigerator, Adam stared at his phone, hoping it would ring.

The next morning, Kim trudged into the locker room at the police station. She felt like she had been hit by a ton of bricks. Her head was throbbing, her body slow to respond. She needed coffee and Advil desperately. She couldn't believe that she and her sister had polished off two bottles of wine, especially since Kim knew that she had done most the drinking. Kim opened her locker. She couldn't help but stare at the small, glass bowl she kept on the top shelf. She used it to put her engagement ring in whenever she did something like put lotion on her hands. She picked the glass bowl up and threw it in the nearby garbage can. She didn't want even the slightest reminder of the ring she once wore. As Kim pulled on her police shirt over her clean, white T-shirt, the door to the locker room swung open. Adam walked in. Kim could feel her heart race. She did not want to run into him.

"Hey," Adam said, approaching her slowly.

She didn't meet his eyes. "Hey."

"I called you last night. Twice."

"I know."

"And I texted you like half a dozen times."

"I know," she repeated. She was hoping he would get the hint that she didn't want to talk to him.

"Kim…"
"I don't want to talk."

"We need to talk," Adam said, basically pleading with him.

"I have nothing left to say to you."

Kim finally looked over at him. He looked as bad as she felt. He obviously had also had a long night.

"Well, I have something to say," Adam insisted. "We don't have to break up. We can work on things. We can…"

"I'm going to be late," she interrupted.

With her head down, Kim charged past him. He reached out for her arm. She gasped when his skin made contact with her.

"Please…" he whispered.

"I…"
Kim was cut off when Roman burst into the locker room. He eyed Adam and then let his gaze fall on Kim. Adam immediately let go of Kim's arm as if he had been caught doing something illegal.

"You ready?" Roman asked.

"Yeah,' Kim replied.

Without giving Adam so much as a look, Kim raced out of the room. Roman hung back for a moment, waiting for Kim to leave before speaking.

"You really hurt her," Roman said.

"That's none of your business."

"She's a friend. So I'd say it's my business."

"A friend? Are you sure that's all you want?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Roman countered, straightening up just a little.
"Go to hell, Roman," Adam replied. He stormed off, his headache tripling in size. Adam knew it was going to be a very long day.

Author's Note: I'm so sorry it took so long to post his chapter. I went on vacation and didn't have time to finish this chapter before I left. I hope you liked my take on their break-up. There's still a lot more to come! (And, on a side note, I really wish they would give Kim's sister a name because I keep having to make it up!)