25: Heroes (Part I)
"In a way fighting was just like using magic. You said the words, and they altered the universe. By merely speaking you could create damage and pain, cause tears to fall, drive people away, make yourself feel better, make your life worse.
― Lev Grossman
Cullen regretted his words the moment they escaped his lips and he noticed the expression on Evelyn's face.
"Oh?… Really?" she said, with ill-concealed aggravation.
She pulled away from the board game they'd been playing in the courtyard.
"I should be getting back to my duties. Apparently, I have some big shoes to fill…" she had said with poisonous sweetness.
"You aren't really cross, are you?" he asked, trying to grasp her wrist as she rose. He was still trying to save face at that stage and had asked in a surprised, almost reproachful tone.
Varric and Dorian agreed later, at the Herald's Rest, as they listened to Cullen narrate the events, that it had been very ill-advised to do so in face of the sleight he had perpetrated.
"When it comes to your romantic past, Curly, you need to have selective amnesia," Varric explained. "You don't need to deny it, but be ready to say that none of it meant anything and that life only began once she came into the picture."
"But I thought she'd be impressed!" Cullen said with exasperation.
Varric, Dorian, and Blackwall all cackled at his naive outburst.
"I don't get it either," Bull shrugged. "Jealousy isn't something that really exists among the Qunari. You just know that whomever you are with was with a whole bunch of others before you…In fact, you hope they know what the heck they're doing so you can get to business faster."
Dorian turned to him, annoyed.
"Yes, well, if I were to have a jealousy fit over any of your previous conquests, I'd be bedridden. You went through Skyhold as if you were some kind of immodest plague," he sniffed.
"What do you want me to say?" Bull shrugged.
"But it's not just bedding someone," Blackwell observed. "The actual act only satisfies primal urges… it's the emotional connection that makes the rapport complex. The emotional is what is threatening to—" He stopped when he saw the amused expressions on Varric, Bull, and Dorian's faces. "What?"
"What have you been reading?" Varric asked, bewildered.
"So you wouldn't care in the least if I told you I'd been mad about someone else here at Skyhold before you and I met?" Dorian provoked.
Bull's brow furrowed.
"Who?"
Dorian grinned smugly.
"See? No one likes it, Commander."
"No, really. Who?" Bull continued.
"But all I said was that I met the Hero of Ferelden back when I was a young templar at the Circle there. I admitted to a very naive infatuation with her after she liberated our tower…"
"What did you say, exactly?" Varric leaned in, interested.
"Was there really someone else?" Bull wondered, turning to Dorian.
"I just said that I had thanked her…for helping the survivors in the Circle during the attacks. We worked together very briefly afterwards and I developed an… admiration for her and perhaps…nurtured a harmless crush…for a couple years, anyway," Cullen explained, omitting the bit on how the Hero had saved his life and how beautiful he'd found her.
"Admiration," Blackwall frowned.
"A crush that lasts years,' Varric nodded at Blackwall knowingly.
"Would I know who he is?" Bull insisted.
"Interesting. Evelyn always seemed so level-headed and unflappable about things," Varric mused.
"I know! Almost too good to be true," Blackwall agreed.
He quickly cleared his throat and gripped his tankard at Cullen's raised eyebrows.
"So I guess it takes a hero to unsettle another hero," Varric chuckled. "Yep, Curly. You made your bed…now you'll have to sleep in it. Alone," he chuckled.
"Ah…To have your problems…You have heroes and I have zeroes," Blackwall grumbled.
"It's that annoying Tristam, isn't it?" Bull accused. "He's always trying to kiss up with his knowledge of Tevinter shit."
Dorian sighed.
"I do hope you appreciate my efforts on your behalf, Commander," he said tartly. "I shall be undergoing my own interrogation momentarily."
Bull appeared to revive at his words.
"Now that's an idea," he grinned slyly. "I could interrogate you…"
"You do realize I said what I said for effect? To illustrate the point I was trying to make?" Dorian explained.
"I'm going all Ben-Hassrath on you, Vint," Bull continued to grin suggestively. "Every. Bit. Of. You."
Dorian's face remained impassive, except for the half smile that edged up his lips.
"Where are my quill and parchment when I need them?" Varric mumbled.
"Well, lads: enjoy the evening!" Dorian stated hurriedly, plunking down a few coins on the table. "Cullen, just apologize. Profusely." He turned to Bull and grabbed him by the chest strap. "Come on, you!"
Cullen groaned miserably after the two made a rushed exit.
"I cannot believe such a small thing would set her off like that."
"Perhaps. But there could be more to it. You shouldn't just dismiss it," Varric advised.
"I agree with Dorian on this one: you should go talk to her and tell her you are sorry," Blackwall suggested, leaning back and crossing his arms.
Cullen, undoubtedly buoyed by the ale and the manly odor of sweat and camaraderie in the tavern, dug his heels in.
"No. I did nothing wrong. She is the one being difficult."
He took a large gulp of drink.
"She is the one who should apologize," he concluded, cheered on by his own indignation.
Varric and Blackwall exchanged complicit glances.
"O-ho. This should be good," Blackwall declared, smoothing his beard.
"Anyway, it should all be forgotten by tomorrow," Cullen muttered broodingly, after which Varric and Blackwall erupted into infuriating laughter.
I find the Cullen/Inquisitor romance one of the sweetest things. Cullen's such a decent guy. But I can't help thinking: neither he nor Evelyn have really been in a serious relationship before. Yes, they get along beautifully because their feelings are true...But come on...You can't convince me they don't step in it occasionally...They have to have the occasional tiff as they find their way, no?
The guy has so much darkness in his life that I can't resist adding a little levity to his stories...