Chapter 10 – Dream
(Note: This chapter takes place soon after Roman gets shot)
Adam lightly ran his fingertips over Kim's skin. He was barely touching her, but he could feel her softness. He traced every curve and angle as he made his way down her body. She was beautiful and flawless, her skin almost having a glow to it. But just touching her wasn't enough. It was never enough. Adam pressed a kiss in between her naked shoulder blades. She sighed, turning her head towards him.
"You're not playing fair," she said.
"Oh no?"
"You said hands only."
"My lips just couldn't resist," Adam replied.
Kim smiled. He loved her smile. It made her eyes brighten and her whole face lit up. They were in bed together, both of them only in underwear. It was one of those rare Saturdays where neither of them had to work and they had nowhere to be. They woke up in each other's arms, kissing lightly and snuggling. After breakfast in bed, it was Adam who suggested that he give Kim a massage. She had the sheet over her legs, but her back was completely open to him. Adam had straddled her hips and kneaded his hands into her back muscles, releasing any tension she had. Judging by her moans, she was thoroughly enjoying his work.
Adam dragged his hand down her back and then teased the back of her upper thighs under the sheet. She giggled. Adam couldn't remember a more sensual moment. He loved everything about her.
"That's also cheating," she reminded him. "You said nothing below the belt."
"Well, then somebody better call the police because I plan on breaking the rules a lot."
"Good thing I am the police."
Even though she was mostly trapped by his body, Kim managed to roll over and turn onto her back. She sat up, looping her arm around Adam's neck. She pulled him down towards her and they kissed, taking their time to explore each other's mouths. It was Adam who moaned when Kim's hand slipped inside his boxers.
"Now who's breaking the rules?" He asked, panting.
"Shut up," she murmured, kissing him once more.
"I love you," he whispered.
"I…"
A ringing filled the air. Adam tried to ignore it, concentrating completely on Kim, but suddenly it was as if he couldn't feel her anymore. Even though she was below him on the bed, it didn't seem like she was there at all. Adam tried to say her name out loud, but no sound came out. The ringing grew louder. Adam finally turned his head. His cell phone was going off on his nightstand. Adam looked back down at Kim to apologize for the interruption, but she was gone.
"What the…" he began.
That's when Adam opened his eyes. He was alone in his bed, the sheets tangled all around him as if he had been tossing and turning. It was dark in his bedroom. Kim wasn't there. She hadn't been there. At least not in a long time. He had been dreaming. The sound of his phone ringing had woken him up. Adam looked at the clock. It was 7:44 in the morning. His cell phone continued to ring. Adam reached for it.
"Ruzek," he grumbled, angry that his dream had been interrupted by whoever was calling him.
"I thought we were meeting for breakfast," a man's voice said on the other end.
Adam felt like his brain was spinning. He was still busy thinking about Kim. The man's words weren't really registering.
"What?"
"Are you drunk?" The man asked. "It's not even eight in the morning."
"Who is this?" Ruzek asked.
"It's your father."
"Dad?"
"It's the last Tuesday of the month," Bob told him. "Did you forget?"
"Yeah. No. I overslept. Sorry."
"You ok, son?"
"Yeah, I'll be there in twenty minutes."
Adam hung up the phone and dropped it onto the mattress next to him. He sat up, running his hand over his face. The dream had seemed so real. He could still feel Kim's skin, he could taste her kisses, he could still hear her sigh. But Adam knew it wasn't real. It was just another dream. Since they had broken up, he hadn't stopped dreaming about her. It was becoming incredibly frustrating.
Adam swung his legs over the side of the bed. He was going to need a cold shower before he met his dad.
Exactly nineteen minutes later, Adam strolled into the small diner where he and his dad always met for breakfast on the last Tuesday o the month. The food was generally terrible, but the coffee was hot and you could always get a table. Adam spotted his dad sitting at a booth in the back. Adam slid in across from him.
"Sorry I'm late," Adam mumbled. He was happy to see that his dad had already ordered him a coffee. He was going to need a lot of coffee if he wanted to really wake up and stop thinking about Kim.
"No problem. Everything ok?" Bob asked.
"Yeah. I told you, I just overslept."
"So…how's work?"
"Been good. Busy."
"How's Voight?" Bob questioned, sipping his coffee.
"Let's not do this," Adam said.
"Ok, fine. We won't talk about work. How's that girlfriend of yours? Sorry…fiancé."
Adam looked down at his coffee. "We're not getting married."
"You called off the wedding?"
"We broke up," Adam clarified.
"Sorry to hear that. I liked her. But in my opinion, you dodged a bullet, son."
"You just said you liked her."
"It's not about her. Kim was great. It's about marriage. Committing yourself to one woman for the rest of your life isn't worth it. Besides, you'll find another woman soon. Just walk into a bar and they'll come flocking to you. After all, you inherited my good looks."
"I'm not interested in sleeping around," Adam mumbled.
"Why not? You've spent way too much time being engaged. You should be hooking up with as many women as you can while you still have a full head of hair. Forget about Kim."
"I can't forget about her!" Adam nearly shouted. "She was my fiancé. She wasn't just some one night stand."
"Fine. I get it. You loved her. But love isn't everything. And marriage…nothing good comes out of marriage."
Adam shook his head. "Just because your marriage didn't work out, doesn't mean mine won't."
"Come on, Adam. Marriage is nothing but disappointment, nagging, and wishing you were somewhere else."
"See, that's the problem, dad."
"What are you talking about?"
"The entire time Kim and I were engaged, I had you in my head telling me about how horrible marriage is. That's all you've always said since the minute you and mom divorced. You did the same thing when I was with Wendy."
"Wendy was never right for you."
"That's not the point," Adam replied, getting increasingly frustrated. "I love Kim. I wanted to marry her. And if it weren't for you and your stupid ideas about marriage, she and I would still be together." Adam knew as soon as he said it that he didn't mean it. He sighed. "I'm sorry."
"It's ok, I get it. Things went sideways and you need someone to blame."
"I know it's not your fault. The breakup just came out of left field. I thought we were fine."
"So what happened?" Bob asked.
"She got tired of me dragging my feet about the wedding. And I can't blame her. I was dragging my feet. She wanted you to meet her mom."
"And you didn't want that?"
"I told her you had to work overtime. I just wasn't ready for it all to be real."
"Then maybe you shouldn't have asked her to marry you," Bob pointed out.
Adam nodded. "I wasn't dragging my feet because I didn't want to be with her. I don't know what my problem was. All I know is I screwed up and now I'm paying the price."
"Have you told her all this?"
"Not exactly. But we're finally in an ok place right now and I don't want to mess that up. Besides, she's been through a lot recently with the trial of that kid and everything. And she's…sort of seeing someone else."
"I'm sorry, son."
"Thanks dad."
"But if you still love her, you need to talk to her. Then at least you'll know you did everything you could," Bob suggested.
Adam's phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw a text from Olinsky. He was needed in Intelligence immediately.
"I gotta go," Adam said. "Duty calls." Adam stood up. He threw down a ten dollar bill on the table. Even though he didn't order anything, he figured he would pay for his dad's breakfast. "See you next month."
Adam began to walk away.
"Hey Adam," Bob called.
"Yeah?" He said, turning back around.
"I'm sorry if I ruined your idea of marriage. Your mother and I may not have made it, but we had some good years. And I wouldn't have traded it for anything because it gave me you."
"Thanks dad."
Adam left the diner, wondering if he should follow his dad's advice.
Kim sat up straight in bed. She didn't know what woke her, but all of a sudden she felt like she couldn't breathe. She needed air. Kim looked over at the person beside her in the bed. It was Roman. Although she had spent the last week since she had been shot with him, waking up next to him still seemed strange.
Kim scrambled out of bed, being careful not to wake him. She made her way to the bathroom. She shut the door and turned on the light. After her eyes had adjusted to the brightness, she put the toilet seat and lid down and sat down on top of it. She put her head between her knees, trying to calm down. She didn't know why she was panicking except that staying at Sean's was still so new. Since the shooting, everything felt different.
Kim looked around the bathroom, noticing a dirty towel on the floor and a stack of men's magazines next to the toilet. It was a very typical male bathroom that probably hadn't been cleaned in quite some time. His whole apartment was like that. Not dirty, but not up to Kim's standard of clean. Kim wasn't used to that. Although Adam hadn't been the best housekeeper, he did what he could for Kim to feel comfortable. Kim wasn't comfortable at Sean's.
She tried not to think about it. She knew Roman cared for her. She knew he wanted things to work out, but she wasn't sure what she wanted. Things had happened so fast after she broke up with Adam. And then after just one night together, Sean had gotten shot and Kim stayed by his side. She hadn't exactly meant to end up with Sean, but that's what happened. She just had to get used to it, that's what she kept telling herself. She would eventually become more comfortable at Sean's house. Then again, she knew she could invite him to her place, but she wasn't ready for that. She still thought of her place as her and Adam's place. She wasn't ready to replace those memories even though they were no longer together.
Kim couldn't help but wonder what Adam was doing. She realized it was the last Tuesday of the month, which meant he was at breakfast with his dad. She liked that they had that tradition.
Splashing water on her face, Kim looked at herself in the mirror. She pulled up her T-shirt sleeve a little to reveal the scar she still had from when she had been shot. It had faded with time, but she knew she would always have the scar. Adam knew she was insecure about it. He always made sure she felt beautiful. Sometimes he would kiss the scar as if it were the most precious thing in the world. Kim knew it was silly, but it made her feel special.
"Kim?" Roman's groggy voice came from the bedroom. "You ok?"
"Yeah. I'll be right there."
Kim rolled her sleeve back down. She locked eyes with herself in the mirror, wondering if she was doing the right thing. Was being with Roman fair when her thoughts were consumed by Adam most of the time? Was leaving Roman so soon after he been wounded even an option? Could she will herself to get over Adam?
"Kim?" Roman called out again.
Kim sighed. She turned away from the mirror and headed back to the bedroom. Just as she was about to climb into bed, the text message alert on her cell phone went off. Kim grabbed it from the bureau and read the message. She was thankful for the distraction.
"I have to go in," Kim said.
"I thought you had the day off."
"Yeah, I thought so too, but Voight's calling me in."
"Voight's calling you? What's going on?"
"I don't know, but I have to go."
"I can go with you," Sean said. "See if they need any help."
"You're not cleared for duty. You know that. I'm sorry. I have to go. I'll…I'll call you later."
"Yeah, ok."
Kim knew she should probably kiss him goodbye, but she didn't. Instead she gathered her clothes and ran out of his apartment as soon as she could.
Adam pulled into the parking lot behind the precinct. As he turned his car off, he spotted Kim walking into the building. Adam knew he could sit in his car for a few more minutes and let her go in without her knowing he was there. But after the conversation he had with his dad, he wanted to talk to her. Adam got out of the car and jogged to catch up to her.
"Kim, hey," he said.
"Hey," she replied, turning around. She was happy to see him, probably more than she should be.
"How are you doing?" He asked.
"Good. Happy to be back to work."
"Yeah, it's good having you back. How's Roman?"
"He's doing better. Thanks for asking." They shared a long, awkward pause. "Look, Adam…I'm sorry you had to find out about me and Roman in the court room. I should have told you."
"It's ok," Adam replied. When Kim and Sean's romance had been outed during the trial, Adam was upset, but not shocked. The truth was, he was insanely jealous, but all he really cared about was making sure Kim was ok. He knew the trial hadn't been easy for her.
"No. It's not ok. I didn't mean to move on so fast. It just sort of…happened. And I know you think Sean had something to do with us breaking up, but I swear nothing happened with him when we were together. He was nothing but a partner and a friend. And…"
"It's ok," Adam said. "I don't blame him. It was me. I wasn't ready to get married and I'm sorry that I wasn't straight with you."
"It wasn't just you," Kim admitted. "I should have communicated with you how I was feeling. Instead I just let it bottle up and…I'm sorry."
"Me too. I meant what I said before the trial, Kim. I still care about you."
"I care about you, too."
"Maybe we can grab a drink and talk," Adam suggested.
"I…"
"Hey, Voight's going to have our asses if we don't get up there," Halstead said as he walked by.
"We better go," Kim said.
She followed Halstead inside, leaving Adam alone. He might not have told her he was still in love with her, but at least she knew he was still there. He just hoped that would be enough.
Author's Note: So, I was a little unsure about this chapter, but I think it came together ok. I have to admit – I just recently watched the last seven episodes of season 3. I kept putting it off because I did not want to see Kim and Sean together. But, I forced myself to watch them so that I could finish this story and be ready for season 4 (which will hopefully include some Burzek). There's only 2 chapters left!