Drabble:171
"I could teach him how to cook. You can't cook to save your life", Christian scoffed.
"He can always order out or eat at the cafeteria, if necessary.", Adrian retorted. "I could teach him about art and architecture."
"And why exactly would he-a future guardian-need to know about that?", Christian shot back, with a raised eyebrow"
Adrian mulled it over a moment before replying. "Well, he needs to study blueprints, so architecture will come in handy; and umm…if he ever gets to do undercover work at a museum or historical site, my guidance could help him loads.", he finished with a smug smile.
"Might I remind you-again- that this kid will grow up to be a guardian, not James Bond.", Christian returned dryly. "Which is why, me practicing grappling with him would serve him better. And we could fight in raids together, when he's of age."
"Not with the steel hips you'd have by then.", Adrian rolled his eyes.
"Steel hips? Why you!", Christian spluttered. "At least I'd have a functional liver. Your one's probably undergone cirrhosis so bad you'll be dead by the time this kid turns 18."
"I'm a spirit user. There's no way my body doesn't do reparations on its own. And because I'll be able to heal him whenever he needs me to, I will be the coolest uncle", Adrian ended self-importantly.
"Not so fast, you alcoholic-hippie.", Christian said, making Adrian reply 'hey' indignantly. "Burning strigois trumps healing ouchies, so I'll be the coolest uncle ever"
"No way.", Adrian returned. "I can show the kid the ropes. I'll teach him clubbing, and charming ladies. There's no way you can out-cool me."
Before Christian could retort, or the still-civil argument turned into a bloodbath, Jill interrupted, "But what if the baby is a girl?"
Adrian and Christian stared at each other for a couple of moments, before Adrian spoke. "In that case, I'll learn how to use a shotgun. And knives."
"And I'll be the one providing Dimitri with crowbars to fend off suitors", Christian added.
"And we'll both help him dispose of the bodies of the morons who'd dare hurt our little niece.", Adrian replied resolutely, crossing his arms.
"And that's IF she gets to date.", Christian supplemented. "Which won't be happening, like ever. Unless, some blighting idiot has a wish for death by fire."
"You guys are pretty disturbing.", Jill commented with a laugh. "Adorably protective, but slightly creepy too."
"Not that I don't agree about the creepy part, but what's the occasion?", Eddie asked, walking into the room, and pressing a kiss against Jill's temple.
"They're arguing about who'd be the cooler uncle.", Jill explained, banding an arm around her beau. "And how they'd murder any boy who dares make heart eyes at Rose's baby, if it's a girl."
"Well firstly, any boy pining after Rose's kid would wish to be dead if Abe gets to hear about it. Not to mention, I'll be sponsoring popcorn for when Dimitri and Janine take their turns interrogating/torturing him. And God forbid Rose gets her hands on him", Adrian and Christian both shuddered sympathetically. "And secondly, I think it's pretty obvious I'd be the coolest uncle.", Eddie affirmed, holding up his fingers to count off the reasons. Dhampir, guardian and Rose's oldest friend. Boom, mic dropped!". And with that Eddie swaggered away, his self-congratulatory laugh drowning the incensed protests Christian and Adrian were shooting his way.
This was slightly inspired by real life, as my siblings and I argue-like clockwork-almost every other week about which of us is our parents' favorite.
Anyway, thank you for reading. I hope you liked it!
Cheers!