An Adjustment of Plans

by L. Mouse

Soundwave is captured by the Autobots after being severely and permanently damaged in battle. Complete!

6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

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Author's Notes: "M" Rated chapter is rated "M." This is not the most NSFW scene I've ever written, but it's definitely in my top four or five. I still haven't decided if that's a good thing or not, LOL.

ETA: Uploaded only part of the chapter a few hours earlier. This may make more sense.

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Frenzy woke very late that evening, when Ratchet pinged him from the med bay. He sat up, a bit confused at first, because in the darkened room Steeljaw had seemed superficially like Ravage, and Blaster like Soundwave. He oriented himself, and realized that he'd slipped into recharge while still in Blaster's arms.

Blaster was out cold, in a deep recharge cycle. Steeljaw's weight was across his legs. At some point, the other symbionts had returned. They were piled up on the couch beside Blaster in a tangle of warm bodies. He hadn't heard them enter, which frightened him. He was normally more wary than that.

He answered Ratchet after staring at the others for a second. :Yeah?:

:I need to talk to you.: Ratchet sounded very, very tired. :Steelie says he'll come with you. Is that okay?:

Alarm thrilled through him, even as he agreed to Ratchet's suggestion. Something was wrong. He could tell it from Ratchet's tone. Steeljaw moved as he tensed, the first sign that the other mech was awake. The other symbiont whispered, "Go ahead and get up. You won't wake Blaster. He knows I'm awake and I'm keeping watch. "

He untangled himself from Steeljaw and Blaster's arms. Steeljaw hopped down after him, and it seemed natural, somehow, to rest a hand on Steeljaw's powerful shoulder and briefly slide a finger through a crack in his armor and rub his neck cables. He'd have done the same with Ravage, if they were both stressed and unhappy.

Steeljaw leaned into the touch a bit more than Ravage would have. "Mm. Under other circumstances, I'd melt into a puddle of goo at your feet, but Ratchet doesn't sound really happy. Let's go."

He jerked his hand back, realizing he'd been touching the Autobot in ways that could be construed as intimate - or threatening. His fingers had been under Steeljaw's armor, close to critical systems. For that matter, Steeljaw could have clamped his armor tight and taken off Frenzy's fingers. He was being careless all around. Soundwave would have been angry had he realized how trusting he was being.

He'd fallen into deep recharge in the arms of an Autobot. He must be losing his mind.

"Sorry. Just ..." he trailed off, unable to articulate how he felt.

The mech nudged him in the arm with his nose. "It's okay, kiddo. C'mon."

He walked a little closer to Steeljaw than was socially acceptable with a stranger, but Steeljaw felt a lot like one of his own siblings at the moment. Someone he could trust, someone he liked. He was just so slagging lonely, and the other mech was there, and clearly willing to be friends. The whole thing with them being enemies was weird ... except that Frenzy wasn't a con anymore. Soundwave had said they were neutrals now. Yet he assumed most of the Autobots would still see him as the enemy, as a Decepticon.

Steeljaw led the way into Ratchet's office. Ratchet was seated at his desk, and the mech looked as exhausted as he'd sounded. He had smears of energon up his arms, and a streak on his face, and his shoulders were slumped.

"Frenzy, have a seat," he said, straightening up and indicating a human chair he'd set on his desk.

Frenzy scrambled up onto the desk and onto the chair, as nervous as he'd ever been in his life. Steeljaw sat next to him on the desk, only inches away. Ratchet asked Steeljaw softly, "You okay, Steelie?"

"Yeah." Steeljaw glanced at Frenzy. "Frenzy had a pretty rough time of it."

"I'm okay!" he denied, not wanting anyone else to know that he'd wailed like a sparkling. He bit back an impulsive urge to point out Steeljaw had been crying too.

Steeljaw lifted a paw up, transformed it into a hand, and rested it on Frenzy's wrist. He met Frenzy's gaze for a long moment, then comm'd him and said, :You're not alone, kiddo.:

He was very glad he hadn't snarled at Steeljaw over the 'rough time' comment. He gave Steeljaw a somewhat shaky smile, then turned back to Ratchet. "So how bad is it?"

The medic looked away briefly, the first time Ratchet had ever seemed evasive to Frenzy. He said, finally, "Do you remember when I told you that you might have to make some decisions for Soundwave?"

Frenzy blinked, then nodded. He was, legally, Soundwave's next of kin. He wished desperately that he could share that responsibility with his siblings. He protested, "But he can talk!"

"No." Ratchet put a stylus down on the table with a click. "Unfortunately, he can't. We've traced down the faults. All of them. If I bring him back online, we risk a crash so severe I won't be able to bring him back. I'm pretty sure you know how close we can to losing him last night."

"I thought he'd died."

"So did I, at one point. However, Frenzy ... I need to ask you something very hard, and that is to think of what Soundwave would want."

"You can fix him, right?"

"No." Ratchet's gaze was distant, somewhere over the top of Frenzy's head. "No. We have three options, Frenzy. None of them involve a repair. You know Soundwave better than anyone else alive. I could feel, last night, how much he loved you, and how much you love him, and the trust between you two. I need you to make some decisions for him out of love for him, okay?"

Frenzy shrank down in his chair. "I'm just a symbiont. I don't ... I can't ..."

"Yes." Ratchet said firmly, "You can."

"Wh... what's wrong?"

Ratchet turned his datapad around to show Frenzy a diagram. "I know you understand the basics of how our auditory systems work, but humor me with a quick refresher. This," he tapped a circuit, "connects to his audio receivers. That transmits data to this node, which functions as a switch. That node is just smart enough to filter language from background noise. Language gets routed to the language processing centers. Background noise gets sent to another area for further processing, where your mind figures out if it was, say, a gunshot or a slamming door you just heard."

"Yeah, I got that."

"Well," Ratchet tapped the connection between the node and the language processor, "As you know, the many, many circuits here were damaged. Water got in, went through his comm circuits and his mods for telepathy, and then saturated this area." He set the stylus down again. "I cleaned everything out to the best of my ability, but it was water, Frenzy, and some of the metals used in our circuits oxidize on contact with water. That makes contaminants. Those contaminants interfered with the attempt by his autorepair to reconnect the node to his language centers."

"Can you ... clean it again?"

Ratchet shook his head. "The damage is too extensive, this time. If we bring him online, he will suffer seizure after seizure, and then die, very quickly. The next one could kill him."

"So ... what do we need to do?"

"There's three options. You need to think of what Soundwave would want." Ratchet reached a hand out and rested it on Frenzy's shoulder. "Whatever you decide is right, Frenzy. There's no wrong decisions here. You know him. You can do this."

"What ... what are the options?"

"Frenzy, the first option is to replace his neural hardware entirely. We can't replace the damaged parts, as we don't have the nanoscale surgical equipment to make the connections, but we do have some complete processors in stock."

"No!" He wailed, instinctive, impulsive, angry. "No, that would destroy who he is!"

"I know," Ratchet said, simply. "And you would be bound to a sparkling."

"No," he murmured, shaking his head. He didn't think he could deal with that. Soundwave was his master. He couldn't imagine a world where some person, some child, with Soundwave's personality, was tied to him ... would he be responsible for raising the kid? Would he then, someday, need to give up the authority of a parent and become, again, a symbiont? Or would he remain a parent-figure for their lifetime, always yearning for something that he could never have again? He liked being Soundwave's symbiont.

Ratchet sighed. "Frenzy, because you are tied to Soundwave, you must consider your own feelings as part of the bigger picture. If you could not handle the scenario of a replacement processor, it would affect the sparkling's development. You could break the bond later, but I do not know what that sort of early emotional trauma would do to a child. He would very likely see it as a rejection ... and if you could not accept the sparkling and kept the bond, he would sense that rejection as well."

Frenzy flinched. He couldn't imagine rejecting Soundwave, any version of Soundwave.

"You could also chose to break the bond now," Ratchet said, quietly. "He's in extremely deep stasis lock. There is no power to his higher neural circuits. He would never know."

"I'd know." Frenzy started to lunge to his feet, then slumped back. "No. No. No!"

"What are the other options?" Steeljaw asked. He pressed himself up against Frenzy, his head resting against Frenzy's chest, and Frenzy flung his arms around Steeljaw's thick neck and buried his face against Steeljaw's armor. Steeljaw even smelled like one of his lost siblings.

Frenzy wished Ravage were here. Ravage, wisest of them, would know what to do.

"Not much better, I'm afraid." Ratchet ran a hand over his face. "Frenzy, look at me."

Frenzy shook his head, refusing to meet Ratchet's gaze. "I can't do this."

"You can." Ratchet ran a hand over Frenzy's back. "You are strong, and you love him. You can find the strength right now to think of him, and to chose what he would want. It's terrible, but you know him."

Frenzy snapped, "He wouldn't want any of this. He'd want to be himself."

The medic sighed. "I know. I wish I could fix him. But I don't have the equipment. Frankly, nobody does. Not even on Cybertron. Not anymore. It's hard, isn't it - knowing that once upon a time we could have done so much more for him? I hate this war, and ..." he fell silent.

"Yeah, well, it takes two sides to hold a war," Frenzy snapped at him.

Ratchet's hand on Frenzy's back stilled for a moment. "... And two sides to end it. - Frenzy, as hard as it may be for you to believe, I do care about him, and about you, and I want to help. However, what I can do is limited, and I'm sorry for bringing up why."

"What are the other options?" He said, bitterness rising in his spark. If not for the war, Soundwave would be fine. There would be no need for advanced medical procedures.

"The second option would be to remove the connection between the node," he tapped the circuits that functioned as a data switch, "and his language processor entirely. I don't believe the water damage extends beyond this area. He clearly retains most of his faculties and his personality. He will still be Soundwave, but he will never be able to speak or understand spoken language again."

"Couldn't you make a software patch of some kind? Route the data into his language centers another way?" Frenzy shook his head.

"No." Ratchet shook his head. "Smokescreen and I actually tried to do that last night, since we we were messing around with his code anyway. It's a bandwidth issue. It bogs the internal connections down and causes his entire language center to crash when we try to do that. I'm not sure there's a workaround that wouldn't cause that problem."

"Slag."

"Frenzy, he has other issues. A lot of them." Ratchet didn't stop stroking Frenzy's back. "He may never get his sense of balance back, so he may never be able to walk. There are things we can do to help him, but there's variable success. He cannot read or write. He may never get that back either. He has no comm, no telepathy, no way to communicate. He won't be able to talk to you over the bond when we're done, as that goes through the auditory circuits so that you can 'hear' your bondmate's thoughts as voices in your head. I'm honestly very skeptical that he will get much function back now that I've had a good hard look at all the damage and taken some time to thoroughly map it out. We can make him live ... but will he want to live that way? He will be forever dependent on others. You know him. Would he want to live like that - that is an honest question. There are some mechs who will chose life at all costs. And some who would prefer to go to the well and rest when it becomes this bad."

"You're asking me to decide if he should live as a slagged-up cripple or if he should die?" He felt as if he was falling. How could he make a decision like this?

"I'd want to be a sparkling again," Ratchet murmured.

"No!" He shook his head savagely. "He'd hate that. He hated being a child. Nobody took him seriously. B-besides, what k-kind of processor do you have?"

"We have some salvage processors in stock." Ratchet pressed his lipplates together for a moment. "They've been reconditioned and reformatted. Wheeljack does that work. He's good at it."

"From the dead."

"From the dead," Ratchet confirmed.

"No."

Ratchet sighed. "Frenzy, I know this is hard. I want you to think about Soundwave, though. No answer is wrong, but I need to know what to do. Right now, he's not really stable. If we don't do something soon the decision will be out of our hands."

"I can't ..." I can't bear to be without him. He couldn't finish that thought. It was too shameful. He kinda suspected that the only reason that Soundwave was alive was for him. Soundwave knew just how badly it would hurt Frenzy if he died, and so he had not followed the others. Was it selfish, though, to not let him go? He couldn't be happy as he was. Frenzy knew just how scared, and miserable, and frustrated Soundwave was because he could sense it over the bond.

They were quite a pair. Neither willing to go first, Frenzy thought with black amusement, because it would leave the other behind, and all alone.

"You can make this decision, Frenzy. It's best if you do it."

Frenzy couldn't contemplate Soundwave as a child.

Steeljaw asked Ratchet, "Sir ... if you were in his shoes, what would you do?"

The hand on Frenzy's back stilled for a moment. Ratchet blew out a sharp sigh. "I don't know Soundwave, Steeljaw. I don't know what I'd do."

"What if it were Optimus, or Ironhide, or Ratchet. One of you friends? What then? Generally speaking?" Steeljaw demanded. Frenzy could have hugged him (again) for that. He wanted some guidance, some idea of what to do.

Ratchet seemed to flinch, then he shook his head. "It truly depends. I can't say, and I wouldn't want to speculate. I have already recorded the wishes of most of the mechs on the Arc so that I won't have to make this kind of a call for them. However, Frenzy, I'm sure that Soundwave would want you to make this decision rather than us Autobots. He was pretty clear that he doesn't trust us."

"I think he trusts you," Frenzy said, looking up to meet Ratchet's gaze. He wanted Ratchet to take responsibility here, and to make this hard choice. He knew the mech was capable of it. Frenzy didn't think he had it in him to separate himself from his grief and make the right call.

"Hrmm. I suppose he does, but I still do not know him the way you do."

"I can't ... I can't do this." He couldn't imagine a world without Soundwave in it. Even damaged, broken, he wanted his master with a fierce longing. Soundwave was the center of his world. Without Soundwave, he was just a tiny punk with a bad attitude, all alone in the world. "How ... how would you let him go?"

"We'd bring him back online. He's able to talk now. I suspect a terminal crash would occur within only seconds, but you might be able to say goodbye. It would be Primus's will as to when he went. Once he crashed again, I highly doubt I could bring him back again. The last crash did some additional hardware damage."

"Oh." He didn't want to say goodbye. A few seconds was not enough time. A lifetime wasn't enough time. And what if they brought him online and he said he wanted to live at all costs ... and then died? What if Frenzy found out he'd made the wrong choice?

Ratchet's thumb was rubbing his back plating in small, comforting circles. "Do you want to take a few minutes to think about it?"

He couldn't imagine a world without Soundwave in it.

Soundwave had been scared and angry and confused for the last two days. He wondered if ...

He would be all alone. He could follow Soundwave to the well, but ... that was terrifying in its own right. And what if he got there and found out he'd made the wrong choice? You killed me! He couldn't bear to hear that accusation from his master. It would be the worst kind of betrayal.

On the other hand, what if Soundwave really wanted to go, and was only sticking around for Frenzy? Perhaps it would be a kindness to let him go to the well, where the others were waiting. Frenzy could follow. Would follow.

But what if Soundwave wanted to live?

What if Ratchet were wrong, and Soundwave wasn't as badly damaged as Ratchet claimed?

Make a decision out of love for him, Ratchet had said.

Frenzy ... didn't want to be alone. And he didn't want to face an accusation of murder from Soundwave. And he didn't want to believe it was as bad as Ratchet said. Soundwave couldn't be effectively deaf to language, mute, unable to walk, unable to read or write, locked inside his own head. He drew his legs in and wrapped his arms around them and buried his face against his knees. He started to cry again, but through choked sobs he said, "Do it ... do what you have to, but I think he'd want to live."

He was desperately afraid he was wrong. He knew he wouldn't want to live the way that Ratchet was describing. He thought he'd just done a very selfish thing. He felt dirty and tainted and miserable.

Ratchet, however, seemed relieved. He nodded slowly. "Very well. I'll start the procedure in a few minutes."

"How long will it take?"

"Hours. It's not just the hardware, but if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right. I will go through and make sure his operating system is reconfigured and Wheeljack had some suggestions for his visor, to help with his balance ... we're going to be thorough, Frenzy, to give him the best chance possible for the best recovery of some of his functions. However, this could still go badly. We're working with delicate circuits, without the proper equipment. I am not a circuit surgeon by training. I will do the best I can, but ... if it does go badly, for what it's worth, you won't be alone."

Steeljaw said coolly, "Ratchet, Sir, you have no idea how alone he is, or would be."

"I know it's hard to lose a bondmate ..." Ratchet gave Steeljaw a startled look.

"No. You don't know how hard it is, and he's lost five." Steeljaw rose. "I'll stay with him, sir."

"I was going to have Bluestreak sit with him today." Ratchet seemed dismayed by that idea. "You've got a shift coming up."

"Blaster's already gotten me excused. Prowl agreed that I'm a good choice, and that we can postpone my punishment detail until later."

"I want to stay with Steeljaw." Frenzy stood up too. "Please, Ratchet ... he does understand. And you don't. And Bluestreak ... I don't even know Bluestreak. At least Steeljaw gets it."

The CMO seemed to hesitate for a moment, then shook his head. "Go. Frenzy, just ... understand that you will have a place here, with or without Soundwave. Okay? And, also, it may tomorrow before I'm able to return to my quarters. He'll need monitoring after the procedure, which means I might need to stay here all night. I ..."

"... I'll stay with him in your quarters, if it's okay, sir," Steeljaw said. "I'm willing to bet he'd find my brothers pretty overwhelming en mass right now. Not all of us are exactly social whizzes, either - Eject could offend Primus himself."

Ratchet rolled his optics. "He'd probably find the lot of you overwhelming at any time."

"True," Steeljaw said, with a smile but no laugh. "Come, Frenzy. Ratchet needs to get to work."

---

Ratchet's quarters were echoingly empty when they stepped through the door. Steeljaw turned to him, once the door had slid shut, and said, "Frenzy, for what it's worth, I think you made the right choice."

"I don't know," Frenzy whispered. "I don't know if I did. I wish we could wake him up and ask him."

He wished he could hear Soundwave's voice one last time. But if they'd tried, he might have died.

"Do you think he'd want you to be miserable and alone? Do you think he'd be happy in the Well, knowing you were all by yourself? Do you think he'd want you to follow him, when you're healthy and young and have a whole life ahead of you?" Steeljaw rested his head against Frenzy's chest. Frenzy was starting to recognize that this was Steeljaw's version of a hug. Steeljaw was probably Frenzy's exact opposite in the touchy-feely department. Frenzy might have been a lot more annoyed by all the touching if Steeljaw didn't remind him so much of his lost siblings.

"He'd want to stay, for you, if nothing else. Carriers are like that. Mine ... my first ... his last words to me were an apology that he couldn't stay, and he was in so very much pain. Anyone else would have been screaming for release. I was glad when he passed, for him, though it left me alone."

"I ... I don't know." Frenzy hunched his shoulders. That hadn't been what he'd been thinking when he'd said save him.

"I think he'd want to stay for you. You made the right choice, kiddo." Steeljaw hopped up onto the couch, then transformed one forepaw into a hand and patted the cushion. "Get up here."

He hitched himself up. Steeljaw reached out, snagged him around the waist with both hands, and pulled him across the cushions. The larger cassette wrapped both arms around Frenzy, eliciting a startled gasp from him.

"Shh. Look, I'm sorry about Ratchet doing what he did in there. He didn't say anything to me or Blaster about what he was gonna ask. I figured he needed some technical info or personal history or something. It wasn't fair of him to ask that of you."

"I am his next of kin," he murmured, though it had been an overwhelming question.

"You're more than that. You are his bonded symbiont, and Ratchet doesn't get it. Oh, he understands the concept in technical terms." Steeljaw held him tightly, if a bit awkwardly. His frame type made hugging a little bit of a technical challenge. "We've certainly given him an education on how things work, but he can't get it, and I'm not even sure he entirely approves of carriers."

"Approves?"

"You ever hear Prime talk about 'freedom being the right of all sentient beings'?" Steeljaw's sigh shook his entire frame. "Ratchet believes that just as strongly as Optimus."

"But I am free." He'd been a slave - an 'indentured servant' if one wanted to be technical about it, but for practical purposes, given the way the servitude had turned out, it was the same. He and his brother had been unable to find a carrier and had been forced to sign their freedom away to survive. He knew the difference.

"He doesn't see it that way. He sees it as one step above slavery."

"Oh, believe me," he growled, bitter memories of forced servitude, indignities and deprivation surfacing, "There's a huge difference."

"Heh. I'll bet." Steeljaw nuzzled him gently before saying, "I'll have Blaster talk to Ratchet - again - about symbionts. You did good in there, though. I think I would have come unglued if someone asked me to make that sort of decision for Blaster. I don't think I'd have it in me. I'm too close to him, too inextricably tied. I couldn't make a fair decision."

"Yeah." Steeljaw's muzzle was buried in the crook of his neck, and he was venting warm air against his plating. Frenzy idly traced a finger over the other's Autobot sigil. It was bright and shiny and looked like it had been freshly painted, but then, Steeljaw was pretty well maintained from head to toe. Frenzy hadn't had a new paint job in years before the Autobots had repainted him yesterday. Soundwave polished them all regularly, but they'd been short on paint. His own plating gleamed now, courtesy of Autobot resources.

He would have been strutting a bit with the pleased knowledge that he looked great under other circumstances. Rumble would have teased him mercilessly about the new paint, and he would have given anything to be teased by his twin. The shiny paint on his plating was a reminder, like a million other things, of the family he'd lost.

He was just so lonely. His head was silent, without even a background murmur. He'd never hear his siblings or Soundwave again. The loss was immense; he missed the casual chatter from his siblings and Soundwave's occasional laconic comment or pointed advice. He missed the background sense of their emotions, touching his spark across the bond.

Steeljaw's hand was resting on his hip, stubby fingers relaxed. That touch was innocent, just typical symbiont behavior. They weren't programmed to have much need for personal space. Steeljaw wasn't doing anything but giving what comfort he could by simply holding Frenzy. There was no attempt to molest, or seduce, and yet, suddenly, Frenzy couldn't take his attention from that warm hand.

He was just so damn lonely.

Soundwave had said not to trust them, and had reminded Frenzy that they were the enemy.

None of this was supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to be the one to make life-altering decisions for his master. His master was supposed to be wise, invulnerable, and unbeatable.

Soundwave had said don't trust them, and Frenzy had done just that: trust. He'd defied Soundwave. He'd had no choice, but Soundwave's command had been clear. He had trusted Ratchet's information, and his skill in the operating room. Now it occurred to him to wonder, what if Ratchet had been lying? What if this was simply a ploy to eliminate a perceived threat? Soundwave was Ratchet's enemy.

That was, he told himself, stupid. Logically, if Ratchet wanted to screw Soundwave up even more, he didn't need to ask for Frenzy's permission to do it! That Ratchet was asking for Frenzy's input, and treating him with more respect than he'd ever gotten before in his life from mechs other than his bondmates, said a great deal about his intentions. Even without the mind to mind contact last night, he would have concluded that Ratchet meant well.

Still, guilt gnawed at him. I don't want to be alone! he wailed into the silence in his head. Six other minds should have answered with comfort and reassurance. I can't be alone. I can't. I chose right. I know I did. I know I did!

He had so desperately not wanted to be alone. He couldn't lie to himself. His need for Soundwave had affected his choice.

Steeljaw's hand moved, stroking a small circle. It left an unexpected trail of heat behind it.

Soundwave had a few firm orders. One of them was, Don't interface.

His master had always said that, someday, they would meet someone special. He'd been equally firm, almost paranoid, in his absolute rejection of any possible mates. Though Rumble had sometimes argued about it, Frenzy had never really minded. There weren't any good prospects on the Nemesis. Most of the mechs were much larger than he was, and bad tempered to boot. What was he supposed to do, have a foursome with Reflector? Accept Swindle's occasional smarmy offer of energon in trade for berth time? Strap on a dildo the size of his leg and frag Starscream?

The other cassette's hand slid higher, resting on the small of his back. It was simply a comforting touch, nothing more. However, he was so very lonely.

And so very guilty.

And so very angry.

And miserably unhappy.

And Steeljaw was kind, friendly, clean, honorable, attractive, and available.

Defiance suddenly sparked. Soundwave was supposed to be there for him, and he wasn't. Frenzy was entirely alone, and he knew he would never hear Soundwave's sage, blunt advice again. Never again would Soundwave tell him another mech wasn't worthy of him, or that flirting with the other troops was inviting trouble. Never again would Soundwave be able to tell him what to do at all. He'd be responsible for his master, in fact, and that was a huge, yawning pit of terror right there.

Steeljaw vented warm air across Frenzy's back plating as he sighed. "Kiddo, it's weird. We were enemies, three days ago. I wish ... I wish we could have met as friends under other circumstances."

He traced Steeljaw's sigil, fingers sliding over the smooth metal. The paint was so very glossy, and the metal beneath it warm with life. Steeljaw moved away, gently, and Frenzy froze. "Sorry," he murmured.

Steeljaw huffed a sigh. "Don't be. Kiddo, you know that you're the first mech I've met in a long time who looks me in the optics and doesn't see an animal?"

He grimaced. "Ravage used to bitch about the same thing."

"Ravage talked ...? Don't answer that question, it was stupid."

"Only to us, so, no, that was not a stupid question. I only heard him speak aloud a few times." He met Steeljaw's expression. "He didn't have hands, you know."

Steeljaw glanced down at the hand he had resting on Frenzy's arm. He grimaced. "I wish I had more mobility in my shoulders, but the sacrifice in strength would be too great. Wheeljack says I'd likely blow my shoulder joints out on high speed turns, when I was running, if I had more lateral play in them. He's come up with a few suggestions, but ..." Steeljaw shook his head. "Most would mean some massive mods that we don't have the resources for right now. They'd basically have to give me a whole new frame type. And I am functional like this. I can handle tools, use a stylus, that sort of thing."

"I can see that." He smiled in fond memory. "Ravage just got us to do all the work for him."

Steeljaw snorted. "I've never been very good at depending on others."

"Funny thing for a symbiont to say." He wanted to touch that shiny sigil again. It fascinated him, though he couldn't say why.

"Meh. Blaster says I'd make a better carrier than a symbiont. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love Blaster, but we've butted heads more times than I can count." Steeljaw grinned. "One of many of my flaws."

"Soundwave would have my aft if I argued with him." He didn't have to imagine Soundwave's reaction, because early in their relationship they had 'butted heads' a few times, as Steeljaw put it. Soundwave had decisively won, and his ire was something Frenzy never wanted to experience again. It took a lot to piss Soundwave off, but defiance from his symbionts was definitely on the short list of things that would do it.

Soundwave had a long, long fuse attached to a thunderous temper.

"Eh, Blaster's pretty laid back, really. It's possible to get him riled up, but it takes a good reason." Steeljaws stretched his back legs out across the couch. "Every bonded team has a different set of dynamics, I suppose. I get the feeling that Soundwave is fairly authoritarian."

"He's strict, but he's fair." Frenzy would miss those calm, firm, clear orders. "I was a slave, y'know. I've dealt with strict and unfair before."

"I bet."

That sigil on Steeljaw's side drew his attention again. He touched it without thinking, drawing his fingers over the smooth, temptingly shiny paint. Steeljaw stiffened for a second, but didn't stop him this time. Frenzy pulled his hand away, however, not wanting Steeljaw to push him away out of irritation. Frenzy was suddenly struck by the strangeness of this situation. "You know, we were enemies until a few days ago."

"Yeah." Steeljaw sighed. "I should hate you, for everything you've done. I know you've killed Autobots yourself, personally."

He had. He was proud of his hit count. "Seventeen." A bit of a brag, but he couldn't help seeing what Steeljaw's reaction would be.

"I try not to count the Decepticons I've slagged." Steeljaw's fingers traced up Frenzy's back. "I can't help thinking some of them might be like you."

"Hnh?" He didn't quite understand.

"Friends I haven't met yet." Steeljaw shook his head against Frenzy's shoulder. "I hate this war. Eject might be more vocal about it, and, um, a bit more optimistic about good ways to end it, but I hate it. Decepticons, Autobots - we all come from Primus, we are the same people, and we are killing each other."

"I'm sorry." He wondered if his brief moment of boasting had offended the other mech. He was so used to Decepticon culture, where killing enemies was a good thing that you bragged about. Steeljaw's way of thinking was alien. Soundwave had taught him to not care about anyone outside the bond, to not get attached to outsiders, and to value his bondmates more highly than anyone else. The team came first. The rest of the world, as Rumble would have put it, could get slagged.

Steeljaw felt so warm against him, so real, and so appealing. Steeljaw understood Frenzy's pain. He really, and truly, understood.

He was so lonely.

Steeljaw was right. They should have met as friends, not enemies.

He had never made out with anyone before, and particularly not someone he barely knew. It was probably wildly inappropriate. He halfway expected to be dumped onto the floor in shock and disgust, but he suddenly didn't care about what was 'appropriate' or what his master would think. Honestly, Soundwave probably would never know. Frenzy couldn't even confess his misdeeds to his master if he wanted to, at least without resorting to charades or drawing pictures.

Rumble was always the better one at drawing dirty pictures.

He resolved not to think about Rumble.

Rumble would have been vastly amused by the problem of 'fessing up about 'facing to Soundwave. He probably would have tattled on Frenzy, just for the pure joy of rendering those naughty pictures. He would have animated them, and added sound effects, just for giggles.

He was not going to think about Rumble right now. Instead of thinking about Rumble (though he could almost hear Rumble cat-calling and egging him on) he caught Steeljaw's chin with his hand, lifted his face up, and tried to kiss him.

The reaction was immediate. Steeljaw didn't shove him off the couch, but he did jerk back in surprise, optics widening. "Kiddo," Steeljaw said, "I am totally not coming on to you here, so please don't take this the wrong way, but what the frag?"

"Sorry." He had a whole new reason to want to die, namely, terminal embarrassment. His first time, ever, trying to seduce someone and it was met with mere confusion. Maybe he should have tried high grade and roses rather than the direct approach. "I guess ... I guess I was hoping you w-wanted to frag. I guess. I'm sorry. I didn't ... slaggitall. Forget it."

Steeljaw stared at him. Frenzy realized he'd been a tad blunt. Well, he had learned to come right to the point from the master of direct statements. Soundwave wasn't exactly subtle, and he got irritated when his symbionts were evasive.

Steeljaw seemed sharply suspicion, but then his gaze softened when Frenzy didn't say anything else. Frenzy honestly didn't know what to do now. Soundwave said quietly, in an air of confession, "Most people see me a talking animal. I've had my share of lovers, but most are in it for the kink, which gets old."

"I'm not ..." He shook his head. "I know you're not an animal."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're attracted to me." Steeljaw said, and there was bitterness in his words.

Frenzy blinked, really hearing Steeljaw's pain for the first time. He'd known the other mech was upset yesterday, but it had been a distant awareness that was swallowed by the depths of his own agony. He looked - really looked - at the other mech, and he saw pain akin to his own in Steeljaw's clear blue gaze.

The other mech explained, voice too controlled, "I've growled my way through enough trysts. I won't do it anymore."

"Growled ...? Oh." He blinked, entirely unsure what to say to that.

"Use your imagination about what kind of mech would be attracted to me."

"Yeah, got it. Probably the same sort that came on to Ravage occasionally." Frenzy smirked. "Ravage bit."

Steeljaw huffed. "If I bit anyone, Blaster'd have my aft, and Prowl would throw what was left in the brig. Anyway. Sorry to dump on you, kiddo. You've got enough burdens to bear right now. I just can't be anybody's berth-pet any more. I can't do it. I can't."

Something bloomed in his spark with those words. There had been enough death, enough grief, enough pain and betrayal and hurts. He could chase some of the shadows away from Steeljaw's spark with a few simple words, and it felt good to say them. "Steeljaw," he said, a bit impatiently, "All I see is a person, and someone I kinda like."

That earned him a bit of a smile, but it quickly flickered out.

"Look, I was bonded to a mech with your frame type. Ravage would have bit me if I ever saw him as less than a person. Probably someplace sensitive. Buzzsaw and Laserbeak would have backed him up. So I get it. Frame type doesn't have any bearing on sentience or personality. I get it."

Steeljaw sat down on his haunches, and regarded Frenzy with his head tilted to one side. Frenzy stared back, desperately wanting to see Steeljaw's unreadable expression soften. He wanted to touch that shiny plating again, and be touched, and forget, just for a bit, how very alone he felt. He wanted the big, kind-hearted symbiont to just trust him. He'd kissed him because he wanted Steeljaw to kiss back, not because he had a weird kink.

How did one go about seducing someone? He had no idea. Pit, he didn't even know how to make a friend. He felt lost, adrift, isolated. If Soundwave couldn't talk to him, he would have no one to confide in, or to support him. That thought kept coming back and playing itself in an endless loop in his head. It was selfish, he thought, because he should feel bad for Soundwave, and on one level he profoundly did. On another, he just couldn't get past what it would mean to him to never, ever, be able to talk to his master.

Rumble would have fallen to pieces already.

He was about to.

Maybe it would be just easier if he let go. Just ... quit. Soundwave would certainly follow, and he couldn't help but think that might be the best thing for Soundwave. His master was going to be horribly crippled. It would be a miserable existence. Frenzy shuttered his optics against Steeljaw's keen gaze. He'd made a terrible, selfish choice, but he could still undo it. All he had to do was go to the others.

And if he did, he wouldn't be alone. They were waiting for him, and for Soundwave. If he let go, if he allowed himself that seductive peace, Soundwave would certainly follow.

He wouldn't be alone.

He wouldn't ...

Steeljaw's hand brushed his cheek. He snapped his optics back online. Steeljaw murmured, "No, Frenzy. Don't. Stay here. Stay with me. I want you, and you won't be alone in this."

Steeljaw had read his mind. For a brief moment he wondered if Steeljaw had mods like Soundwave's. Had the mech literally scanned his thoughts?

Steeljaw's smile was lopsided. "Kiddo, I've been where you are. I could read your expression like it was one of my sibling's."

"Oh."

"Frenzy, you have no idea how attractive I find you. I will not frag you tonight, but I will make love to you. There is a difference."

"Oh. Umm. Okay." He had no idea what to do. He'd never done this before.

He was utterly relieved when the other mech took the lead. Steeljaw trailed a hand down his chest, fingers sliding over his armor. The touch left a trail of heat and warm tingles behind. Nobody had ever touched Frenzy that way in his life. He'd been groped plenty of times, but he'd never wanted someone to touch him. Steeljaw murmured, "I love your colors, you know. You are very attractive."

He reached out to the other symbiont, so nervous that his hands were shaking. "I ..." He swallowed, then found his voice. "I want you. On top. If ... can you?"

Asking the question embarrassed him. It only provoked a brief smile from Steeljaw, however.

There was going to be geometry involved, he recognized. Would he need to be on his hands and knees? He'd do it that way, but it seemed impersonal somehow, and Steeljaw had said he didn't want to be seen as an animal. He also knew his first time would hurt. He should probably tell Steeljaw he had seals, but he was worried that Steeljaw might change his mind if he thought Frenzy was innocent.

Not that innocent. I know how this works. Watched enough trysts on the Nemesis.

The other cassette stepped back, stood up on his hind legs, and grabbed one of the rubbery cushions off the couch. Made of a tough, springy material, and designed for a mech Ratchet's size, it was knee high to Frenzy. Steeljaw pulled it onto the ground and then made a grand gesture at it. "Lay on the edge."

"... Oh." He settled nervously onto the cushion, sitting on the edge.

"I have done this before." Steeljaw grinned. "I take it you prefer to receive?"

"Umm." He didn't know. He'd fantasized about both ways. If Steeljaw was willing to be spiked, maybe he should accept that offer. It would certainly hurt less! And it couldn't be that hard to insert Tab A into Slot B and start thrusting. However, he was sick of making decisions right now, and he simply wanted to lie back and let Steeljaw take over. He wasn't entirely sure how to say this, but he tried. "I think I just want ... I just want you to make love to me. Okay? Umm. Maybe I can spike you later?"

"Yeah, okay. I think I'd like that." Steeljaw rested his hands on both sides of Frenzy's legs, leaned forward, and nuzzled Frenzy's neck. His stomach bumped against Frenzy's knees. "Primus, Frenzy. I can't believe we're doing this."

Frenzy reached up and stroked the sensory arrays just behind Steeljaw's ears, uncertainly sliding his fingers under heavy armor to stroke sensitive wiring. Steeljaw arched his neck to give Frenzy better access, and groaned appreciatively. "Mmmmm. That's right."

Encouraged, he found a sensor node and rolled his index finger around it. He liked the reaction he was getting. Steeljaw's fans had kicked on, and he groaned again. "Mmm. Don't rub my ears, okay? Just the neck ..."

Why not his ears? Frenzy wondered, but he did as Steeljaw had asked, sliding a hand under the edge of Steeljaw's armored ruff. He found intricate cables and sensors and wires there, and when his fingers brushed a cluster of sensory nodes, Steeljaw made a wordless noise of approval and arched his neck up against Frenzy's hand. "Oh, there ..."

His abdomen - and the dome of Steeljaw's interface panel - was bumping against Frenzy's knees. Steeljaw ran his hands down Frenzy's back all the way to his hips and slipped fingers into the sensitive seams. Frenzy stiffened in shock as the sensation this produced raced from his hips straight to his valve and spike. It was a liquid glow of heat and tingling energy, and it never felt like that when he touched himself!

Steeljaw laughed, "Good spot, hmm?" Then he did something with his thumb to a node at the small of his back that Frenzy didn't even know existed. He gasped, and clutched at Steeljaw's neck. Steeljaw nibbled at his jaw, not quite a kiss, but urgent and intimate.

"G... good," was all he managed. It felt amazing.

"If we're going to do this you need to spread your legs." Steeljaw seemed amused. He pressed against Frenzy's knees again.

"O... oh." He did, and suddenly the other mech was between his thighs, and pressing him back to the berth. Steeljaw's weight and heat covered him, and the mech's forearms slid up under his shoulders. Stubby fingers clutched at his back plating and Steeljaw ground against him, expression a mask of intent pleasure.

"Mm, I haven't done this in a long, long time." Steeljaw nuzzled at his neck again, and hot air vented across Frenzy's jaw as he spoke. "Primus. I think we both need this."

"Y ... yeah." He wasn't sure what to do with his legs. It was awkward resting his feet on the ground, and Steeljaw was spreading his knees wide apart as he pushed against Frenzy. He heard something mechanical hiss close to Steeljaw's hips, and then Steeljaw's spike, hot and hard and large, rubbed against his stomach plating.

Steeljaw reached down and caught Frenzy's right knee with one hand and tugged. He murmured into his neck, "Put your legs up around my waist. You need to tilt yourself upwards. The angle's wrong for me, otherwise."

"Oh." Well, that settled the question of what to do with his legs. He wrapped his legs around Steeljaw's back, and then Steeljaw's spike was rubbing against his interface cover. He hissed in surprise as the touch sent a whole new array of tingles through his body. He felt oddly weak, and yet energized, and he bucked his hips up instinctively, grinding them together.

"Gonna open up, kiddo?" Steeljaw said, a bit teasingly, close to Frenzy's cheek. He rocked his hips suggestively. "Or gonna make me work for it?"

"Oh!" He was just so nervous. He wondered if he should say something, but he desperately didn't want Steeljaw to back out.

"C'mon," Steeljaw rubbed against him, hands stroking Frenzy's side and his plating grinding against Frenzy's interface cover. His spike seemed huge as it slid between Frenzy's legs. It seemed that Steeljaw's interface equipment was a good bit larger than Frenzy's own. Steeljaw said, somewhat urgently, "C'mon, kiddo. You gonna make me beg here? Open up, c'mon."

He found the right command, and snapped his valve cover open. "O... okay."

Steeljaw grunted approval deep in his chest, and the blunt tip of his spike poked at Frenzy's interface equipment for a second, a little awkwardly. The bigger mech wiggled around, lined up, and found the right spot. Then he thrust, one smooth stroke, with an appreciative groan that cut off in mid stroke as he hit the seal. It split apart, Steeljaw gasped in surprise, and Frenzy screamed in shock.

It hurt quite a bit more than he'd been expecting.

Steeljaw stared down at him in frank shock. "Frenzy ..."

He reset his vocalizer twice before he could speak without gasping. "Yeah."

Steeljaw's spike was filling him. He could feel it moving within him as Steeljaw shifted his weight. It hurt. His valve spasmed against the intrusion, a sensation he'd never felt before, and he wanted to flinch away, but Steeljaw's weight on his hips had him pinned down.

"You were a slave," Steeljaw murmured. "I'd forgotten about that barbaric practice. A seal?"

"Yeah, they wanted to make sure that nobody touched us. Worth more, that way. Your owner was supposed to have that privilege, if he wanted it." Frenzy couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. He talked, trying to distract himself from his sudden feeling of trapped claustrophobia. He said, with a voice that shook a little, "I w-want this, Steeljaw. Tonight. Please."

Steeljaw frowned down at him. "Worth more ...? Nobody touched you? Frenzy, surely you're not ... but you're ... you're almost as old as I am. Pit slag, you're a 'con!"

"And I have Soundwave for a master. Believe me, we didn't sleep around. He'd have known, and we'd have been toast."

"Why me?" Steeljaw whispered.

The pain was fading. He rocked his hips experimentally. The slide of Steeljaw's spike against formerly untouched sensors felt unexpectedly good. Steeljaw hissed, but didn't thrust back. His self control was remarkable, Frenzy thought. He could feel a slowly building energy within his own body. He felt like he had to move. He didn't know how Steeljaw could stay so still.

"Because you're kind." It was the simplest answer he could give. "I like you."

"... Frenzy," Steeljaw murmured, stroking his cheek. "I'm sorry I didn't know. I'd have gone a lot slower. I figured you were experienced."

"Finish what you started," he growled impatiently, tightening his legs around Steeljaw's waist and arching upwards. Steeljaw's spike slid in all the way up to the hilt, a delicious burning stretch that made him feel something besides grief and misery and guilt.

"Actually, I believe you started it," Steeljaw observed, even has he pressed an awkward kiss to Frenzy's forehead. "I am going to make love to you, Frenzy."

And then he started to move. Frenzy had spied on his share of trysts. He was expecting rough pounding and harsh passion. There was little room for tenderness among Decepticons, even between lovers.

However, Steeljaw moved within him gently, and he touched and stroked and kissed and nibbled. He murmured soft words of encouragement, urging Frenzy to relax and forget. He was gentle beyond anything Frenzy had ever known. Frenzy didn't need reminding that Steeljaw was no animal ... but this drove it home. There was nothing bestial about this.

It took a long time before he relaxed enough to climax. Steeljaw was patient, slowing down repeatedly, and patiently taking his time. Frenzy had never envisioned having a lover with Steeljaw's control and calm. He'd assumed it would be rough and urgent every time. It was, somehow, perfect this way.

When he finally came, it was in slow rolling waves. He shuddered, valve clamping down on Steeljaw's spike, optics offlining. He clutched at the other's armor even as Steeljaw thrust one last slow, firm time and then then there was a rush of hot nanyte laden fluids inside him. Steeljaw cried out, not a snarl that one might have expected, but a groan.

"Primus," he murmured, as Steeljaw settled across his chest. Steeljaw's spike was still in him, moving as Steeljaw shifted his weight. It sent tiny aftershocks through him. "Oh, Primus."

"Shh, Frenzy." Steeljaw wrapped his arms around Frenzy, and rolled over onto his side. "Rest, Frenzy."

---

Bad memories during a defrag cycle woke him, hours later. He came up crying, calling out for his brother and for Soundwave.

Steeljaw was there, instead. The bigger cassette nuzzled his neck. "Shh. I know, Frenzy. I know."

He clung, for a second, recognizing Steeljaw before he was really oriented. Soundwave was still silent, barely detectable across the bond. He was just so damned alone.

He didn't want to think about Soundwave, or his siblings.

He spread his legs in invitation, sliding open his interface panel. "Make love to me again. Please?"

Steeljaw chuckled, low and amused. He settled between Frenzy's knees, heavy, welcome, his weight pinning Frenzy down. "Shh. Don't cry. I'm here."

He didn't cry. He lost himself in the physical sensation, the closeness, the feeling of intimacy and shared affections. Steeljaw brought him to another overload, and then held him close as he drifted off again.

Frenzy never let go of Steeljaw, even in recharge.

---

A few hours later, it was Steeljaw's muffled whimpers that woke him. He lifted his head up to see that Steeljaw was twitching in his sleep.

"Steeljaw. Hey." He woke the other mech by shaking him gently, and cautiously. He'd seen one too many soldiers come online from a nightmare with guns locked and loaded.

Steeljaw, however, simply blinked awake and mumbled, "Bad memory. Sorry."

"Shh." It felt good to return some of the comfort. He pressed a kiss to Steeljaw's mouth.

Briefly, Steeljaw returned the kiss, then he tilted his head upwards, exposing his throat. Frenzy took the hint and nibbled his way down Steeljaw's neck. He relocated a sensitive node that he'd found earlier, and closed his mouth around it. Steeljaw cried out in appreciation and rolled over onto his back. "You said you wanted to spike me?" Steeljaw's tone was positively sultry.

"I've never ..." He hesitated.

"Primus, I want you, Frenzy." Steeljaw murmured. "I want you in me. I want you bad."

He didn't need any more encouragement. Earlier, he had not wanted to take charge. He'd wanted to be cared for. Now, however, being in control of something felt very good.

Steeljaw writhed beneath him, clearly enjoying himself. He was awed by the expressions on Steeljaw's face. When Steeljaw's valve clamped tight around his spike, he overloaded with a shout. Steeljaw closed his arms around him, and rolled over and held him tight.

For the moment, he wasn't alone.

---

Ratchet was absolutely exhausted. All he wanted to do was check on Frenzy, assure him that Soundwave would live (assuming Primus didn't decide to claim him just to spite Ratchet's hard work), take a shower, and recharge for about twelve hours. 'Shower' and recharge' did not need to happen in that order. He was not sure what was more urgent, his need to defrag or his need to scrub the dried energon and the stink of medical solder and scorched circuits off his plating.

He stumbled through the doorway of his quarters, and stopped short.

The air was absolutely rank with the smell of overload: ozone, lubricant, reproductive nanytes.

Horrified, he took in the scene on his floor. One of his couch cushions was on the floor, and the cassettes were lying on it. Steeljaw was spooned around Frenzy, one foreleg thrown over Frenzy's slimmer body. Both of them were in recharge, but Frenzy roused as he entered.

"Oh. Ratchet." Frenzy elbowed Steeljaw awak. There was a distinctive hiss as the kid closed his interface panel. "Umm, how's Soundwave?"

"Recharging." He answered automatically. "He's finally stable."

Horror turned to anger as Steeljaw rolled over onto his chest and blinked sleepily at him. He had been dubious about the wisdom of Steeljaw being Frenzy's minder while Soundwave was in surgery, but Frenzy had clearly preferred him. It appeared that Steeljaw had taken full advantage of Frenzy's emotional state.

Slaggit. Steeljaw was low on his list of mechs who might do something like this. The cat had always been absolutely professional to work with. He was invariably polite, well-mannered, and responsible, a few well-executed pranks aside. Blaster claimed he had a mind of his own, but Ratchet had never seen him argue with a direct order.

However, the evidence was undeniable. Frenzy's thighs were covered in smeared fluids, and he had Steeljaw-colored marks between his thighs. That provoked a mental image that made Ratchet cringe. The kid was - had been - a virgin, and to lose his innocence now, and this way?

Frenzy stood up somewhat stiffly, moving like he was sore. Ratchet hoped that Steeljaw hadn't cracked any of the welds he'd made repairing the kid two days before. If he had, he'd kill Steeljaw twice over.

"Sorry, Ratchet," Frenzy said, sounding embarrassed. "Umm."

"Sorry?" He said in a deadly tone, optics narrowing at Steeljaw. "He's sorry? Steeljaw, what have you done?"

"Hey!" Frenzy protested. "Why are you mad at him?"

"Frenzy, I promised you that nobody would touch you." Ratchet was so furious he stood rooted in place. If he moved, he really was going to kill the four-legged slagger. "I am sorry. I should have followed my instincts. It was a bad, bad idea to have Steeljaw here. I was," he ground out, "stupid and I owe you an apology."

"But ... oh, you think he forced me?" Frenzy barked a laugh. "Believe me, I could hold my own in a fight with him."

"Forced him?" Steeljaw radiated offense at that implied accusation. The symbiont sounded more shocked than offended, "I would never do that."

"Seduced, then. This shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry." Pit. Ratchet's mind raced ahead. If he lit into Steeljaw like he wanted to, it would make Frenzy feel horrible. The kid had enough to worry about. Clearly, Frenzy thought this was okay, but it didn't change the fact that Steeljaw had violated half a dozen well established rules and had been just plain stupid to boot.

And where the slag had Blaster been? He suspected he needed to have words with a certain carrier, too. Or maybe just bring him up on charges as an accessory. He had to have known what was going on. Lust, he was given to understand, was pretty hard to block.

Right now, however, he knew Frenzy was in a fragile emotional state. He needed to be careful with his reactions, at least until he was out of earshot.

"It was my idea, so lay off him." Frenzy looked like he was very close to some sort of explosion. Steeljaw's jaw was clenched tight, and he looked furious. "My idea! I wanted it!"

"Easy." Steeljaw touched Frenzy on the arm. Ratchet wanted to fling him away, possibly with enough force to smash him into a wall. "We'll talk later, okay? I'm sure Ratchet wants to have a few words with me now, given his apparent low estimation of my character."

Ratchet blinked. He'd been expecting more of an argument, perhaps outright defiance from both of them.

:Let's not make a scene in front of Frenzy.: Steeljaw sent him a very encrypted comm message, using a key that only officers were supposed to have. Apparently, that also applied to the symbionts of officers. His tone was just barely respectful. :He will blame himself. I'd just as soon he not know how much trouble I'm about to get in. For the record, I'm quite offended you'd think I would take advantage of anyone.:

:How dare you do this. You know the rules about relations with prisoners. He's a prisoner. He's a Decepticon. I could have your sigil stripped for this, Steeljaw.:

:I dared, because his life was more important than any rule and any punishment. I have been in his tracks, and I know the pain he's living with: Steeljaw met Ratchet's eyes with a narrowed gaze. :We both know that Soundwave could have died last night, and still might not make it. Frenzy would have followed. Frenzy was thinking about ending himself anyway. I just gave him something to live for. He doesn't love me, but he thinks he does. That's enough for now. If Soundwave dies, he will have something - someone - me - to live for."

:And if he realizes you're faking it with him?:

:I am not faking it.: Steeljaw cast a fond look at Frenzy. :Ratchet, he sees me as a person and we have a great deal in common. Please. I know you are a compassionate mech. There are some rules made to be broken, and this is one. He needs me right now.:

His anger evaporated, more because he was watching Frenzy than from anything that Steeljaw had said. It was clear from the look on Frenzy's face, and his body language, and from Steeljaw's words, that everything had been consensual. However, he knew the rules that Steeljaw had broken were there for very good reasons. :I can't overlook this, Steelie. Go to Prowl's office. I'm sorry.:

:Yes, sir.: Steeljaw didn't sound overly surprised. He turned to Frenzy, and rested his head against Frenzy's chest briefly. Frenzy wrapped his arms around Steeljaw in a fierce hug, glaring at Ratchet over Steeljaw's head. Steeljaw said, "Frenzy, we'll talk later."

"Ratchet, it was my idea!" Frenzy protested again, and pointedly not letting go of Steeljaw.

"I believe that," Ratchet said. He also believed that both of them were complete and total fools. Not that he was ever surprised when young mechs acted like idiots when someone else's attractive aft was involved. "Steeljaw's not in trouble because I think he forced you. I also believe he'll find the punishment worth it, eh, Steelie?"

"Oh, definitely." Steeljaw continued to lean against Frenzy.

Frenzy put his hands on Steeljaw's muzzle, pulled his head up, and kissed him. There was defiance in that action, but also desperate need. Steeljaw resisted for a moment, his optics on Ratchet.

:Oh, please. I used to be a politician. I've seen people kiss the afts of things a lot more freaky than you, Steeljaw,: Ratchet snorted, refusing to acknowledge just how uneasy their actions made him feel, on multiple and varied levels.

:Heh.: Steeljaw turned his full attention to Frenzy for a minute. Then, with very obvious regret, he stepped back. "Kiddo, I care about you. We will talk later."

"You'd better." Frenzy reached out traced an old weld mark on Steeljaw's face for a second. "Thank you, Steeljaw. For everything."

"Yeah. You, too."

After Steeljaw had left, Frenzy looked up at him with huge optics. "He shouldn't be in any trouble."

"Go get cleaned up." He waved a hand in the direction of his private wash rack. Frenzy more or less fled in that direction. Ratchet ran a hand over his face. If it weren't for the fact that he was still quite worried about Soundwave, he'd get massively overcharged.

He rose, after a bit, and went to fetch breakfast. When he returned, Frenzy had somehow managed to both clean the cushion and wrestle it back up onto the couch. He was curled up in a corner, arms around his knees, staring into space.

"How's Soundwave's spark feel to you?" Ratchet asked, a serious question. He handed Frenzy a cube of energon. He'd warmed it, and added sweeteners.

Frenzy sipped at it, gave Ratchet's adulterated energon a surprised look, sipped again, and gave the question the serious consideration it deserved. "He feels stable. You've got him pretty sedated, I think, but he's not in stasis lock anymore."

"He is sedated, and will be for the next several days. I want to make sure that we found all the glitches before we let him come around. His nanytes really went haywire and did a lot of damage. He's not conscious, but you can go visit him this afternoon. First Aid's running a bunch of diagnostics on him this morning."

"Thanks." Frenzy glanced in the direction of the med bay. Doubtless, Ratchet thought, he'd prefer to be at Soundwave's side, but he wasn't kidding about the testing. He'd had to rebuild Soundwave's operating system the hard way, one line at a time, and he had First Aid going over his work to check for errors.

"There's nothing you can do for him now anyway," Ratchet pointed out.

Frenzy shook his head. "I know. I just don't understand why you're mad at Steeljaw."

"I'm not mad." He had been, but Steeljaw's explanation made far too much sense.

"Then why is he being punished?" Frenzy frowned. "I assumed that's why he's going to Prowl's office."

"Yes. He's in a fair amount of trouble. We have ... rules ... Frenzy."

"It was my idea. You're acting like he raped me!"

"Frenzy, to be blunt, you're a prisoner." Ratchet ran a hand over his face again. "Kiddo, we can put all the pretty words on it that we want. I'm sure that Optimus was slagging diplomatic. But you are a captive here. Autobots don't interface with prisoners. Ever. It's really all kinds of inappropriate, and Steeljaw knows that."

"But ... but I needed him. I need him."

"In your case," Ratchet frowned at him, "it was not morally wrong, what he did. Don't think I'm condemning him, because I'm not."

Frenzy gave him a miserable look. "I need him."

"You need to look at this from two standpoints, Frenzy. The first is that we cannot allow an Autobot to pressure a prisoner into giving sexual favors. We also can't risk a prisoner bribing an Autobot with 'facing. The second reason is that, generally speaking, it's a bad idea for Autobots to be too sympathetic, too attached, to prisoners."

Frenzy gave him a wounded look.

"In your case? I'm not worried about too much sympathy for you. You aren't an escape risk, or a threat." Ratchet smiled at him reassuringly. "But - can't you see how a prisoner could use his body to win the trust of an Autobot guard, and then escape? That rule is there for good reasons."

Frenzy whispered, "That means I'll never be able to be with him, though. Right? I'll always be a prisoner, and he'll always be an Autobot."

Ratchet wanted, somewhat badly, to pick Frenzy up and try to comfort away some of those fears. Given the circumstances, getting touchy-feely with Frenzy was probably a bad idea. His reputation was impeccable. He'd like to keep it that way. However, he just plain liked the kid.

He'd gotten a good look at Frenzy's mind yesterday. Soundwave, understandably, had been pure fear, with his higher logic functions compromised both by terror and software errors. Frenzy, once he'd calmed down, had been far more coherent than his master. Ratchet definitely liked him - and, given his history as a Decepticon, that really surprised Ratchet. He was smart, and surprisingly sensitive, with a keen sense of fair play. He had made a mental note to introduce Frenzy to some of the easier going Autobots like Bumblebee, Bluestreak, and Beachcomber.

He was also going to ask Wheeljack to truly take the kid under his wing, and get him working with the engineering department. Frenzy was well trained enough to be useful, and he could easily see him fitting in with the other engineers.

He might also see how Frenzy got along with Spike. That was something he wanted to approach cautiously, but it would give Frenzy a friend at his own eye level, and probably close to his own level of maturity. Frenzy was legally an adult, but still very young.

He had very high hopes that, if they treated him right, Frenzy wouldn't always be a prisoner. Part of treating him right was going to be integrating him with the crew. It wouldn't be the first time that Ratchet had schemed

"Thought so," Frenzy said, sounding angry, and apparently taking Ratchet's silence as confirmation. His jaw set mulishly, he stared off into space somewhere past Ratchet's elbow.

Ratchet sighed. "Look, I'll see what I can do ..."

"Do what? Your rules are inflexible. And stupid."

"Yeah, probably." He wasn't in a mood to argue. "Look, Frenzy, I'm exhausted ..."

"I'm alone." Frenzy clearly wasn't going to drop it. He hunched his shoulders. "Look, can I at least go sit with Soundwave while you recharge? I swear I won't get in First Aid's way. Or go work? Or something? I don't want to be alone." He scowled. "You have no idea what it's like. I've always had somebody else bonded to my spark, always. Now there's only Soundwave, and he's out cold. It's pretty quiet in here," he gestured at his head. "Being with Steeljaw helped. A lot. Now you've taken him away from me, and he's in trouble for helping me. So pardon me for being just a little skeptical that you're the good guy you want me to think you are."

Primus.

Frenzy repeated, "I just don't want to be alone. So don't ask me to sit here in the dark while you sleep. Because I really, really, don't think I can take it. Please, Ratchet."

Behind the kid's words lurked more pain than he thought any mech should have to bear. Steeljaw, he suddenly realized, had not been exaggerating. He knew bondmates offlined when they lost a partner, he'd lost his share over the years despite all effort to save them, but he'd been too busy working on Soundwave to really pay much attention to Frenzy. Desperation and grief shone in those blue optics.

"You want Steeljaw?" It was an impulsive question, but also an easy one. Slag it all to hell, he was too soft, sometimes.

"Yes."

"I know I'm going to regret this." He comm'd Steeljaw. :You at Prowl's office yet, you idiot?:

:No, sir.:

:Get your aft back here. I'm probably going to regret this. You want him? You get to babysit him while I recharge.:

Not Steeljaw, but Blaster, responded. :Ratchet, don't get yourself in trouble over this. What Steeljaw did was a criminal offense. We both knew it, and I'm as culpable as he is. I knew what he was doing. And why.:

:My concern is Frenzy, right now, not you two morons. I've seen my share of bonded mechs offline. If he's decided Steeljaw's a reason to live, then I'd be contrary to my oaths as a physician to get in the way. I'll ... I'll deal with the fallout with Prime and Prowl. Do note that I am not going to conceal this. However, I believe that medical necessity supercedes all of the rules and regs he broke.:

:Thank you, sir,: Steeljaw said, sounding utterly relieved.

:I'd better not regret this.:

:We'll be discrete, sir.:

:I'm not even worried about that. Just ... treat him right.: He was very worried that a relationship that started on such shaky grounds could turn out badly. How could it be love between them? They had not known each other nearly long enough, and they were from opposite factions. He was pretty sure that once the warm-fuzzies from 'facing with a new partner wore off, the two of them would find they didn't have much in common and the relationship would not last.

Still, by the time their little affair turned sour, hopefully Frenzy would be in a better mental state overall. Soundwave would be healthier. Frenzy wouldn't feel so lonely. He'd just have to make sure that Frenzy had made a few other friends, and felt like he was a part of the Ark.

:Of course I'll treat him right!: Steeljaw sounded annoyed that Ratchet would even think he might behave badly towards the kid. :Primus. I'm not going to screw it up with him, sir. Frenzy's the first mech I've met in a very long time who sees me as a person, who doesn't flinch away or get all kinky at me when the subject of interfacing comes up, and who's size compatible. Do you know how rare that is?:

:Way too much information, Steelie,: Blaster said, but he sounded amused. :You're going to fry the doc's neural circuits.:

:Sorry, sir.:

:I'm well aware you're a person and not an animal, Steeljaw. Your frame type has no bearing on how I perceive you.:

:Yes sir,: Steeljaw said, too politely.

He turned his attention back to Frenzy. "Okay. Steeljaw's on his way back. Do not make me regret this."

"I won't, I promise."

"Good." He ran a hand over his face again and considered the likelihood of the two young mechs finding a private spot and engaging in a little sex of the dubiously healing kind before the end of his nap. He was just not a fan of the whole relationship between them, but he had his duties as a medic to think of before his personal feelings. "Look, I'd planned to have a few words with you anyway. Bluntly, I want to make sure you know everything you need to know to stay safe when you interface. I don't need any extra work."

"I'm well aware of where to stick it, thanks," Frenzy ground out, real irritation showing on his face.

That gave him a mental image he could have done without. He said firmly, "Yes, but there's more to it than the simple mechanics."

"Believe me, I've seen more than the simple mechanics on the Nemesis. Want to hear about Starscream's kinks?"

"Not particularly, no." He glared. He was also well aware of them, courtesy of some classified reports that Prowl had shown him. Prowl had wanted to know if some of the things Starscream was supposed to be into were actually feasible, from a mechanical standpoint. He'd had to do some research on some of them. His colleagues back on Cybertron had been hilariously amused by the questions he'd sent them. He forced himself to focus on Frenzy, and the quick bit of interface education he liked to give every young mech he served with.

"First off, kiddo, you do not have a valve plug installed. I checked when I put you back together."

He'd been tempted to remedy that problem, or simply leave the kid's gestation chamber (which had been trashed along with everything else) disconnected from his valve, but that would have been unethical.

"We didn't ..." Frenzy shook his head. "I'm not that stupid. I didn't have spark sex with him."

"Well, there's that. Thank Primus for mechs with common sense." He rubbed his face, and ignored Frenzy's glower. "This afternoon, after I have a good nap, you will come by my office, and I will install a plug. I am not going to trust in you continuing to be not stupid. Until then, for the love of Primus, don't bare your spark to him."

"Gotcha."

"You do know how that works, right? Gestation chamber full of reproductive nanytes, zap it with some spark energy from two mechs, voila, new sparklet? Problem is that we don't have the ability here to raise sparklings. I don't have any of the equipment I'd need, and we don't have enough Cybertronium to make a new protoform either the natural way, or in a vat. So don't get sparked up. We'd have to terminate, and that would make me very, very cranky, because I like sparklings."

Frenzy, to his credit, looked suitably horrified at the thought of terminating a gestating sparklet. Good. Hopefully, the two wouldn't do anything irredeemably stupid between now and the end of his nap.

He frowned, then added, "You do know you can still get sparked if you're the one plugging, right?"

That got him a blink of surprise. "I can?"

"Gestational nanytes have a life span of about a day in your reproductive chamber. It's happened. Saw a case when I was just out of medical school where some real nimwit of a seeker got plugged by his grounder boyfriend, then cheated on the poor guy and had spark sex with another seeker. Think about the ramifications of that for a moment, and how we figured it out."

Frenzy winced. "Seeker spark, no wings?"

"Which led to one very confused child. Yes." Ratchet scratched his jaw. Frenzy was evidently aware that a seeker-x-grounder hybrid always resulted in another grounder. He wasn't surprised, given the number of seekers in the 'con ranks. "So if you're thinking you can avoid the problem of a sparklet by baring your spark and doing the plugging, you'd best give it several days to be sure."

"Yes sir." Frenzy looked suitably chastened.

"Let's see ... you know not to stick anything where the sun doesn't shine without cleaning it first, right? And no carbon based compounds go up your valve, ever. That includes plastics, carbon based oils, energon, nothing."

Frenzy gave him a wide-eyed look. Ratchet didn't mind that look of shock at all. At least he wasn't looking like he was one respiration from offlining out of pure grief. "Umm ... why?"

"I'm going to assume that wasn't a 'why would anyone do that.'" Ratchet smirked. "You're not that clueless."

He snorted. "Rumble was my brother. Remember? I get the concept of a dildo. Why no carbon?"

Ratchet noted that Frenzy wasn't particularly easy to embarrass, either. Well, he had Rumble for a brother. Ratchet had pretty much figured out that Rumble was the wild one, and Frenzy was the brains of the pair, though Frenzy's temper sometimes eclipsed his smarts.

He answered his question, after rolling his eyes, "Because it might leave a residue behind, or a piece might break off. You get going hard and heavy with that boyfriend of yours, your internals can get hot enough to ignite some carbon compounds. Or if you've got any kind of a shorted sensor, it can throw a spark. Tends to lead to some very interesting injuries." Ratchet smirked. "Painful ones. Don't do it."

"Umm, advice noted." Frenzy looked amused. "Don't frag with flammables."

Ratchet continued. He was giving Frenzy the abbreviated version of a course he'd taught at the academy, years ago, and a short version of the talk he'd given to many new recruits. Gory details were useful to discourage stupidity. "Usually what happens in an accident like that is that, aside from some significant damage to your valve, the heat causes the hydraulic fluid for your spike to expand to the point that your spike bursts. That is quite painful, and since that injury is inevitably caused by stupidity, it is also a very low priority repair. I'll fix it when I get around to it."

"Umm, noted. Seriously."

He grinned. "I could show you some pictures in my medical manuals ..."

"Seriously, no. Though maybe that explains what happened to Starscream that one time ..." Frenzy said in a tone of speculation. "We always thought Motormaster had just bitten it off."

For the life of him, he couldn't tell if Frenzy was telling the truth or was just spinning a bit of a tale. Starscream was a scientist with a medical background. Surely he wouldn't be that stupid. On the other hand, it was Starscream, and Frenzy's expression was absolutely guileless.

After flashing him a grin in appreciation of the anecdote (true or not, it was damn funny) Ratchet continued on with his lecture, "Before you have spark sex with anyone, you make sure they've had a virus scan since their last lover. If they haven't, make them check out a medical data pad and run a check. Steeljaw, for the record, is clean. He had a checkup last week."

Frenzy nodded.

"His equipment's a good bit bigger than yours, and he's got more sheer power than you do. He can hurt you if he's rough. I'll have a word with him about that, but you make sure you tell him to knock it off if you're uncomfortable. Don't feel obligated to tough it out, because he's doing something wrong by definition if he's hurting you." Ratchet had seen his share of problems caused by a size mismatch, generally with one very embarrassed patient and one very apologetic lover both cringing in his med bay. He'd rather embarrass the kid now by pointing this issue out rather than deal with it later. "It's not supposed to hurt after that first time - which, by the way, would not have been an issue if I'd have had time to have this lecture with you first. I was planning on offering to remove your seals when I installed your plug."

Frenzy shrugged. "I'm okay."

He concluded with a softer tone, "Frenzy, you're an adult. You're capable of chosing your own partners. However, I will tell you that I'm worried about this, and I'm worried about both of you, and if you need anyone to talk to, though, about Steeljaw, or Soundwave, or anything else in your life, I will listen."

"And say sarcastic things," Frenzy said, but he was smiling a little when it said it. "Part of your job is to listen, eh? Decepticon medics aren't so nice."

He had been standing up and looking down at the little cassette, but now he crouched. He said quietly, "I don't have time, as a medic, to coddle my patients. Being blunt is a lot more efficient. However, I have time for my friends. You're a good kid. I'd like to be your friend."

"I'm a Decepticon."

"There's solvent in my wash room if you want to take that sigil off, you know." He poked Frenzy in the chest with one finger, over the Decepticon emblem.

He was surprised by the smile that his teasing provoked. "I might do that, sir. Soundwave said we're neutrals anyway."

He nodded slowly. He had expected a scowl, not acceptance of that suggestion. He suspected Soundwave was torqued off enough to leave the 'cons over Megatron's assault on Frenzy, and Frenzy was just pissed on general principles all around. "If you need help touching your paint up after you take that symbol off, we can do it after I get some recharge. We can use the paint booth in the med bay. It's up to you, but I will say that it will be easier for many mechs to see Frenzy and not 'that Decepticon' without a symbol in the way."

He glanced down, then smiled faintly. "It just occurred to me that Steeljaw says he likes me because I don't see a beast when I look at him. Well, he doesn't see a Decepticon when he looks at me. Not many mechs are going to be that forgiving, are they?"

"Probably not."

Frenzy bit his lip for a second. His smile disappeared, and he looked troubled again. "Soundwave won't like it."

"Like what?"

"Me being friends with you."

Ratchet nodded slowly. There were elements of their relationship that deeply troubled him. The implication that Frenzy wasn't allowed to be friends with other people was one. Soundwave had needed to be protective, and he had no real reason to trust the Autobots any more than he had trusted the Decepticons, so perhaps his caution was understandable. However, he wondered if Frenzy had ever had friends outside his bondmates.

Frenzy's frown deepened. "I'm going to need you. Even if Soundwave doesn't like it, I'm going to need people. He's really not going to be happy about Steeljaw, and I'm not willing to give him up no matter what. Ratchet, this isn't going to be easy, is it?"

"No." Ratchet rested his hand on Frenzy's shoulder again. "No, Frenzy. It isn't. But we will help you."

He intended to keep repeating the mantra of you will have help until Frenzy believed it.

"... Thanks." Frenzy glanced down at his sigil. He ran his fingers over it. "... Thanks, Ratchet. For everything you've done."

"Just don't make me regret it." Ratchet gave him friendly shove. "Get. I'm tired. Go get breakfast with Steeljaw or something. Don't do anything indiscrete in public. Got me?"

"Yes sir." Frenzy smiled at him, a real smile. In a much softer voice than earlier he repeated, "And thank you."