... Well I'm later than a pregnant woman's period.
oops?
okay, I'm really sorry for being gone for so long, but things have been sorta weird lately! Not in a good or bad way, I just haven't really felt like myself lately so I've been trying to get back into the writers zone. And also, finals are horrible. Like, a total bitch. But hey, I'm a survivor! So I'm doing good! And also, some people have actually been asking to be my beta, so I wanted to let you guys know that while my grammar sucks, I am a very independent writer, and I like to do it myself. And if I need a beta, m closest FF friend SyFyGirl1998 is kinda my go to beta, so I have her :) also, after I finish with these stories, I have a plan to go back and do an extremely close edit of all my chapters so that all my writing on these stories has perfect grammar and good writing so that I could leave them up for hundreds of other people to see in the future :) Okay I'm done blabbering, I love you all!
Ya'll ready?
LEGGO.
The taste of his lips against mine after nine days made my knees go so weak I almost collapse. His arms are around me in an instant, his embrace woven tighter and stronger than I remember, they hold me against him. My hands are circled tightly around his neck, refusing to put even an inch of space between us. His groans are low, and I can feel them in every part of me as I wrap my legs tightly around his waist, barely noticing as my black slip rides up to my waist. His hands travel up my thighs, his fingertips digging into my flesh. Jace takes my bottom lip between his teeth, and I gasp at the sting and the faint taste of copper.
I flinch away, but he draws me back in easily, kissing me urgently. I breathe in the scent of him, though it's not familiar. I don't smell the intoxicating mix of musk and soap that usually envelops me whenever he's near, and all that's on him is the faint smell of the rough canvas of his clothes. I welcome it anyways, too caught up in feeling him under my hands for the first time in over a week to care about such silly things. All that matter is that he's here. He's here and he's kissing me like he can't get enough.
I don't realize Jace is walking until he's practically tossing me onto the cold bed. I gasp in surprise, but barely have time to blink before he's on me. He's overwhelming, the feeling of him so close, too much to take. I take it anyways, because all of him is better than nothing. His fingers are all over me, hot and greedy. His body moves against mine jerkily, rusty, as if he's out of practice. Not letting that stop me, I fling my arms around his neck and draw him in. His hair is rough underneath my fingertips, his skin dry. Jace's hand grasps the underside of my knee, pulling it around his hip.
His skin is cool underneath my fingertips, practically unresponsive to my touch as compared to before. Jace's arms leave me for a split second as he unbuttons the rough material of his shirt before returning to me. Sighing into his mouth, I arch into the touch of his hands, one forcing itself into my hair and the other dragging its way over the curve of my breast and to my throat. His fingers brush against the hollow of my throat, and lightly grasp my neck. I jerk back a bit, surprised by his sudden forwardness. Since when was he into this?
Suddenly his lips turn sour, and his heat disappears. All that I can feel now is the steadily increasing pressure of his fingers, choking off my breathing. My eyes fly open, looking up desperately at Jace. His face is blank, sallow and sunken with the bones in his cheeks jutting out sharply. His eyes are empty, the kind of eyes a dead man would have.
"Jace, I- I can't… I can't breathe." I choke out a whisper, my body jerking underneath his crushing weight. My fingers claw uselessly at his chest, though I can barely see them through the black spots in my vision. I look up desperately once more at Jace, begging him to stop. I can feel my lungs screaming at me, screaming for release. My coughs have stopped, and I raise a weak hand and grasp Jace's face with whatever strength I have left. I beg him with my eyes, but his returning gaze is flat and yellow. Only then do I see my hands, right before my vision goes black. They're covered in blood.
~o.O.o~
Cold drops of sweat cover my body as I shoot straight up, my voice choking off in the middle of a scream. Everything is black, and I flail around desperately to escape the bed. I can still feel his fingers on my throat. I register a shuffling next to me.
Only then do I realize that somebody is shouting my name. "Clarissa, Clary, calm down!" Jace's shouts finally break the terrible fog covering my mind, his fingers are grasping my swinging wrists, holding them close to my chest. I scream again at his hold, wrenching them out of his hands.
"Don't touch me!" I shriek loudly, scrambling out of the too hot bed sheets and stumbling to my feet to the other end of the room. The only sound is my desperate gasping as I try to gain my bearings, arms thrown out in front of me as if to fend off an in visible attacker. My bare back is met with the soothing cold of the wall, my hair sticking to my face. Adrenaline pumping, it takes me a moment to adjust to the lack of lighting in the room, and only then do I see Jace.
He's sitting on the edge of the bed, a hand running through his sleep mussed head. He looks disoriented, shocked and sleep deprived. But it's Jace, and he's here. I just can't decide if I want him to be.
After my breathing has calmed down slightly, I look up at him in surprise. My arms are still out, refusing to believe this isn't another terrifying dream. "Are you really here?" I almost yell, fear edging my voice. But I can't tear my gaze away from those eyes, bright and golden just like I remember them. They never looked like that in the dreams.
Shaking his head lightly, Jace gives me a bewildered stare, his hand freezing in his hair. "Clary, what in the name of the Angel are you talking about?" I bite my lip, praying for any sign that he won't try to kill me again.
"I don't know if this is real or not." My arms scrunch back towards my body, wrapping tightly around my waist. "I want you to be here so badly, but I can't risk it." My eyes begin to water and my breathing is coming in rough pants. I'm terrified of getting too close to him, but oh, I want to.
Jace stands up cautiously, and I ease back further into the wall. He freezes, eyes begging me to trust him. "Clary, what is going on? Why wouldn't this be real?" I can sense that he's confused, but I can't bring myself to move closer.
"Prove that it's you." I blurt out. Jace raises a brow, a disbelieving chuckle escaping his lips. I narrow my eyes, ready to sprint. "I'm not joking Jace. Prove it, right now. Say something that only you could say." My voice is shaky, and I feel as if I'm on the verge of tears. This is too much, I can't handle not knowing if he's real or not everytime he's around me. It's too much.
I can see Jace racking his brain, not sure what's going on but trying to meet my expectations anyways. He scratches at his head, before focusing on me again. Petrified or not, I can't help but let myself melt a little underneath that gaze I missed so much.
Very slowly he straightens up, taking a small step forward. I force myself not to run. "I know how whenever you do hand to hand combat in training, you furrow your brows and purse your lips." He moves a step closer. "And how you always give away what side you're going to attack by feinting the opposite." He lets loose a light chuckle, and comes a step closer.
"I know that the very first time I saw you, I thought that you were one of the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on, and from the moment I heard you speak, I knew you were going to be a bigger challenge than I'd ever assume." I ignore the urge to laugh hysterically, still watching his steady path forward. "How whenever you're nervous you tap your left index finger against your thigh." Another step. "And when you're embarrassed, you bite your lip." He's so close now, that I can see the planes of his face clearly. I lower my hands.
He smiles a half smile at me, slightly sad. "I also know that you never knew I noticed all these things, because you've never thought of me as someone who cares about you that much." So close now that I have to crane my neck to look up at him. His fingers are gentle, brushing against my hands. He waits, looking to see if I'll dash. I don't, and he slowly intertwines his fingers with mine. My heart hurts at how beautiful he is, and the chance that he's not real slips away.
"Clary, I have no idea what's going on, I have no idea why I wouldn't be here. But it's me. I promise you, it's me." He dips his head, messy gold hair framing his face artfully. He's so close that I can feel his heat, that heat that I've been missing for so long. "Trust me." He whispers. His voice isn't measured or controlled like I would expect, but it's gentle and caring.
And with his words, I start to feel the last of my defenses fade. "Jace." His voice is a whisper on my tongue, and with hesitation I bring a hand up to his face. It takes a moment, but I cup the side of his cheek. He sighs, leaning into my touch and closing his eyes for a second. Jace's arms lightly grasp my shoulders, and I tense for a second before relaxing. He's real. He's real.
His lips are on mine, soft and reserved. I tilt my face up, letting myself melt into him. And then I know for sure, I know for certain that he's real. Because dream or not, nobody kisses like Jace Herondale.
I let my arms circle around his neck as his arms grasp my waist, holding me closely to him, sensing my relief. Every nerve that he touches sparks wildly, begging for me to be closer. I breathe him in, letting myself forget the nightmare that woke me.
Pulling away, Jace plants the softest of kisses on my forehead, and I close my eyes briefly. He chuckles as he looks down me, bewilderment and a strange emotion mixing on his face. "Now, will you please explain to me what the hell is going on?"
Groaning lightly, I place a hand on my forehead. How in the world am I going to explain this without getting thrown into the dungeons for insanity? "I think you need to sit down Jace- it's been an eventful few days."
So we sit down on the edge of the bed, and I explain it all. Starting from the first dream in the library, I tell him all the details about that night and the trip to Magnetia. After all that, the horrifying thing I had just dreamt. Though I can barely see his face in the moonlight, I can see the tensing of his jaw whenever I mentioned his dream attempts to kill me. Obviously, he isn't too happy with me dreaming about him being murderous.
"That's why I wasn't sure what had happened when I woke up and I didn't feel like chancing another round with dream you." I pause to shoot him an awkward smile. "He's pretty terrifying, you know."
Jace is silent, a muscle in his jaw ticking. His fingers are clenched hard, grasping the bed frame. "Jace- are you okay?" My voice is quiet, swallowed by the night. He inhales sharply, tossing his head back and looking up at the roof.
"No, I'm not. I know that there's a reason you're having these dreams- but it still kills me that you think there's any version of me who would hurt you."
"Hey," I say softly, scooting closer to him. I place a hand on his thigh slowly, biting my lip. "I know that you won't hurt me and I know that you know these dreams aren't you- they're my heads weird way of saying that something's wrong, and we need to figure it out." My voice is soft, and I pray to the Angel that Jace understands. Because if he convinces himself that I'm afraid that he'll hurt me- I know him well enough to know that it'll destroy him.
His fingers interlaced with mine once more, and he presses a quick kiss to my cheek. "We will. I promise. But for now, we really need to sleep. I spent all of today on the road, and this little wake up call is tiring enough as it is. Plus," He smirks at me, eyes roaming freely over my body. I feel those familiar shivers again, traveling along with his gaze. "We can't have you assuming I've gone soft, because I promise you- I'm anything but."
I roll my eyes, but lean and draw one more kiss out of his giving lips. Moving away, I start walking backwards. "Oh please, I could never think that." He grins at me, leaning back on his elbows and making me acutely aware of his lack of a shirt and my thin black slip. Oh so tempting, but we both know there's been too much excitement for one night. There's always tomorrow.
I'm walking to my side of the bed when I hear the frantic pounding of a fist against the wooden door. I freeze, looking over at Jace and wondering whether to answer or not. He narrows his eyes, standing up fluidly. "It's late, this has to be important."
He flings open the door and reveals Helen standing there, her fist still in the air. Her face is flushed, her breathing hard. And instead of talking to Jace, she makes eye contact with me.
"I'm so sorry for the hour, but it's urgent. The palace guards, they saw your brother on horseback, and he's heading this way. Apparently, he's being followed."
I freeze for a moment, making eye contact with Jace. Why would Jonathan be coming here so late, being followed? For something to be urgent to Jonathan, it had to be bad.
Grabbing my robe, I'm already running.
~o.O.o~
My feet pound against the stones of the stairs, not drowning out the shouts of the guards pooling into the parlor. I burst into the brightly lit room, overwhelmed by the amount of people running around in a frantic mess. The night shift are the only people alert, with everyone else hobbling around rubbing at their eyes with half of their armor on. Dashing over to the nearest person, I grab him by the shoulders. "Where is he?" I demand. The man is a good head taller than me, yet seems to cower in fear at my authority. His blue eyes dart around as he clears his throat lightly.
"According to the last report from the men we have stationed on the roof, he's broken the forest line and should be approaching in a moment, Ma'am." I nod and release him, turning to see if Jace followed. He's right behind me, tired eyes looking around in confusion. I grab his wrist and lead him to the broadly open doors, surrounded by whispering guards and servants. They all avert their eyes, but I don't bother with them now. I just look.
The black darkness that's laid thickly on the front lawn blocks me from seeing much, but I see enough. Squinting harder, I throw a hand up in a motion for silence, and conversation ceases within seconds. Then I hear it.
The steady galloping of horse's hooves beating against the ground, vibrating into my body as it draws closer. I make out the white, large head of Jonathan's prize horse that he had learned to ride on since we were children, and on top of it a bent over Jonathan. As he draws even closer, I can see the look of pure terror mixed with determination painted onto his face. I haven't seen him this scared in years.
"Stand down!" Jace's voice bellows out from behind me, and my eyes flick to the guards who are slowly lowering the blades and arrows they had drawn. Stepping forward another foot, I search to see if there's anybody behind him, but there's nothing besides the blackness.
Soon he's so close I can make out his black eyes again, and I turn and wave my arms frantically at the guards. Jonathan didn't look like he was going to stop. "Make room!"
They all move away and form two lines, and Jonathan gallops through the middle. With a single, rough pull on the reins, his horse pulls to a sharp stop less than twenty feet away. Before he comes to a full stop, Jonathan almost falls out of his saddle, feet stumbling towards me. I move out from the threshold, eyes narrowed. Jonathan is never clumsy, even intoxicated.
"Jonathan? What are you doing here?" I call, crossing my arms tightly in defense from the cold. He comes to a rough stop in front of me, and I crane my neck to look up at his tall frame. It's been months since I've seen him, but my brother is as familiar to me as the back of my hand, even the flush across his cheeks that I barely saw. "Jonathan…" I start slowly, searching his wide, confused eyes for any indication of why he's here. "What's going-"
He collapses in my arms.
My knees buckle underneath his enormous weight, and Jace is there in an instant. He shouts for the guards to clear the way into the parlor, helping me drag his motionless body inside and out of the cold night. I fall to my knees onto the freezing marble, clutching his shoulders hard as I lower his head onto my lap.
"What's wrong with him?!" I scream out at anyone willing to listen, frantically shaking him by the shoulders. His eyes are still opened and focused on me, but I can see his ivory skin fading into a sickly paper white. I look down, and I choke on my own breath.
Underneath the dark fabric of his chestnut cloak, a stain of blood so dark it looks black spreads steadily on the left side of his chest. I raise a shaking hand to my mouth, my entire body trembling as I look down on my big brother, the one who always won our training sessions, who was always father's favorite, who never showed emotion, shaking in my arms.
"Jonathan- who… who did this to you?" I whisper, trying to stop my tears. I know that I should scream for the nurses to come, to carry him into the infirmary and summon a Silent Brother to make it all better. But I don't.
He doesn't answer my question. He looks at me with those extraordinary black eyes that I could never tell from the pupil. I never realized just how beautiful they are. His fingers are closed, shaking harder than I am, but they still manage to find their way to my cheek. I reach up and grasp his hand firmly, holding it closer to me. His lips are blue, but they still smile a ghost of a smile.
"You're so beautiful Clary." His voice is weak, barely audible over my sobs threatening to break. "I never told you that, little sister. You look just like her." I feel his grasp go limp, and I let him lower his hand. His gaze flickers behind my shoulder, and I look behind me to see a deathly pale Jace staring down at Jonathan. I look back down at my brother, trying to retain some of the fierceness he led his life with in these moments. "And as for you…" He coughs a single time, his entire body shaking with the movement. Blood dribbles from his lips. "Take care of my baby sister."
Even though I can't see him, I hear the audible hard swallow. His voice is rough, untempered. "Always."
I choke back another hard sob. Pushing away a lock of his white blonde hair from his sweaty forehead. "Jonathan, who did this?"
He twitches a single finger, a silent movement that asks me to bend down and hear him. I incline my head until his lips are an inch away from my ear, his trembling breath washing over me. "She's alive."
I jerk back, not even having time to process all of his words. "Jonathan, what do you mean?" I whisper shakily, searching his eyes for any meaning. But he doesn't answer. Instead his black eyes unfocused, staring blankly up at the ceiling. His latest shaking breath chokes off, and he doesn't breathe out.
I don't hear the screams, but I know I scream. I scream at Jonathan to wake up, I scream as I slap his cheek in an attempt to wake him up, or shaking his shoulders just to have him take another breath. I scream at the nurses and guards and at Jace to do something, to take him to the infirmary, to go get Magnus or a Silent Brother to fix him. I scream at him to be alive, because he wasn't allowed to be dead.
Even as Jace lays a heavy hand on my shoulder and whispers at me to let go, I keep screaming. Even as the nurses with pitying eyes beg me to let go so they can take him away, I keep screaming. I keep screaming.
But at some point in the midst of my shrieks for the brother I never thought I loved, I realized. And even as it sunk into my soul, I refused. I dug and scratched at it to get it out of my head, because it can't be true. Even though I know. I know it happened.
My brother had died in my arms.
… Anyways
huge shoutout to the amazing Rhys Montrose (SyFyGirl1998 on FF) for agreeing to Beta this chapter, because I've been blocked recently and needed her help to get back in the writing zone. Love you Rhys :) sorry this is short, but lots of important things. We're about 5 chapters away from the end! Bye I love you all, please please review!
Love Madeline