Kingdom of Lies

by dontjudgeabookbyitsmovie

COMPLETE. When the Morgenstern princess is married off to the distant, fierce king Herondale, she has to come to terms with the fact there may be more to her secretive past than her father is letting on- and that there's a person behind those beautiful golden eyes who may be even more seductive and dangerous than she ever imagined.

19. The Nineteenth

Sunrise has always been my favorite time of day.

The silence of a world that hasn't been awoken. The cold blue light that holds the promise of a new day. Of a new beginning each morning, swearing you that you made it. That you had survived the perils that leak out of those ink black shadows of the night, and that your skin will feel the warmth of the sun again. It's a promise that you would survive to see the rest of the day, that the world is waiting to greet you once more.

It's cold on the white painted patio I sit in, wrapped in a shawl as I stare through the hundreds of roses in the massive garden in front of me. Far in the distance, the mountains of Idris hide the oncoming sun from me, though I know it's there.

Last time I was here had been what feels like an eternity ago. Isabelle had pulled me away from wedding plans to drink away the afternoon with the expensive bottle of roohafzah she had stolen, the sweet rosy taste of the pink drink still familiar to my tongue. The garden had been filled with hummingbirds and the singing of conures and mockingbirds, filling the air with lovely music. Though now, sitting in a simple cotton white dress and a thick shawl wrapped around my shoulders, the world doesn't make a single sound.

The memories of that lovely day with Isabelle still flit through my mind, reminding me painfully of a time much simpler. Of a time where I was just an anxious little girl scared to marry her king.

But I am no little girl now.

I'm silent, my fingers curled tight around the fabric surrounding me as I delve into my memories of that night.
It has only been two days, but every single moment rang with the words those people had chorused.

All hail Clarissa Adele Morgenstern, queen of the Morgenstern Kingdom of Idris.

Nothing had been as bittersweet as those words.

I finally got it. I finally got the title of queen I had whispered to myself in the middle of the night while clutching my bruised body with Valentine's knuckles and words still embedded in my skin. Nobody can hurt a queen. Nothing hurts a queen.

But as I stood in front of every single one of those bloody and bruised people on their knees, bowing for me in my own stained gown and cut skin with tears falling freely down my set face, I realized just how wrong I was.

It had taken everything in me to not scream. To not scream at the title that was supposed to be the greatest gift in the world, but came from death and pain. Oh, so much pain.

Next to none had died in the actual fray, mostly injuries. But oh, I know just how much blood Valentine had consumed. And just how much it had taken to send him toppling down.

So as I look out in the slowly brightening blue of the day, I think of every single person who had died for that kingdom. Who had suffered for that kingdom. For my kingdom.

They deserved better. They deserved so much better than the kingdom they had been forced to offer their people up for. They didn't deserve the mess of the girl who cried for the family she had lost all over again. They deserved a queen.

So I promise it to myself. I promise it to myself that I will be the ruler they've been deprived of for ten years. I promise it to myself that I will sacrifice what little i have left to give for those people. For my people.

So I sit there, as I had been sitting there since the sky had been filled with stars, whispering the same words over and over to myself. Even as the sun finally peeks over the horizon, the white halo of light topping the mountains burning my eyes as brilliant, brilliant bars of golden light make their way across the world and touch the tips of the hundreds of rose buds that lay at my feet along with the future of my kingdom, I whisper the same promise to myself. Even as the world fulfills its own promise of a new day, fulfills its promise of living and existing and to keep on turning despite all of our mortal perils, I swear to see good on my own promise. So I whisper the words again, one last time before I finally stand on sore feet and walk back into the castle I can no longer call my own.

I am queen Clarissa Adele Morgenstern, and I will repair my kingdom of lies.

~o.O.o~

The sun has properly risen by the time I approach the private infirmary, knocking gently on the double doors. A moment passes before a bright eyed nurse opens the doors, falling into a slight curtsy before hurrying out of my way. I walk into the open room, long windows flooding in light. Celine is propped up in a bed, swathed in sheets and the side table weighed down by medical supplies and food.

She's so different from how she looked in the cell. Her body is still frail and hair still thin, but now combed and draped across her shoulders. And those eyes, oh those beautiful eyes she had passed down to her son, hold so much life I can't do anything but smile at surprise on her face. Her lips drop into a small oh, a strange expression passing over her face. "Jocelyn?"

I freeze, mind going still at hearing my mother's name. "'M sorry no. I'm her daughter Clarissa remember?"

Her eyes fly open, fingers covering her mouth. "Oh darling, I'm so sorry. Of course. How lovely to see you again Clarissa, I was hoping you would come visit."

Shock and bitterness fading, I walk closer to her bed, grasping her outstretched, hand. "Of course ma'am, I hope I didn't keep you waiting."

"Nonsense, I am told my son has kept me company for the past two days." She motions over to Jace's slumped figure, wearing what appears to be wrinkled sleepwear. Magnus and a visiting Silent Brother had put Celine to sleep, letting a combination of runes and warlock magic slowly restore the health so many years in the dark had taken from her. I had given Jace his distance, let him stay here by his mother's side and wait for her to wake. Something told me I couldn't help this situation.

Celine turns back to me, a soft smile on her thin lips. "And I am Celine to you, darling Clarissa. None of this ma'am nonsense."

I incline my head in agreement, turning back to Jace's sleeping form. His hand is still outstretched, no doubt holding Celine's before she woke. "Has he seen you awake yet?"

Celine looks down at Jace as well, adoration filling her face along with a disbelief. "Yes, I woke last night very briefly. I didn't have much strength, but oh god, to see my son." She looks back up at me, tears shining in her eyes. "He cried when he saw me awake, Clarissa. I haven't seen my son cry since he was barely able to walk."

I swallow against the lump in the throat, the pure joy lighting up Celine's face evoking both equal parts happiness and bitterness from me. "Did you two get a chance to talk?"

"No, I woke for all of ten minutes. It was mostly me admiring him." She raises a small hand, stroking Jace's gold curls. "I never thought I would see my son again." Her voice is quiet, and I see the tears start to run down her cheeks. "He looks so much like his father."

"Celine, are you alright?"

Her answering smile is radiant. "I'm more than alright. I wanted to die in those cells, and you saved me. You gave me my son back again." Her hands grasp mine now, her thin frame shaking. "Thank you."

I bite my lip roughly, composing myself before I answer. "I'm so sorry my father did this to you Celine. I'm so sorry-"

"You are not your father. Don't apologize for him." There's a steel in her eyes, one I knew too well through her son. "The sins your father committed-" Celine hesitates, glancing back at Jace. "This is something to discuss with Jace as well."

"Of course." I move to wake him, only to be stopped by Celine. She regards me once more, curiously.

"You two are engaged, aren't you?" I pause for a moment. Were we still, with the man who pushed us together buried? "My father did have us engaged. The wedding was supposed to be in a few months. I've been living here for a while now."

Celine is quiet before she speaks, studying me in a way almost identical to the way Jace does. As if she already knew every secret I could possibly have, and is waiting for me to spill them onto the polished floor. It takes a lot to not look away. "Tell me, Clarissa. Do you care for my son?"

The question is simple, yet anything but. There's no pressure in her tone, just cool curiosity. I open and close my mouth once, trying to think up an answer to a question I had been too afraid to ask myself. How could I answer that. How could I even think of the complications that came along with Jace and I when there's so much more at play. How could I answer that?

Yet before a single word falls out of my mouth, Jace saves me.

Celine and I turn at the sound of Jace stirring, his eyes blinking against the bright light illuminating his exhausted face. He focuses on me first. "Clarissa?" He asks groggily, straightening up in the chair he had drawn next to Celine's bed. I don't answer, just motion towards the alert Celine. Jace blinks again before realizing she's awoken, elation quickly spreading across his face.

"Mom?" All traces of sleep are gone now, his fingers clutching at Celine's hand. I watch silently, the open, vulnerable expression on Jace's face a rarity to me.

"Oh, Jace." She whispers, a hand cupping his cheek. He hold it closer to him, closing his eyes in relief. "My darling Jace. You're real."

"I'm real." He whispers, opening his eyes and gazing up at Celine. She shakes ever so slightly, fingers grasping Jace's.

"You've grown up." She says softly, an aching pain behind her word. "My baby boy has grown up. You're a man."

"I'm still your son." His voice is quiet, and I can't help but feel the need to leave. I didn't belong here. This moment isn't for me.

"You're more now. You're a king." The pride swells in her voice, cracking with strain. I watch silently, marveling at the similarities between them. Not just in there looks and in those beautiful, beautiful eyes. In the unwavering resolve behind every word they spoke. They truly were mother and son.

"I just.., you're alive." Jace seems to be speaking to himself now. "It's been so many years. And you're alive."

"I'm alive, Jace. I'm as real as you are."

Another moment of hesitation before Jace speaks again, an unsure light in his eyes. "My father…"

Celine closes her eyes for a brief moment, answering his question before she even spoke. "I'm so sorry darling."

"It's alright." Jace rushes to reassure his mother, grasping her fingers tighter. "You're enough. You're more than enough."

Celine smiles again, eyes watery but bright. "I think you have someone you need to thank…" Her eyes flick towards me briefly, followed by Jace's gaze. There's so much there, in that stare. So much anger, so much happiness, so much confusion. I just stare back, lost for words. For in all those years of private tutoring and textbooks and lessons on how to be a lady, never have I learned how to understand a man like Jace.

"Thank you." Is all he says for now, voice quiet and finally steady. I nod back, swallowing against the lump in my throat and turning back to Celine who now regards me with curiosity.

"Now, Clarissa." Her voice is steady, but probing and coaxing and oh so familiar. "I've been itching to know- how did you find me?"

I take a deep breath to compose myself before I answer. "I don't know if you remember this, but I told you when I first found you- my brother Jonathan was shot and killed by Valentine."

The words evoke a sharp ache in my heart, but I refuse to cry. I'm so goddamn tired of crying. Celine looks like she wants to speak, but stays silent and waits for me to continue. "He was shot because he discovered something- he died on the steps of the Herondale castle after Valentine sent an assassin after him. He told me two words- 'she's alive'." I wait a beat before continuing, monitoring Celine's reaction. She's gone ghastly white, lower lip trembling. I furrow my brows, leaning in closer in concern. "Celine, are you alright?"

She doesn't answer for a moment, and I see Jace lean in as well. "I'm alright- please continue." Her voice has gone monotone in effort to keep whatever she was shoving down from spilling out. After eyeing her carefully, I continue.

"And during his funeral Valentine snuck out so I followed him- he was interrogating my childhood handmaid on if she knew anything about Jonathan's death. She saw me watching and tipped me off without Valentine noticing that I need to go to the dungeons. And then," I stutter for a moment, my voice breaking. "He killed her."

I hear Jace suck in a sharp breath, eyes flying wide. I hadn't had a chance to tell him of Alice's death. However I press on, before either of them see just how much I needed to scream and cry. Something tells me they already did. "So I went to the dungeons right after telling a maid to find Jace and tell him to bring people for backup, and you know the rest."

It's silent for a minute, both sets of eyes locked on me. Celine speaks first, voice gentle. "Jace told me there was a battle afterwards- that Valentine died."

I nod, refusing to blink at the words. I refuse to pity him. "Celine, there's still a lot of holes in the story-"

She cuts me off. "You're right. And it's time both of you knew the truth, the whole truth."

Celine straightens up, taking a sip of the water next to her and a deep breath before she looks at Jace and I, studying us carefully. "What I'm about to tell you two is a very long, very complicated story. I need you both to understand that there are some things I have no hope in explaining, but I'll try. As hard as I can."

Jace and I nod, waiting in silence. Celine takes another beat, and begins.

"The first thing you two need to know, is that Valentine and I had a past, before either of us met married our future spouses. We were together."

I blink hard, shock running through me. Celine and Valentine? It wasn't possible.

She smiles sadly at my expression. "I told you it was complicated. Believe me when I say that's not even the worst of it."

I nod, swallowing hard and forcing myself to stay still and listen. "Continue."

She nods, forging on. "We were young and stupid teenagers who thought of each other as forbidden fruit and considered lust true love. He was in line to be a king and I was a young girl, nothing more than the daughter a fairly well off merchant. Certainly not suitable for a king, and a year away from being of marriageable age. Yet we refused, and we had a brief fling." Her eyes are dreamy, lost in her past. "It was exciting and fun and wild, and back then your father was an honorable young man. It was all perfect, a forbidden fairy tale straight out of a book. We thought we were in love."

My head swirls, images of a young and fiery Celine sneaking out to see a mischievous Valentine so foreign my head refused to wrap itself around the idea. Yet she continues. "It was going wonderful, until I fell pregnant."

My stomach drops.

Noticing my growing horror, Celine hastily continues before I have a chance to interject. "Please, let me continue."

"We didn't have any other choice, so we went to his parents. They were furious no doubt, angered beyond measure. However, at their core they were good people. So they made a compromise. I was to live in seclusion for the next nine months, all my needs paid for, if I was to give up the baby and let Valentine pretend it was the child of a woman they chose for him to engage. I was desperate and so was Valentine, and I feared of what would happen to his name if they found out about his affair. So I said yes. And I lived in supreme comfort and safety and hidden from the world as Valentine was quickly engaged to the daughter of a rich noble who agreed to call my child hers. Nine months later, he was born."

I hear Jace joke on his breath, but I'm too shocked to react to him. I just stare back at Celine, realizing what this means. "You're talking about Jonathan." I whisper softly, the words sounding strange in my mouth. "Jonathan is your son."

Celine nods, pain twisting her face. It makes a sickening amount of sense, but it also makes absolutely no sense at all. It explained so much, but oh god I didn't want it to.

"Jonathan is my half brother." Jace speaks now, looking utterly lost. I can see the gears turning in his mind, the realization settling into his face. "Oh angel." He whispers.

"I know this is hard for you two. But it's been long enough. You deserve the truth." She pauses, eyeing me carefully. "Can I continue?"

My eyes are burning, my throat constricting in an effort not scream, but I nod. I need to hear this all. I need to know.

Celine starts to speak again. "During my pregnancy, the only people allowed to see me were family and Valentine and Jocelyn, his soon to be wife at the time. They were all kind to me, Valentine utterly thankful to me for doing this for him, for sacrificing my child and nine months of my life for his name. And of course I was glad to do it. Oh, I would have done anything for that man. I truly thought what we had was real, was an undying romance." She pauses, voice wavering. "Which is why it was so hard to watch him fall in love with your mother, Clarissa."

She closes her eyes, smiling wistfully. "Oh god, it was so painful. I never thought he would fall in love with the woman his parents had chosen for him, but oh he fell and he fell hard. They were so disgustingly in love, and he looked at Jocelyn with what he used to look at me with, but a thousand times stronger. And angel, I wish I could have hated her for it. It would have hurt so much less if I thought of her as an evil shrew, if I sat in my cottage on the palace grounds and envied her for taking away the only man I had ever loved. But I simply couldn't."

Celine fixes her gaze on me, sincerity ringing through her tone. "Oh Clarissa, your mother was probably the most genuine, kind woman I have ever had the honor of meeting. Words can't describe how much I wanted to hate her, but I couldn't. I knew she felt guilty that she would have to take my child and call it her own, but she never shied away from me. Instead she would spend long nights and days with me, bringing me books and interesting foods and endlessly long conversations of everything and nothing. She laughed with me, cried with me, and though Valentine spent as much time as he possibly could by my side, Jocelyn was the one true friend I had at the time. And oh god I wished I could be her. She was beautiful and intelligent and so so selfless, and she had Valentine and the title of queen. And most of all, she was simply kind. Just so kind."

I didn't realize I was crying until the hot tears burning down my cheeks viciously reminded me, the tales of my mom just increasing that bitter taste in my mouth. Oh god, I missed her. I missed her so much.

Celine watches me silently, her words measured. "You look just like her."

I bow my head, choking down a sob. I feel Jace's tentative grip, reaching out and grasping my hand. I focus on his warmth, wishing it didn't just raise more dread.

A few moments later, the choking sobs silence. I look back at up at Celine, motioning for her to continue despite the still running tears. She does.

"Jocelyn and I were the best of friends. And when I fell ill, she was the first one by my bedside." There's a strain in her voice now, jaw clenching tight. Jace straightens up, reaching for her glass, yet she waves off Jace's attempt to get her to drink. There's no stopping her now. "The pregnancy took a toll on me, and there came a time when I became so terribly ill, there was nothing anybody could do. It looked like they were going to lose me, and Jonathan as well. Silent brothers and warlocks were called upon to cure me, magic and herbs mixed together and fed to me so often I forgot the taste of anything else, and nothing worked. I was so ready to die. But Jocelyn- she saved me."

"How?" I whisper, curiosity rising like a tide inside of me.

Her eyes glaze over for a moment, a shadow passing across her slight face."She did something forbidden." She whispers, voice small and scared like a young childs. "Without telling anybody, she disappeared into the night and appeared two days later, leaving only a note that said she'll return soon so Valentine didn't worry. At that point everybody had given up, all of my family and Valentine's family gathered around my bedside with tears in their eyes as they watched me in what should have been my final hours. I truly thought I was going to die. I had accepted it." Celine's bright eyes blink once, slowly, before she looks back at me, a tentative smile on her lips. "Until Jocelyn burst in out of nowhere, eyes bright and cheeks flushed, and from the folds of her cloak she revealed the tiniest of vials." She raises her quivering hand, holding two fingers just a few inches apart. "She refused to say where she got it from, just thrusted it into the hands of the nearest silent brother and screamed at them to give it to me. They didn't know what it was or if it would work at all, but at that point I would have been dead in a few hours anyways. So they gave it to me."

A shudder runs through her fragile frame, eyes closing against the memory. "And by the angel, I have never been in more pain. It took several days to run through me and I almost wished she had let me die instead. But eventually, I was well. I still had the baby and it was almost as if I had never been sick. Whatever she had given me, it had worked."

A strange feeling of realization is growing in the back of my mind, but I let Celine continue interrupted. "She never told anybody how she had gotten the miracle medicine, but she told me. I had to swear to her to never speak of it to protect the giver, but she eventually told me. She had spent the entire day and night in shady bars and crooked alleys, asking about a rumor. That a seer was in Idris."

Magnetia.

'You look just like your mother'

"She eventually found her, hiding out on the streets. And she offered a deal. If she could figure out my illness and make me a cure, she would draw protection runes to conceal her, that only a very powerful shadowhunter could cast, knowing full well no other shadowhunter would risk doing that for an illegal seer in the shadowhunter capital. And she took it."

"You look just like your mother." I say out loud, slowly processing what this means. Magnetia had been telling the truth. Those glazed over white eyes that knew too much than any one person should know hadn't been lying as I had walked out of that tattered purple, ramshackled shed on the corner of that alley. She hadn't been lying.

"Sorry darling?" Celine asks, drawn out of her story. Silent for a moment, I consider telling her. But it's not relevant for now, and oh, there's so much more left to hear.

"Nothing, sorry. Please continue."

Celine nods, settling back into her pillows. "Ever since then, Jocelyn was as close to me as another human could possibly be. She was my best friend." Celine stops for a moment, breathing hard and focusing on her clenched hands. "I miss her, Clarissa. I miss her every single day that I've woken up since. And oh god you look so much like her."

My tears still flow, but an emptiness claws at the urge to sob. "I always wondered." I whisper, voice hollow, "I always wondered if I we looked alike." I didn't tell her that I wondered because Valentine had burned all the photos of her. Because the Valentine who raised me and the Valentine Celine had fell in love with and the Valentine who kidnapped her were three different people, and I didn't know which one was real.

"You two could be twins." Celine answers softly.

I wipe roughly at the remaining tears on my cheeks, clenching my jaw and looking back up at her. No more tears. "There's more to this story."

I see Jace studying me out of the corner of my eye, unsure of what to do. I don't look back, that clawing in my stomach just growing more vicious. I don't listen to it.

Celine nods slowly, clearing her throat lightly. "You're right."

"Shortly after, Jonathan was born. From the moment I saw him, I knew he looked nothing like me. The little hairs he had were colorless, his eyes so dark and wide just like his father's. I didn't think it would hurt a smuch as it did to realize that he held no resemblance to me. I had spent nine months hoping that his hair would be gold and eyes bright so that one day, even though he shouldn't and even though that hope could tear apart a kingdom, he'd realize who his mother was."

Part of me doesn't believe her. Part of me doesn't want to accept the fact that a whole different life had been hidden amongst her own and that everything that shaped her childhood could possibly be a lie. And another, tiny part of me tells me that, it has to be. That it makes sense. That it explains why Jonathan never resembled our mother in anything more than a lean build, common amongst young shadowhunter girls. Explains why Magnetia had looked at me and had seen my mother. Explained absolutely nothing but also a bit of everything. And I didn't want to believe it.

Celine continues, oblivious to the turmoil inside me. Well, as oblivious as a Herondale could possibly be. "Of course Valentine's family and he himself were relieved that he didn't seem to show any outward resemblance to me at all. It made the whole story more eligible. Jocelyn however, felt my pain though I dared not voice it. She almost backed out of the whole thing. I know it pained her, to take my child. But in the end, she was in love with Valentine and I knew her guilt would one day fade, so we went through with it. And I was released from captivity, left but nothing besides the pains of labor and no child in my arms to compensate."

Through it all, my heart manages a dull throb at her words. Nobody deserved that. "I'm sorry." I whisper, trying to mend a wound that's obviously bled for twenty years. Celine just smiles that faint, beautiful smile in response.

"I was hurt for a while. Mostly because I wasn't allowed to see Jonathan, Valentine's parents fearing of him developing a connection to me if we were allowed too much time together. It go to the point where I wasn't allowed anywhere near the castle. It broke my heart, but I knew. I knew I couldn't spend any more time pining over the man who now had another, beautiful woman by his side and my child that would no longer be my child." Her eyes focus on Jace now, a fierce light in her eyes. "But I don't think I would have survived it if I hadn't met Stephan.

I look over at Jace, the gears in his mind that work at maximum speed to process everything grinding to a halt. "My father." He whispers.

Celine nods, the smile on her face so bright it almost makes me smile as well. "Your father. Oh, I thought I loved Valentine. But Stephan-" She pauses, eyes dreamy. "He showed me what love was. I was still a commoner, still nobody important, but he did not hide me away and steal to my cottage at night and whisper of how beautiful our forbidden love was. Instead he took my hand and spun me into this bright light, showing the young, tired common girl that he had fell in love with to the entire world to see. Never once did he falter. Never once did he hide me away, only seeing me in the freezing night when no one could see. And oh, he showed me what love was. He showed me how it feels to be warm." Celine's voice shakes, but with no threat of breaking. Instead she shines brighter than she has since I first laid eyes on her, looking youthful despite thinness of her face and the aged look of her frame. She's so beautiful.

"I loved him, Jace. I loved Stephan with everything I had. And once we settled down and we had you… oh I had everything I could have wished for and more. I was truly content." Her hand is intertwined with her sons, gazing at him fondly. Jace's eyes are shining, a faint smile twisting his lips as he gazes up at Celine in adoration. My heart hurts a little more.

"I couldn't bring myself to visit Valentine and his family too many times. I remember the first time I saw Jonathan, and I cried. Oh I cried for hours and hours, because he looked nothing like me. At all. And when he looked to me- he looked at me as a stranger. And I think that broke my heart more than anything else." Celine admits softly, the smile on her lips now wistful. "I visited sparingly after that, and sadly Jocelyn and I grew apart. It was too hard."

"And then she died."

My words are blunt, loud in the quiet room. Jace glances at me quickly, Celine freezing in the action of speaking. She regards me carefully, calculating. Just like her son. I know my words probably hurt, but I don't care. I need to hear it. I need it to be cemented in truth again after being dug up ten years later.

"Yes," Celine says softly. "Your mother died in a carriage accident."

There's nothing inside me anymore. No ache, no pain, just empty realization. I nod quietly, no more tears left to shed. I just let her continue. And after watching me for a long moment, she does.

"It hurt. I went so many days without sleeping or eating, my whole life had fallen apart. And Valentine- oh god he was worse." I steel myself, refusing to flinch at the memories of just how bad Valentine had gotten after her death, the phantom bruises that faded years ago still hurting. "I tried to see him, but he refused to let me in the palace. But oh, I can't even imagine just how terrible it was inside those walls. It was several weeks before anybody heard of him, and several months until I gathered the nerve to see him. And that's when I realized just how much he changed." Her eyes are glassy, pain flitting through them. "He was cold, closed, liquor on his breath and anger in his eyes. He blamed the world for taking Jocelyn from him, blamed himself for not holding on to her tight enough. He was ruined. He wasn't Valentine anymore."

Celine's gaze is urgent, imploring. "Clarissa, the Valentine who raised you, the Valentine who caused all of this, that wasn't who he truly was. And he probably could have bounced back after her death Clarissa. After some time, he would have healed. But he made a very bad decision." She's whispering now, an age old fear in her eyes. "A very bad one."

"What?" I ask, clutching at her offered hand. "What happened to him?"

Her eyes are dark, troubled and upset. "He tried to get her back."

"What did he do?"

She hesitates for a moment, but finally tells me. "He summoned a greater demon. And a powerful one at that. Clarissa, a demon as powerful as the one he called upon is built on a threshold of a force so dark that not even silent brothers know how to combat it. He knew the risks of raising something so powerful, knew what it could do to him. But he was desperate. He wanted Jocelyn. So he did it."

My stomach is churning, and I swallow the urge to vomit. I was taught of demons and the nasty ones that roamed the streets of the world outside Idris, millions of different ways on how to behead or slice them in half and how to avoid their tricks and smooth tongues and ability to kill. And I was taught of greater demons,the powerful ones so bound to hell they couldn't come into our world without being summoned. And how they thrived on emotion. How they could invade the soul through its bleeding wounds and start to slip it's poison into your bloodstream, eventually changing your principals and soul and sense of humanity to the point you're more demon than shadowhunter with just words. Their soft whispers and doting solutions the needles used to weave themselves into your person. Nobody was ever the same after summoning a greater demon. "What did the demon do?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

Celine clenches her jaw. "No matter how great a demon, nobody but the angel himself can bring a person back to life, and only then when their newly lost. Jocelyn was dead and buried and passed on, and there was absolutely no getting her back. Yet Valentine couldn't accept it. Couldn't accept the fact he had been cheated out of the best thing that had ever happened to him." She narrows her eyes, spitting her next words with hatred. "And the demon saw that. So he began his whispers, telling Valentine of how he could love again, of how he could reclaim what death had tried to take from him. Of what he was entitled to- me."

Dread unfurls slowly in my stomach at her words, a faint idea of what she's going to say next forming despite my disgust, my horror.

"So that became his only thought. His only obsession was of how to take me back. The evil he had summoned continued to whisper in his ear, warning him that I would never simply leave Stephan. Warning him that he would have to take me, to teach me or force me to love him again like I did over a decade. And that's exactly what he did."

I say the next words for her. "So Valentine killed Stephan and kidnapped you, and tried to get you to love him."

Her smile is bitter, no humor behind it. "And when he realized I never would, he abandoned me in those cells. I think, despite the poison in his veins, he couldn't force himself to kill me. Instead he settled for the fact that if he couldn't have me, nobody could."

Jace speaks for the first time in a long time, face white. "How did you survive that?" He whispers, almost as if he didn't believe the insane tale we had just been told. I can't blame him.

Celine sets her trembling jaw, obviously trying to hold it all together. "Because I'm a Herondale. It's what we do. We survive."

His grip on his mother's hand is so strong he shakes, and I watch him silently, wishing that this story is over. That the truth had been fully revealed and finally everything made sense. But a little part of me refused to stop questioning one more thing that simply didn't add up. That simply didn't fit into the puzzle.

"Celine?" I ask quietly, the question in my voice bringing a shadow across her eyes before I say another word, and I know she already knows what I'm about to say. "If all of this is true, then why did Valentine arrange for Jace and I to be married?"

The color drains from her face, her fingers scratching absentmindedly at the thick blanket pooled around her waist. Her eyes dart around the room, unable to look at either Jace or I. "You two must understand." She whispers, seemingly afraid of her own words. "A greater demon can influence the most honest of man to do the worst. You must understand." Her voice is shaking out of control, my alarm rising.

"Celine, are you okay?" I ask, frightened for her still fragile health. Jace rises in caution, arms braced as if to catch her. She just raises her hands in defense, shaking her head violently.

"No. No. I'm well. You two must know." Her eyes are bright, focused on nothing. "You have to know. But you have to understand, just how much demon magic can change a person. How it can consume one." Her breaths are shallow, head swiveling between Jace and I. "You must understand."

"Mother, look at me." Jace's voice is gentle yet coaxing. Wrapping his fingers around Celine's frail shoulders, he forces her to finally focus on him. He breathes in a few times, waiting until Celine copies his deep breathes, calming down before she hurt herself. I watch carefully, feet ready to run for a nurse. But Jace succeeds in calming her down, slowly releasing her and letting her fall back against the pillows.

"Do you need us to leave, let you rest?" I question, slowly relaxing my tense stance. She waves off my offer, composing herself.

"No dear. You have to hear this." She clears her throat, looking down at her fingers again. "Valentine- when he finally realized I wouldn't give him what he asked for- that's when he threw me in those cells. And gradually, he stopped visiting until he was as much of a ghost as everybody else I knew. But in the beginning, he used to come down every day, used to coax and lie and charm his way into my head. And oh god, slowly by slowly I noticed his words become less human. That demon that he summoned over and over again began to slip its way into his mind more and more until I wasn't sure if there was humanity left. And for all his values, Valentine was vulnerable in his heart. So that's where it attacked." Her whispers are pained, barely heard in the dead silent room. And I can't help but imagine the feeling of watching that happen. Of watching the man you used to love slowly slip away and be replaced by evil.

"Valentine- he simply wasn't himself anymore. Gone was the young boy who stayed by my side during my pregnancy and fell in love with your mother. The biggest mistake of his life, summoning a demon from the worst depths of hell, consumed him. And I think Stephen's death was truly when he crossed a line he couldn't come back from. You can't come back from murdering someone. And it knew that." She spat the words with such hatred, such bitter sadness in those eyes. My father- he had died long ago.

"How does this relate to Jace and I?" I interrupt, my trepidation building. A ghost of a smile flickers across her eyes.

"Valentine told me everything I have told you, told me of the demon he summoned and the resolution to have me. And he told me that, if he can't have me, he'll have my kingdom instead." She looks up at us nervously. "So he told me how his clever little demon had given him the idea to marry of his only to my only son. And how soon after their marriage, he would kill both of them. And he would have two kingdoms at his command, and become the most powerful ruler of Idris."

I feel the blood drain from my face.

"My father was going to kill Jace and I?" I whisper, that little piece of my heart that was still intact shattering to pieces. Valentine was going to murder Jace and I. And our entire marriage was simply a power play.

Celine shakes her head violently. "No. He wasn't. Clarissa, his heart was so black he might as well have been possessed. It wasn't him talking. Don't you see? If a king controlled by a greater demon became the most powerful ruler of the Shadowhunter country, Idris would fall apart. Wars would wreak through the country, shadowhunters would die, demons could penetrate the wards with ease, and this world could be drained."

"So," I speak slowly, still processing her words. I can't help but look at Jace. Who looks back. His eyes are unreadable, yet I see so much in them. I see the pain of leaving behind my castle and calling his my own. I see the glint of his hair as he spun me around the ballroom on our first dance. I see the carefully threadwork on the exquisite ball gown I was supposed to don in month for my wedding. I see the delicate opaque crystal of the stele he would carve runes of bonding into my skin with. I see myself falling to my knees in that dream I dreamt a decade ago, blood pouring and fire pulsing underneath my skin. And finally I see the look in the haunted, lined face of the seer I sought out as she regarded me with scorn, asking me if my father gave me a reason for our marriage other than the fact he needed to get rid of me. I see the truth. "It was all just a lie for power."

"No." Jace's voice is calm, stoic. He clears his throat lightly, looking away from me and back to his mother. She regards of curiously, and unasked question glinting in her eyes. "It was a demon who saw the opportunity to destroy Idris, and he took it."

Celine looks up at me imploringly, asking me to understand. "Clarissa, I know everything I just spoke of seems too terrible and too outrageous to believe, yet I swear by the angel that I have not lied to you. And oh, I know it's hard to stomach. Believe me when I thought I would never have to explain this to anybody, that I would never see a soul again. And I know it's hard to accept what your father became, and that he's dead now. We will never know what would have happened. But it's very possible that your father's death may have saved thousands of lives."

"Excuse me." I murmur, standing up swiftly. Straightening my perfectly unlined cotton dress, I turn to leave the brightly lit infirmary. Stopping right before I open the door, I spare one more glance at Celine. There's an old pain lingering in her eyes that I know no amount of time in the sun will fade, an age to her skin and a lack to her health that she will be forever robbed of. But oh, she's still so beautiful. She looks just like her son.

"I am so sorry you endured so much pain. But you're right. I am not my father, and I won't apologize for him. Because he's been as dead as long as my mother has." It takes so much for my voice not to break, and I close the heavy doors behind me before I have a chance to cry again.

Longest chapter I've ever put up. Worked on this for three days. I apologize for the length / how much information I threw at you guys. More time to process in the next chapter. Feel free to ask questions, I'll answer as best as I can.

Two more chapters left.