Yesterday was the first day of my life's final project. Maybe it seems silly to some of you, to think that after all my accomplishments and all I've been through that a simple scrapbook and journal are the last things I did with my time on Earth. For me, this was one of my most important and vital projects ever. To leave her with something she could always have with her, when I could no longer be with her.

I fought my body to get out of bed. I picked up the new scrapbook, placed it face down on the table in front of me, and waited on the chair. Belldandy would always know when I was hiding something from her, so I would pretend that the surprise is the things I pick to look at in the scrapbook each day. In this way, I think she will never suspect that the real surprise is this journal.

Urd's voice has always seemed loud to me, but this time she seemed a little louder as she stopped Belldandy just outside the front door

"How is he doing, Belle?"

Belldandy answered "I don't know. He is brave, and we are very emotional, and I feel like he is hiding something from me"

Urd replied sympathetically "Don't make too much of it Belle. We can't imagine what mortals are thinking at this time of their lives...besides, you know whatever it is, that he is only thinking of you. So don't get yourselves upset thinking about if the other one is upset! Call me if you need anything...actually, just make some reason up and call me tomorrow. I'll never forgive you if you don't"

"Oh, Urd" said the love of my life, as she sarted to open the door.

She was beautifull, she was always so very beautifull. I don't write this just because I know Belldandy will read it one day, I want to say this to you all. Every time Belldandy entered the room I was in, my heart raced and I saw her as beautifull.

I feel like I should mention about her appearance for those who haven't always been with us but will read this journal. The Belldandy you see now appears nearly the same age as when I first called the hotline. Clothing styles changed, hair styles changed changed, but her physical appearance was always basically the same. Godesses do age, but they age differently and Belldandy can appear to us as any age she wishes. Belldandy's age appeared mostly unchanged as I aged changed just like any human being.

I want you to know that this is not something I asked for or something she did to please me. In fact, there was a short time later in my career where we tried having her appear closer to my age for a while. The thing was, there was something fake about that. Her looking older actually made us both feel a little awkward, and when anyone not a mortal stopped by for a visit it was ever more so. It was like lie, because Belldandy never really changed much. My eyes are failing me now, but I'd say that she still wouldn't pass for anything over 30 to a stranger.

I could go on and on here about Belldandy's beauty in this journal. How sometimes when I can't move because it hurts too much, thats what I think about. Once the magic block that kept us apart for our first years together was removed, my desire never changed until I was so old my body couldn't handle it anymore. Which, with Urd's help, was well past the normal age. How much I wish my eyes worked better today just to see her more clearly! Yet, her image never leaves my mind. I would like to write for hours like this, but I I want everybody to be comfortable reading it!

Yes, she was beautiful as she opened the door, but when she saw me in the chair instead of the bed...well, I know that look! I think my first good look at it was when Urd suggested we could lose a motorcycle race. I actually think it's very subtle, given that it means a first class goddess is getting angry!

"Keiichi, why aren't you in bed?" she asked simply

I had prepared for this moment, or so I thought "I was thinking about something. Belldandy, what do you suppose it will be like when..."

"Oh, Keiichi!" her words overflowed with compassion as her heart did the same. She took my hand and soon had her face close to mine as she gently touched me "You don't have to be afriad. I'm forbidden to tell you, but I promise you don't have to be afraid of anything. It will be fine, you'll see. You are going to see Megumi soon, and our son, and my father's face. He is so fond of you Keiichi. Also, our agreement will still br valid and our love still be a part of you, even more in a way, and..."

I reached for her and said "I meant what do you suppose it will be like for you."

Belldandy's head went back a minute, and as she looked into my eyes I saw the shape her face takes when something surprises her. Immediately, the tears started "Oh Keiichi! Even now, do you only think of my happiness?" She was then on me, wrapping her arms around me as she started to wail.

To know Belldandy is to know her tears. I once heard it said that men should not trust women they see crying too much. I think they must have known people like Sayoko, but Belldandy is very different. Her tears are never a tool or a weapon or self pity, they are compassion, empathy, and strength. The tears are almost always for someone else, and even when they are for her own pain it is because she chooses hurt over anger. Her beauty, singing, and even her cooking are divine as one might expect from a goddess; but her tears are something even more, a thing that sets her apart from any other. Those tears describe her more perfectly than any mortal words ever could.

I held her for a long time after that, or was she holding me?

I didn't get any answer to the question of what it would be like for her, so I focused on my primary task. "Belldandy, I have a surprise for you. I made a scrapbook for us, and I want us to spend time together talking about our memories."

She peered back at the book, and again buried her head into my chest as the tears again increased. My strength was failing already, and this wasn't making it any easier. I tried to lean and get one arm off of her to turn the book over so she could see the front cover. She felt it, not letting go of my neck as she turned her head sideways just enough to read the scrapbook's title:

Forever By My Side

"Keiichi!" She cried, almost yelling through a face wet with tears "I don't want it to end! I would give anything! Why does it have to be so?"

Those were the last words we said that night. The intensity with which we held each other far surpassing either of our ability to speak. I wondered if all that emotion would be what would end up killing me. I kind of wanted it to in a way, even though we hadn't looked at a single page of the scrapbook yet. If only I could die in her arms like this, or with my head on her lap.

I didn't die last night though, because if I did I wouldn't be able to write this.