Well, we finally got her out of the house for a minute! This whole thing has not been working out the way I planned. I've been so focused on the making this journal a surprise for her that I didn't realize how hard it would be actually writing it. I am torn between giving her this last gift and just being with her while I still can. This is very hard. Urd is outside the door now, criticizing Belldandy and buying me time for this important note.
There are a lot of things about our lives together I could record in this journal, but Belldandy could explain all those things too. The most important thing is take take care of Belldandy.
Please read this closely, this is the most important part of what I am writing to you, the thing only I can tell you. Belldandy is overwhelming but does need care. It's simple but not easy, and you have to have faith.
Belldandy is everything she appears to be. Every little bit of it. She's the same even when she's just with me or even when she's just in her own head. She's that kind, she's that compassionate, she's that sensitive, she cares that much. I swear that this is true. It is so true that it scares me, because she's the only goddess like that and wonder what it means.
Along with this, Belldandy also feels pain very deeply. As an example, before she ever met me she had a tramautic incident with her former teacher named Celestin. It was decided that she should be made to forget the incident, and part of the reason was for her own good. It's that intense for her. If you are reading this journal, you know that Belldandy almost never turns hurt to anger, that she never becomes dark or brooding, she never even complains. It's not because she's not hurting, trust me. Her life with me brought her through a lot of tragedy, and we had two major tragedies in our lives together. I have been with her while she was grieving, and while her grief is pure it's intensity is awesome.
Reach out to her. I know what you are immediately thinking, that this will cause her to cry. YES, exactly that. I want you to make her cry. Show her every small kindness you can think of. Hug her, tell her you love her, cook a meal for her even if it's not very good. Clean the house even though you don't think it needs it. Do these things even if you are in a room with a thousand other people doing them and she is drenched in her own tears. In whatever way you can think to, no matter how ridiculous it seems, give her love. That love will reach her, it always does.
If you are worried that this will cause you to cry also, then you still don't understand: I beg you to cry with her. Yes it will make her cry more. You will leave physically and emotionally exhausted, but it is what she needs and somehow she never tires of this. I experienced it when we lost her sister, and again when we lost our son decades later.
It's hard to believe I know, but just have faith:
I have never written so fast in my life, I hope you can read it. I have to put the journal away now.