Lukas tapped the pen on the paper in agitation. It had been months since the accident, and yet Emil showed no signs of waking up. With his exams having finished, he had no way to occupy him through the day, other than to write. He decided to keep a journal, recording his thoughts, yet for some reason he was becoming so distracted lately that even that became a struggle in itself. He put down the pen, running his hands down his face, elbows propped up on the desk surface.

His eyes drifted to the wardrobe. He hadn't touched the violin since the day Emil was comatosed, not having the energy to. And strangely, Mathias didn't have the energy to bother him all that much either. He furrowed his brows. How had he missed that the boy was giving him an unnatural amount of space for himself.

He got up, helping himself up with the chair back. The desolation inside the house felt foreign; it was like he was in a new house, just having moved in, the shadows on the walls threatening, the July sun hidden by the clouds. He moved towards the window, pushing it open. The fresh, sweet midsummer air was a welcome change from the stuffiness of his bedroom. He sighed to himself; although he didn't want to, in fact, wanted everything far from it, he was low on hope. What chances did Emil possibly have? There are some coma patients who never wake up, he thought before shaking the thoughts away. No, he couldn't let himself think like that.

He felt a tap on his shoulder, his head turning in surprise. Arms crossed in front of his chest, Mathias looked torn. He seemed to be idling in the corridor, unsure of himself and what to say, and that in itself hurt. They hadn't spoken in months, not properly, unable to form coherent sentences around each other; unable to say anything to offer comfort to each other. Lukas grimaced, turning away again.

"Go away-"

He felt a pair of strong, muscular arms wrap themselves around his torso, pulling him back. He felt the other's chest pressed against his back, rising and falling in short breaths, his large hands clinging to the front of Lukas' t-shirt. Lukas felt his breath hitch in his throat, his muscles tensing from the contact. He stared at the taller man's reflection in the window, and he stared back at him, eyes half-closed, framed by long lashes. Even in the gloom that was outside, his hair still looked like it was made of gold, eyes, although dulled, still shone in what light entered into the room.

Lukas felt his own shoulders slump, looking down at his bare feet. He couldn't meet his eyes for any longer; there was only so much he could take of the despaired, pleading look in them. He didn't trust himself enough to. He loosened Mathias' grip on him, turning around to face him, however kept his eyes on the ground. He felt his eyes scanning his face. Without a thought, he fell against him, letting out a small sigh. Mathias' long fingers massages circles into the Norwegian's back, and he closed his eyes, not realising that a single crystal fell down his face, soaking the other's top. He felt defenceless, like the last barrier that had kept him safe had broken down, his feelings spilling out as more quiet tears speckled the Dane's top, Lukas' hands clinging onto his back.

Dan pulled him off of him, slowly, without any sudden movements as if Lukas was a small animal who Mathias didn't want to scare away. He pushed his chin up with his finger, making him look up at him, into those azure eyes he could get so lost in.

They stood like that, just the two of them for a while, neither dropping their gaze. It was as if time had stopped. Mathias opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it, changing his mind. Lukas furrowed his brows at this. Suddenly, he became very aware of the closeness between their bodies, touching, so close he felt the warmth radiate from the other's body. He flinched away, feeling a light blush colour his face.

Blinking three times in confusion, Mathias dropped his hand, cocking his head to the side like a disorientated pup. His hand seemed to hesitate mid-drop, as though he had wanted to reach out rather than to resign. It traveled to his hip, his free hand running through his hair in that manner of his when he was nervous. Lukas' discomposed expression lingered on his features, astounded by why Mathias should be nervous around him. Or how he even knew that he was.

Mathias walked up to him, this time standing beside him, leaning back on the windowsill. His eyes were on the other who refused to meet his gaze. He said nothing for another while, just standing like that, shoulders almost touching.

"How are you hanging on?" He finally asked, earning a glance out of the corner of Lukas' peripheral vision. No one had asked him how he was. It wasn't about him. And yet Mathias had.

"I'm... okay."

"That means you're not." Lukas sent him a glare. "What? You know you can't lie to me Nor."

Letting out a shaky breath, Lukas let himself lean back against the windowsill as well, shaking his head slowly. "Why do you care?" He asked quietly, almost inaudibly. "My little brother is the one hospitalised, not me."

"It doesn't mean you can't be hurt you know," Mathias tapped his fingers against the edge of the windowsill, almost in a disheartened manner. "I care about you Lukas, believe it or not."

Lukas leered, biting the inside of his cheek. "It's been months, Mathias. Months since we spoke. And when have you ever been there for me?" A wave of guilt passed over the other's face, making Lukas feel in the wrong, but he said nothing more. He had made the other lose any glee in his features; something he had not wanted to do. He opened his mouth to apologise but was beaten to it.

"I.. I'm sorry, Nor," his eyes were a deep cerulean, staring at his feet in discomfort. It was agonising to see. "I should have been there for you. I am so so sorry." He slid down onto the floor, his back against the wall, arms cradling his bent legs. A surge of panic hit the Norwegian like a shell, stiffening his whole body. His chest ached, and, after a hesitant moment, he slid down onto the floor beside him, cautious, attentive. Mathias' eyes were glazed over, like the tears would fall any minute.

Lukas touched his shoulder, making him look at him. A sad smile coloured his lips. It was such a beautiful and yet such a downcast expression; it was moving for a reason Lukas couldn't place. Mathias' hand traveled to meet his, his fingers circling it, giving it a reassuring squeeze, as if to say "I'm fine". He let go, thinking for a moment, before opening his arms. Lukas rolled his eyes but let himself fall into his embrace again. Only this once, he thought to himself.

They sat like that for a long while, just the two of them, no more words, just a comfortable silence save their breathing. Then, something broke the silence. A loud sound, like ringing, came from down the corridor, making both of them look in that direction.

"Changed your ringtone?" Mathias asked, to which Lukas shook his head. He untangled himself from Mathias' arms, getting up to see where the sound was coming from, Mathias ambling behind him.

It came from the drawer of his desk. He slid the compartment open, staying still for a moment. The silver phone of his brother lay at the bottom, vibrating, the screen displaying that someone was calling. Someone called "Leon". He tilted his head, reaching out for the phone, flipping it open.

"Hello?" He felt the Dane leaning in the door frame, watching his back.

"Hi, uh, I just wanted to ask how Emil is?" The voice was that of a teenage boy, with a slight accent that Lukas couldn't distinguish. He shifted his weight to the other side of his body.

"He's not here right now. Who is this?"

A silence, with the sound of voices coming from the other side, before a reply. "I'm Leon. His best friend." This was news to him.

"Why are you calling only now?" Lukas pulled out his chair, settling himself on it, feeling Mathias sitting on his bed, leaning in to listen. His warm breath on the back of his neck made him shiver. "It's been a couple of months."

"Fear." Lukas blinked, looking over at Mathias, finding him looking back. "It was fear."

"Fear?" He struggled to break eye-contact with Mathias, but found himself unable to.

"Yeah... I was scared. Scared in case I found out he got worse, or that I found out he'd never get better. Can you understand that?"

Lukas handed the phone to Mathias, unable to keep the conversation going anymore. He his his face in his hands as Mathias apologised to the boy on the phone, hanging up. He felt a hand stroking his hair, gently, softly, like he was a china doll, fragile, breakable. In a way he supposed he was. He broke away.

"I'm going to see Emil," was all he said, not looking back, stopped by Mathias' warm hand around his wrist.

"I'm coming with you this time," he announced, not loosening his grip. "It's been long enough. Okay?"

"Okay..."

This could be for the best, Lukas told himself silently. However his mind was filled with more worry than he'd felt before, the boy's words floating around in his head. It was fear.

So I did it. I wrote it. It took me a while but I did. I hope you guys like it I promise to be a good noodle and write more soon c':

Please review and tell me what you thought I love reading all of your comments!