July 2006
At the cocktail party for NYU's science department, Ross was a god amongst men.
Rachel admired him for a while as he moved through the crowd, then wondered when he'd join her. She had planned on being a social butterfly herself, but as she tried listening in on conversations about fossils - and made a few jokes about them that fell less than flat - she parked herself at the bar. She stood there, swaying to the music and downing champagne until Ross returned to her.
"Well, hey!" he said brightly. "You seem to be enjoying this a lot more than I thought you would."
"That's probably because I. Am. Wasted," Rachel said, giggling, and Ross grabbed onto her when she almost toppled over in her heels. "Good thing I can cover it up, huh?"
As he held her upright, Ross said, "Okay, look, I'm gonna get you out of here. Sorry you weren't having a good time."
"Not having a good time?" she drawled. "You know how many people congratulated me on our engagement, then asked me when we're finally going to set the date? And the people who went on and on about all this dinosaur crap I couldn't even pretend to follow? I think I lost track after those stuffy triplets in the blue blazers left."
Ross turned around to look at whom she was pointing. "Rach, that's a waiter. Singular."
"See? This is the best damn party I've ever been to!" She lifted her champagne glass up to her mouth, but Ross pulled it down.
"How much have you had to drink?"
"Well, let's see: two, three, five..." Rachel squinted as she made a big show of counting with her hands. "Six," she said, proudly wiggling all ten of her fingers.
"Oh," Ross said. "That's not as bad as I —"
"— Teen."
"We're leaving." He took her by the arm and started to lead the long way around the room, but she resisted, stubbornly pulling out of his grip. "Rachel, please! We don't need to make this any harder than it already is."
"That's what she said!" she blurted out.
"Rachel!"
"Oh, come on, you walked right into that one."
Ross rolled his eyes. "Okay, so that's one more show Emma won't be watching."
October 2006
An hour after noon, Rachel drove down the street of a quiet suburban neighborhood, starting to feel like she was going around in circles. She looked up at the same sign she had already seen twice, cursed, and pulled over onto the side of the road, underneath some trees.
"Mommy?" Emma called out from the backseat. "Where are we?"
"I... I don't know," Rachel said, two seconds away from banging her forehead against the steering wheel.
"Are we going home soon? I wanna see Daddy."
"I know, sweetie, I know," Rachel said soothingly, "Mommy just needs a little brea - I mean, time to think."
"Why?" Emma asked, sounding irritated.
Rachel glanced up at the rearview mirror and looked at her child. Emma wasn't just beautiful in the way most babies were. She had inherited Rachel's compassion and natural beauty - but not her natural nose, Rachel had been relieved to see. However, Emma also had Rachel's tendency to explode when she didn't get her way, and she was just about to reach her breaking point.
"I just need to figure out where we are," Rachel said. "Hang on, we'll get home soon."
"When?" Emma cried out, and Rachel winced as her daughter decided to, in the middle of the apocalypse, throw a temper tantrum. "I wanna see Daddy! And Hugsy, too! I miss Hugsy, and I wanna go home and see him now!"
August 2004
As Rachel pushed Emma's stroller into Joey's apartment after the movers left, the reality of the situation hit her when she saw how bare the whole place was. No entertainment system, no Stevie the TV, no Playboy magazines and cereal boxes anywhere. As far as Joey knew, no one would be moving into the place, and a part of Rachel secretly hoped it would remain that way. As thrilled and optimistic as she was for him taking the steps that would advance him in his career, she liked the idea of the place remaining vacant, in case he ever wanted to move back.
"Wow," she said, stepping up to the counter and running her hand along it as she looked at the walls. "It's not as bright as I remembered."
He nodded, looking like he felt the same way. "Yeah. Look, Rach, the reason I asked you two to come over here was because... Well, I wanted to give Emma something."
"But Joey, that's not how it works. We're supposed to give you the going-away present." It wasn't until Rachel pointed that out that she felt a pang of regret at not having done so.
He waved off her protest. "Nah, dinner at Chandler and Monica's new place was enough. Anyway, I figured this would be a good a time as any to do this. Hang on a second."
As Joey went into his bedroom, Rachel craned her neck as she leaned over the counter and listened to him rummage around. When he came back out with a poorly wrapped gift, Rachel's curiosity rose even more.
Emma hid her face in her hands in a sudden fit of shyness when Joey drew close to her with his present. He crouched down to her level and smiled widely.
"Emma," he said, "this is for you."
He held out the present, prompting her to take it.
"Go on, honey," Rachel said when Emma looked up at her. After hesitating for a second, she took the gift. In a flash, she was ripping off the wrapping paper, letting it fall to the floor in a heap.
When she uncovered a large stuffed penguin, Rachel gasped and said, "Oh my God."
Emma looked at the toy in her hands, flitting her attention between it, Joey, and then up to her mother.
Rachel's voice shook as she spoke, her gaze leveled down to her friend's. "Joey..."
"Rach, it's okay," he said, standing up again. "I want her to have him, honest." He looked back at Emma. "You've always really loved that little guy. Only problem was, I loved him too, and I didn't want you to have him."
She only gazed up at him curiously, babbling a little.
"Well, I'll tell ya why," Joey went on cheerfully, as if Emma had spoken to him, "your Uncle Joey was pretty selfish back then, but now I think it'd be better if you take him. His name's Hugsy, in case you forgot."
"See," Emma echoed as she put her arms around the stuffed animal.
"Oh, Joey, honey, you... you don't know how much this means to us," Rachel said. "Emma never really grew attached to the new one."
"Doesn't surprise me," Joey said. "She could probably tell he was nowhere near as great as the original."
Turning his attention back to Emma, he said, "You'll take good care of him, right? He needs a new home, a nice one, and I think you can give it to him. Don't go leaving him out of your tea parties and making him feel all sad and lonely, okay?"
Emma just tightened her grip around Hugsy.
"What do you say?" Rachel prompted her.
"See huggy," Emma said, her words muffled by the penguin's soft head.
"Don't mention it," Joey said to her, still smiling. Then, looking back at Rachel, he added in a lowered voice, "You should probably get him outta here, before I end up taking him back again."
"Yeah, okay," Rachel agreed, then, after picking up Hugsy, Rachel pushed Emma's stroller as she turned and waved goodbye to Joey, smiling gratefully at him as they left.
November 2004
"Joey, I got it!" Rachel squealed over the phone, her voice so high and loud that, as Chandler would say, only dogs could hear her. She could almost see Joey holding his phone away from his ear, waiting for her incomprehensible shrieks to die down. "I got the job at Marc Jacobs. It's like a dream come true!"
"Hey, all right! Told ya you were gonna get it," he said, chuckling over the line.
"Yeah, but I was so nervous! I mean, with all the stuff that happened with Louis Vuitton and Ralph Lauren... Guess I finally caught a lucky break, huh?"
"Luck had nothing to do with it, all right? You're good at what you do, so you deserved to get something like this."
"Aw, thanks, sweetie."
"Plus, this is better for you, anyway. Won't have to put up with anyone who'll want to buy Emma, right?"
Rachel grinned.
"So, didja tell Ross about it? You two should go out and celebrate!"
Rachel's smile faltered, and she started pacing a little. "Uh, no, I didn't tell him. But I will when he gets home."
"Great! He's gonna be so excited. Now you can get him a new pair of leather pants," Joey said with a laugh.
Rachel laughed too, but weakly. "Yeah, he'll be thrilled." The truth was, Ross hadn't been discouraging Rachel against getting a job. But he hadn't been encouraging, either. When she told him about her interview with Marc Jacobs, Ross had said, "That's great, Rach!" but she knew he was thinking, at the back of his mind like he always did, about Scarsdale.
"So," Rachel said before she stopped pacing and switched her attention back to Joey, "What're your Thanksgiving plans? Got any dates lined up?"
Joey paused, then said, "Oh, uh, I was planning to go out with this one girl, but lately she's been kind of... Intense. You know? I mean, she's really hot, but half the time I'm with her, I'm wondering if she's gonna tie me to my bed and break my legs, only not in the good way."
"Hmm, sounds a lot like what Tom Traper went through two weeks ago," Rachel said, trying not to laugh.
"That was two weeks ago? I coulda sworn it aired on Monday."
"No, that was a rerun. You know when you had that underwater fight at the aquarium."
Joey groaned. "I still can't believe they talked me into using a fake swordfish."
"Are you kidding? That was the best part!" Aside from you - Tom - ripping his tux off underwater, Rachel carefully omitted. She also didn't mention she might have recorded the rerun and maybe watched that scene several times.
"Anyway," she said abruptly, "About your girl trouble. How about I send you both some of my traditional English trifle? That oughta get rid of her!"
"Ooh, hey, that's a great idea!" Joey said. "Could you put an extra layer of jam in it?" he added hopefully.
"You bet!"
They talked for a while after that, all the way through Rachel feeding Emma then greeting Ross as he came in. She put Joey on the phone with both of them, and for a moment, it felt like he was back there with them.
Then he said he had to get ready for a date, and after she hung up, Rachel couldn't help but feel a little… something. She couldn't even find the right word for it. It wasn't sorrow, exactly. Not giddiness, jealousy or regret. It wasn't even the gut-wrenching, absolute despair she'd felt when she'd been confronted by situations like this in the past.
In the end, it was a little bit of all of the above.
July 2006
Rachel and Monica's play date started out like it normally did. They drank coffee, watched their kids watch TV and talked about how fast they were growing up. Rachel wondered, like always, if she was being a bad mother because she was working so much, and Monica, like always, assured her she wasn't.
"Oh, stop it, Ms. 'I know exactly what I'm doing with my kids up until they move out,'" Rachel said.
"Come on, I'm not that bad."
"Huh," Rachel grabbed Monica's cell phone and pretended to start looking at her schedule. "Yep," she joked, "I see you already have something down for 2015. What does it say? Oh yeah, 'Let Aunt Rachel take the kids shopping, with the Porsche and credit cards.' Hmm, I guess I can do that, and much, much earlier, if I need to."
"Sure," Monica said, "Go ahead and pencil that into your schedule, under the day the world ends, year two thousand and never."
They both grinned at each other as Chandler came into the kitchen.
"Hey, Chandler," Rachel greeted him as he kissed the top of Monica's head before heading over to the cupboard. "What'cha been up to upstairs?"
"Oh, just, uh... cleaning," he said with an evasive look in his eye.
Rachel leaned in toward Monica. "Is that another way of saying, 'shark hunting?'"
"You two promised not to bring that up again!" he said, forgetting the cupboard and jabbing his finger at them in accusation as they giggled. "And no, I wasn't 'shark hunting,'" he added in a nasal, mocking tone. "I was actually doing something a little more mature than that."
"Oh, right," Monica said with a knowing smirk. "You were singing in front of the bathroom mirror again, weren't you?"
"No, I was playing with the Xbox Joey left from his last visit."
"What?" Rachel asked, lowering her coffee cup. "What do you mean, 'Joey's last visit?' He hasn't been here since he moved away."
Chandler looked at Monica, then Rachel, then back at Monica.
"Do me a favor and put some masking tape over my mouth whenever Rachel's around," he said to his wife. "Better yet, maybe we should staple my lips shut."
Monica leaned back in her chair, rubbing at her temple as she squeezed her eyes shut. "I think I'll let Joey do that if he finds out you told her."
Rachel set her cup down on the table. "Uh, guys?" she asked, her voice shaking a little. "What's going on? Why didn't Joey tell me he was here? Do the others know about this?"
"Nope. We're the only ones," Monica said.
"Yep, only us. And Phoebe. Also Judy, but only because she was here at the time," Chandler blurted out. "But Ross still doesn't know, so you weren't completely alone. Yay!" He raised his hands to do a little celebratory wave.
"Judy knew about this, and we didn't?" Rachel asked.
Monica whirled around in her seat. "Chandler!"
He opened his mouth, closed it, then bolted out of the kitchen through the back door, letting it slam shut behind him.
"It's okay!" Monica called out when the kids turned, in unison, toward the kitchen. They looked at her with curious expressions for a few seconds, then looked back at the television.
Rachel was still confused. "I just don't get it. Why wouldn't he tell me he was coming to visit? Unless if..." She broke off when she realized exactly why.
Monica studied her face with an apprehensive expression. "Look, it's not such a big deal if you think about it. He's only been here once," she admitted. "Okay, two times."
Rachel raised her eyebrows.
"Fine, four," Monica said with a huff. "Phoebe's right, Chandler and I really would suck at being spies."
"So," Rachel said, trying – and failing – to appear as nonchalant as possible. "Four times, huh?"
A pained look came over Monica's face. "He really wanted to see you every time he came, and he didn't stay very long. He figured you were probably busy with Ross and Emma, and I guess he didn't want to... intrude."
"But we talk on the phone all the time," Rachel murmured. "God, you know, I just don't get it."
"This is Joey, after all. I don't think even he gets it."
Rachel put her elbow on the table and started rubbing her forehead. "I thought he's been over me since we broke up."
"Well," Monica said, "you also used to think the same thing about Ross." She paused, then after biting her lip a little, she asked, "So, are you going to talk to Joey about it?"
Rachel sighed. "No. I think it would just hurt him even more if he knew I knew. And I just, I couldn't do that to him again. Plus, you know, he's doing so well over there; I'm... over here with Ross, and we are really trying to make things work. Really, really trying some days." After a moment, Rachel realized that she'd been rambling. "Monica, why do all these guys keep falling in love with me, anyway?"
"Hell if I know," she said with a shrug. "But, honey, be honest: do you want to talk to Joey about all this?"
Rachel looked up and met her best friend's clear blue eyes, knowing what she meant, and she took in a deep breath.
"I don't know," she said. "When we decided to end it, I thought it was for the best, but, just between us, sometimes I wonder what things would be like now if… Oh, you must hate me so much for even thinking this."
Monica leaned closer to Rachel and covered her hand - the one with the engagement ring on it - with her own. "For what it's worth, I don't. I've been there, Phoebe's been there and by now we've all lost track of how many times Ross has been there. But, if you want my advice, I think you should tell Joey you know, especially if you want to see him again."
"Oh, I know, and I do wanna see him again, but..." Rachel shook her head. "No, I can't. I don't want to hurt him anymore."
Monica pulled Rachel into a hug as she fought back tears. Emma went over to her immediately, clinging to her mother's leg, and Rachel laughed, picking her up and setting her down on her lap.
"Don't worry, sweetie. Mommy's okay," Rachel said, drying her eyes with a tissue that Monica had handed her. "Thanks. It really isn't that a big deal, you know. I mean, it's not like I'm in love with Joey, or anything." When she laughed, it came out sounding dry and forced. "I mean, that ship already sailed away ages ago."
September 30, 2006
Though she'd managed to hold herself together downstairs with her mother, Rachel couldn't help but give into the tears after she entered the guest room, where Emma was sleeping. Rachel rummaged around in her purse, still sniffling, and went into the bathroom as she searched for a familiar number on her cell phone.
When the other line picked up on the third ring, she sighed in relief.
"Hi," she said, her voice shaky and thick. "It's me."
Joey's response was immediate, and full of concern. "What's wrong?"
Leaning against the sink, she let out her answer like a dam that had finally collapsed under the assault of what had been wearing it down.
"Everything."
After a few seconds of shifting movement on Joey's end, all Rachel heard was complete silence.
When she started to wonder if he was still there, he spoke up again. "I'm coming back."
"Joey, you don't have to —"
"— Yes," he said, his voice a low, comforting tone. "Yes, I do. I'll start driving over there first thing tomorrow morning."
"Drive?" Rachel asked, puzzlement cutting through her grief. "You could fly first class."
"Nah," he said. "It'll be fun to take another road trip, y'know. See if Martin's still got that beard of bees. Don't worry; I'll be there before you know it."
She closed her eyes, thankful that he'd insisted on returning. She missed him so much that it almost hurt to hear that promise, to know that he was finally on his way back home after two long years of being apart from her.
She whispered her farewell, telling him to call her when he arrived, and closed the cell phone.
It's just a friend asking a friend for support, she told herself. Nothing more than that.
October 2006
"Oh," Rachel said, as she started to realize the possibility what had once seemed so impossible. "Oh."
"What?" Emma asked, too confused to yell anymore.
Which was exactly when a bunch of zombies decided to ambush the car.
Phoebe and Ross peered out the window, cringing at the group of about twenty zombies that were milling around the streets like they were on their way to work.
"Have you noticed that they only go out during the day?" Phoebe asked. "And they're not so hot with the going inside buildings?"
"Yeah," Ross said, still leaning all of his weight on the foot that was not attached to his injured ankle. The very idea that they had limitations was odd, but helpful.
Ross wondered, though, just how long the limitations would last.
Phoebe pointed to one of them: a woman in a power suit. "So, what do you think is her story?"
Ross stared at Phoebe with a look of disgust. "C'mon, Pheebs, I'm not gonna... zombie watch with you."
"Okay, so you could spy on Ugly Naked Guy for years, but you can't observe the undead."
Ross sighed, looking down and pinpointing the wandering zombie Phoebe had been talking about.
"Well, she looks like she used to be a big CEO of a major company, until she turned into a zombie via cell phone signal and..." Ross winced when the staggering woman turned around and exposed her backside to him. "Crapped herself. Now she spends her days lurching around and eating human flesh. The end."
Phoebe shook her head in disappointment. "Oh, Ross. If this is the kind of story you told your daughter..."
He snorted. "I guess I left my storytelling skills back in the real world."
"No, you've just, you have to loosen up and use your imagination. Okay, see, she probably was a head honcho in business, but what we don't know is that she was carrying on a secret affair... With a professional bull wrangler."
"What?"
"Yeah, but it didn't work out because, see, the bull wrangler wanted to run away to Mexico, but... Regina couldn't do it; she had too much to lose. Right before the cell phone thing happened, Regina changed her mind, and called her lover to get ready to head for the border. But by then it was too late, and now they're both doomed to wandering around the city forever, unable to find each other and remember who they once were."
Ross couldn't help but feel a little saddened by that. "Oh my God. That's beautiful, Phoebe. Tragic, but beautiful."
"I know. Now it's your turn. And this time, don't be skimpy with the details."
"Okay," Ross said, pointing out an older man who was sitting on the ground and gnawing on something he didn't want to recognize. "He used to be a hotshot monkey trainer... who was also a secret undercover agent for NASA..."
"That's better, but let's try to be a bit more realistic, Ross."
"Mailbox, Monica, mailbox!"
Monica fired off another shot into the crowd of zombies that was chasing the station wagon, then ducked back inside two seconds before a mailbox whizzed by the space her head had been.
"I'm starting to think that this was not such a good idea," Chandler shouted as the station wagon roared down the street. "Check on the kids, will you?"
Monica looked over at them.
"They're fine," she said, shifting back around to reload the rifle. "Actually, they seem to be enjoying this."
Jack let out a gurgling laugh in confirmation. Erica shrieked happily and clapped her hands. "Yaaaaaaahoo!" she shouted.
"Well, at least they're having fun," Chandler said, managing to avoid a Big Wheel that had been abandoned on its side.
"To tell you the truth, I kinda am, too." Monica snapped the chamber shut and, taking a deep breath, heaved herself up into a cramped kneeling position in the seat to take aim out the window again.
"You're loving this, aren't you?" Chandler said with affection as he glanced over at her. Even with grime and sweat covering her face, she was still gorgeous. Killing these monsters seemed to have given her back her spark, which he'd thought she lost when they had to leave the Porsche behind.
She looks like an Amazon warrior, he thought. Just without the leather. Mmm, leather...
"I'm telling you, this is my second calling!" Monica cried out happily before she took another shot at the crowd of shambling monsters.
Rachel was squashed halfway in the back seat as the car was rocked back and forth. She was still struggling to find the pepper spray she'd dropped on the foot well in the back out of sheer panic. In the recess of her screaming mind, she knew the spray wouldn't do anything against the hungry beasts around her, but the small device was the only defense she had.
Suddenly, she heard a series of sharp, short gunshots rattling through the air, and, without even thinking about it, she lifted up her body to cover her daughter.
When the car stopped moving and the gunshot echoes faded away, Rachel dared to look up, and when she did, she saw only one, living person standing several yards away from the car, breathing heavily.
She gasped when she realized just who had saved her and Emma's lives.
"Charlie?"
The woman lowered her handgun, looking just as shaken and confused. "Rachel?"
After checking on Emma, who seemed oddly nonplussed about everything, Rachel clumsily threw open the back left door. She nearly toppled out of the backseat and onto a bloody corpse, but she twisted a little to avoid it at the last second and yelped as she hit the pavement.
Should've gone for the body, she thought as she lay on the ground, dazed. Normally, she would've been flushed with embarrassment and frustration, but considering that she just had her ass saved, she was willing to toss her pride to the side.
"Here," Charlie said, walking over to her and offering her hand. Rachel took it and stood, wiping the grit and sweat out of her palms on her jeans.
"I can't believe you just did that," she said. It was strange. A few years ago, Rachel would've liked nothing more than punching Charlie in the face repeatedly, but in the moment, she had the overwhelming urge to kiss the woman out of relief and gratitude.
"Yeah," Charlie said a little shakily. "Me neither. Especially since I just used up all my bullets."
"Oh." Rachel said. "Crap."
"Damnit!" Emma added helpfully from the backseat.
"Emma?" Charlie asked, the shocked expression still on her face.
"Oh, right. Sorry," Rachel said. "Emma, this is Charlie. Charlie, you remember Emma."
"Nice to see you both again," Charlie said with a quick nod to Emma, then added, "Though this could've happened under better circumstances..." She jerked her head in the direction Rachel had come from. "Come on, let's go. My place is just down the street."
Rachel was about to ask her a dozen questions, but when she noticed that the zombies Charlie had shot were still twitching a little, she unbuckled Emma's seatbelt.