Chapter Three
Ashamed. Merlin, she was so ashamed that she wished the earth would swallow her and never to let her out. She felt so mortified about how her body reacted to his ministrations. Her common sense kept telling her to be disgusted by his touch but her body seemed to have another opinion.
How could her body react that way? Being touched by someone she barely knew. Did that make her a fallen woman?
In their society, many women around her age were factually uninformed and emotionally frigid about sexual matters. Simply, sex wasn't something that discussed openly. All discussions related to sexual encounter were met with ignorance.
Also there were more women than men at that time. So, that demographic imbalance made women expected to have sex with only one man, their husband. However, it was acceptable for men to have multiple partners in their life. Husbands could participate in lengthy affairs with the redundant unmarried women while married women stayed faithful with their husbands on the grounds that divorce was not an option. Oh how she hated women's subjugation to this double-standard.
Again, so how did this make her? Sold her body to a stranger. Would people label her as a harlot; a fallen woman who strayed from moral expectations?
No one would want her if she ever came out of this situation; no one wanted a sullied woman. No one. She would die as a spinster for sure.
Oh God, this kind of mixed turmoil emotions were all new to her; it made her stomach queasy.
A single tear slid down from cinnamon eyes, followed by another one, and another one, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed its way down her slightly freckled cheek. She did try to not make a sound; afraid that he would listen to her noisy sobs. But as she slowly released the stirring and raging feelings out of her tightening chest, her crying became uncontrollable. So, she had to bury her face on the pillow to muffle her wrenching wail.
She didn't know how long she'd cried as tears kept streaming down her face, leaving wet trail on her pale cheeks. When she tried to open and blink her bloodshot eyes, her thick lashes already stucked together in clumps.
God, she was such a mess. Her eyes were red and puffy. Clear watery snot streaked from her nostrils onto her quivering lips. Her already unmanageable hair became even frizzier; like a big messy bird's nest tried to swallow her whole face. Her mother would likely yell at her if she saw her like that; yelling about how very unlady like her state was.
No... No... She had to contain herself. She had to be strong. She had to bear it; it was for her family after all.
Right, her Nanna always told her that nothing's permanent. Difficult times would pass by eventually, even happy moments were short lived. The world was in an ever-changing loop. Facing problems and heartaches were an inevitable part of life. So, yes no matter how hard and disastrous her times were then, it would pass and better times would come. It was all part of learning experiences, if she could get through this hard time she would be stronger in the end. She just had to pray that she could get through without too much scars marring her soul.
But still, she felt so dirty. She felt so sticky down there and the tangy flavour of her own essence still lingered on her mouth. Added with the mess on her face, she felt the urge to cleanse her body. So, hurriedly she went to the bathroom and cleaned up. She rubbed her body with unnecessary excessive strength until her skin became red. With her sponge, she also cleaned her now bare lady bits. How could he put his mouth down there was beyond her comprehension. For all she knew, the act of sexual copulation was done by bumping at each other down there in the middle of the night under the cover of thick quilt; she never thought it would involve so many part of their body altogether. Stop, Hermione. The more she thought about him, the harder she rubbed her skin. She wanted to erase the memories of his hands and his lips from her body as those memories did something strange to her and kept making her stomach clenched.
After showering for the second time that morning, she hastily looked for her clothes on the wardrobe. Something was strange when she opened the drawers. Weird, her clothes seemed to multiply itself. No, there were so many clothes that weren't hers. Paying no further attention to those beautiful dresses, she picked up her own simple ivory dress. Thank God, she felt so grateful he wouldn't visit her again that day.
Bored. After spending couple of hours reading a book she brought from her home, she was bored out of her skull. She'd already read the damned book too many times she could regurgitate the contents word by word. She needed something to shift her mind lest she would be thinking about him again.
He told her that she could get out of her room. After so many hours feeling trapped and suffocated in the room, a bit fresh air would do to clear her troubling mind.
So, calling Nilly she was. With overmuch enthusiasm, Nilly happily showed her around the manor. Judging from the construction, the manor probably built around the Tudor era.
Nilly told her that The Prince Manor had west wing and east wing area. The west wing mainly used by the family, it had four stories - the basement level containing the kitchens and the cellars; the ground floor containing dining parlour, drawing room, and hall; upper floor held the library, the lord's solar, and private quarters for the family; next floor were used for bed chambers. While the east wing used for reception rooms - banqueting and entertaining rooms, guest rooms, and the basement level used for house elves sleeping quarters.
After roaming around for quite some time, they arrived in front of big double mahogany doors. When Nilly opened the doors, God, she was greeted by honeycomb of tier upon tier high shelves and books stacks.
She was awestruck by the sight in front of her. The Prince library was probably the vastest personal library she had ever seen, like labyrinthine formed by shelves over shelves. It was a two-floor stories in height with metal balcony running around at the first floor. Spiral stairs ascended from the wooden tiles on the ground level she was on towards the floor above.
"Nilly, does the lord allow me to enter this room and read these books?" she asked the house elf while curiously touching a few books in the stack. Bloody hell, so many books piqued her curiosity—century old books, rare books, first edition books, all leather bound covered.
"Yes, miss! Master never let anyone enter the library but Master said miss likes books very much. So, Master told Nilly to bring miss to the library. Miss can read all the books but Master said that miss must not read the evil books on the last shelves or Master will be very mad," with twitching ears that showed her enthusiasm, Nilly answered.
"Miss can read the books by the fireplace miss, if miss needs anything miss must call Nilly. Nilly will bring Miss Hermione her lunch later on, miss," with that Nilly poofed into thin air.
After Nilly was gone, Hermione took a stack of books to the settee in front of the fire. After making herself comfortable, a train of thought invaded her mind: how did he know that she loved to read? Not many women loved to read—especially academic related, they had other more feminine hobbies, like embroidering, singing, playing piano or any other instruments. Books also considered expensive by some because of the printing taxes. So, only middle and upper-class families and scholarly people who usually collected them in large stack. Her family had quite lot of books in their library, sure not this much many, as her late great-grandfather was an erudite; at that time, landed gentry like her family was considered as an upper class family so books could easily be collected. But a prolonged agricultural depression in Britain after industrial revolution combined with his father's inability to manage finances properly added with his gambling addiction made her family sink under the pilling debts. That made her parents rarely buy new books for her, often they bought her much cheaper second-hand books. But she still felt grateful.
Her line of thought was drawn back to him; had they ever met before? She tried to remember if she indeed had ever met him as he did seem to know her. With his prominent features, she surely would remember if they'd ever met, but she simply couldn't.
Then, another thought bothering her: why would he let her come to his library if he never let anyone else in?
Did he do this to bribe her? Trying to make her compliant to him? How very perplexing, bribing her with books for God's sake. Go on, he could try anything but she wouldn't be bent so easily.
But still, she wouldn't let this opportunity passed by. She could smell those century-old books and parchments in the air and taste it on her breath; she also could feel it fused on her fingertips when she touched it. All those feelings made her calm a bit. So, she'd decided that she didn't care about his hidden intentions for now. All she cared about was that she felt slightly better around it.
With so many books she'd never read, she buried her face on those books all day. She only stopped when Nilly brought her meals. Nilly would threaten to not leave her and vanish the books she was reading if she didn't eat all of her foods.
She knew, Nilly wouldn't dare to vanish the books but she didn't want to hear the house elf's scolding with her high-pitched voice for the rest of the day. So, she surrendered and ate all of her foods that had been prepared for her. Weird, the cuisines she ate taste delish. Maybe her appetite was back because she felt quite content that day.
She continued to read until it was dark outside. The sun was fast descending beyond the horizon and black clouds had piled around it, seeking to smother its orangish dying light. When the dusk was settled, she put the books back to the shelves. She didn't want to ignite his anger by simply making mess on his pristine library. After that, she went back to her room as she didn't want to wander around after the dark in some place she wasn't accustomed to.
That pattern continued for the next couple days, she would go to the library all day and returned to her room when the dusk came. She felt so grateful that there was no sign of his return. So, it was just her and the books, with Nilly annoyed her sometimes.
But her contentment was short live next night when she was staying longer than usual in the library. She was laying on the settee while intently reading 'Mastering Potions' —an advance manual book about potions brewing — that night. Potions was one of the subject that piqued her interest. She always wanted to be a healer as there was so rare to find a woman who works as one. And potions was one of the requirement subjects that must be mastered if someone wanted to be a healer.
It was already late that night when dark clouds strangled the soft illuminating moonlight far above and storm started to brew. Like lullaby, the sounds of raindrops splashing against the windows combined with thunders rumbling outside made her eyes weary. Soon, sleep took over her body without her realizing the sudden fire that lit the hearth ablaze.
Lucius, the shithead could be damned. Fuck. Their relatively easy mission became such a mess just because of him. One-day mission stretched out into three-day mission, just because he couldn't control his wandering eyes they had to retrace the artefact all over again. Why had he agreed to help the bastard in the first place anyway?
He would rather spent his free time playing with his little siren. Shit, Lucius owed him big times for this.
With his tired body, he went into the fireplace and threw the glittery silvery powder, heading towards his home. Finally, soaking hot bath and bed. No more sleeping on the hard mattress he had to transfigure from his own cloak.
But all his tiredness seemed to melt away when he stepped out of the fireplace. As he was greeted by beautiful sight in front of him.
There she was, laying serenely on the settee with an open book moving up and down to the rhythm of her breaths.
Crap, he felt like an old creep for leering an underage girl. This wasn't like him; pinning for someone younger, way younger as she was half his age. If he was still pertaining even a little morality, guilt and shame should have dictating his conscience to let the piteous little girl go. But, no. He wouldn't let his little minx go. Maybe his already blackened heart had already spreading its murkiness to clouding his common sense.
He would do anything to make her bending into his will. Yes, sure, he would teach her the art of sensual pleasures. He wouldn't use force to pop her cherry. Slowly, he would marking her and making her craving his touch so that she would surrender to be bound to him willingly.
Mine.
Like a magnetic pulls that drew his body closer, slowly he walked toward her tranquil body. His faint footsteps were muffled by the raging storm outside.
He lit the fire up on the hearth to warm the room as the temperature was dropping slightly. Wrapped in her white dress, the smolding fire that illuminating her figure made her look more angelic.
Ripe, ready to be plucked.
Good, her body looked fuller. The potions that he asked to put on her meals seemed to bring back her appetite.
Couldn't stand the temptation any longer, he caressed her skin. So smooth, he couldn't wait to taste her again. Her sweet nectar. Shit, his pants was tightened.
She was stirring up on her sleep when she felt cold and callused fingers touching her cheek. Then, when the caressing continued, she slowly opened her heavy lid eyes. Her heart was pacing against her ribs when a man in black ensembles came into view. The man she tried so hard to push out of her mind for few days.
Panicky, she stood and tried to organize so many disorder books on the table with her shaking hands. God, how could she be so stupid and slept here.
"I am so sorry, sir. I didn't mean to make a mess on your library. I will put these books back in the shelves right away, sir." God, she didn't want to rise his wrath up.
"No, just stop what you're doing and sit," he said to her then sit on the settee previously occupied by her.
She didn't want to antagonize him, so she obeyed him and sat on the armchair, avoiding to sit on the settee beside him. She kept her head low, trying to avoid his gaze and focusing her eyes on the book in her lap. But Merlin, she could feel his obsidian eyes watching her intensely.
His gaze was like blazing through her skin. Then, no, that unsettling and tingling sensations on the pit of her stomach were back again.
No, no, it was no good. Her heartbeats were drumming hard inside her chest. Take a deep breath Hermione. Calm yourself. Don't let panicky take over your clear mind.
Merlin, it was so wrong in so many ways that he found her quite captivating when she was agitated. But after not seeing her for days, the tint of pinkness adoring her cheeks made her even more endearing.
"Why are you sitting so far away, girl? Come here, I won't bite you," he said in his silky voice while his hand was patting on the settee beside him.
Drawn by his velvety voice, obediently, she moved and sat at the end of the settee trying to make as much space away from him.
"Hmm, nice book you have over there. Now, tell me girl, are you interested in the art of potions making?"
Startled with his sudden question, she answered him stammeringly, "Erm, yes, sir. The delicacy of the potions making is quite captivating."
"How good you're with your wand?" he added.
"I, I can do some basic spells, sir. The ones without too complicated hand waving." She hoped that the trembling on her voice wasn't too obvious when she answered him.
"Who teaches you magic?"
"Eh? Aside from school, I learn by myself, sir." What is it? Barraging her with those questions.
"Hmm, the rubbish stuffs they taught in that clutter. Good thing that you seem eager to learn more about magic. Listen carefully and do not try to interrupt me, girl. I would like to make an offer for you." He made hand gestures for her to look at him.
She put her book down and tried to look at him, looking at his fascinating buttons to tell the truth —so many buttons on a row— avoiding to look into his eyes.
"Before you stubbornly refuse my offer," he started, "put this in mind girl, it's alright to be an opportunist and gain advantages from the situation you're in."
What?
"I offer to be your mentor," he finally added.
Did she hear him wrong?
"W—What? My mentor, sir?" Good God, she seemed to be a stuttering idiot around him.
"Yes, considering this as a perk you can gain from our situation. I'd like to make you as my potions apprentice. I feel that you have strong magical power. I will train you. It will be a waste to see a talent like you being unthriven. I can give you the privilege that only a few women could attain," he spun his web of ruse irrefutably.
She didn't make any responses as the whole conversations seemed surreal to her ears.
"Do not consider this offer lightly, girl, as I never took an apprentice before. That way you can also tell the others that you merely staying here as my pupil, without them knowing the other things you do," he emphasized his last words with a mischievous smirk on his thin lips.
"As my apprentice you can assist me to brew some potions. I will give you decent money if you are willing. Not only I will teach you about potions making, I will also teach you other than that. You're a witch, so I will train you to be a proper one."
"Why are you offering me this? Why are you willing to train me, sir?" she replied after finally finding her voice. She very much doubted his intention as it was all very suspicious.
Why indeed?
"Like I said before, it will be a waste to see a potential like you being unrefined. Being born as a male doesn't guarantee that someone would be better off than the other gender. I have seen enough dunderheads to prove that. Feeling so superior, too stuck up on their asses. Almost everything based on the prejudice against the biased gender. It will be nice to see that someday some ladies dare to kick the stuck up old men on the city council, on their arses. Changes in our society will be acceptable.
"But, it is not only because of that for sure," he added with another smirk, "I am not a social worker, so I won't do anything for free. Let's consider this as a 'take and give' situation. I offer you something and you give me something in return. What do you think about this offer, girl?" He started to touch her cheek then slowly caressing her neck, making goose bumps rose all over her body.
"What do you mean, sir?" she knew his offer would contain hidden intention that surely was up for no good.
What's more that he needed from her? He already had her under his thumb.
He made a deep laugh that resemble a growl before answering her question, "You need to give me your compliance, girl." He kept caressing her skin until his hand going south and started to cup her breast.
Startled, she tried to push his hand away from her with all her might. But he resistantly cupped her ample breast then pinched her nipple lightly. She couldn't contain her moan when he did that, her body became limp as she felt electric pulse went straight from her nipple to her loins.
"That's exactly what I mean, my sweet girl. Surrender yourself to me, succumb yourself to the feeling. When I order you to do something, do it without so much resistance. If you please me…" He bent then teased her neck with his soft kisses, "I will return the favor." He put an end to his bargain by biting the juncture of her neck and giving her nipple another pinch.
Echo from a loud moan coming from her dainty lips filled the silent room. No, not again, she felt something wet coming out from her nether lips again, like that time when he touched her down there, making her unmentionables drenched.
"What is your answer, my sweet sweet little girl?" Nothing came out from her lips as the clenching feeling she felt on the lower part of her stomach intensifying when he licked her biting mark and stroke her nipple gently.
Answer? She couldn't deliver any respond as her brain froze for a moment.
He kept teasing her by tracing line with his tongue around her ear lobe, then he whispered into her ear, "Just obey me, give your sweet body to me. And be my willing partner," he continued his allurement.
Wait, what? Willing partner? No, no, no. The haze that clouding her mind seemed to dissolve when she heard him. She hit and pushed him hard trying to escape from his honeyed trap.
She stood up shakily as he gave her a stern look showing his disapproval. Crap, bad decision. But she couldn't just surrender to his power easily, the last remnants of her dignity wouldn't allow it. Being obedient like docile little puppy? Be willing and obliging everything that he ask for submissively? Not a chance in hell, if she agreed to that, everything would be so real —she being a harlot.
But what will happen if she refuse it?
As if he could read her mind, he then said, "Yes, sure you can refuse my offer, girl. But then it will make it hard for both of us as I have an issue with disobedience. I may snap from time to time if you refuse to obey me, but still, I will never do anything that harming you. Contrary to popular belief, I don't find it arousing to inflicting pain to the other." Yes, he had seen enough pain to last in a lifetime.
"Still, the decision is in your hands. Now, it is already so late, go and think carefully. I will collect your answer in the morning." He waved his hand and dismissed her from the library.
Wasting no time, she run and rushed off from the room. Leaving him with his rage behind.
Yes, run, girl. Keep running. Like everyone else in his life.
After she was out of his sight, he conjured up a decanter of whiskey. Hell, looks like it was another drink night for him.
After drinking a few glasses, his mind became buoyant then fragments of his dark old times flashed before his eyes. Again. Every time he hit his low, they always came back and haunted him.
His abusive father. His helpless mother. He himself hid and curled up under his crumpled and moldy bed. Then the memories shifted. Another malign abusers. Helpless victims. Again, he himself hid under his musty smelled coat.
His life was just a rueful flux, passing from one torturer to another.
Almost all of his life he spent under someone else's dominion. And the only times that he felt free to do whatever he yearn for was when he fooling around. His pent up anger was appeased by having some wild rampageous sex. It felt so good when he was finally in complete control over situation. That behavioral tendency had become a habit now, ingrained in him. That's why, he needed her to obey him.
Maybe his way had scared her away. But he had no idea what the right way was. He had never been with anyone this innocent before. Furthermore, all of his partners he ever had sex with before all were willing. Never once he forced reluctant woman before. All those loose wenches willingly came to him for his quite blessed package.
But still, no matter how, he had to have her. It had been so long since he felt such passion towards someone. The kind of passion that only lived on his memory, his worn out memory he sealed on the rickety box in the back of his mind. So long he almost forgot. The only vivid thing he remembered was the pain, like it was yesterday. Fresh cut wound that no Band-Aids could seal.
Yes, no one since her could ignite the fire inside him. But now he found one. The one he wanted to mark as his own. He wouldn't let this one slip away from his hands again.
Run as far as you can, girl. But, I will catch you.
That night she was restless in her room, accompanied only by howling wind that attacking brittle twigs and raging raindrops that striking her window panes outside. The fire in the hearth had been long burned out and the cold was biting her skin, but she couldn't care less as she was drawn so deep in her thought.
Which one she had to choose? If she choose to say no, she would be less guilty or so she thought. She could always play a victim, she could say that everything he'd do to her was out of her consent. But what if he wants something and she refuses to do so? Judging by his temperament, he might snap and punish her. But he said he wouldn't do anything to harm her. Should she believe him?
Then what was it about his offering to be her mentor? Bribing her with his books was one thing but being her mentor? Making her his apprentice? Would he really do that? Her family never hired a private mentor for her or her sister because hiring one was very costly. Now, someone was offering her to be one, but the price was higher as he asked her body in return. Would the knowledge worth the shame?
And why on earth he needed her to give him her consent that bad?
Oh God, what should I do? Whatever it is that I choose, please forgive me for all my sins that I've done, the sins of my soul and the sins of my body. O Lord, Please forgive them all.