QUELAAG'S DOMAIN
Lex swaggered down the path and through the fog. This time, the spider-Witch rushed out, leaping over the ledge instead of walking down the stairs.
"Quelana!" she shouted, desperate.
When she saw the cleric instead, she grew furious.
"What have you done to my sister?!"
"Uh. Long story?"
The spider leapt again, but this time, Lex was ready. His talisman sparked in his hand as lava poured out of the arachnid's mouth. He blasted it in the face and rolled out of the way of the molten stone before readying another shot. Though the spider was stunned, the Witch was not, and she strained forward as far as her fused torso would let her, slashing at him. Now, he knew better than try to face her with physical strength and backed just out of her range.
He hurled the bolt side-armed and paced backward, but the spider followed him through the lava unharmed. It was ready for the second bolt and simply charged through the pain to keep its prey within sword range. Lex bobbed left and right, dodging all but one swing, which cut through his right pauldron like butter as it grazed it. At last, he ducked under her arc and rammed his sword upward with both hands. The blade hacked cleanly through her exposed torso, but lava gushed out of the wound and turned to flesh, as if she had never been injured.
The spider opened its mouth. Lex felt the heat and quickly grabbed hold of one of its legs, pulling himself out of the way as it vomited lava. He used his momentum to swing again, hacking at the spider's side. The arachnid bucked and vented flames from its sides at him, scorching him and causing him to retreat.
"Believe it or not, I'm really here to help!" he said, holding his talisman at the ready.
"You'll have to forgive me if I don't believe someone wrapped around that serpent's Prophecy."
She rushed forward again, and he ducked to the side. Instead of chasing him, she hugged the spider's head.
"Whoa! No!"
Lex turned and ran as she pulled open the spider's maw and released a wave of red energy. Though he managed to avoid the worst of it, the outer limit of the shockwave hit him and sent him tumbling toward the stairs. As he tried to get to his feet, the spider spewed lava all around him, cutting off his escape. It walked through the molten rock casually, bearing down on its prey with all the confidence of an experienced hunter.
"Not again," he grumbled.
Abruptly, something hot wrapped around his arms and chest, binding them to his sides. Bands of flame had encircled him, and they jerked him up the stairs just before Quelaag's sword gouged a line through the stone.
"So this is our little Abysswalker."
Another woman in the gold-hemmed black robes of the Witch's Daughters slowly made her way down the stairs. She held a whip of solid flame in her hands, its end fused in a band around Lex.
"Quelara!" Quelaag shouted. "Why have you abandoned-?"
"You forget your place, second Daughter! Mother will be quite fine unless the Undead suddenly start growing wings and fly past the both of us. The seals hold fast, and I doubt there will be any particularly terrible new demons spawned while I take a brief reprieve from my watch. How cruel of you, to make poor Kirk travel all the way down to Mother's prison."
"What? Kirk did? I did not send him."
"I know," the eldest Daughter of Chaos said, laughing. "He came of his own will. An Undead suggested that it was possible to draw humanity right out of the Abyss. Setting aside Quelaav's illness, unlimited humanity has many applications, doesn't it?"
The look in her eyes beneath the hood was nothing short of diabolical. Lex wondered briefly if Quelana had been correct in assuming they were beyond saving.
"Give the human a chance, won't you, sister? He clearly already knew we were here. If destroying us was his goal, then we'd be dealing with a whole platoon of knights, wouldn't we? I highly doubt the humans would set aside their differences long to send the international group Kirk reported."
"Knowing where we are is precisely what makes him dangerous!" Quelaag fumed. "He could rally-"
"Rally whom, Quelaag? The Flame is dying, in case you couldn't see the state of Quelaav's bonfire. If the humans rallied to slay us, I would be more impressed than anything."
She started to laugh again, but fell into a fit of coughing instead. She covered her mouth with her hand, but lava gushed out between her fingers. The whip in her hand surged with energy and began to melt through Lex's armor instead of just being mildly uncomfortable. Quelaag rushed up the stairs, kicking the cleric out of the way. The whip broke, and he was free, if winded by the blow.
"Sister, you shouldn't come here. The exertion could kill you on the way back, and we'd have no way of knowing."
Now Quelara was laughing and coughing at the same time.
"I am not that weak yet. Do not mistake me for Quelaav. Human. You will be sworn to our younger sister's service and to our own. This is your desire, is it not?"
"Uh. Yeah. Basically.
"Excellent. If you betray us, you shall face Quelaag's wrath. Between the two of us, there are fates worse than death. Tell me: how did you learn to speak Izalithic?"
"Well, I've got this ring and-"
"Ah. One of Mother's. I thought at much. Come here, I've a better one."
Lex awkwardly shuffled around Quelaag's massive spider body to reach her sister. She wasted no time in grabbing his wrist with the force of an iron vice, causing his fingers to splay. Before he could react, she slipped the Old Witch's Ring off of his twitching finger, replacing it with a simple band made of black wood, a red-orange garnet studded into either side. Lex's eyes hazed over, and the floaters formed into words.
Widow's Ring
A black ring granted to elite commanders
of Izalith's legions. Allows long-range
communication with the Daughters of Chaos.
Rapid communication was the difference
between life and death for those who marched
at the head of Izalith's legions. Alas, they
could not be warned of the Bed of Chaos
before it consumed them.
As his vision cleared, he felt the ring vibrating around his finger.
"Raise it to your ear, human."
He did so, and the buzzing stopped.
"Hello, human," Quelara said without moving her lips.
She seemed quite pleased with herself.
"Don't be alarmed. The sorcerers of Izalith were once the rivals of New Londo and Oolacile. This is but one of the many magics we had at our disposal during those days, before the Flame of Chaos infected us and made it too dangerous to use such sorceries."
Lex breathed in sharply, struggling not to blurt out about how far mobile phone technology had advanced and complain that his ring didn't have internet or even solitaire. Though when he was honest with himself, he really was the type of person who would play phone solitaire in the midst of a fantastic adventure. Instead of complaining, he forced a polite nod.
"Then let us make the Covenant," she said with her real voice.
Fortunately, the ring still allowed Lex to understand them when they spoke.
"Sister, he can swear his loyalty when he has completed his impossible mission. I will not let Quelana's killer anywhere near Quelaav."
"Hey! I didn't-"
"You have my sister's soul, and you dare claim innocence?"
"Well yeah," he said, shrugging. "I mean, she's still alive. Outside. In the swamp. Talking to the lunatic who's been traveling with me."
"First harvesting humanity from the Abyss and now that Quelana is wandering the swamp without her soul. Sister, how long are you going to humor this human?"
"Wait, wait, wait," Lex interrupted. "If you've got this magic ring that lets you talk to each other, then why haven't you talked to each other in a thousand years?"
Quelara began walking down the stairs.
"She cut herself off entirely, afraid that the Chaos might spread, I suppose."
"Sister-!" Quelaag started.
"I am going for a brief stroll, to stretch my legs and to see if our little Abysswalker is telling the truth. Watch him while I'm out, won't you, Quelaag. You may do as you please with him if he tries anything unusual."
With that, she passed through the fog wall, the vapor burning away at her very presence. Lex was left alone with a very agitated giant spider-slash-Chaos-Witch.
"So," he said awkwardly, "what's Kirk's story? The whole Darkwraith thing is pretty convincing."
The Witch glared sidelong at him and ran her fingers along the length of her sword.
"Kikurinus was the head of Quelaav's guard. He was not with her at the time of the… accident that befell our family. Through willpower alone, he resisted Mother's power. Of every human in Izalith, he alone remained… mostly unchanged. He has not forgiven himself for being there when it happened. So he serves not as a beloved friend, but as a stranger and a Servant."
Lex's faced contorted as he tried to say something, but no words came. He could be eloquent when he needed to be, but it was always superficial. Better that he didn't say anything at all.
"Uh," he said after a while, "no hard feelings, you know? For killing me. It was actually really cool, and I had some sort of universal consciousness, union with the godhead, sort of thing go on. I mean, maybe that only happens when you go hollow, but still."
"When will your lies cease, human?" Quelaag said, bored. "You could not have gone hollow."
"What if I told you a bunch of other unbelievable and then proved it? I mean, we could take a walk down to Ash Lake, and I could show you the last everlasting dragon. Assuming it wouldn't kill us both. He seems pretty chill, though, honestly. Just kind of sits there and looks imposing. Doesn't bat an eye even if you cut his tail off."
The Witch rolled her eyes. The spider spat in disgust. At last, the fog roiled once more, and Quelara, Quelana, and Beatrice entered the chamber.
"'sup?" the cleric shouted.
"You took so long, we thought you'd hollowed and then wandered off somewhere, you shit!" Beatrice shouted back, laughing.
Quelaag just stared. She looked down at Lex and then back to Quelana.
"Quelana!" she cried, rushing forward.
The Mother of Pyromancy screamed as the horrible spider monster ran her down. Before she could flee, Quelaag had tossed aside her sword and lifted her into the air, spinning her around with the strength of her monstrous body before drawing her into a bear hug.
"We thought you hadn't made it!"
It was only now that she noticed her younger sister had been screaming her lungs out the entire time.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! I must have scared you terribly!"
Quelana seemed about to faint, but she licked her lips and forced herself to speak in an even tone, "That is quite all right, sister. I am… glad to see you again. I… I am terribly sorry for… assuming the worst of you. I felt too sorry for myself to even consider that you might be hurting more."
Quelaag lunged forward to hug her again but stopped abruptly. Quelana recoiled in fear, but after seeing the sorry look on her elder sister's face, extended her own arms. The spider-woman lifted her up and swung her like a ragdoll. At long last, Lex wondered what his own family was going through right now and whether he was missing because he had genuinely been whisked away to another world or if he was just in a coma. Beatrice wandered off to lean on the wall next to the stairs while looking dour.
With their hoods off, the sisters' differences became more apparent. They all had sharp features, but Quelaag's were the sharpest, with a thin nose and narrow eyes in contrast with her plump lips. In comparison, Quelana looked a little plain, with a rounder face and thin lips. Her black hair was tied up in a bun to keep it out of the way, and long nights in the swamp had led deep circles to form under her eyes. Quelara was a study in contrast, her features fine but the general shape of her face rounder and softer. Her hair hung in a long braid that swept about her ankles.
"Come, sister!" Quelaag said, "We must tell Quelaav! This will be the first good thing to happen to her since we came to this accursed swamp!"
She put Quelana down and looked at the two humans suspiciously.
"Humans. You may come as well, but do not mistake my mercy for trust."
Lex shrugged, and Beatrice flipped her off, so she scowled and led the group up the stairs as the fog walls finally faded. The next room was circular, with a hole eaten in the center of the floor. A number of tall windows adorned the far side, gazing out over the ruins of Lost Izalith. Directly above the hole was the ash-covered second bell. Beatrice tried to sneak over to it, but Lex shook his head at her.
She grumbled and followed the others down the spiral and into the next room. Quelaag tapped at one of the walls, and it slid aside to reveal a hallway blocked by another egg-bearing Undead – but this poor soul was not hollow.
"Mistress Quelaag!" he shouted, clearly speaking whatever Lex was hearing as English rather than Izalithic. "There are so many guests! Shall I-?"
She glared at him, and he crawled out of the way as quickly as he could.
"Forgive me, Mistress Quelaag. It was not my place."
"'sup, Eingyi?" Lex said, nodding. "Five hundred souls for the Servant Roster, right? I want to see if there are any hackers."
The wretched creature looked up at the cleric in confusion and turned to Quelaag for guidance. She snorted and walked to the far side of the room so that everyone else had enough room to fit in the relatively small chamber.
"I will dare to presume that was a yes," Eingyi said. "Are you a new Servant?"
"Yeah, basically. Quelaag doesn't really like me right now, but Quelara's interested in a scheme I have to get a lot of humanity really quickly."
"Mind your manners when speaking of our Mistresses," Eingyi scolded as he retrieved a leaflet of bloodstained parchment from behind an egg sack.
The cleric nodded and crossed his fingers behind his back as he exhaled what few souls he'd gained as a result of Beatrice's killing the swamp denizens. The egg-bearer absorbed the energy and handed over the leaflet. Lex's eyes quickly shot to the top. Unfortunately, the sixty-thousands he was used to seeing were not there. The long list of names was mostly empty, and at the top by a large margin was Kirk, with merely a few hundred donations.
He stuffed it into the much smaller, more chic bag that came with his Eastern breastplate, which was connected to the same hammerspace the first one had been.
"Quelaag?"
Though much of her body was stuck into the side of one wall, there was another spider-bound sister in the room. Where Quelaag was strong, this one was frail, her skin gray as ash and her hair thin and shock white. She didn't move, her hands pressed to her bony chest as if in prayer. All around her were countless eggs, each cold and lifeless. Her voice was thin, and she struggled to turn her head, though her eyes did not open.
"Quelara, you came to visit? Qu-Quelana! Two Quelanas?"
"It is a little complicated, Quelaav. I lent someone a part of my soul, but I am here."
Tears began to stream down Quelaav's face. She sniffled and whimpered. Lex tugged at Quelara's sleeve.
"Hey," he whispered, "you want me to tell your brother to stick his head through the window or something?"
His finger vibrated again, so he raised his hand to one ear.
"You do know quite a lot," she said, chuckling. "But not enough to think of whispering into your hand instead of speaking out loud."
Now he covered his mouth his his hand and turned away from the reunion.
"In my defense, you're fated to die without saying a word. I should have perfect knowledge of every magical artifact in Lordran, and this one shouldn't exist."
"Well, I suppose we need to sit down and have a long talk. I'm very interested in that sort of knowledge, 'fake prophet.'"
Abruptly, Quelara was physically dragged away by Quelaag and forced to be an active participant in the hugging and crying. After a while, the latter regained her composure and acknowledged the pair of strangers in the room.
"Uh. Hi. I'm Lex of Luthor, prophet of Slaanesh, goddess of perfection and sensation."
"Beatrice. Best witch in the room."
Quelaag's eyes were daggers, but fortunately, she had forgotten her sword upstairs.
Quelara gave the second sister a knowing look and changed the subject, "The prophet, here, has foreseen a way of gathering quite a bit of humanity. He heard of your selflessness, Quelaav and wishes to enter a Covenant with you so that he might share his sudden windfall."
"Really?" Quelaav whispered, her frail voice cracking with excitement. "You are too kind. Please, give me a moment to gather the strength…"
She grimaced and grasped her hands all the tighter as Lex knelt before her. As before, the knowledge of a spell came flooding into his mind. The lightning spears had been hymns of glory, righteous and pure. This was madness. His mind burned and rushed in a thousand different directions before the image of a roiling, blazing fire scorched itself into his eyes. He gasped and coughed, nearly falling over.
"Lex?" Quelaav said fearfully.
"I'm all right," he said, trying to physically shake it off. "I could feel the Warp overtaking me there for a moment, but worship of Slaanesh has prepared me for such things."
He rose and rolled his shoulders before spinning around in place and kneeling again.
"Whoops, forgot."
He drew the small collection of humanity sprites he had gathered out of his bag. There weren't nearly as many of them as there ought have been since he hadn't been exploring properly and had split the party, but he scooped them up and crushed them all against his breastplate, absorbing the Dark Soul. It felt great. He hadn't noticed from slowly absorbing ambient humanity as he killed hollows, but getting a bunch at once was like night and day. He felt strangely whole and at peace with the world.
He knew he had to give it up, though, and sighed, exhaling a stream of darkness. It wafted in the air for a moment before passing to Quelaav, seeming unsure whether that was the correct thi ng to do. Eventually, Lex would have to ask how they'd managed to create a non-human Fire Keeper in the first place, but doing so now seemed a little rude. As he rose, he realized another rude thing.
"Beatrice. She's had no idea what's been happening, except for the introductions."
The rogue witch once again gave the universally-understood gesture. As Quelana began sputtering apologies again, Quelara just shook her head and Quelaag grumbled something she didn't want Quelaav to hear.
"The prophet has made his Covenant, and since you don't seem inclined to share your all-too-abundant humanity, I think it is time you left. Come, I will see you to the end of my Domain."
"Finally!" Beatrice said, waving her hands in the air.
They climbed the spiral stairs again, and Beatrice beat the Bell's clapper like it owed her money. They descended back to the battlefield and crossed it so casually, one might never have thought the cleric and the Chaos Witch had fought to the death a short while earlier. The tunnel ahead was narrow, but Quelaag managed to squeeze her massive body through. Even when it got so tight that it seemed impossible, she clung tight to the spider and let it wriggle through. Eventually, they had reached the exit, and Quelaag gazed out on the swamp for the first time in centuries.
"Just as disgusting as I remember it."
Beatrice ignored the words she couldn't understand and continued down the hill.
"Beatrice!" Lex called out. "Go on back to the bonfire. I need to clear a few things up with Quelaag!"
"Do you, now?" she said, suspiciously, fingers itching without her sword at hand.
"You see that dead archtree over there?" the cleric said, pointing. "It's completely hollow. Full of lots of nasty things, but that's beside the point. Once you get to the bottom, it opens up into Ash Lake. Most hauntingly beautiful place in Lordran, if you don't mind that it's all dead.
As I mentioned, the last of the everlasting dragons makes its nest there amongst the fallen archtrees. But aside from harassing that guy by cutting off his tail, would you like go with me sometime? To, uh… have a picnic? You know what, that's a terrible idea, actually. Ash would get on everything."
"What are you suggesting, human?"
"Uh. Uh, wait. I'm trying to think of a better place, and it's not coming because most of Lordran is a hellhole. But yeah, uh. Basically, I, uh…"
"You know what? Okay. I have a thing for, like, really, really confident-and-or-aggressive women. And I was kind of wondering if you would be interested in dating me or letting me court you or whatever is socially acceptable here. Anor Londo!
We could go to Anor Londo! Cities are beautiful once all the assholes are gone, so that just means I have to beat up Gwyndolin and the gank squad. I mean, that's a little far away, and I don't know if I could warp you with the Lordvessel too or if homeward bones work for the, uh, not-Undead, but that's an option. Maybe?"
"You are attracted to this form?" Quelaag said derisively, not believing him.
"Well, I mean, you don't shave your legs, but I think I could get used to it.
She snorted as she caught a laugh in her throat.
"We shall see," she said, a little more relaxed than she had been earlier.
She shook her head and turned back into the tunnel. Lex waved.
"I'll call you!" he shouted as he walked down the hill.
Instead of at the bonfire, he found Beatrice at the first stone pillar, covering her mouth as she chuckled.
"What?"
"You-!" she started, out of breath. "You want to do the hanky-panky with the creepy-crawly!"
"What do you-?"
"I don't speak Izalithic, but neither do you, dipshit!"