Dialogue is so hard, you guys…. two chapters to go.
There was only one way for Asami to describe what he felt as he stood staring at Akihito at that moment.
When he sent Akihito away after that photo was published, he'd thrown everything up in the air. His entire life, his home, his business and his own well being.
And now, after over a month of floating around aimlessly; gravity had just walked back in.
What goes up; must come down.
Akihito was capable of destroying it all now, capable of exerting the influence he had over Asami and using it to bring him to his knees further with his pulling power.
Asami had given it to him willingly with his newspaper stunt. He still couldn't help but feel unease as he looked at the solemnity in Akihito's eyes.
How much force would he use to bring it all down? Would the fall be feather light? Or rock heavy? Only Akihito could decide.
"Well?" Akihito prompted.
Asami didn't even know where to begin. He knew things would have to be different this time around. No longer could he do what he wanted when it came to Akihito. Even now, all he wanted to do was touch him. Trace the dark lines under his eyes, run his fingers through the hair that was long over due for a cut.
But he could see Akihito poised for it, for Asami's usual problem solving using physical means. He could see the fight Akihito had in him, more than ever before. This time he was truly angry with Asami, not the old frustration or confusion with the riddled words and half answered questions, but seething with justified rage at broken promises, at being abandoned and then mocked with false glory.
"Leave us." Asami ordered to everyone else, Officer Yamazaki bristled at being given the order in his own station. Yoh stepped back with a slight bow.
Feilong on the other hand, wasn't looking at Asami at all, but at Akihito instead.
"Akihito? Is that okay with you?" he asked, the concern and protectiveness in his voice evident to Asami's ears.
"It's fine." Came the blank answer, Akihito's hazel eyes were still locked on Asami's.
"I'll be right outside. Call if you need me." Feilong's eyes shifted between them, eyeing Asami with disdain before shifting back to Akihito with compassion. "I still can't believe I agreed to help you with this, Asami."
"I know. Thank you, Feilong." And Asami dipped his head in appreciation, because he was truly grateful. None of it would have been possible with out Feilong.
Two pairs of eyes widened in surprise at that; Feilong's and Akihito's, before Feilong just sighed in acceptance and left.
And then, they were alone.
Call it instinct, call it habit, but being alone with Asami in a sterile colored room with four corners didn't sit well with Akihito.
There were some things you just couldn't run from though. More than he wanted to run, far away and never see Asami again, more than the conflicting emotion of wanting to throw himself in those arms, more than he wanted to cry, more than he wanted to yell and scream his anger, more than anything; he wanted answers.
The darkness of Asami's suit threatened to draw him in, the color black a sickening beacon to him. The color had the strangest way of sucking him in after years of chasing crime, but Asami was a special shade of black. He could hide in those folds of oblivion colored fabric and never show his face to Tokyo again. But Asami hadn't even offered him that much.
Instead, he'd been pushed off the cliff and into the void, where he would fall forever until he had the closure he needed.
So he stood there, every tired muscle in his body rigid and waiting.
It was quiet in Asami's cell, there was no annoying clock ticking obnoxiously, no phones vibrating brashly, no camera shutters, no hounding reporters; just Asami and his own heartbeat.
Asami looked like Asami. In the dank cell his three-piece suit shone with splendor, his shoulders stood straight, his hair slicked back, perfect. He looked like he hadn't missed an ounce of sleep. Well, his stature said that. His eyes though, were fixed on Akihito in uncertainty; his brows pursed in what Akihito would call anguish. The gold was duller than he remembered.
Never before had he seen Asami make that face. He also hadn't seen the man struggle for words, but the open and close of Asami's mouth said that the man was speechless.
"I'll go first then shall I?" Akihito all but jeered. "Care to tell me why this fake article has my name on it? Is this your way of saying I'm sorry or what? Because outing me and then making me a fraud is not how you fucking go about it!" he'd exploded into a yell, all his anger, over a months worth; boiling to a head at being faced with the reason for his life and his name being utterly destroyed.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck. I shouldn't even be here, I should be as far from you as I can get. But you went too far this time, Asami. Not only did you throw me out with the trash, but then you had the audacity to set this story up! For what?! For fucking what?!" he felt the tears well up in his eyes, and didn't care not to let them fall. He'd never been this angry and distraught before, this confused in his entire life. Asami looked like he was feeling exactly the same. Akihito didn't want to see it, because it only added to his mixed emotions.
"Akihito-"
"Don't. Touch. Me." The blonde accentuated before Asami's hand could find purchase on his shoulder. So Asami pulled away with a sigh, and sat down on his tiny cell bed, his elbows rested on his knees in thought.
"It's not a fake story, Akihito." He began, "You, out of all the crime chasers in Tokyo would have the most evidence against me and you know it. You've just never chosen to use any of it."
"That isn't an answer to my question. Asami." Akihito deadpanned, proud of his own steadfastness.
A pause. "You…. Wouldn't have come back for anything else. Nothing else was enough." Asami breathed.
"Enough for what?"
The pause was longer this time, he could see Asami fighting with himself, until he closed his eyes and spoke with none of his usual trained vocabulary. "I destroy you. You destroy me."
The words seemed to echo off the white walled cell, sucking any and all fight Akihito had in him, pulling the air from his lungs and the strength from his legs. He fell into the only proper chair in the room with a thud.
"Take your pick, Akihito. Charges have yet to be laid, take your pick from what you've got on me. I'll serve the sentence. You'll be redeemed, and you can come home. Just…. Be there when I get out."
Silence followed. Akihito racked his brain, his mind swimming. Asami let him think.
"I could put you away for months, years even." Akihito finally cut the stillness, he pulled his eyes up from the floor to see Asami wince at the suggestion.
"I was hoping that you wouldn't."
"That's what I should do though. For what you did." Akihito countered, having calmed somewhat, staring at the grey concrete floor helped.
"I know." There was a drawn out sigh, tired and pained as they got to the heart of it.
"Why, Asami?" Akihito asked, tears welling up anew as he remembered that morning, remembered having is world pulled out from under his feet. The floor became blurry as the moisture in his eyes took over and gravity pulled his tears to patter on the floor. He fucking hated crying in front of Asami, so he kept his blurred glare trained on the concrete.
"I… thought it was the only choice I had. Any other photo could have been covered up, but there were no lies in that picture, Akihito. That was us. The same thing would have happened to you if you'd stayed, you would have been miserable, so I sent you away. But." Asami cut himself short, from the edge of Akihito's vision, he could see fists clenched in a struggle.
"But I didn't think it would that hard to tell the papers it was all a lie to cover it up either. I couldn't bring myself deny it. So I left it. I made the wrong choice, Akihito."
"That's fucking ridiculous!" Akihito snapped through his now angry tears, the words brought Asami's gaze up, surprised at the crack in Akihito's tone. "Did you ever once consider that it wasn't your choice to make?"
Gold eyes widened in revelation, before a mirthless laugh emerged from Asami's throat, scathing and hollow. Akihito got the feeling he wasn't the one being laughed at.
"It was your choice all along, wasn't it?" Asami seemed to ask himself.
"Yeah, but it's too late for that now." Akihito answered nonetheless as he sat back down, "So what? You decided you missed having a bed warmer. Is that it? Anyone else could have done that job." he really couldn't be bothered anymore. He felt sick. Asami was offering himself up on a silver platter, a criminal photographers wet dream, and Akihito didn't want any of it. He never did.
"Akihito…." Asami paused, and with a resolved sigh continued once more. "I made a mistake. I made many. I lost it, everything went into chaos because I couldn't function. I drank. I shot people I shouldn't have. I-I need you. So I'll sit in here, for as long as you want me to. The choice this time is yours."
With his heart running rampant thunder in his chest, Akihito met Asami's gaze. "Asami, I shouldn't have to even make a choice in the first place. I don't want a set up scoop on you. I never wanted a real scoop on you. You threw me out. How-" he choked back a sob as he looked back down and buried his face in his hands. "How can I trust you ever again? We can't go back to the way it was. I don't know. Out of it all, this is the one thing I don't think I'll be able to get over." He cursed himself, all his body wanted to do was sink to the floor and curl up, hoping that Asami would embrace him like he'd wanted all those weeks ago.
But residual pain, that internal aching hole that'd been wrenched open at the same time held him fast. He could feel himself shaking, words he'd wanted to hear for so long had just been spoken. I need you. Any other time, it would have been enough to get Asami Ryuichi to admit that much. He was crying because those words wouldn't cut it this time, and he wished they would.
He stood in silence, and knocked on the cell door to be let out. He needed to get away, to breathe anything but the air that smelt like Asami, he needed to think.
The unsightly buzz of the door signaling its opening sounded. Asami's next words stayed his hand on the door handle.
"Akihito. I'm sorry I've never said those words to you. Just know I've always wanted to."
With his resolve near in tatters, Akihito managed to get out and shut the cold metal door behind him before he sank to his knees. He didn't think it would be this hard to face Asami again, and he didn't think it would be this hard to walk away, either. All his energy, all his emotions, everything was gone.
Feilong was there in an instant. The hall way had been cleared of personnel, and he stood over Akihito in protective silence as Akihito fought to regain himself.
Eventually, he stood. His mind was still in chaos, but he couldn't be there any longer.
"Feilong, take me back to my old apartment."