FIRELINK SHRINE
Lex and Beatrice had made good time getting out of Blighttown, neither of them wanting to spend any more time among the poison and bugs and mutants than they had to. As they crossed the rickety wooden planks that spanned the Valley of Drakes, Lex pointed out where Beatrice's corpse would be. For once, she lacked a "witty" response, merely staring at the empty space on the cliffside while the cleric unlocked the crumbling turret that guarded the back road into New Londo. The silence continued as they passed through the dimly-lit cavern of the abandoned metropolis and to the grimy steel elevator. To Lex's surprise, it was at their level rather than up at Firelink where it was supposed to be at game start, but he chalked it up to a minor divergence and stepped on the button to send it up.
On the ride up, Beatrice still seemed to be in a daze, so he left her be and hummed awkwardly to himself. As they neared the top, voices began to echo from the Shrine above.
"-and so the thief said, 'like I Carim!'"
This was followed by uproarious laughter, which was great because it meant that Lautrec hadn't murdered everyone. As he and Beatrice wound the stairs up to the lower Shrine, he found Oscar, Siegmeyer, Laurentius, Griggs, and even the Crestfallen Warrior all gathered in a circle in front of Anastacia's prison. The warriors had forgone their helmets, and Oscar was gesticulating wildly as he began to describe the time when his uncle Bertram found himself atop a raging bull and rode it halfway across the county. As the pair walked up, the knight stopped his story and waved them over, Laurentius scooting back to enlarge the circle.
"Lex! Beatrice! We heard the Bell from here! I take it you had no trouble!"
"You kidding me?" Beatrice said, finally back to herself. "It's just one thing after another with this dipshit! First, he-"
"Stop. Stopstopstop. I'll tell you more secrets and stuff," the cleric said hurriedly. "Just…don't go into any detail about what happened down there. Honest. I know where to find some scrolls on forbidden sorceries that I know I'll regret giving you."
Beatrice shrugged.
"Works for me, kid. I'll just hold onto it to blackmail you later."
They sat down between Laurentius and Griggs. Though the latter had at first seemed a little relieved he would no longer have to sit next to a filthy pyromancer, a witch wasn't much better.
Oscar and Siegmeyer looked at Lex with concern, so he continued, "Right, so. In short, the Bell was rung, yes. There were some minor difficulties, but I did join the aforementioned Covenant. Everything is all right now. There is no cause for alarm. How did you guys do with the psychopath?"
Oscar glanced at Siegmeyer, who nodded.
"If you're sure you're fine… It was bad. I was desperate not to fail again, so I ran ahead without Siegmeyer. A deity's champion is nothing to scoff at. He completely overwhelmed me and destroyed my family's sword. Wilhelm, here," he gestured to the Crestfallen Warrior, "gave me his own sword, but I just got a second beating.
He tried to go after Anastacia while I was down. Wilhelm stopped him, at the cost of his own life. I was able to get a counterattack in because of that, but then I managed to break Wilhelm's sword as well. Fortunately, Siegmeyer caught up with Laurentius and Griggs, and the three of them scared him off. Honestly," he grumbled sarcastically, "if we have to fight a third evil knight, I'm going to save him the trouble and hollow myself."
"Nah. There aren't anymore knights. Well, maybe with a capital K."
"What-?!"
"So anyway, I had a few questions for you, Griggs. I mean, I know I'm a cleric and you're a sorcerer, but do you think it would be possible to apply some of the principles of sorcery to miracles? Keeping in mind that killing the originator of a miracle doesn't weaken it, I wonder if it isn't possible to develop new miracles using the same methodology as with sorceries."
"I… I had never considered it. If what you say is true, I suppose it could be possible. Perhaps Master Logan would know more."
"I think his focus is a bit more narrow than what I'm looking for. Let's have a little chat about it off to the side so that Beatrice doesn't use her nonsense powers to steal stuff before it exists."
Though Griggs wasn't exactly enthused about it, Lex managed to drag him off toward the aqueduct while Beatrice showed off a rudimentary flame sorcery she had developed during the brief time she'd spent interrogating Quelana. It was nothing especially interesting – merely flame arrows instead of soul arrows – but Laurentius looked on in wonder.
"It's beautiful! I have never seen a flame so calm. It's like it's asleep. Where did you learn to tame it like that?"
"Of course you haven't seen anything like it, swamp-shit. It's actual sorcery instead of that fake crap. The damn hag didn't want to teach me anything, so I had to piece it together from what she told me about how it worked."
"Even a witch hates pyromancy. I can't believe this."
"That was uncalled-for, Beatrice," Siegmeyer scolded.
"I can't help it if a bunch of ass-backward swamp-dwellers keep reinventing the wheel because none of them know how to write and take their spells to the grave. They're just as shit as that repressive Dragon School."
"That's still-!"
"Hey Siegmeyer, come over here!" Lex interrupted.
"Beatrice," the knight said, rising, "when I come back, I expect you to have worked out your differences. Is that understood?"
She knew better than to try arguing with someone who took that tone, so she just muttered a shallow, "Yeah, sure, whatever."
As soon as he turned, Beatrice cocked her head to one side and flipped him off with both hands. Oscar started to say something, but the witch just drew the Fire Keeper soul out of a belt pouch and thrust it into his hands. He frowned at her disapprovingly but turned back to Anastacia. Wilhelm, seeing the camaraderie dying faster than the Fire, shook his head and sighed deeply before returning to his usual place in front of the bonfire.
"Look, if you want to try to stop being a failure of a magic user, maybe the hag would be more inclined to teach you. She's the one who sold out and watered perfectly good sorcery down to that useless shit anyway."
Laurentius stared at her, dumbfounded.
"You met the mother of pyromancy?"
"Yeah. A shame. She's definitely a genius, but she's such a fricking coward. Definitely the sort of loser you'd expect to have invented a new kind of magic out of paranoia."
"Please, tell me. I came to Lordran to attune myself to the ancient arts. Learning from the mother of pyromancy herself would make all of this worth it."
"Yeah, yeah, keep your pants on, swampy. She's with her sisters down at the bottom of Blighttown in the horrifying spider pit. Make sure you don't get stabbed to death by the angry one like the shitty prophet did."
"I… Thank you," Laurentius said curtly, quickly rising and heading down the stairs to the elevator.
"He's screwed," Beatrice said, glancing at Oscar. "Let's go grab fatty and the kid. Now he owes me two kinds of new sorcery, and I intend to collect, pronto."
Oscar nodded, and they headed up to the upper Shrine, Oscar carrying both his and Siegmeyer's helmets. The knight waved at Wilhelm as they passed, and the warrior managed a weak nod in return. They found the trio with one more standing at the base of the stairs to the aqueduct. Lex had removed his breastplate and was making wild gestures with his talisman while talking to Griggs and Siegmeyer. A man in a strange horned helmet was seated off to the side and was tinkering with the cleric's armor.
"Aye, siwmae!" he said enthusiastically, looking up. "This group just gets more and more interesting. Catarina and Astora. Dragon School and a witch. A cleric who wants to make up miracles. You're quite a fun lot."
"I think I've learned what I needed to," Lex said, nodding at Griggs. "Do you think you can make the modifications, Domhnall?"
"Well, I'm willing to give it a try. Even a failure will make for an interesting collection piece."
"Grand. Now Oscar, you said your sword was broken, right? Do you think you could use this?"
Now not wearing any sort of bag, Lex's hand instinctively went to his trouser pocket. In blatant defiance of reality, he began to draw out a greatsword the size of a tall man's leg. He winced a little as he saw that his blood had dried on the blade from when it had nearly bisected him. Still, he shrugged it off as best he could and handed the Black Knight sword to Oscar.
"This is… the sword of one of Lord Gwyn's knights," he began, in awe. "Where did you get it?"
"My small intestine. You're going to want to wash that off."
Oscar cringed a little but put down the helmets and took the sword regardless. He took a few practice swings to get used to the weight.
"It's heavy," he murmured. "I guess the weapon of a demigod couldn't be any lighter. It would break under the wielder's strength."
"Well, either that or on the dragons."
Oscar nodded and strapped the weapon to his belt, feeling a little wary of wearing a sword with no sheath. Lex glanced at the bonfire.
"I wonder exactly how the time distortion works. Beatrice, have you ever experimented with it?"
"A little. I know the hows but not the whys. If you hit the bonfire right now, you'd be able to skip waiting on whatever the hell horn-guy is doing because you don't give a shit. Horn-guy would live through it normally because he's actually working. So hit the bonfire, and let's hit the road. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not getting any younger."
"What an interesting principle. I wonder if Master Logan-"
"Shut up, Lizard School."
"Oh, Beatrice, not again," Siegmeyer sighed.
Lex shook his head and walked over to the bonfire, nodding at Wilhelm. When he reached out to it, the world swirled around him in a blur of flame. Oscar, Beatrice, and Siegmeyer didn't move, but the corpses of the slain hollows rose up around them. He watched Domhnall move in fast-forward, killing the hollows again and making the adjustments to his armor.
"The hollows didn't come back this time…" Oscar said thoughtfully. "Wait… The bodies have moved."
"Now that was a strange sight," Domhnall said cheerfully. "From my perspective, you all were standing perfectly still for the past few- Ah! We can't know how much time passed, can we?"
He chuckled lightly and waved Lex over. The Eastern cuirass was normally covered in small bits of metal in order to provide armor without drastically increasing weight or reducing flexibility. As a result, however, it clanked like a bag of coins whenever the wearer moved. The Zenese armor collector held up the modified version to show that now it was even worse. Additional metal plates clanked against one another, small bits hanging off the edges tinkled like a chime, and even the existing plates had been modified to clash against one another. Further, some of the round plates had been gouged out and bound together again at odd angles, and likewise, the lion's head on the left shoulder now had a steel cone dipping into its throat.
"I trust everything is to your liking?"
Lex looked it over and then took it to feel the difference in weight.
"Yeah. Looks great."
"Thank you. It's rare that I'm asked to modify existing armors. It was a fine change of pace."
The cleric strapped the armor back on and nodded to his companions.
"Thank you, Domhnall, and you, Griggs."
"No, the pleasure was mine," the sorcerer replied. "I never would have suspected a priest would be interested in pushing the frontiers of magic. It reminded me a little of Master Logan."
"Right. I'll make sure to send him your way when we get him out of the Funhouse."
"The what?"
"He got caught in the Fortress of a Thousand Traps. No big deal."
"Please, yes! It is imperative that I find Master Logan. If he is trapped, I beg of you to free him!"
"Yeah. I mean, there's no reason why I wouldn't. I even freed that psychopath, Lautrec."
"That was…?"
"Anyway, time to move, people!"
He waved them on toward the ruined chapel before Griggs could continue the train of thought. The sorcerer shook his head and sighed, simply waving them off as they walked away.
UNDEAD PARISH
Between the four of them, the hollow soldiers that blocked their way were trivial, so they continued to the bonfire in the old church. Lex and Oscar headed downstairs to meet Andre while Siegmeyer tried to lecture Beatrice on how to play nice with others.
"Well, if it isn't my favorite customers," he said, putting down his latest work. "What can I do for you boys?"
"We need you to improve our armor before we head over to the deathtrap across the bridge. And also-"
Lex rummaged in his bag and removed a small box make of bleached wood. The top of the box was open, and a faint white light streamed out of it, emitting a pleasant warmth.
"My, that's a rare ember you have there," Andre said. "I've seen one of those before… It's the ember of a divine blacksmith. Might you consider leaving that with me? I could produce divine weapons with a flame such as that."
"Yeah. I don't know whether it was deliberate or just negligence, but one of Seath's creatures attacked the tower in Darkroot. The other divine smith is petrified over his anvil. Without a fragrant branch to restore him, you're the only one who can ascend my claymore."
Andre looked down at his anvil, shaking his head.
"Well, that is a shame. I didn't know him personally, but he made fine weapons." He sighed, "Give the ember here, and I'll see if I can do his work justice."
Lex handed over the box and his sword before following Oscar's lead and beginning to unbuckle his armor. The cleric set his newly-refurbished Eastern cuirass aside since they had no twinkling titanite, and then the two of them headed upstairs in their waistcloths.
"Holy shit, is it my birthday already?" Beatrice said, as they came into view, laughing madly.
"Oho! What happened to your armor, you two?"
"Gave it to the smith downstairs," Lex said, turning sideways to hide his shame. "I'm sorry, Siegmeyer, but we need a special kind of titanite to upgrade yours. And technically Beatrice's, but I don't know how you can reinforce robes with metal anyway. Or why you would need a special type for that."
"Hey, kid! Smile!"
There was a flash of sorcerous energy. Beatrice was holding a rolled-up scroll to one eye and waving her staff in her other hand. Grinning like a certain forest cat, she unrolled the scroll to reveal a lifelike painting of Lex in his waistcloth.
"What the-?"
"Don't worry, kid! It's not for myself! I figure I can make some easy souls if I sell it to your spider friend! Unless you want to buy it, yourself…"