Midway through Siegmeyer's story about fighting the entire Carimin army in his underpants to rescue his betrothed from a rival suitor, a thought came to Lex.
"Wait a moment. Sen locked the door. How's Kirk even supposed to get to us? I knew we should have just climbed the Fortress."
"I could rough him up again," Beatrice offered, glad for the respite from the tall tale.
"It is strange," Oscar mused. "We've completed the tests. Shouldn't Lord Sen have opened the gate?"
"You know what?" Lex continued. "He probably can't. There's a giant who opens it on cue. I bet it won't listen to him, except to close the gate."
"No, he said he'd put a new bell outside after he finished rebuilding," Oscar replied. "He must have some means of commanding them."
"Hm. What if we asked the giant to open the gate?" Siegmeyer said suddenly. "The other I spoke with was a pleasant fellow. I'm sure it would be no trouble at all if Lex could guide me to the gatekeeper."
The cleric bobbed his head back and forth.
"Yeah, it's pretty easy. Main problem is that getting there involves a near-fatal jump into that pit we were in. You up for it?"
"Oh please. Falling is one thing all this extra weight will actually help. Oscar, Beatrice, will you join us? I'll understand if you still need time to recover. The bonfire may heal physical wounds, but wounds of the mind can linger."
"I'll be all right," Oscar said, "but I think I'll take some personal time while we're here. I'll walk with you part of the way."
"Later, losers," Beatrice grumbled, staring blankly into the fire.
With that, the three men rose and headed up the Fortress. Oscar separated shortly, heading back to Ricard's tower, so Lex and Siegmeyer continued without him to the elevator room.
"Go ahead and climb inside the cage. It'll take us down to the entry floor. Since we both can't fit, I'll ride on top."
"If you insist. I wouldn't mind waiting on you to come down yourself."
"Nah, it's fine. I'm fairly impatient."
Siegmeyer stepped into the gibbet and closed the door. The cage immediately began its descent, so the cleric grabbed onto the chain and stepped onto the top. The makeshift elevator slid down smoothly enough, though some of the swinging pendulums were a little too close for comfort now that Lex wasn't desperately focused on hanging on. When they reached the bottom, Siegmeyer stepped out first and held the cage steady while Lex hopped off.
"I'm not too crazy about going back into the room of a thousand doors," he murmured as he looked at the last of the new puzzles ahead of him. "If you're cool with it, let's go ahead and jump off here. It won't be as dangerous without the cobra clerics to shoot at us, but we'll still need to outrun the titanite demon on the far side."
"I'll trust in your judgment, Prophet Lex."
"I'm not sure that's a sound idea, but okay."
The cleric took a few steps back, then ran forward and leaped off the bridge.
"I hate this plaaaaaaaaace!"
He landed hard and rolled toward the wall, stopping just short of it. Siegmeyer, with much more momentum, hit it and bounced, actually managing to regain his feet on the rebound.
"Okay, so basically, what we need to do is follow this wall and head into the tiny little room at the end without getting slapped around by that monster opposite it, because fighting that thing is a pain."
"That should be an easy task after passing the rest of Lord Sen's tests."
They pushed forward through the muck easily enough at first, but as they drew closer, the demon raised its catch pole and hurled a bolt of wild electricity at them.
"Do a barrel roll!"
Lex abandoned dignity and began to continuously roll through the muck, knowing well that it didn't affect roll speed. Siegmeyer was more hesitant, but followed suit, his ungraceful tumbling not much faster than his slowed pace. Still, they both made it to the small ladder room without being blasted back to the bonfire. They climbed the ladder to a small room overlooking the initial balcony, but instead of jumping down to it, Lex turned to a bricked-up doorway. He gave it a swift kick, but it was fairly solid.
"Allow me, my friend."
The cleric stepped away, and Siegmeyer rammed it with his shoulder, smashing through on the first try.
"Oh yeah!" Lex cried, following him through the dust and onto the lowest part of the Fortress' roof.
He almost walked straight into the old knight, who had stopped abruptly.
"What is it? This one not as friendly as-?"
The giant tumbled backward, shaking the stone as it hit the floor just in front of them. Something splattered on the pair – blood, it seemed on inspection. Something else thudded to the floor, rolling a bit further after it fell. Siegmeyer's head turned slowly, following it. Eventually, the giant's severed head came to a rest in front of them, nearly as tall as the men themselves, its features obscured by a mask, as with all giants.
A monster turned its head toward the humans and hissed. Eight legs skittered forward, gouging burning holes into the solid stone of the Fortress. The giant's blood sizzled and popped as it evaporated from the heat of the jagged chitin blade. Quelaag flipped a lost strand of hair out of her face as she approached.
"Ah. This saves me the trouble of looking for you. Quelara insisted I come myself, and I dare not aggravate her with her condition as it is. You are lucky to have her favor."
"You- you monster!" Siegmeyer shouted.
"You would do well to inform your companions of your alliances, prophet."
"Uh, yeah. Siegmeyer, this is Quelaag, one of the Daughters of Chaos."
"What quarrel did you have with this fellow, that you needed to slay him so?" the knight huffed.
"I did you a favor, Onion Knight. Anor Londo's chattel are so tiresome to deal with."
"You insult this proud giant and the knights of noble Catarina?"
"Did that insect look proud to you? I saw a brute enslaved to the end of his days. I put him out of his misery. As I have done for many of your kind, Onion Knight."
Siegmeyer lifted one hand toward his sword, but shaking with anger, put it down again.
"Lex, I'm afraid I must retire to the bonfire before I do something I regret."
With that, the old knight clanked off, back into the Fortress.
"Well, that was awkward. I can see why you shoot first and ask questions later."
"What are you saying, prophet?"
"Just that maybe you should have some Servants dedicated to interacting with the rest of the world. So far, you seem to just murder everyone you meet. Which, I'll admit, is very impressive and especially Khornate, but it isn't particularly productive."
"What would you know of such things? If your prophecies are fake as you claim, then you are merely a cleric, no better than any of the others I have slain."
"Hey. My god is fake, but my knowledge is real, if subject to change. There are nine Covenants in Lordran, and hypothetically an unlimited number of Chosen Undead what with all of the parallel timeline nonsense going on. You could harvest a lot more humanity if you made being a Chaos Servant much more attractive. As it stands, the only ones who join are the ones who feel bad for your sister, the ones who want to open the shortcut on the way to kill your mother, and the pyromaniacs."
"What sort of-?" Quelaag began, taken aback by the sudden declaration.
Lex tried out his best Billy Mays impression.
"But wait, there's more! Some Chosen Undead profess loyalty to a Covenant that doesn't even exist, just because they're infatuated with the so-called leader. If you were maybe a little friendlier, you could have so many more Servants. There are fewer loyal Servants than there are Sunbros, and their leader is an inanimate statue for crying out loud."
"What would you suggest, if you're so insightful?" the witch spat.
"Humans are quick to turn on each other, especially for a grand cause. The Darkmoon Blades and the Forest Hunters both have rings that summon the wearer whenever their respective territory is infringed upon. Maybe you could dig up something in Izalith and make some rings that do the same. I'm sure you must be desperate if the majority of your humanity comes from Kirk's fake Darkwraithing."
Now, Quelaag was livid.
"Don't you think if we could do something like that, we would? That ring Quelara gave you wasn't just lying around. It belonged to Quelasa, and why it was entrusted to a human is beyond me."
Lex gulped nervously and glanced around, trying not to look at the Furysword, which flared every time the Chaos Witch spoke.
"If, uh… if you just need a smith, I know where to find one. Both of the Flame Embers are in the Demon Ruins, though you probably already knew that."
"This smith. Where is he?"
"Hidden room in the Catacombs. You've got to fall down the broken spiral staircase without killing yourself. Name's Vamos. Looks like a skeleton with a beard."
Quelaag whipped the sword around, pointing it at Lex's throat.
"Do you swear by this information, prophet?"
He gulped again and met her stare.
"Uh…Yeah. Things have, uh, changed from what I know, but I don't think anything short of killing him and moving the body would cause Vamos to leave his forge."
She drew her sword back and pulled back her hair, revealing a Widow's Ring in her ear.
"Kirk!" she barked. "The prophet says Vamos was playing dead and is presently in the Catacombs. Fetch him if he lives. Inform me regardless; I must repay the prophet appropriately."
"So. You know Vamos? What's the story with him and that helmet?"
"Don't you have a cliff to scale?" Quelaag hissed, still angry.
"Ah… I guess you're right. I was just curious. I'm kind of assuming ordinary time is irrelevant, and the world is waiting on certain events to happen before things move forward, so I'm not really in any sort of hurry. But I guess I'd better not keep everyone else waiting."
"Or perhaps you shouldn't keep the Chaos Witch with the poor attitude waiting."
"What, no! Your attitude is fine! It's just that you kind of murdered me…and probably a lot of other people that could have helped you. You're a little trigger-happy; that's all."
"Where are your companions?" Quelaag asked, ignoring him.
"There's a bonfire on a balcony around back. I guess I'll-"
Before he could say anything else, the drider scooped him up with her free hand and slung him over her shoulder. The spider tensed and then leapt over the corner of the roof. Stone shrieked as the sharp feet dug into the side of the Fortress, then Lex shrieked because he was secretly afraid of heights. Quelaag stomped grumpily around to the rear of the Fortress. Alerted by the noise, Oscar stood on guard while Beatrice simply played with her fire sorcery.
"Hold," Oscar said cautiously. He glanced about for a moment before continuing, "Lex, are you all right?"
"Yeah…" the cleric said nervously. "Just not the type who enjoys dangling a few hundred feet above the ground, even if it means close contact with a hot chick."
At that, Quelaag tossed him onto the balcony.
"How did you become part of this nonsense, knight? You seem to have your wits about you, which is more than can be said about the others," she said distastefully.
"Eat me, bitch," Beatrice interrupted.
"Keep that attitude, and I just might," Quelaag snapped back, her spider hissing.
"I don't travel with her by choice," Oscar said, trying to preempt a fight. "Lex kept me from hollowing. He knows more about the First Flame than anyone else. I'm better off with him than alone. Our last member came along for the adventure."
"Are you aware of what it means to succeed the Lord of Sunlight?"
Oscar nodded gravely.
"Lex has explained it to me. It must be done, and I no longer have a place to return to. If things continue much longer, my homeland itself might not survive."
"A noble enough cause, but will it sustain you?"
"If not, then Lex will be around to pester me back to sanity."
"Hey."
"Yes, it seems he has that effect on people."
"Hey."
Quelaag looked up, eyes following the sheer cliff to Anor Londo.
"We can be formally introduced another time. I have a great deal to accomplish, and I don't want to be away any longer than needed. It was… pleasant… speaking with you, human."
"Likewise. I was hesitant when Lex spoke of involving himself with Chaos Witches, but between Beatrice, Velka, and yourself, you seem to be the normal one."
Quelaag cracked a wry smile.
"Farewell, human."
With that, she climbed around the side of the Fortress and toward the cliffside. Once she was a good distance away, Lex's ring began to hum. He put it to his ear and turned away from the others.
"How was that for friendly?" she hissed.