Kakashi lay half on and half off the bed.

He didn't know what time it was because the clock was broken and the dark curtains were pulled closed. He didn't know what day it was because he hadn't left the house for awhile and he wasn't sure how much he cared.

He was depressed.

He knew the feeling oh too familiarly but it did nothing to ease the pain. He just wanted to disappear, fade and not feel anything. But despite the numbness of his body there was an ebb and flow of emotional pain that rose like a wave.

Rin was dead.

He felt regret but he didn't know why. He blamed himself but he couldn't explain it.

There was a time in the past that Rin had almost died. It was right after the three tailed beast was sealed in her, and she said that she was triggered to go crazy once they reached the village.

He had been too desperate to save her and so had Obito so neither of them listened. The enemy attacked and he used his strongest jutsu to protect her….

But she wanting to protect them raced in front of him with self sacrifice in her heart and in that moment he almost killed her.

He didn't know how he hadn't, the memory was foggy as was Rin's but Rin apologized profusely for doing such a thing;

he could never forget.

And now that Rin was… Well he felt like he had killed her.

He had mentioned a sugar coated version to Naruto. How jutsu's were dangerous and one day you may turn them against your friend and kill them. But Naruto looked looked at him innocently as always and with clear blue eyes said.

'You won't'

That had pissed him off. Because Naruto was too young and naive to understand the dark side of the ninja world that killed or be killed. That obeyed orders such as assassination just because someone paid them… Naruto was a child.

And Kakashi had said as much offhandedly. But Naruto heard and gave him a gentle almost knowing smile,

'I won't let you'

Kakashi gripped the sheets of the bed.

But even if kakashi hadn't killed Rin he hadn't saved her either and that felt just as bad. So he soaked in the pain and agony. He wanted revenge, to kill, to hate the person who did this; so he waited. Because sure enough Obito would find the person responsible and they would call upon his skills. And wasn't made Anbu captain for kicks. It didn't matter who the person was or what negotiations were made as soon as the name was out he'd crush them.

And deep down in the child like portion of his heart he knew he was wrong. That doing this would surely be the end of him, that revenge wasn't the answer….

But that was deep down, too deep for Kakashi to pay much mind to and so he brushed it off.

He would wait sinking in this depression until the chance came to unleash the fury that boiled inside him…

"My eternal rival"

Kakashi squinted as the dark curtain was ripped to the side and standing in his window was Might Gai. Kakashi frowned he had no energy to deal with the man in all honesty.

"How long do you plan to stay in here and let your youthfulness wither away"

Kakashi turned his head not bothering to give a response. Gai was oppressive in nature but he wasn't stupid. He could understand people to a certain degree and Kakashi had a feeling the man was more observant than he let on.

"Leave"

He moaned out as he pushed himself up, Going into the kitchen for water.

"The funeral has long ended...i did not see you there."

That made Kakashi stop. He hadn't gone to the funeral because he didn't want to see it. He didn't want proof that she was dead...he couldn't.

"Have you been locked away for so long?"

Kakashi grit his teeth and slammed his fist on the counter,

"SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU…."

But looking into that hardened stare Kakashi bit his tongue. Because him and Gai weren't all that different. Both had lost their mothers both had lost their fathers. And Even if Gai wasn't Rin's teammate he was often seen flitting and flirting about her making Obito angry in jealousy.

He couldn't do this….

Kakashi looked away going back to get his cup. He heard the man sigh. Though Gai was normally so energetic he could calm down when necessary,

"I suppose that i take it you have not heard the news then…"

Kakashi didn't want to hear anything from this man, he wished that Gai would just leave to be honest,

"The news….of who it is they say killed Rin…."

And in a match of speed Gai was faster than Kakashi. That was why he saw Kakashi's movements so clearly, and though he could avoid it, it was a wonder why he didn't. Why he LET Kakashi slam him against the wall or why he willingly looked into those mismatched eyes that he supposed Kakashi was trying to intimidate him with.

But he knew Kakashi. They, despite all their competitions and fights. were friends. Gai was there when Kakashi needed it and Kakashi was there when Gai needed it. And maybe that's why Gai let him,

"Who...who killed Rin?"

But this darkness in Kakashi was something that shouldn't have been there. It was vengeance to cover the pain and loss and as his friend he would not like his hip rival fall to something as trivial as this.

"And what will you do, Kakashi? What will you do if i tell you?"

they both knew. That darkness that could barely be hidden. They both knew what he was planning and what he would do,

"...Gai...answer me…"

Gai frowned and in a swift movement grabbed his wrist and twisted. Kakashi's eyes widened in vertigo and before he could orient himself slammed into the floor painfully,

"You should have been able to get out of that… you have not been eating properly…"

Kakashi glared at him. It wasn't a lie Kakashi had been eating nothing but bread and soldier pills for god knows how long and so he wasn't exactly in top condition… but if Gai thought that would be enough to hold him down he was wrong.

"Gai…"

Kakashi straightened himself kneeling off the floor,

"I said answer me…"

And though he wasn't using his chidori Lightning danced along his right arm like a dog waiting for his master to release him for the kill. And sure Kakashi wasn't as skilled in taijutsu as Gai but he had over a thousand techniques at his disposal and chakra depletion be damned he was going to rip out the name from Gai's throat no matter what it took!

"Then you answer me, what will you do?"

It wasn't a difficult question but something in the back of his mind told him that he couldn't, he wasn't allowed to say it outloud,

"Will you kill them?"

Kakashi stared at the man, and then rushed him. And being in such a small room like Kakashi's apartment was should have made it rather difficult to fight in, but Gai and Kakashi were trained Jounin. They were taught how to fight in enclosed areas. But as Gai had accurately assessed Kakashi wasn't fit enough to face him, besides not eating properly he had neglected his daily training. And so though Kakashi had done well flashing through Katas and keeping up with Gai the battle of endurance ended quickly and Gai sent Kakashi sliding back.

"YOU ARE MY ETERNAL RIVAL!"

Kakashi looked confused at the sudden announcement.

"That is why if you chose to go down this dark path it is my duty to stop you…"

This guy only seemed to anger him more.

"And if you truly with to kill that person, then…."

Gai's eyes lowered in sorrow,

"I truly pity him…"

The chakra moved before his mind did,

Pity…?

Gai would pity him…?

The person who killed Rin?

THEY DIDN'T DESERVE ANYTHING BUT DEATH!

The chidori was in his hand before he could rationally think of what he was about to do,

"For you to kill that person… the person who is said to have killed Rin…"

Gai reached in his holster and began to take out a folded pack of papers but Kakashi was moving already, done with this conversation and sick of Gai's mouth moving,

"That person…"

Kakashi began to stretch out his arm toward Gai if he just hit him in the shoulder he wouldn't die at the very least. He would just be incapacitated enough for Kakashi to get him out and gone… And then he would head to the hokage tower and get the information for himself...surely someone in the office would know and….

"Naruto Uzumaki"

The chidori disappeared instantly just as Kakashi reached him and the papers that had been in Gai's hand were fluttering in the air.

And though Kakashi's mind was blank his body was well trained and the revealed sharingan raced over the words of the papers catching as much important information as possible, and as it did he felt his body tremble,

Naruto…?

'Testimony of witness'

Naruto would never….

"I"

'Intercepted enemy and ally in hopes to disrupt conflict and rectify the situation…'

"Killed"

'Lose of control….demon chakra… not coherent….'

"Rin"

'Take full responsibility… incident…'

Kakashi felt his heart stop and his breathing quicken, because he couldn't believe it….

'I, Naruto Uzumaki, confess to the murder/slaughter of Rin Nohara'

"DAMMIT!"

Because it wasn't right! There was no way that Naruto killed Rin! No matter what the papers said Naruto would never!

"F*CK!DAMMIT!"

And Gai watched his rival unfold. Because truly this was too cruel. It was a fact only believed amongst a few but Naruto couldn't have killed Rin. There was just no way. Plus whispers were heard that the Uchiha witness had said that Naruto hadn't arrived until after. That meant Naruto was innocent… But he took the fall.

He knew that they wouldn't kill him, so him being the scapegoat was the best possible outcome politically however…..

It was cruel….

It was cruel to the person that had actually committed the crime because they would forever live with the guilt and never be able to atone.

And it was cruel to the ones who had no outlet for the anger they felt… for Obito and Kakashi…

Neither would hurt Naruto, they both cared for the boy. So neither could exact revenge. They would have to endure the pain of losing a friend and not being able to heal the guilt they had.

Naruto had chosen the best route for the village but the cruelest one for the ones precious to him…. And Gai wondered if he knew...

If he knew that his decision would be so painful and heartbreaking for those three. And if he did….

Wouldn't that be worse….

Gai sighed,

"We cannot undo what we didn't do, nor can we continue to wish for things we should have done."

Kakashi looked up at the green beast and Gai could only feel pity,

"But there are still things that need to be done, and things that can only be done now."

Gai stood up straight,

"THERE ARE THINGS THAT ONLY MY ETERNAL RIVAL CAN DO!"

And as Kakashi listened he did understand… He knew Naruto took the only option he could and took this path because it was the only thing he could do at the time. And there were things that only Kakashi could do as well that in his depression he had neglected,

"RISE MY FRIEND!"

Kakashi was tired...tired of wallowing in pain and anger...Naruto had played a cruel joke on him…

"Never lose your heart. Stand for what you believe. Even if the world is against you find the truth with your own hands and never let go."

Who had said that? He couldn't seem to remember.

"Stay calm and collected, balance your feelings. Protect your friends and guard your home. And when you make a mistake…"

The memory was always foggy with falling leaves raining from the trees around him.

"Apologize, be sincere and learn from it. Don't carry the burden alone, run to a friend and cry. And when you're done crying go back to being cool and try again."

It had been a matra. He repeated to himself so many times. And just like before when he had been depressed he had forgotten.

"Dammit…"

Even when Kakashi was resigned to throw himself into the darkness, Naruto was saving him, just like when they first met and even now when he wasn't even here.

And sure in the most painful way, but still…

"I want to see him…"

Kakashi whispered because Kakashi felt like he needed that person that was Naruto. He needed that anchor that always guided him to the light when he was lost in darkness. That like the sun radiated happiness in the form of the smile.

"Naruto…"

"My youthful rival is no longer here."

Kakashi's head jerked to look at his friend eyes wide.

No longer here… then where…?

"It would seem that Master Jiraiya has taken not only him but the Uchiha boy with him on a mission"

Jiraiya?

Kakashi cursed in his head. If Jiraiya had taken Naruto that meant that currently the village was too dangerous for him to stay pulled himself to a stand.

Now that he had calmed down he could think a bit clearer. If Naruto had confessed….He tried to keep the self hate and regret from coming up. He should have been there. THe council had probably done something terrible he just knew it. Not to mention if the whole village thought that Naruto killed Rin… He should have been there.

No.

He couldn't think like that,

"THERE ARE THINGS THAT ONLY MY ETERNAL RIVAL CAN DO!"

Kakashi looked at Gai. He was a goofy man that talked about nothing else but training, youth and rivals. But when Kakashi felt utterly alone it was this man that brought him back. And Kakashi knew that he always would, no matter how far or deep he fell into darkness. Even if Kakashi betrayed the village it would be Gai that chased after his tail in order to beat some sense into him.

There were things that only he could do. And even if he wanted to run after Naruto and hold the boy while apologizing that just wasn't possible now.

He would just have to wait….

"And when you make a mistake…"

Because that seemed like all he was capable of doing sometimes

"Apologize, be sincere and learn from it."

He would…. over and over again until his voice ran out…

" Don't carry the burden alone, run to a friend and cry."

How could he forget that he was never really alone. That there was someone that was there to support him and would stick with him no matter how bad it got.

"And when you're done crying…."

Kakashi took a deep breath,

"First i need a shower"

Gai watched his eternal friend with a smile; Kakashi was back.

"After that food and some well needed exercise; you really don't hold back do you?"

"GAH! YOU SHOULD BE MORE YOUTHFUL!"

Kakashi smiled,

"Maa… and i guess after that…"

go back to being cool and try again."

"I should pay Obito a visit"

So I know I left ya'll in the dark about Kakashi but he suffered from major depression long before and so I thought it key to note that depression doesn't magically go away forever it.