"Please, forgivest me."

The crossbreed whisked her long sleeve in front of her face, the trailing fur whipping up the snow. The instant her eyes were covered, she vanished from sight. There was a light breeze and the sound of feet pattering across the stone. The crow demons' heads tilted to one side and then rolled off bloodlessly. The woman reappeared near the exit, frowning.

"Come, we mustn't tarry."

Lex shrugged.

"Well, this is fine, I guess. Let's get a move on, Oscar."

"What just happened?" the knight asked as they hurried out the doorway and along the crumbling stone bridge to the far tower. "It's clear that Velka had us under some spell. For what purpose?"

"Oh. She was trying to make me get rid of you and Siegmeyer. And…uh oh. Uh, she said Beatrice had already been taken care of."

"I have no love for that madwoman, but I wouldn't wish the raven goddess on anyone. We need to hurry before Velka convinces her that she rules the world or some other nonsense."

The group ran to the end of the bridge, at last coming across to a smaller, more open tower than the one they had left. They wasted no time here, however, quickly crossing to the other side. They climbed a short stairway to another bridge, this one sharply unfinished. The crossbreed didn't hesitate, taking a running leap from the ledge. In the open air, she tucked her arms to her side and plunged straight down into the darkness of the canyon below.

"Oh my-!" Siegmeyer bellowed.

"Just do it!" Lex shouted backward before leaping with both legs spread and arms outstretched. Catching the reference, he snickered and shouted, "Come on and slam and go back to Lordran!"

Jeremiah jumped next, making a glamorous swimming dive into the darkness.

"The gods were all mad, weren't they?" Oscar muttered before making a running long jump.

At last, Siegmeyer resigned himself and belly flopped into oblivion.

ANOR LONDO

The group found themselves in Anor Londo, looking at the painting as if they had merely drifted off while doing so, rather than having been sucked into a prison dimension. The main difference was that they were missing a witch and had acquired an exiled king and a half-dragon demigod. The crossbreed was the first to recover. She blinked severely as her eyes grew used to the sun after a millennium of moonlight, and she basked in the warmth for a moment. As the others turned about, she vanished again.

The white-robed painting guardians whirled around when they heard the sound of bare feet slapping against the marble, but their heads rolled from their shoulders one by one before they could react. There was no sound of cutting, nor was there any blood. The Undead followed the trail of bodies to the doorway at the far end of the cathedral, where the crossbreed reappeared. She stooped under the human-sized arch, smiling faintly.

"When last I passed here, I was small enough to fit. Oh, forgive my rudeness," she said without stopping. "I am called Priscilla. It is my pleasure to know you all."

"Lex of Luthor, prophet of Slaanesh."

"Oscar, of Astora."

"My name is Siegmeyer of Catarina! The pleasure is all mine, Lady Priscilla. We happen to be missing our last member for now, but I'm sure we'll find her shortly."

"You're not worried about her?" Oscar asked.

"Of course I am! But she's a strong young woman – and the only one of us who has managed to avoid a terrible fate so far!"

He chuckled pleasantly, so Oscar shrugged and said no more. Now that they were all on the balcony, Priscilla turned the lever and curtsied.

"Though our acquaintance will doubtless be short, I am glad to be among such noble company."

The platform shuddered and rumbled as it spun upward. When it had locked into place, Lex hurried back toward the elevator to the bonfire.

"Hold!" Priscilla cried. "Thou goest the wrong way!"

"Yeah, but if any of us die, we'll get shunted back to the Painted World. Hm. Well, I guess Gwyndolin's bonfire is closer. We'll just need to go back down."

"We have no time for such detours. It will not be long before my presence is noticed. We must find Sir Ornstein 'fore I am accused of flight from mine exile."

"Oh, that's not a problem at all. Anor Londo's so empty right now that we're the most people gathered in one place in a few hundred years. Probably. I don't know if Uncle Dolan ever has the Darkmoons meet up."

Priscilla's eyes widened, and she was silent. Lex knitted his eyebrows and shrugged awkwardly.

"I guess no one thought to mention what was going on outside. The Fire's on its last legs, and the gods mostly left. I guess they want to live out the rest of the Age without Gwyn's legacy literally looming over them. Ornstein's still on guard duty, though."

"Thank goodness."

"Still, you're right. We shouldn't give your mom any more time if we can help it. We'll be out of luck if she makes off with the Lordvessel. Unless that thing I said about there being a bunch of copies is true. Anyway, I think we'll be able to make it through to the next bonfire easily enough with your help."

"Then let us proceed-"

"Hold on a minute. Time to split the party. Just let me get the ball rolling."

"What dost thou-?"

He flipped out his thumb and pinky finger and held his fist to his face.

"Yo, Quelaag! What's up?"

"Good news, Prophet. Kirk is on his way back with Vamos. I won't have to rip your tongue from your throat. What is it that you need now? Kneepads for all that praying?"

"Hey. Hey. Not funny. If the gods let me shoot lightning in exchange for a little lip service-"

"Do you listen to yourself when you speak? Lip service?"

"Right, that made it worse. Anyway, I found someone else and figured I'd let him use the ring while I'm fighting Drake and Josh. Here, let me go ahead and give it to him now."

"Who could you have possibly found that-?"

He pulled the ring off and handed it to a stunned Jeremiah.

"We'll come back for you. I'm assuming you know where the bonfire near the entrance is. If you run into a foulmouthed witch, just send her our way."

The old king nodded silently, his eyes shimmering. Priscilla put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder and then turned back toward Gwyn's palace. Now, the balcony was connected to a short stretch of road leading to a massive staircase. There were three sets of stairs, the one in the center sized for demigods and giants, with human-sized steps on either side.

"Everyone, keep to the right," Lex said, waving as they climbed. "There are some guards at the top. We're just going to try to run past them and into the, uh, plaza, maybe? The area behind the fence."

"Could thou not explainst thy business to them, Prophet Lex?"

"It's part of the Prophecy of the Chosen Undead. The Chosen must undergo trials to receive the Lordvessel from the Princess of Sunlight. It's all faker than her boobs, of course, but saying that only seems to make everyone mad."

"A Pardoner has already tried to kill the two of us," Oscar clarified, gesturing to himself and Siegmeyer. "Lord Sen returned to Lordran to make his trial more difficult. After what just occurred, it would seem your mother has plans for Lex that don't include the rest of us."

"I am not surprised," Priscilla said sourly. "Mother hath always considereth people as tools. Sir Ornstein never spoketh flatteringly of her. It seems she forced even the Great Lord to taketh part in a scheme of hers before he departed. His ire burned like the Chaos flame when he spake of it."

"Was it something to do with the Prophecy?" Lex said seriously.

"I do not know enough to say."

Much taller than the others, Priscilla's line of sight had crested over the top of the stairs. Ahead were two of the giant sentinels of Anor Londo. They were much smaller than the giants of Sen's Fortress, only slightly larger than a demigod like the crossbreed, but they wore impenetrably thick brass plate and carried blessed shields and halberds.

"We are discovered!" Priscilla hissed. "Allow me speakst with them so they do not raiseth alarum at my presence."

She didn't wait for a reply before hurrying up the stairs and approaching the nearer one on the right.

"You know, I wasn't even thinking," Lex began. "How many of these guys were fake, again?"

As the crossbreed approached, the sentinel faded away with a gleam of moonlight. The other stomped toward her, but once it was within reach, it too vanished into thin air.

"Even the Great Lord's keep is guarded by Mother's illusions?" she said, reaching toward where one had been standing.

"Nah. These are Gwyndolin's. I think the only ones left in Anor Londo are a handful of Silver Knights, the G-Man, and Ren and Stimpy."

"Who?"

"You get used to it," Oscar said, sighing. "Knowing who would be helpful, Lex."

"Executioner and Dragonslayer. They're the final test. Kind of a waste. I figure Ornstein might be able to handle the Four Kings, at least."

"Sir Ornstein and that-" she shuddered, "-monster are all that are left?"

"Lessee," Lex said, holding up his fingers one at a time. "Artorias was corrupted by the Abyss and had to be put down. Ciaran died watching over his grave, though whether it was suicide, starvation, or even age, I don't know. Money's on suicide the way she's slumped against it, though. Gough retired and was never heard from again.

Going to be totally honest and say I don't know what where all the gods went. I think Fina is in Carim. Probably. Your mom too, but I'm thinking it might be more likely that she travels. Presumably, Allfather Lloyd is in Thorolund if he's still alive. Don't know where Gwynevere went, but she married Flann sometime after leaving."

"Did you not sayst Her Highness would giveth thee the Lordvessel?"

"Well, an illusion of her will. I'm not supposed to know this, obviously."

"I see," Priscilla said quietly. "So even she…"

"Don't worry," Siegmeyer rumbled, struggling to pat the much taller woman on the back. "This is a lot to take in, I'm sure. Lex is not the most delicate of prophets. But I'm sure the heroic Dragonslayer of legend will help you make sense of it when we meet him."

"Thank you, Sir Siegmeyer," she said quietly.

"Oh, don't call me Sir!" the old knight chuckled. "I'm sure you're much older and nobler than myself. We're all friends here. There's no need for formality."

The crossbreed smiled faintly and nodded.

"Right," Lex said, scratching his chin. "Let's see if this got better or worse."

The front gates were truly enormous, designed for gods even larger than Sen's giants. Opening such gates would be impossible, even with Siegmeyer's monstrous strength, so Lex turned past the guard post. The wall of the keep led to an iron gate sized for demigods, with a human-sized door in its center. The larger gate was already open, so they entered the side area, which led to an entrance which was merely demigod-sized.

"This one doesn't open either," he said, shrugging.

In parallel to the main stairs was a smaller staircase leading to a viewing platform with a suspicious lack of railing. Three hideous white creatures stood ready, wicked spears of cracked bone at the ready. Their bodies were humanoid, but with hideous crooked limbs, spined wings, and horns. Their hands were red as if soaked with blood, and the skin of their heads seemed stretched tight over their brains.

"Batwing demons," Lex said. "These are definitely fake and more importantly, proof that Gwyndolin has no idea what Chaos demons even look like. Priscilla, if you would?"

The crossbreed walked slowly down the steps. The nearest demon, standing beneath the top of the stairs, faded away. The other two faced similar fates, vanishing as the demigod approached while the Undead trio followed behind her.

"Okay, now when we reach the bottom of this ramp, you'll need to run onto the platform to dispel the next two. But don't run too far. Stay behind the pillar just in case. I don't remember how many of the Silver Knights are illusions, and I don't want you getting shot off the platform."

Priscilla nodded and turned to descend a buttress to a tower below. In the distance, there was the sound of a steel cable whipping.

"You're too tall!" Lex shouted quickly. "Duck!"

The demigod's natural height placed her quite a bit over the decorative fencing that rose from either side of the buttress, but now she crouched so that she was even with the spikes at the top. Moments later, a massive spear whizzed over her head.

"Right, so this is a good time to explain, I guess," the prophet continued as the others looked at him expectantly. "That was an arrow. Obviously, you have to use arrows to hunt flying things. Dragons are flying things. Gwyn's Knights have absurdly large arrows to hunt absurdly large flying things."

"Makes sense," Oscar said dully, shrugging. "Why are they here?"

"Isn't it strange how convenient all these detours up and down rooftops are?"

"Oho!" Siegmeyer said, snapping his fingers. "The gods have put quite a lot of thought into these tests! I must be sure to thank Lady Gwyndolin."

The continued down the buttress to a viewing platform suspiciously placed in the middle a tower with no other means of reaching it. There was a column on either side of the buttress' end, and batwing demons lunged out at the group as they stepped off. As their spears lashed out, however, they erupted into moonlight, and the demons themselves were washed away. There was a low bench at the foot of the buttress, which served as a step down from it to the platform. Once they were all down, Lex lay down on it and stretched.

"Right, so one last strategy meeting before we do this," he said lazily. "There are two archers hanging out on the top of the castle. Let's just assume they're not illusions to be safe. Most of the next ramp is safe because of the railing, but don't get cocky. Once we're at the top of it and hiding behind the tower at the end, we wait for them to stop shooting before moving.

The only way of getting around that tower is to sort of shuffle on the narrow ledge around it. This obviously puts us back into view, which means they'll start shooting again. So then we have to hurry up the ramp on the other side, which lacks a protective railing. At the top, you need to head right but be careful that you don't get shot in the back. Once you get to the bend in the ledge, you're pretty much safe from that happening.

At that point, you'll be withing stabbing distance of one of the archers, who'll pull out his sword and shield. Obviously, it's pretty difficult fighting on a narrow ledge, so the easiest option is just to riposte him. This assumes a normal Undead doing all of this solo. We don't have that problem. Instead, I want Oscar to be a noise-making decoy while Priscilla runs up and knocks that one Knight off the ledge.

Once one archer is out of the way, it's pretty easy. We can all just edge around the unwatched side of the tower and then sprint up the ramp. The ledge is narrow enough that Oscar can block the arrows while the rest of us get to safety."

"A sound plan," the knight said. "Are we sure we didn't leave the Painted World with a fake Lex?"

"Hey."

Lex rolled off the bench and led the group to the left, stepping onto a matching one and up the next buttress. He jogged ahead to the square tower casually as the flurry of massive steel spikes caught in the thin railings on either side of him. Oscar showed a bit of caution but didn't seem especially concerned, and Siegmeyer's trust in the prophet was such that he yawned from the evening light as he made his way up. Only Priscilla, fully aware of those arrows' purpose and having to crouch for safety, jumped a little as each one struck. Still, they reached the tower without incident, and after a few moments out of sight, the sound of steel hammering into the masonry on the sides of the tower ceased.

"Go!" Lex hissed.

Priscilla swept her sleeve in front of her face again and vanished, gently pushing past the others and onto the ledge. After a moment, Oscar followed, stomping and swaggering so that his armor made enough noise to cover up the faint patter of her footsteps on the roof tiles. As he rounded the corner and stepped onto the buttress, the steel twang of one bow echoed and then the other. He dashed forward quickly as the shots rushed past him on either side and exploded into the stone of the tower behind him. Two more shots, and again, he was able to evade simply enough by hustling forward the instant they were loosed.

These, the most elite of knights, weren't even leading their shots to hit where he would be rather than where he was at the moment they fired. He could probably evade them with a brisk walking pace. It was indeed a puzzle to be solved rather than an intense challenge of skill. He hazarded a glance away from the path when he heard a small clank. On a turret edging out of the keep's corner, he saw a Silver Knight tumble forward suddenly.

Only silence followed, as the ancient knight hurtled the staggering distance to the ground below. Then the other blow twanged again, and he hurried out of the way. At the top of the buttress was another narrow ledge above which were a series of windows. He looked to the archer, who drew back a bow as large as the knight himself. The Silver Knight turned in place, instead pointing the bow back to the buttress.

Lex was running up the ramp at breakneck speed, so Oscar allowed himself to look back through the window. Though the glass was a bit dark and distorted, the room inside looked luxurious, if a bit gloomy. There was even a bonfire inside, for some reason. In fact, there was someone already seated before it.

"Captain?"

"Roll, Siegmeyer!" Lex shouted in Oscar's ear.

The Astoran looked back as the Silver Knight fired a final shot at the buttress. Siegmeyer groaned but nevertheless threw himself into the tiles, shattering them with his weight as he rolled under the projectile. With a bit of effort, he pulled himself to his feet and rushed to tag the wall, panting. The archer fired again, but Oscar stood ready and simply blocked it, though the force of the blow caused him to slide back slightly on the smooth masonry.

"Great!" Lex cheered. "Priscilla, where'd you go?"

"I am here," she said softly. "Around the corner. I am afraid that the footing is too narrow for me to crouch behind Sir – ah, my apologies – behind Oscar's shield."

"Right, my bad," Lex said, nodding. "Go ahead and drop down to the balcony. We're on our way."

Lex and Siegmeyer edged along slowly, holding tight to the wall as they did. Oscar simply shook his head and backed up cautiously until the archer lost line of sight. They rounded the turret and dropped onto a balcony below.