When Oscar finally reached the cathedral again, Solaire was in the process of tying up Lautrec's companions with pieces of cloth armor Lex had collected.

"Oscar! You made it!" the prophet shouted, throwing his arms wide. "I honestly have no idea where those windows lead!"

"Yes, well, Anor Londo doesn't seem half as abandoned as you said. Someone made off with that madman, and some sort of trick archer shot a net under me while I was falling."

"What?"

"I was hoping you would know. You're not going to be a prophet for much longer if this sort of thing keeps happening."

"Eeeeeeeehh," Lex groaned. "We're done with the second act, more or less. We just need to get the Lordvessel upstairs and then it's off to collect the Lord Souls."

He paused.

"Well, there's some cleanup to be done here first, I guess. Who wants to go grab the others? Oh, and you guys can stop playing dead. It's not even convincing since all the important dead things explode into souls for some reason."

The massive body of the Executioner stirred. His battered armor creaked as the fallen demigod gave a one-fingered salute before letting his arm drop again in exhaustion. Now, the broken statue of the Great Lord shifted, and the Dragonslayer carefully dragged himself out from under it.

"Forgivest us. We did not expect such powerful challengers as a god's champion and a Sealer. Their third member was a fine warrior as well, though thou art no doubt aware. Please, a moment to catch my breath, and I shall guide thee to the Princess' chamber."

"You're not going to make us fight you anyway?"

Ornstein struggled to pull himself upright, using his spear to drag himself into a seated position. He sighed as he removed his lion-faced helmet. As a demigod, he still looked relatively young, but his face was weathered and scarred from centuries of conflict. His red eyes were sunken from eternal guard duty, and he needed a shave. The brilliant scarlet plume on the back of his helmet, it turned out, was his own hair, a high ponytail with bangs kept neatly out of his eyes.

"Protocol wouldeth dictate such. However, I was told of thee, prophet who courts the second princess of Izalith. I see no need to waste both our time when that traitorous witch," he snarled, "draws nearer with every moment."

"Uh. The last time someone knew that much about us, they were Velka in disguise."

"Then keepst thy suspicion. It will serve thee well."

The demigod forced his broken body to stand and descended the central platform. To the right of it was an elevator like the one that led down from the first bonfire. As it descended, he waved the group over.

"Right, actually," Lex began, "Oscar, why don't you take a breather and watch the prisoners? Solaire, go ahead and grab Siegmeyer and Priscilla. That way, we'll know for sure who's real and who's not and stuff."

Ornstein's eyes opened wide.

"Thou freedst the-"

"Hey, it's not like things can get much worse around here. Seriously, what were you guys even doing all this time? Seath's not even hard to kill, and he's literally just up the hill."

"Thou shalt show respect for the Duke-!"

"Dude, he kidnaps random women and turns them into giant blue penises. I wish I was making this up. I mean, seriously, two of them were even members of the Princess Guard."

"The situation is more complicated than thou knowst. Keep thine opinions to thyself when thou enterest the Princess' chamber."

"Wait, do you not know that's a fake? Like, even the sun is a fake."

Ornstein roared and lifted Lex into the air with one hand.

"Thou shalt speak no more until the Princess allows thee!"

"The sun…is fake?" Solaire repeated, dazed.

"Aww, crap."

"The lady Fina suspected as much," the Sealer said, intrigued.

"Look at what thou hast done!" Ornstein roared. "The sun is a symbol of the Flame! Without it, good Men will lose heart, and the wicked will seek to undo the work of the Great Lord!"

"Lord Gwyn was not faultless!" the Sealer hissed. "Or shall I give you a tour of my city? You'll love the bathing facilities!"

"Do not pinst the doings of Men on the Great Lord!"

"Gwyn empowered those monsters and then left us to die when they fell to Dark!"

"The Great Lord had already departed!"

"And yet of all his all-so-enthusiastic followers, only Artorias had the heart to come for us!"

By now, Oscar had recovered his weapons and was trying to snap Solaire out of the shock. He didn't notice when the Sealer slipped free of his bonds and took up his staff once more.

"I don't know if you are a coward, Lion, or a fool who knows only how to follow orders, but the world has no need for deities!"

As he waved his catalyst and built up soul energy, something creaked from the far side of the room. As the sorcerer fired a massive blob of energy at the injured Dragonslayer, the marble floor exploded half a dozen times. In a flash, the Executioner had crossed the room and smashed the orb away with his massive hammer. A terrifying throaty laughter rumbled out of the golden fatsuit as he approached the human.

"Smough!" Ornstein roared. "Not this one!"

The laughter turned to a long groan, and the monster let his hammer rest on the floor.

"Sealer, we were preparing a proper response to the spread of the Abyss. Only, shortly after Artorias stormed out on his own, Ciaran and Gough disappeared as well. We did not know how far the Dark would spread, so I dared not leave the capital undefended. With such a loss in our strength, the gods feared the worst and scattered so that the loss of one city might not steal Flame from the world."

"Lady Fina's version of the tale was not so optimistic."

"Thou mayst believe what thou wishes."

The Sealer grit his teeth, then sighed. He glanced at Oscar, who had one hand on his sword and at Solaire, who was hanging on Ornstein's every word.

"If you would let me, I will fetch your companions while you digest this. The bonfire in the meeting room, yes? You may kill Arnalt if I do not return."

The pikeman glowered at him but said nothing.

"Lex?" Oscar said, not turning away.

"Sure, why not? Obviously, Lautrec himself is kind of a dick, but they're not necessarily wrong for wanting to end the Age of Fire, even though it will totally suck."

"Then I shall return posthaste."

With that, the Sealer turned and began the long walk to the cathedral's exit.

"Thou remindst me of Artorias," Ornstein said thoughtfully, looking down at Lex.

"How so?"

"Thou art a fool who sayest too much, and thy choice of weapon is dreadfully impractical. Now, come. The Princess awaits thee."

Lex grumbled and got on the elevator at last. After rising what would be several storeys for a human building, they reached the next floor. Ahead was a bonfire and beyond it, stairs leading to double-doors sized for a demigod. Each door had a knocker in the shape of a lion's maw in the center. Ornstein approached and knocked.

A woman's voice streamed from inside, "Enter my faithful Knight."

Ornstein pushed both doors open, revealing a dimly-lit room. It was ornately decorated, with marble statues and gold leaf trim. Directly ahead was a massive divan, on which lay the massive Princess of Sunlight, a deity who dwarfed even the giants of Sen's Fortress. Sunlight filtered through curtains covering the window behind her, but much of her was in shadow.

"Thou hast journeyed far and overcome much, Chosen Undead. Come hither, child…"

"'suuuuuuuuup, Gwyndolin!"

She smiled faintly.

"Oh, Chosen Undead, I am Gwynevere, Daughter of Lord Gwyn, and Princess of Sunlight."

"Accualy is Dolan."

"I do not-"

"Gwyndolin, we can get you a shrink to work out your sister complex later because right now, we have Velka problems."

"What didst I-?" Ornstein began.

"Thou mockst a deity? Today hath been most enlightening," Gwyndolin said bitterly as an illusion of him formed on the end of the divan. "You humans have grown most bold."

"I think I might be an exception, actually," Lex said, shrugging.

"Arrogant too. I dealt with another such blasphemer not long ago."

"How many Chosen Undead do you go through? Seriously, just quit it with the tests and throw bodies at the problem until it works."

"Yes, I wonder," Gwyndolin said curiously. "The Prophecy speaks of a Chosen Undead. Long have I waited, only to find two humans have passed Sir Sen's test this day."

"Actually, I came with a bunch of other people."

The god paused. He floated down from his seat and rose atop the snakes that served as legs so that they shared the same eye level.

"Thou dost mean phantoms from other worlds, dost thou not?"

"Nah. Flesh and blood. Three knights, a witch, a king, and the crossbreed."

Even with the sun helmet covering the upper half of Gwyndolin's face, Lex could see his eye twitch.

"Thou wert aware of this, Sir Ornstein?"

"Thou wert young when the Prophecy was written, Princess. It was decided that thou shouldst be not informed of its constructed nature, that thou might safeguard it with all thine heart."

"Constructed?!"

"I was under oath to speak not of it. How fortunate that the Chosen Undead cannot keepeth his tongue from wagging."

Gwyndolin turned back and forth, trying to decide who to be more furious at.

"And that monster is loose?" he hissed.

"I have not seen for myself, Princess, but I have reason to believe this human."

"You know," Lex interrupted, "I wouldn't be throwing around words like 'monster'. I mean, at least she has legs."

Gwyndolin shrieked and blasted Lex through the open doors. He tumbled down the stairs and rolled into the bonfire. He yelped and quickly lurched out of it, writhing on the floor as his side was burned and healed at the same time.

"Do not speak as if thou knowst anything, human!"

Ornstein quickly blocked the way before Gwyndolin could continue.

"Please, Princess. He is a fool, but time is short for more reasons than thou knowst. Thy mother comes."

The god's fist was quivering with suppressed rage.

"Is there anything else I should have known?"

"The arrival of the Chosen Undead is a signal I have long awaited. The sleeping Lion awakes. With your leave, I will enact my plans."

"Do whatever is necessary to preserve the Flame."

"By your will, Princess of Dark Sun."

With that, Ornstein bowed, then leapt from the top of the stairs to the cathedral floor. He doubled back to fetch his helmet and then sprinted out the broken window. Gwyndolin descended the stairs slowly, his snakes making a sidewinding motion. With a wave of his hand, he lifted Lex off the floor and rotated him through the air until he was upright.

"What is your name, human?"

"Lex of Luthor, Prophet of Slaanesh. Though that's as fake as anything else around here."

"How delightful. The Chosen Undead is a confidence man."

"Naaah, I'm garbage at that sort of thing. I'm pretending to be a prophet so I don't have to constantly explain how I know the future."

"And how, pray tell, would that be?"

"Are you a fan of novels? Great epic poetry, perhaps? Have you ever pretended that you could be there – save the heroes who die, stop the villain's dastardly plans? Yeah, that's pretty much what's happening here. No clue how it happened, but this is all much too coherent to be one of my dreams. I'm a visitor from a world without Flame or Dark."

"What blasphemy-"

"I'm guessing you didn't know that the Dark can travel through time either."

"Preposterous-!"

"Yeah, Quelaag didn't believe me either, but then I found a bunch of missing people. I could bring you some sort of proof. Like Artorias' Silver Amulet or Ciaran's Tracers or Gough's Greatbow. Or all of those. Seriously, they all went to Oolacile and then missed each other entirely."

"Art thou going to allow me speak or interrupt immediately again?"

"Well, you just kept dismissing me, so I tried to explain further."

"Human, if thou recovered but one of those treasures, I would have my great-uncle the Allfather declareth thee a saint. Since that is unlikely, be silent in thine empty boasts and speak of thy relationship with my mother the Raven."

"Honestly, I'm not really sure what's going on, but she kept trying to kill the people I was traveling with. Maybe to keep you ignorant? I don't know. She did know who Slaanesh was, though, which means she can either read minds or is related to whatever brought me here, and I'm not sure which is scarier."

"Reading the minds of humans can hardly be considered a feat, Alexander-"

"Whoa! Stop! Get out of there before you find something awful! I can't clear my browsing history in my brain! And I mean, seriously, if you could do that, why didn't you just verify my story to begin with?"

"I did. It is easier if I make thou think of the topic beforehand."

"And you still don't believe me?"

"Thou art Undead and hath been manipulated by the Raven. That is twice the reason to doubt thy memory."

"That…is actually a really good point. Though the Chaos might have burned out anything like that. I should ask if there's a way to make sure when I go back."

"And of course, the Chosen Undead doth traffic with demons."

"Oh, please. You don't even know what they look like."

The god huffed.

"Then be so kind as to enlighten mineself."

"Well for starters, most of them have legs-"