"It is a pleasure to meet thee at last, Princess," Priscilla said curtsying.
Gwyndolin simmered under his crown but deigned to return the greeting.
"I have heard much of thee, Madam Priscilla. It was my understanding that thou wast banished from Anor Londo. Hath that changed?"
He would be cordial, if only to preserve the last vestiges of dignity in Anor Londo. Still he couldn't get over being forced to make a live appearance after Priscilla's power destroyed his double and nearly blacked out the illusory sun. Nor was he pleased that he had no recourse but to personally drag the man-sized stone bowl all the way down to the bonfire. The Chosen Undead then somehow managed to stuff it into his woefully inadequate handbag. Fate was unkind.
"It hath not. I beg thy forgiveness, but I feared Sir Ornstein would not believeth a warning brought by humans. I offer what convenience this cruel power might provideth in dispelling our honored mother's illusions. If it is thy royal wish, I shall return to mine exile with all haste."
The god inhaled deeply.
"There will be no such confrontation. I have bestowed upon the Chosen Undead the Lordvessel, that he might fulfill the Prophecy and succeed my father. The Raven would hardly followeth him into the Lords' domains. I have been made aware of the truth of things, so she needeth not trouble his party any longer. Return to thine exile, crossbreed, and never again set foot in Anor Londo unless commanded to do so."
Priscilla's polite smile was impenetrable.
"By thy-"
"Oooooor!" Lex interrupted, "You could travel with us! Or not travel with us and just hang out with the collection of people we've got downstairs! We have a skeleton with a beard now! I don't even know how that works, but it's so metal!"
"Art thou gainsaying my divine-"
"God, you're more of an ass than my younger brother. Better dressed, though."
"Do. Not! Call that monster my sister! My sister-!"
"-left you alone in a castle with three old men, one of whom was a cannibal. I don't see the appeal."
Gwyndolin made several faces while he tried to answer.
"Right, so I'll leave you to rule this empty shell of a city while I go rebuild Izalith to be the dominant world power in the next Age of Fire. Age of Chaos! Wait, that's probably a bad idea. It's going to be ridiculously metal, in any case."
Priscilla turned and bowed to Lex.
"I thank thee for thine concern, but mine exile is for the safety of all. If I am not careful, this power doth destroy all things nearby."
"Well, I mean…" Lex started, scratching the back of his head. "Wait! Guard duty! One of the sisters always has to stand guard in case the Bed of Chaos starts spewing up new demons or something. You already do that. This would be the same thing but where it's really hot instead of really cold."
"That-! If thou wouldst have me!" Priscilla said eagerly, accidentally knocking over Gwyndolin with a wag of her tail. "Oh, I beg thy forgiveness, Highness!"
While the siblings were working that out, Oscar approached Lex and whispered, "I've been meaning to ask this for a while. Are you the type that brings home stray dogs? Because this is ridiculous. The Raven-haired Witch's half-dragon daughter? Really?"
"No, but I was never a Pokemon Master, and it's always haunted me."
Oscar glared at him but moved on to stand beside Solaire.
"Hm. What of our former foes?" Siegmeyer asked, arms crossed in thought. "I know they accompanied that ruffian, but I don't think they're bad people themselves."
"Right, and with us stealing the Painted warden, Uncle Dolan doesn't have a place to put them."
He turned to the duo. Since there wasn't much they could do with so many enemies around, they let Hanser untie Arnalt, and now they were talking quietly amongst themselves.
"Yo, Wonder Twins!" Lex shouted, waving at them. "What are your plans if we let you go? I mean, obviously, you know what happens when the Dark is left to its own devices."
"I do," the Sealer said grimly. "But I also believe that Fina may be right. The Dark has never been left to its own devices. Every time it nears, it is pushed back."
"True. I've heard many times that the nature of Dark is peaceful, but then everything that lives in the Dark tries to murder me. Funny story, actually – I hollowed once and was brought back by-"
"What?!"
"Yeah, no one ever believes that, but anyway, I did keep some vague memories of the experience. It was some sort of crazy hivemind thing, but more importantly, I remember that I had an all-consuming urge to snuff out…"
He paused, eyes going wide. He began singing, terribly out of tune as usual.
"Snuff out the light! Claim your right! To a world of darkness!"
Oscar threw his shield at him.
"Ow! God! Fine! The point of the story is that it looks like bog-standard souls aggravate the Dark."
"Interesting," Hanser hummed, rubbing his chin. "Setting aside the matter of your alleged resurrection, this could be an interesting avenue of study."
"Yeah, just don't go crazy like everyone else. In any case, where would you be going for this study? I just need to know if I have to tell the spiders that more people are on the way."
"I would first seek the Duke's Archives, if you would be so kind as to release Gwyn's seal upon it."
"Going to be honest, I have no idea how that works and am drastically disappointed that clerics were never given spells to create magic barriers. But yeah, I need to get something from the Archives anyway, so just roll with us for now. Anyway we'll go ahead and get out of your hair, then, Uncle Dolan."
"Good riddance," the god huffed.
"Praise the Tsun!"
While Gwyndolin tried to parse the expression, Lex turned to the large elevator and waved.
"Right, so we just need to pick up Jeremiah and find Beatrice, assuming they haven't killed each other over something stupid. Then we get to experiment with the mechanics of bonfire warping. It'll be really inconvenient if it only works for me. I'm kind of expecting it'll work for groups but maybe only for humans. Science!"
"Bonfire… warping?" Solaire said, puzzled. "As with wood?"
"You know what? I could probably just check this out right now instead of making everyone do a lot of walking first."
He whirled about and walked through the group to the bonfire. He extended one hand toward it.
"Basically like wood, yeah. But with spaaaaaaace!"
He focused on the image of the first Anor Londo bonfire. Though he and the bonfire remained in place, the world moved around him, the floor rising above him and the cathedral rushing away. In a blur, he crossed the long road from Gwyn's keep, shot up the elevator shaft, and slid down the stairs to the bonfire. The Fire Keeper didn't flinch, but Jeremiah fell over backward.
"Goodness! Dost thou wish to scare an old man to death?"
"Uh, my bad, I guess."
The king breathed out.
"No harm, no foul, I suppose. But I'm afraid I have bad news regarding thy witch friend."
"I threw her insensate body from the parapet," the Knightess said before he could continue. "She has not been reborn as yet, so I will assume she passed without leaving a hollow."
"What the…? What?"
"She forced entrance to the Great Lord's tomb. As punishment, her mind was broken. I disposed of her body so that the mad Duke could not claim it."
Lex knitted his eyebrows.
"What?"
"You have my condolences, but know that any attempt at vengeance will be met with force."
"Oooookaaaaay. Jeremiah, grab my arm or something."
The old king looked confused.
"Dost thou not-?"
"Just do it."
"Like so?"
Jeremiah placed one hand on the arm Lex still held toward the bonfire.
"Come on and slam and beat up Gwyndolan!"
Anor Londo rushed past the men as they hurtled from the human-sized entrance hall in the city's wall to the balcony overlooking the hall where the Great Lord held court. When they abruptly materialized out of the fire, the rest of the group had varied reactions, with the worst being Siegmeyer falling over and rolling a distance. Lex turned to Gwyndolin and pursed his lips. The rest of the group looked on expectantly. Gwyndolin turned his head side to side as it dawned on him that he was surrounded by humans whose strength was acknowledged by the legendary Dragonslayer.
"Wh-what dost thou-?"
"You know what you did."
The silence continued for a few moments before Oscar said, "Well, we don't."
"I just heard from his friend the Fire Keeper that he fried Beatrice's brain and had her body disposed of. She's allegedly dead for good, but I'm going to hold on the mourning until we know she's not playing an elaborate prank."
"Beatrice was…oh dear…" Siegmeyer said quietly.
"Knowing Beatrice, I can't really blame you for killing her, permanently or otherwise, but letting your girlfriend be the one to tell us is kind of pathetic."
Lex was grinning, but his hands were shaking.
"Thou art a fool, and thine ally trespassed on the tomb of the Great Lord. Her punishment was just, and there existeth nothing that obligateth mineself to inform thee of her fate. I tolerate thy blasphemies of desperation; in truth, thou shouldst have been put to the Executioner's block long ago."
Lex started to say something again, but Oscar stopped him. He looked to Solaire, who nodded.
"Thank you for your time. We'll be leaving now. Come on, Lex."
The cleric sighed and focused on the bonfire.
"All right. Everyone link hands. Priscilla, if this doesn't work for you, just hang tight."
The city rushed past again, and the group found itself at the first bonfire, short one crossbreed. The Fire Keeper was also gone, it seemed.
"That makes sense, I guess," Lex said calmly. "Someone else see if you can do it without me."
The three knights and Jeremiah all extended their hands to the fire without hesitation, but it gave no reaction even despite rather enthusiastic grunting from Siegmeyer.
"Experiment number two," Lex said, nodding.
He unclipped his bag and handed it to Oscar.
"Okay, now try it."
This time, the knight vanished immediately with a roar of the flame and reappeared a few moments later with the same fanfare. He gave the bag back to Lex.
"Priscilla said she would walk with Gwyndolin," he said. "One of us ought to meet her at the bridge. The others can stay here and rest while Lex takes Jeremiah home."
"Well," Siegmeyer chuckled, "since I didn't do any fighting, I suppose I can suffer through a little walking."
As he pulled himself up and clanked up the stairs, the other knights removed their helmets. They made eye contact, and Oscar pulled Lex aside.
"You don't have to hurry back. With Velka off our tails, we can afford a little break."
"Well, I wouldn't want to keep anyone waiting. Especially with Siegmeyer's circumstances."
Oscar nodded.
"Saving Sieglinde is important… but you need to take care of yourself, first. You're laughably underqualified, but you are our leader. I don't know what to do with this ragtag group. So go back to Blighttown and relax. Have terrifying demon spider sex or whatever it is you're trying to do. Just know that whatever happened to Beatrice… it isn't your fault."
"She wasn't supposed to-"
"I wasn't supposed to be here at all. You win some; you lose some. You said you weren't used to this sort of thing, but everyone else here is. I don't know about the new ones… but you can always talk to the Captain or Siegmeyer or myself. You could probably talk to Quelaag, but she might eat you since you're showing weakness. Just… take care of yourself, Lex."
The cleric nodded, and Oscar gave him a firm pat on the back.
"Good. Now get going. I think if I keep you any longer, his highness will rip my head off."
Sure enough, Jeremiah was pacing beside the fire, occasionally making deadly glares at Oscar.
"Sorry about that!" Lex said, snapping back to his usual self. "Is your heart ready? Quelaav's condition is kind of, uh…"
"I am ready as I ever shall be. Waiting only deepens my dread."
The cleric nodded silently and reached for the bonfire. The towers under the soft light of evening gave way to the starkly-illuminated walls of Sen's Fortress and late afternoon. The ruins of the Parish passed and Firelink Shrine's calm noon. The rotten wood and darkness of Blighttown erupted from below, and they were encircled by walls of silk.
QUELAAG'S DOMAIN
"Oh, hello," a weak voice said. "You are… Quelara? No, the prophet. And… Father?"
Jeremiah nearly bowled Lex over as he rushed past to hug Quelaav. The cleric awkwardly tiptoed away, waving to a speechless Eingyi. He rapped on the false wall, and it slid away to reveal the circular chamber beyond. It was mostly unchanged, but the sound of construction had overwhelmed the quiet gurgle of lava outside. As he rounded the stairs to the bell chamber, he looked out on the Demon Ruins.
Broken Silver Knight statues were setting up scaffolding to expand the ruined bell tower around which Quelaag had built her nest. In the distance, the lava lake had dried up, and Ceaseless Discharge looked on as the Black Iron Golem fought a half-dozen Taurus Demons at once. Vamos had tucked himself away in a desolate corner and was hammering away at a lava-heated forge while Quelara watched.
"I may have judged you prematurely."
Lex's noise-enhancing armor made a racket even when he wasn't trying to do so. Quelaag had managed to hear him from outside the tower.
"You're not surprised that I just showed up suddenly?"
"Father has been keeping us apprised of the situation."
"Ah. He's, uh, downstairs, if you want to…"
"I spoke with him enough. He and I were not as close as with the others. Mother gave us each a purpose. Mine was to destroy that which would hurt us. It has always been difficult to accept… additions.
Poor Kikurinus suffered terribly before I allowed his appointment as captain of Quelaav's guard. I wonder if he still has that scar."
"Soooo…" Lex said excitedly.
"So I will accept your proposal, Lex of Luthor. Give me your hand."
He absently held up his right hand.
"The other one."
He shrugged and switched. She hunched over and slipped a bright red ring on his finger. It was comprised of a number of interweaving bands covered in small decorative thorns.
"Well, at least I got my tetanus shot recently."
Ring of Fury
One of the special rings crafted for the Daughters
of Chaos. The Ring of Fury belonged to Quelaag,
who led Izalith's legions.
Boosts attack speed to overwhelm foes with a
flurry of blows. Quelaag's ire was easily provoked,
and her skill with dueling swords was unmatched.
While he was reading the description floating in his eyes, she hooked him on one arm and lifted him up. There was an unexpected sensation. An uncomfortable, feverish warmth and a faint smell of brimstone – but an enveloping softness. His breath caught, and before he could react, the kiss was over. Quelaag set him down gently.
"With this, our betrothal is official. We shall be married when you have sufficient wealth as to provide a dowry. Quelara, acting as my mother, has agreed that the promised humanity will do."
"What?" Lex squeaked.
"You can provide a more substantive dowry if you wish, but my sister is aware that adventurers such as yourself possess little more than their equipment."
"No, I mean, like, uh, isn't there more to this than that? There's no need for a big, formal, loveless political marriage at the end of the world, is there? We've still only met like three times, and I died during one of those."
"It is the end of the world, isn't it? All the more reason to hold an elaborate wedding party. And let's be honest: how many suitors am I going to have?"
The spider opened its mouth and licked Lex's face for emphasis.
"Fair points, but I don't exactly have a great track record with long-term relationships."
"Then we'll have an elaborate divorce party. Don't worry so much about it. Quelara and Vamos turned out fine, and I'm not sure either of them is even capable of loving others."
"Wait, that's how you knew Vamos?"
"We were all surprised when sister agreed to it. She was the only one of us to be married in the end. I was never interested, and it would have been scandalous for my younger sisters to marry before me."
She glanced down at him and turned to leave.
"Since you seem to have accepted our engagement, I must return to my vigil."
"Wait!"
"Yes?"
"I want a do-over! I had prophet stuff in my eyes!"
The witch smirked.
"Well, you had best hurry to collect that humanity."