From Kirkpatrick (Guest): "I absolutely love your one shots! Would you mind writing a quick chapter with Dipper and Grunkle Stan, preferably one where Dipper ends up getting seriously hurt on accident (like tripping while running away from a monster or something) and ends up breaking an arm or a leg and Stan takes him to the hospital? (FLUFFINESS IS NECESSARY!) ️thanks!"

Ooh, I missed these! This one-shot takes place a couple of days after Land Before Swine.

Big Woodpecker

"How did this happen, Mr. Pines?"

Stan sighed, trying to remember what the kid had told him. "He said he tripped over something, he was in the forest when his sister found him. Look, is he going to be okay?"

The doctor nodded, flipping through his paperwork on the clipboard. "His ankle is sprained but he should be alright. He's lucky that his sister thought to look for him; it appears he was trying to walk away on it, which could have broken it given how badly it was hurt already. You can go see him if you like, by the way."

The old man stood from the hospital chair and groaned as he popped his back, heading to the hospital room where his great-nephew was. It was almost nine thirty and he had asked Soos to watch Mabel until he got back. The kid probably wasn't going to stay overnight, but the doctor's words still made his heart feel as if it were boiling in oil. Dealing with these newly realized feelings of protectiveness toward the twins wasn't easy, especially since he had chosen to finally recognize them. The fact that he had walked outside after hearing Mabel screaming for him to find Dipper's arm over her shoulder, the boy limping with pain struggling to hide behind his eyes and oh god, what was wrong with his ankle?

Stan snapped out of his memories before he got angry again. He hadn't reacted very well to finding such a sight. The kid had gotten hurt on his watch, and who knew if his ankle was broken or not, and why did he even have to go into those woods everyday, did he not know by now that there were dangerous stuff in there?!

"Hey, Grunkle Stan," came a sheepish voice. He looked over and spotted Dipper in the hospital bed, biting his lip. It was obvious the boy was in pain, despite the ankle not being broken.

"So, you just happened to trip on a tree root in the woods, huh?"

The preteen flinched at the tone of his voice. "Grunkle Stan - "

"Kid, I'm not stupid. What happened?"

"I really did trip. I just... uh..."

"Just what?"

Dipper met his eyes, something in them unnerving the elder man. It was as if he were afraid to say whatever it was holding him back. This caused his heart to ache a little.

"I was running from this really big woodpecker, and I tripped over a tree root but I managed to hide so it wouldn't find me."

...Of all the things he had been expecting to hear, this was not one of them.

"A really big woodpecker?"

"Uh, yes."

"...A really big woodpecker."

The kid sighed. "Look, it was big because it probably got enlarged by those growth crystals, I knew I shouldn't have gone so far into the forest - "

"Whoa, slow down, kid. You don't have to tell me every little detail about what happened, yeesh."

"So... you don't believe me, do you?"

Yes, I do, considering I know firsthand too that the forest in Gravity Falls has some weird creatures. But he couldn't say that, couldn't blow his cover, because he was supposed to be protecting these kids and he was already failing at his job a month into summer.

"Not really. What matters is that I, um, I mean, your sister was worried about you and you got yourself hurt. Thankfully the doctor says it isn't broken, so I won't have to pay for that - or explain this to your parents. Yeesh, now that would have been a nightmare."

The boy didn't seem to notice his slip-up. He sighed instead.

"Yeah. I-I'm sorry."

Geez, Dipper's expression reminded him of a lost puppy. Stan could feel his heart ache more at the sight.

"How about I forget all of this if you clean the dishes and do some odd jobs around the Shack for a week, hmm?"

BIGWOODPECKERBIGWOODPECKERBIGWOODPECKERBIGWOODPECKERBIGWOODPECKER

If the construction guys at the Shack about a week later gave him odd looks as they fixed the damage to the tourist trap after the zombie attack, Stan chose to ignore it or say, as if it were a rational explanation, "Big woodpecker."

Stan, don't even lie. You care about the little dork.

I just had to add that bit about the woodpecker, I'm sorry. I'm laughing about it now and I don't know why.