Chapter 5: No Laughing Matter

Three years later: June 1880

"Jamie!"

Jamie heard the excited cry and let his bag down on the platform, opening his arms to the small woman catapulting into his arms.

"I'd forgotten how pretty you are, Mama!" he exclaimed as she covered his cheek with kisses.

Her happy tears wet his face.

He smiled, feeling truly content. He was home to stay this time. He'd advanced his studies at Wincrest, and graduated with honors in September.

Kid, Lou, Teaspoon, Rachel and Buck as well as his Aunt Theresa had been there to see his graduation, along with Cody and his family. Then, he'd left for a grand tour of Europe, his graduation present from them. He'd loved every second of England, France, Italy, Scotland, and Ireland, but he hadn't seen his family in months and since Rose hadn't been able to miss her own school it had been even longer since he had seen her.

Lou smiled. A few months short of nineteen, there was no trace of a child in Jamie any longer. He'd fulfilled and surpassed her expectations of him becoming a handsome young man.

His hair, although it had been light brown when he was younger, and darkened more, and was now a rich dark mahogany color. It was thick and fell over his forehead, curling at the back of his collar. His eyes were the same crystal, clear blue they had always been, but now seemed to shine more brilliantly in a face tanned by long months outside.

The bones of his face had emerged completely now, revealing his father's prominent nose, sharp jawline, and her own high cheekbones. His form had finally started to fill out, instead of up, and his shoulders were very broad, his hips very narrow. He was lean, but very strong.

It wasn't an overnight change, but a change none the less, and Lou couldn't take her eyes off of her boy who was a man.

"Where's Dad and Rose?" He finally wondered, looking around, and disappointed that they hadn't come to welcome him.

"They are bringing some new horses in from Laramie. They planned to be back in time to be here, but hit bad weather and had to hold off for a day or two. They wired ahead and sent their love."

"God, I'm looking forward to seeing everyone!" Jamie exclaimed, picking up his bag and setting an arm around Lou's shoulders. "Do you know I haven't seen Rose in almost a year and a half?"

Lou tilted her head, and calculated, as if not believing it could have been that long. However, Rose had gone to school in Denver, inspired by Rachel and Lou's skill with healing, to learn about medicine as well, only it was people's medicine she studied, not animals. She was home for good as well now also, having limits on what she was allowed to learn, much to both her and Lou's outrage. She could be trained as a nurse, but not a doctor. Still, she valued what she was taught, and vowed to learn as much as any man about medicine.

There had been awkwardness and not a little malice on Rose's part to face Jamie again that night after the dance three years ago, but after Jamie left, and Rose's pride and heart healed, their relationship repaired itself through the letters they still wrote. By the time summer had rolled around they were the best of friends again.

But a year and a half certainly had made a difference, and Jamie was in for a surprise, Lou thought with a grin, curious as to what would happen.

Jamie looked down at her upturned face.

"Well, I'll be glad to have you for myself for a day or two anyway!" he declared.

"I'd forgotten how much fun it was to muck out stalls in this heat!" Jamie muttered, wiping his sweaty brow. Despite the fact his shirt was off, he was still unbearably hot.

"Ah, that's right…back here to row with the other slaves, aye, lad. Done playing the pretty city boy!" Patrick grinned from dirty ear to ear.

"Can you really call him a lad now that he's at least a foot taller than you and outweighs you by fifty pounds?" Seth wondered, stopping to lean on his shovel.

"Aye, I can," Patrick responded, "Once a lad, always a lad."

"Is that what the gals at the saloon tell you, Pat?" Seth asked, and he and Jamie exploded into bawdy laughter at the Irishman's expense.

Patrick lay the pitchfork down and took a menacing step toward Seth. Seth only laughed harder.

Jamie suspected it would have turned into an outright brawl if Lou's cry from the porch hadn't reached them.

"Riders coming!"

A grin lit Jamie's face as he dashed out of the stable and opened the corral gate, eagerly straining his eyes for the first sight of his father and Rose.

Nothing would have prepared him for the latter.

She was riding Mesa, right beside his Dad. He was talking to her, gesturing with his hands toward one of the horses they'd bought. She laughed suddenly, and turned to study the animal in question, and Jamie had a full view of her.

She sat tall on her horse, her shoulders upright, one graceful hand on the reins, the other laid casually across her thigh. Whatever fears she harvested about horses before she came to the McClouds had long since dissipated, and she was as comfortable on them as on her own two feet.

Her hair had grown longer, he noticed instantly, and the long days of riding in the spring sunshine had seemed to turn it more into a burnished red gold than auburn, the long strands reaching halfway down her back. She'd twisted it back into a low pony tail, but as when she was younger, the fine, silky strands soon slid out of any restraint, and fell across her cheeks, framing her heart shaped face.

Her eyes were larger than he remembered as well, and even from the distance he could see the almost clear color of them. Her full, beautiful mouth was open as she laughed, showing white teeth. Her skin was a sort of golden ivory, smooth and clear as porcelain.

"Aye, lad. Turned into a woman, did she not?" Patrick's voice beamed proudly from beside him suddenly.

"Aye," Jamie imitated him, not from mockery, but so lost in shock that he could not find words of his own.

His eyes stayed on her, a smile of remembrance on his face as he suddenly recalled the night when she'd professed her love of him. She'd asked if he thought she was ugly then.

"Not a chance, Rosie," He said aloud now, shaking his head. Pride filled his chest and he wasn't sure why.

He still couldn't quite believe that this was the same waif of a child that had bitten a hole in his thumb. His mouth quirked at that memory too, and he glanced at the tiny scar on the appendage.

He then felt his face grow warm, as he eyed her more closely, thinking things he shouldn't about her. A rounding of the hips and backside, a narrowing of the waist, and a lengthening of the legs, outlined well in the trousers she wore. When he was sixteen, and he had been getting good and interested in the female form, she'd been flat as a board…but now, his throat felt dry and he looked away with his ears burning hotly...now, she was definitely not, he decided.

Seth's chuckle from beside him let him know good and well that they could pretty much see every thought that entered and left his mind. His mother had an open book face and he blamed her for his.

"Shut up," Jamie muttered sourly, stepping on the gate and giving a loud whoop as the horses approached.

Rose looked up in surprise at the sound. Of course, she knew that Jamie had beaten them back from the ranch when an unexpected hail storm had driven them to seek shelter, but knowing he was finally home didn't quite prepare her for the sight of him on the corral gate, bare chested and grinning back at her wide eyes.

"Jamie!" Her voice shrieked at the same time as Kid's call of welcome.

They both left Carlos and Buck to herd the horses in the corral, and Jamie left Patrick and Seth to do the same as he walked out to greet them.

He hadn't realized quite how sweaty and dirty he was until Rose rushed forward and wrapped her arms around him. In all fairness she had smudges on her cheeks as well, and didn't appear to care, but suddenly he felt shy and exposed and he stepped back quickly.

"Er, Rose, I'm filthy!" He told her as Kid looked him over and settled for a handshake instead, obviously agreeing with this pronouncement.

"And so am I!" Rose returned laughing, and wiping at her own sweaty brow, "So I guess we're even! God, I've missed you!"

Lou reached them then, and like Rose, didn't seem to mind the grime covering her husband as she kissed him soundly, then hugged Rose. Her face beamed and she sighed, "Finally, my whole family back under one roof! About damn time!"

Lou was glad to have them all back. She gained infinite peace from rising in the morning and bumping into Jamie in the hallway as he staggered outside to begin feeding horses. Rose was the daughter of her heart, and needless to say, she could never rest easy when Kid wasn't by her side. Her blood also sang with excitement. With Jamie or Rose to look after the ranch, Lou could finally go with her husband again on his drives to and from the surrounding territories to look for and sale horses.

"We'll have a party," Lou declared suddenly at dinner a few nights later.

"Okay," Kid said agreeably, looking at his wife over a forkful of food, "Any particular reason, or are you just feeling festive?"

Lou shot him a quick look that made Jamie laugh.

"Well, Rose never had a coming out party, you know…and she really should."

"Oh God," Rose groaned, "Please, anything but that!"

"Come on, it will be fun! Every girl should have one," Lou pointed out, although Kid could have mentioned that she'd never had a coming out party and her life had turned out fine, "We'll have it here, and string lanterns and get the band from town to come play."

Rose groaned again, covering her eyes. Being under the prying eyes of the entire town wasn't her idea of a fun time.

"Lou, maybe if the idea distresses Rose so much, it isn't necessary," Kid said, not missing the warm smile of gratitude from the grieved party.

"Oh, don't be silly, Rose" Jamie said, hiding a smile, "It would be fun to have a party out here, and it's true, every girl should have a coming out party. Back East, all the girls do it."

"We're not back East, are we, Jamie? And how many years did you go to school? Did you happen to take Geography?" Rose muttered through clenched teeth, glaring at him, with her cheeks flushing slightly with the murderous temper he loved to provoke.

They sat at the table, glaring at each other. Lou at Kid for taking Rose's side, and Rose at Jamie for taking Lou's side. It seemed to be a stand off.

Then, with a deliberate look at Jamie, Rose began talking, "I know! We can have a party, but instead of it just being for me, it could also be a welcome home party for Jamie!"

"Mother and Father already gave me a grad…"

Jamie began in triumph, then Lou's gaze fell on him.

"That's a good idea Rose! A good compromise," Lou grinned, and Kid nodded, "Very Diplomatic."

Jamie groaned and narrowed his eyes at Rose, the look promising that she'd best watch her back.

Rose blinked innocently, and with a visible effort to control her mirth, she turned to listen intently to Lou, feeling the burn of Jamie's furious eyes on her the whole time.

Not so fun when it's you is it Rose asked with another stare in his direction.

Just you wait, said his answering glare.

And thus, with war declared, they ate the rest of their dinner.

A few weeks later, Rose stood in front of the long mirror in her room, and studied herself. Had there actually been a time when she wanted to wear dresses like this, she wondered? While it was a beautiful gown, and Lou had spared no expense at buying it and Rachel had worked on hemming it for her for hours, it was quite possibly the most uncomfortable piece of clothing she'd ever worn. In all fairness, she couldn't really blame it on the gown itself. It was actually the corset that went with it that threatened to squeeze the life out of her.

She remembered the conversation regarding the item in the dress shop quite well.

"You know, these are really not good for you," she'd said with her nursing knowledge, "they restrict the air you can take in, and can lead to health problems."

Rachel and Lou had looked at her for a long moment then Lou said sweetly, "Maybe so, but if you don't stop complaining, it's not going to be good for you either."

With the warning taken, Rose had shut up.

Now, she was secretly glad she had the gown, but Lou's face in the mirror over her shoulder prevented her from showing it.

"You look beautiful," Lou said softly, and she meant it. Tears touched her eyes as she studied Rose.

They'd picked a silver gown, although white would have been traditional, it was impractical for an outdoor party in the dust. The silver taffeta was almost the color of her eyes, which had darkened against the material and were breathtakingly unusual looking.

Her skin was ivory enough to look wonderful in the color that would have washed out many girls, and her hair was shining like copper, and swept up off her neck and held in place by so many pins that Lou had quit counting after fifty. Wispy locks, deliberately left out by Rose's request to hide her mutilated ear, framed her face and curled against her long, graceful neck.

Rose saw Lou's tears when she met her gaze in the mirror; she turned around quickly.

"Lou?" She asked, confused.

"I just was thinking of Jimmy…of how amazed he would be to see how beautiful you are. How smart. He would be so proud."

Rose felt her eyes well up as well, and blinked them quickly down.

"Do you really think so?" She breathed, and reached for Lou's hand, "Sometimes I sit on the porch swing, and I can imagine him here. I used to pretend he came riding in, and he knew that I was his daughter, and he'd tell me how proud he was of me. Sometimes I feel him here so strongly, that I swear he's really watching me."

Lou smiled through her tears and brought Rose's hands to her lips, kissing them with motherly affection, "Next time you see him, tell him that he has every right to be proud. And give him my love."

Jamie's resigned voice suddenly drifted to them from below, "Would you two hurry? Let's get this over with."

"There's a good sport," Rose laughed, and wiped at her eyes.

Soon, there was no room for any thoughts, happy or otherwise, because the town of Sweetwater descended on the large flat yard of the ranch.

Rose had to give Lou and Rachel credit. They could plan a party. Paper lanterns swung in the cooling breeze, bathing the yard in a warm yellow glow. The food table was filled with wonderful treats, and the band played happy, lively music.

Rose was breathless and tired after having danced five songs in a row without stopping. She was a bit flustered at the attention of the males…from four or five years older to those a year or two younger, she hadn't been prepared for them. She realized that a coming out party was just about that, coming out to be examined by the males for courting, but she felt a bit like a cow at auction, and she wanted to get away from the prying eyes and sweaty hands of Sweetwater.

She stealthily edged her way around the crowd, a smile frozen on her face as she did so. She was polite but brief with well-wishers, and finally sighed with relief when she entered the sanctuary of the stables.

The horses shoved their noses over their stalls and nickered softly as she swished down the aisles, laying hands on their noses in greeting.

Mesa's piercing whinny probably was audible over the band and Rose ran the last few steps to his stall should he do it again and give away her presence.

"Hush!" she hissed at him, "Can't you see I'm hiding?"

"Well, I can see that, but what I can't understand is why?"

Rose straightened and looked at the horse in amazement, halfway believing he'd answered her.

The suddenly, a figure popped up in between her and Mesa, and without thinking, she screamed.

Instantly the stall door opened and she was jerked inside, a hand placed over her mouth.

She kicked and flailed, trying in earnest to bite the hand over her mouth.

Quickly it dropped, "Damn you, it's just me! That's twice you've almost bitten a finger off!"

"I knew it was you. I was trying to bite it off!" Rose hissed, turning to face Jamie, "You scared the daylights out of me! What are you doing in here?"

"The same as you apparently," He grinned. "I noticed Mesa was out of hay."

Rose sighed, "Well, I won't tell if you won't."

"It's a deal. However, I have a feeling they'll miss you sooner than they'll miss me," Jamie said, and peeked over the stall to make sure no one was looking before opening the door and letting Rose out ahead of him.

"Shh," he warned Mesa, who snorted in displeasure at Jamie for taking his girl away.

Rose groaned and tugged at her dress slightly as they walked down the dark stable aisle, away from the party.

Jamie watched her with a raised eyebrow, and again, was taken aback by her beauty. They reached the end of the stable and wordlessly continued walking, stopping by the gate that let into the back pasture.

The moon was out, and bright enough to bathe their faces in soft silver. They stood in content silence, staring out at the mountains, the flat land in between only interrupted by the dark bulk of grazing cattle.

Jamie turned to look at Rose, seeing she was deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked her.

She smiled slightly, "How much I love it here. The land, the horses, you all…it's home."

He smiled, "Of course it is. So why do you look so sad about it?"

She looked at him, not aware her emotions had shown so easily on her face. There seemed no point in denying it, "Well, I was just thinking that someday I'll get married, and this won't be home any longer. That's what this is about for me tonight…"

"This will always be your home no matter where you go, Rose," Jamie smiled, "You belong here."

Rose smiled up at him, this time the shadows in her eyes lifted.

Jamie found himself fascinated mostly with her eyes. They were constantly changing from almost a clear, light gray, to a deep dark silver. The irises were rimmed in black, the centers speckled with what could almost be white flecks that caught the light and the color of whatever she wore, from violet to emerald.

They reminded him of the lochs he'd seen in Scotland that winter. At first glance they appeared frozen and calm, but a deeper look revealed unseen treasures and mysteries churning just beneath the surface with yet unknown power, and unthinkable depths. These secrets in her eyes were always in motion, always sliding beneath a deceptively calm surface, catching the light as they glided by.

"You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen," Jamie suddenly voiced his thoughts, without really meaning to, and yet, he wasn't sorry or embarrassed to have said it.

Looking into his own brilliant blue orbs, which seemed to glow turquoise in the moonlight, the only color clearly distinguishable in his face, Rose felt any comment she had been going to make die on her lips. He'd turned to face her, staring intently, and making no apology for it.

The music from the party drifted to them, a slow waltz. They both smiled, and Rose knew Jamie was also thinking about the last time they'd danced together…and the eventful night afterwards when he had broken their "engagement."

"Would my thumb be safe if I asked you to dance?" Jamie grinned.

"No promises," Rose giggled, and stepped into his arms.

They had no audience but three cows and the horses in the paddocks as they silently whirled around the barnyard. It was completely quiet save the occasional shifting of a horse and the strains of music carried on the wind.

Rose felt her heart and mind go into turmoil. Although Jamie and she were again the best of friends, the memory of the bitter sobbing she'd done on Mesa's back after storming out of the room, and then later in Kid's arms as he came to pick her up off the horse and take her into the tack room were still surprisingly fresh on her mind.

Jamie had refused her once, although she knew very well she had been young and foolish, but she wasn't ready to have her heart broken by him again. She knew that their friendship could not repair itself a second time, if he should hurt her again.

Still, in many a childish fantasy, she'd seen herself with him like this, dressed in a splendid gown and dancing under a starry sky, with his undivided attention on her. And she did have that attention, he was looking down at her with a mixture of admiration, and terror, she thought.

The music went on, but Jamie suddenly stopped dancing and looked deeply into her eyes. Rose found herself trapped by his gaze, pulled into those blue eyes she'd loved once upon a time…did she still love them? She wondered briefly, but had no time to find the answer, because suddenly her mind and body were filled with the knowledge that he was leaning down to kiss her.

She was sure he must feel her heart thumping against her chest in a mixture of excitement and terror. She was caught between the urge to run away from him and to pull him closer. His eyes were on hers, asking permission, and pausing when he saw the fleeting emotions crossing her face. Then with a sigh, her eyes looked into his fully, so trusting that it could have broken his heart.

He instantly knew that she'd never been kissed before, and though mildly surprised, he was very pleased and he didn't know why. Threading his hands through the hair at the nape of her neck, and smiling when he encountered several pins undoubtedly forced in by Rachel, he bent his head and allowed his mouth to gently fall upon hers.

Rose felt a painful blush rise to her cheeks, having no real idea of what she was supposed to do.

Without words, Jamie's message was clear to her, relax, I'll teach you.

Although, she didn't exactly relax, she did fight off the panic that had frozen her, and opened her mouth to his, closing her eyes. He was infinitely careful and gentle, not knowing what experiences with physical intimacy she carried with her from her early years, but remembering too many nights when her screams had pierced the darkness to give into the urge to demand more from her too quickly.

Her mouth was soft, her lips trembled.

Timidly, she brought her hand to rest at the back of his head, her fingers softly twining in his thick hair, holding him to her.

Now, it was Jamie who was afraid she'd hear the wild pounding of his heart. Something about her gentle, light touch ignited him, and he deepened the kiss.

Rose was fascinated and elated by his kiss. It was everything she dreamed it might be, and she had dreamed a lot about her first kiss, giggled about it with her friends, and listened with awe at the other girls describe their own. She felt the change in him instantly, felt him go from teacher to partner, asking her to meet him, to give as he gave.

Still feeling her inexperience sorely, she did meet him, opening her mouth more to his, and pressing into him as well.

Jamie felt a wave of desire and protectiveness unlike any he'd ever known washing over him, and he opened his eyes to look at her. Her eyes were pressed tightly shut, her brow wrinkled in such concentration that he couldn't stop a rumble of laughter from escaping his throat.

Instantly she drew away from him, eyes wide, lips swollen, and a beautiful red blush staining her from neck to forehead. He saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes and hurt pass over her face, and he couldn't think of what it was for.

Then it occurred to him, he'd just laughed at her when she had been scared to death of not knowing what to do in the first place. "Rose, that was perfect, sweetheart, it was just you were concentrating so hard, and your face..."

Rose turned away from him, crossing her arms over her chest, "I'm sorry…I was just trying to please you…"

"You did!" His hands were suddenly on her bare shoulders and she drew a deep breath, painfully aware of both him and the crushing corset. He tried to turn her around but she resisted, not wanting him to see her tears of mortification.

He was persistent and finally she turned around to face him. He looked down at her with agony in his own eyes for hurting her.

"Do you trust me?" He asked softly, leaning down to look directly into her eyes as he had when she was little.

"What?"

"Do you trust me?" He repeated.

"Yes, I-I th-think so," she stammered.

"Then you'll know I'm telling the truth. That was the best kiss I've ever had, Rose."

"Well how many others have you had?" She finally asked tartly.

He laughed at her tone and admitted, "Enough. How about you?"

She blushed more deeply and Jamie confirmed what he thought he knew. "Really...no other boy ever tried to kiss you?"

"Well of course they tried...but I remembered you told me not to let them!"

"Thank God you picked that bit of advice from me to listen to," Jamie murmured.

Her cheeks flushed again, but whether with embarrassment or pleasure he couldn't tell. Her eyes were dark, thoughts inaccessible as a pond frozen over in winter. He recognized that particular talent as Jimmy's.

He straightened, kissed her forehead, and pulled her to his chest into a hug.

"Rose?" he asked, wrapping his arms more tightly around her but feeling her grow tense.

"I-I have to go," she finally said, and pushed herself away from him. He tried to tighten his arms on her, asking her what the matter was, but she pushed harder, and remembering what happened the last time he tried to stop her, he let her go.

"That's right, run away, Rose! Like you always do!"

He muttered, not meaning for her to hear it, but her back straightened and she quickened her stride.

Her skirts swished softly as she retreated into the stable. He heard Mesa whinny again, and the other horses nicker, but through the lights on the other end of the barn he could see she stopped for none of them.

Rose wiped her eyes furiously for the last time before breaking back into the light, furious and trembling. She'd finally put him from her mind, and now he occupied her every thought and sense.

He'd laughed at her again.

Just as he had that night she'd poured her heart out to him, tonight he'd done it again. Her cheeks burned with shame.

Damn him, she had trusted him.

And damn her, she still loved him too

...not in the idolized gilded way she used to...and had no idea what that would mean for her family.

"Rose?" It was Buck's voice, quiet and concerned.

She turned to look at him, hoping it was dark enough to hide her blotchy cheeks.

"Hello Buck," she smiled a bit too brightly, her lips still tingling, the blood still singing in her ears and her heart still mercilessly pounding the wall of her chest.

"Are you alright? You seem a little upset."

"Oh, I'm fine. I think I'll get myself some punch," she lied easily, and walked away from him quickly, before he could ask any more questions.

She stood alone, her eyes warning off anyone who looked like they might approach her to request a dance.

Her mind was whirling, her body perfectly motionless save her eyes.

"Miss you seem quite distracted," a voice, with a smooth English accent drifted to her from her right.

She turned in surprise, not recognizing the voice, and then looked up.

He was as tall as Jamie, though slimmer, with wheat blonde hair and bright green eyes that looked at her intently.

"Who might you be?" she wondered, in no mood for conversation, but curious.

"John Morgan," he said, bowing low, "At your service. And you might be?"

"Rose Hickok," she murmured, feeling like she should curtsey or drop to her knee altogether as if he were royalty, but defiantly doing neither.

"I'm the new deputy of Sweetwater. But seeing as you are well acquainted with the marshal, I'll expect you knew I was coming?"

"Ah, yes. I remember Teaspoon talking about hiring someone," Rose said absently. Jamie had just come back through the stables and was looking around intently. Presumably, for her.

She wasn't sure what reckless abandon made her turn and stare John Morgan so directly in the eye, smile brilliantly, and ask him to dance with her, but by the time Jamie spotted her, she was whirling around in the arms of the young new deputy, throwing her head back and laughing genuinely at his charm.

"Is that how it is?" Jamie growled to himself as he watched her purposefully press herself closer than was necessary to the Englishman.

And while Rose had started out looking for a distraction from Jamie, she hadn't prepared herself to be quite so distracted by the handsome, older man with the devilish grin and dry wit.

"It's not that easy, Rose," Jamie snarled, and purposefully avoiding Elizabeth Walker, who was eagerly approaching him, he stalked toward the house under the surprised stare of his mother, and slammed the door.