Part V: Nino, who seeks a guide
- O -
From a distance the Isle of Valor seemed small; nothing compared to the Western Isles, anyway. The journey through the unblemished forests was anything but easy even on such a small isle, and every day, every single time they found themselves lost, or their wagons caught passing through some lowland mire, seemed to last an eon. One day, as Renault walked beside the caravan through a small grove, he felt a gentle but insistent tap on his arm.
"Yes?" he said, looking over and down. A short young girl with bright green hair walked beside him, an anima tome cradled in the crook of her arm. She met his glance and smiled placidly.
"Father Renault? D-Do you have a minute?"
Renault scratched his head. "I have very many minutes, actually. What is it you need, lass?"
"Um..." Her voice trailed off. She folded her arms over her tome and held it close to her chest. "My name is Nino. I'm an—I'm a mage. I cast magic and I can use a staff too, a little."
"I could tell by the book you're carrying. A tome of a spell called Elfire, correct?" Renault said.
Nino lifted her head up. "Wow. Not many people could tell what this book was just like that. Can you use elemental magic, Father Renault?"
The burdened bishop shook his head. "No. I've lived a very long life and know a lot about many types of weapons. That's all."
"Oh. Well, it's still impressive. My m—a woman named Sonia taught me to be an anima mage. It took a lot of practice. Mostly watching her and doing everything she used to do. She wouldn't give me any formal lessons at all."
Just by watching? She must have some talent!
High above the forest canopy a light rain began to fall. Nino shifted her tome back to under her arm and pulled her cloak closer with her free hand.
"Hm, practice," Renault mumbled. "That's good. You don't become strong overnight. In anything."
"How about you? How long did it take you to become good at light magic?"
The bishop had to stop himself from laughing. By the time he spoke again, the rain had stopped and the sun poked hesitantly from behind a belt of clouds.
"I'm still not good at light magic. Nor at staves. As a practitioner of the teachings of Elimine, I am no better than an acolyte, truth be told."
"If the anima and the light were more alike, I would help you practice," Nino said. "But I'm not sure how light magic works. Is all it takes to use light magic a belief in the power of a God?"
Renault didn't know. When he'd cast aside his sword and taken the cloth, he'd studied in the staff and in the godly magics, but whether or not it was his faith which had sustained him, he couldn't rightly say. After all, in his youth he'd used an axe and a spear as easily as a sword. Everything had seemingly come easily to him, as long as it involved the instruments of war.
"Perhaps it is," Renault said. "If a man like me could end up with tomes like these in hand after his long road, I suppose that is truly all you need."
- O -
Renault wondered if the dreams would take hold of him again that night. It was a recurring nightmare now, every time a little different but every time the same. Less a nightmare than a memory, a persistent memory that dug its claws into his conscience and would never let go. The feeling of cold steel in his hands and then the splash of blood lukewarm against his face. The sound of a young boy's scream strangling itself in his throat and dying, and the sight of darkness upon darkness all around, spiraling downward and downward and downward.
Is this part of my penance? he wondered. To relive the horrors that I have wrought? Or are these prophetic visions? The darkness tempting me, calling me to butcher mercilessly and without feeling again, waiting for that one single moment of weakness. Oh, God, speak to me. I need you now, more than ever. Please, just tell me if I am on the right path to repentance. Lord, spare me this knowledge just once!
"Father Renault!"
Renault looked up, shaken from his reverie. The young girl had not spoken with him for several days, and it wasn't until the night when the skies opened up and began to sob that she returned.
Perhaps I didn't bore her to distraction. Miracle of miracles!
"Father Renault, there you are!" Nino removed her wet cloak and the mostly-dry book from within and placed it on the floor of the wagon beside the old priest.
"Nino, you're drenched!"
"I know! I ran over to the wagon at the front of the convoy. Uncle Merlinus gave me an extra ration of cheese today!"
"Yes, well he is a..." Renault paused. He chose his words carefully. "...very decent man."
"Uh huh! I'm so glad he's around. My stomach rumbles all the time now, so at least it's good when he can spare a little bit extra for me, yes?"
"Why have you come here in the rain? You could easily take ill standing out in the cold."
"Are you worried about me?" Nino tilted her head and regarded Renault oddly. "I—I mean, I'm fine. Please don't worry about me, Father!"
"I don't see what business you could have at this—"
"Here!" Nino picked up the book she'd shielded with her cloak and thrust it into the bishop's hands.
"Your...Elfire tome?"
"Nope! It's something else."
"It's a bit too dark to read."
"Oh, I can fix that!" Nino reached into her cloak, and before Renault could scream at her not to use her fire tome to create a light, she pulled out a candle sitting on a small bronze tray, and he sighed in relief. Then she pulled out her Elfire tome and lit it, and he had no energy left to argue or caution her one way or another.
"There, is that better?" she asked as she set the candle beside him. The bishop merely nodded. As he read, he realized it was an account of some sort, a journal of a man named Jude and his experiences becoming father of a baby girl.
"Nino, what is this book?"
"Before I left home...not my real home, I mean the Black Fang...I found this book in my—in that woman's room."
"I see." Renault continued to leaf through the book. "Is there something in here you wished for me to see?"
Nino fell silent. She sat against the side of the wagon, knees up, and cradled her legs with her hands. "Could you read it to me, Father Renault?"
He had expected her to show him a great many things that book might have contained, a great many violent things, things even he might have forgotten. Renault looked through the book again and then to Nino, shy and embarrassed in the corner.
"Please, Father Renault," Nino said. "I want to know what it says. What Sonia was keeping from me all those years."
"Yes...yes, of course," Renault said. "But why me? There had to have been someone else willing to read to you."
"I was too embarrassed," Nino admitted, her voice little more than a whisper. "If other people found out I could use magic but didn't know my letters, they—they'd make fun of me. I'd have to pretend I did."
To this, Renault could not speak.
"But when I'm around you, Father Renault, I feel...calm. Like you'd never judge me badly even after you knew I couldn't read. Right?"
Me, judge you? thought Renault as Nino fought back tears. I would be the greatest hypocrite. There's only one I would judge, one man who has done more evil than me...
"O-Of course, Nino. I won't judge you, child."
A smile like a bolt of lightning spread to her face. She sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her wet sleeve. "I'm so happy," she managed breathlessly. "All I want is to find out...you know about, about my mother, my real mother, and my father, and my life before all—all the—"
With a sudden start, Nino sneezed violently, once and then again and then again. For the first time Renault noticed her shivering in the dim candlelight. Her knees almost shook and her teeth had started to chatter.
"You're going to catch a cold!" Renault admonished, and quickly undid his surplice. Down only to his hauberk and tunic, he began to feel the cold more intensely himself. His arms scarred from battle turned to gooseflesh and a bitter chill settled down on his stout shoulders. Without hesitation, he threw his vestments over Nino's shoulders, and equally quickly the young mage pulled them over her shoulders and hunkered down.
"There," Renault said. "None of us can afford to fall ill, not now. Where we are going, we cannot afford even the slightest weakness."
To the bishop's eternal surprise, Nino giggled.
"Thank you, Father. Thank you. It's really...really cold."
"It was nothing. Now look, I'll read to you if you still want?"
She nodded.
Renault began. "'Entry I: I'm writing in this journal to celebrate the birth of my second child, a beautiful daughter named Nino...'"
- O -
The army of Lords Hector and Eliwood had not been on the Dread Isle long. They had been on Valor before—in fact, Renault had met one of their ranks the first time they visited, long before he had decided to marry his cause to theirs. In the short time since he'd joined with them, the weather had been so inclement that Renault could only wonder—between sternly castigating himself for the myriad misdeeds of his erstwhile self—if it was an omen. Every night since the first, Nino had come to Renault's empty caravan with her father's journal under her arm, every night the skies had opened up and left her soaked with rain, and every night he lent her his robes to drape over her shoulders. Over one week, Renault had almost read all of Jude's journal, reciting to Nino about her as an infant, her older brother, her mother Iris, and their life together in a manor house in the Etrurian hills.
They had nearly all reached the Dragon's Gate and still the rains refused to subside. That night, the caravan stopped and Nino again went to Renault, cloak stretched high to cover her head.
"So you took my advice, then?" Renault said, a smile flickering across his drawn face.
"Yep!" Nino said cheerfully. She rubbed the top of her head. "See, my hair is only a little damp! I'm not going to be wearing my cloak anyway! Oh—it's all right to borrow your bishop clothes again, isn't it?"
"It was no trouble before, and it is no trouble now," replied Renault, again removing his robes and again leaning back against the wagon's side in only hauberk and tunic.
"Sorry to ask so much. I was so much trouble to—to Sonia, so I don't want to be trouble to you too. My not-real father always said I was a good girl, but Sonia always said I was a scamp when he wasn't looking. I tried so hard to act better but it never worked."
"It seems so easy to do good, to love and be loved." Pulling at the collar of his tunic mindlessly, Renault sighed. "It isn't."
"I really did love her. Even when I found out she was really a..." Nino lowered her voice and continued, "...a monster, a part of me wanted to love her. I know Father—my not-real father—loved me, and Uncle Jan loved me, and Lloyd and Linus loved me, and Uncle Legault loved, and Uhai loved me too, but it wasn't the same. She never ever, ever really loved me."
Yes, I know. How easy it is to love nothing and no one.
"But, it sounds like you were loved by very many."
"I...I don't..." Nino sniffled and turned her head away as she began to cry. "I don't want...why did we have to fight them...we were happy! Why?"
"And you loved them in turn. And you are a good girl, have no doubt. It isn't easy, but you have done what so many others could not. To love and be loved."
"Some of my old clothes. They-they still smell like my old house. They make me think of my Daddy, and my old room, and eating breakfast with Liney and Lloyd. I want to go back!" Nino turned to Renault, lower lip trembling, small columns of tears streaming down her chin. "But I can't go back! I just want to go home again!"
Such a young child...and all she can do is long for the past. Is this all we can do as people? Mourn for the past?
The bishop swiftly rose to his feet, and with alacrity he thought he no longer possessed, sat beside the young mage and put an arm around her shoulders.
"Oh, Father Renault...why? Why do bad things have to happen? One after another? What did I do to God to deserve this?"
If I knew the answer to that...
"Hush, be well. You did nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. I'm sorry, but I'm not fit to speak for God. I'm not fit to speak for anyone any more. But where I have failed, you have not. You have a good heart, Nino. You—trouble yourself no longer. Your hardships are coming sooner in life than others; one day you'll look back upon these days and be glad the storm is behind you."
On cue, a bolt of lightning lit the inside of the wagon and almost immediately afterwards a rolling peal of thunder roared. Nino jumped, and to Renault's shock, began to laugh.
"Guess the storm's not behind me yet!" Nino said, covering her mouth with her hands, her sudden sunny smile a rainbow through her torrent of tears. Even Renault had to chuckle in kind.
"You don't have to lament the past," Renault said. "What's done is done. You can't bring back a fallen friend, no matter how much their loss has hurt you. But it's not late for you to make new friends, believe me. To find others to call family. You're still young. You have time. So, so much time."
"You know," said Nino, still sniffling, "you remind me a lot of my Uncle Jan. Well, he wasn't really my uncle, but he said a lot of really serious, deep stuff like you do. You don't like to drink and argue as much as he did, but still!"
"I see. I'm glad you feel so."
"Thank you for spending all this time with me, Father Renault. It's almost like I have a real 'Father' again!"
"I'm far too old to be anyone's father. Even if I don't seem so. I've seen far too much for my age."
"Well...can I call you Grandpa, then?"
Renault looked down in Nino in disbelief, but even as he looked, the smile on her face did not disappear and he realized that no, she was being serious.
"Well—if you want to, then...ah, very well. I never had children of my own, so..."
Or perhaps I do. Ones who grew up around the world wondering what they'd done to deserve a father who sowed his seed and abandoned them. Lord have mercy.
"That's all right," Nino replied. The bishop had removed his arm from her shoulders, but now she rested her hand against his and patted it gently. "You'll be great at it. And I promise I'll be good. I swear on all of my tomes!"
"And I will be good as well. As long as we are travelers together I won't abandon you. I swear it on my faith.
Renault felt a dark, heavy weight settle on his chest. He didn't know why he suddenly felt such anxiousness tugging at him, or why his words seemed so acutely foreboding, but in that moment, he felt the dread of the Dread Isle settle over him in full.
"Thank you, Grandpa Renault! Can you read the rest of my father's diary to me?"
"Y-Yes...yes of course," said Renault, opening the journal as the wind began to howl. "Let's pick up where we left off. 'Entry XLII: Today, me and Iris prepared...'"