Chapter 15: The Last Virginia Sunrise

"You what?" Lou asked quietly, breaking the silence that followed Jamie's sudden revelation that he was thinking of staying in Virginia.

"Well…it's just that there are opportunities here for a Veterinarian. In town there's only one animal doctor and he's old and looking to sell his practice. I could set up here."

Kid looked a bit pale suddenly, "What about the Bar M, son?"

Jamie sighed, "I still love the Bar M, Dad. And when the time comes, I'll settle down there, and even if not, there's always Rose. But this is a chance for me to make my own way for awhile."

"Jamie, this is awful sudden," Lou said quietly, her resentment for Virginia flaring hotly. She glared at Kid. This was your idea, her eyes told him.

"I've thought about it for a few weeks now. It's what I want to do…it'll be good for me to get away for awhile, I think, to be on my own."

Rose stood up and left the room wordlessly, her face very white.

When she was gone, Lou turned to Jamie, "And what about her?"

"What about her?" Jamie repeated evenly, "I've made no promises."

Lou shook her head, "You think you'll do well without her?"

Jamie shrugged, "Looks like I'll find out, doesn't it?"

Lou sighed, "Kid?"

Kid cringed, knowing Lou was leaving it up to him, and God help him if he said the wrong thing. He saw the set of his son's jaw, so much like Lou's and knew it was done. Jamie had made up his mind and there was nothing that would change that. He was twenty years old, and he'd made his decision.

Lou saw the thoughts cross Kid's face and she sighed and asked, "Is there anything we can say to change your mind?"

Jamie smiled, recognizing the beginnings of a blessing, if a resigned one, "I don't think so, Mama. I am a McCloud, after all."

"Yes, you certainly are," Kid agreed and smiled at Lou, "Sleep on it Jamie, and we will too. If you still want to do this tomorrow and you're sure, then we'll make the arrangements."

Jamie nodded and watched as Lou looked fearfully at Kid. He also saw her relax when he took her hand and led her from the room.

Rose walked along the dirt path to the river slowly, the long ends of her nightgown bunched in her hand to keep the dust off the pale green cotton. The silt was cool and powdery between her toes in the warm air.

She inhaled deeply as she ambled, not really having a specific destination or purpose to be outside, but seeking to end her cabin fever from a day spent indoors. The air here was different, she decided. The many flower blooms and ferns permeated the air with a heavy, sweet scent, and the shaper, thick odor of pine mingled with it to create a very green smell.

The gentle babbling of the James river was audible now, and a breeze against her face added the clean smell of water to the others. Virginia. It was a lovely place, she decided. But not hers, and certainly not Jamie's. She couldn't think about him now, couldn't let herself contemplate him staying in Virginia.

She shook her head and pulled her skirts up higher when she reached the water's edge, sticking a toe in the water first and finding it warmer than the night air. She didn't hesitate again as she walked into the wide, shallow part of the river. The current was stronger than usual after all the rain and it rushed by her legs pleasantly.

She sighed and smiled, tilting her head back to let her loose hair tickle the back of her arms in the sleeveless nightgown. She looked up. Large gnarled pines and oaks were black against a navy sky, providing an arena all around her for a million stars. In the half moon, the ground was dappled in silver and black.

No, she certainly couldn't deny that it was a lovely world. But she liked her sky wide open.

Jamie followed her footprints in the damp dirt slowly, not in any hurry and knowing where she was going. He'd seen her ghostly form drifting down the path to the river many nights during their stay. He knew when the formalities of society and visiting with Catherine's guests got to be too much for her she went to the water to breathe. He stopped behind a tree in sight of the river.

He watched her, mesmerized. Her back was to him, and she was completely oblivious to his presence. Her face was raised toward the sky, her hair struck with moonbeams, a silky sheet of copper. In the breeze, the nightgown pressed along her curves,revealed a form that was strong and womanly.

Her hair blew to the side and Jamie stared at the groove of her spine, of the ivory skin of her shoulders and upper back in the scooped back of the gown. Her legs were slim and graceful, a white thigh flashing in the moonlight as she gathered the gown higher and walked in a bit deeper.

He desired her yes, he acknowledged as a punch of lust went straight through him, but not only for her beauty, for those flashing silver eyes and fiery hair. They were nothing compared to the fire within her.

"To Hell with it," Jamie muttered and stepped from behind the tree, making a direct path for the water and Rose.

Rose, hearing someone coming up quickly behind her, gasped and spun around, dropping the end of the nightgown in her surprise, surrendering it to the current that wrapped the fabric about her knees.

Jamie didn't say anything, but Rose relaxed when she realized it was him. Without pausing to remove his boots and roll up his pants, he plunged into the water toward her, making great splashes with his determined stride. So urgent was his advance that she took an unconscious step backwards.

He didn't stop until he stood directly in front of her, his eyes and his face bathed with the silver shadows of moonlight through leaves.

"Jamie?"

He didn't answer her, but stood studying her intently. She couldn't see his eyes, they were shadowed in the dark. He finally raised them out of the blackness. His hand came up and cradled the base of her skull and her neck, threading through her hair. With gentle pressure, he urged her head to fall back into his palm, willing her to look into his eyes more directly. His gaze didn't ask this time, but rather told her that he was going to kiss her.

And then he bent his head to do so.

The pounding in Rose's heart that began when he'd startled her, only grew stronger now, but for different reasons. She raised her lips to his.

Jamie left her to give and take as she saw fit. He was gentle with her as always, but this time she sensed something else, something held tightly in check but there, ready to break free, all the same.

And she knew what it was. He wanted her. He desired her, needed her. The realization was a little frightening at first to her. But she realized, she was demanding as much of him as he did of her.

She reminded herself quickly it was completely different than John, the only other man to ever show desire for her. It was true John had burned for her. But he'd sought her body and her submission and nothing else.

Jamie, she realized, wanted all of her, body and soul, and would settle for no less. The realization brought the blood pounding in her temples, and she thrilled in the knowledge until she thought her heart would burst.

It was he who broke away first, leaving Rose breathless and dizzy, and confident that every woman should know a kiss like his once in her life.

Rose finally raised her eyes from his full mouth to his eyes. They crackled with blue electricity, intense and demanding, but also, she realized with her heart thumping especially hard, fearful.

"Jamie," she whispered to him, taking a step closer and reaching up to weave her fingers in his own soft brown hair, pulling his forehead down to rest against her own. She looked into the blue eyes she had loved for so long, now only inches from her own.

"I don't know how I can love you so much."

The words scared Rose as much as they excited her. Her eyes burned with tears. Keeping her fingers in his hair, she raised her head and kissed him again, softly this time, tenderly. His eyes were gentle when she pulled away.

"Stay with me Rose, stay here."

Rose swallowed hard, "No, Jamie. You come with us. Come back home."

"Rose, there's too much opportunity here for us both. You could study with Jonathan and I could have my practice!"

Rose shook her head, fearful that they'd reach an impasse. "No, Jamie. I don't belong here. You know it. I wouldn't be happy here...just like your Mama."

Jamie sighed. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and raised her chin slightly, a gesture he knew was her way of preparing for battle. He felt a deep joy at the knowledge he was the only person in the world who would recognize that tiny little gesture that was completely hers.

Her eyes were alive, bright and luminous, not entirely different than the silver moon that hung over her shoulder. They searched his desperately.

No, he realized, she didn't belong here. She belonged in a golden field on a golden horse, with her hair streaming behind her, refusing to be confined by a braid. She belonged in open spaces. She was a free spirit, and she'd not be caged.

His father had once almost lost the woman he loved to Virginia. He wasn't going to make the same mistake.

"You belong out there too, Jamie. You know you do! We both belong out West at the Bar M, you said so! Everything here is rebuilding! We're starting fresh, Jamie…let's go to where we can build something new! One day, it'll be gone…the newness, the frontier. But Jamie, right now it's ours! And the possibilities are endless for us both!"

Her voice was trembling in passion. He'd never realized how deeply she loved the land out West.

He'd only heard one man speak with such love for a homeland as Rose did now. And that was his father. In the end, Kid had left his homeland for the woman he loved. He knew if he asked her to, Rose would do the same.

But he could never make her, not when she looked at him with those silver eyes.

"Jamie? What are you thinking?" She asked fearfully, winding her hands around his.

Jamie smiled, leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on her brow.

"I'm thinking that if you look at me like that I'll follow you until I drop off the edge of the world."

Rose's face lit up and she threw her arms around him, burrowing her face deeply into his neck and breathing deeply with relief. He held her just as tightly as the warm water laced around their legs.

It was maybe one of the happiest moments of his life. Her soft voice drifted up to him. "You can't drop of the edge of the earth. It's round you know. Really didn't they teach you anything? Maybe I will buy you a globe…"

Despite himself, Jamie laughed. "How am I going to survive you?"

Rose stopped smiling and looked directly into his eyes, "Better than you'd survive without me, I suppose."

Jamie sighed deeply and smiled, "I do love you, you know. I should have married you that night you first told me."

"Yeah, you should have. Almost missed your chance...Jamie?" She said softly in response.

"What is it?" He returned as gently.

"Kiss me again," their mouths met in smiles, and stayed that way.

Lou yawned, and smiling mischievously, stretched her icy toes toward her sleeping husband. It was, after all, the most effective method of rousing him quickly from dead sleep. She knew he would like to kill her when she pressed her cold feet directly behind his kneecaps, but she couldn't resist. It was too much fun to watch him leap heavenwards and curse her name for the rest of the morning.

She stretched and stretched and stretched her legs, until she was laying almost perpendicular to the pillows and her toes were hanging off the other side of the bed. Her brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Too late. I'm already up you mealy mouth coyote," a voice said from the window, not doing a very good job of sounding stern at all.

She smiled sheepishly and sat up, untangling the covers from around her legs, and settling for digging her toes into the warm mattress he had left instead of Kid himself.

She found him standing by the window. He was shirtless and his arms stretched to brace himself on either side of the frame. Her eyes were drawn to the pink scar tissue that covered a large portion of one broad shoulder, an old battle scar.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly, standing up and taking the coverlet with her. Despite his playful greeting, she sensed the uneasiness that had every muscle in his body taunt.

She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle, kissing the ridge of his shoulder blade gently. He shivered and dropped one arm, reaching for her and bringing her to his side.

"Waiting on the sunrise. I was thinking it would be the last time I saw the Virginia sunrise."

At the sorrow in his voice, Lou held him more tightly, "Don't be silly, Kid. You'll be back here."

"I don't really think I will Lou. This feels like the last time, you know?"

"Not planning on leaving me any time soon, are you?" Lou asked, panic in her voice. Was he sick? Was that why he made the trip in the first place?

"Not on your life, Louise McCloud! I'm not through with you yet. I just don't see myself ever coming back here. There's no reason."

"If Jamie stays here you'll surely be back!" Lou said, feeling horrified without knowing why that Kid was talking of giving up Virginia forever.

"Jamie won't stay here," Kid said with such conviction that Lou felt she didn't have to question him. Still, Kid explained, "The Bar M is his as much as it is ours, and he loves it as much as we ever did."

Lou nodded, "But he said he'd be coming back someday. He may still stay here for awhile. He loves it here just like you did, Kid. Like you still do."

"Yes, he loves it here. And yes, I did too. But he doesn't belong here anymore than I do now. He belongs with Rose. He loves her like I love you, you know. And he'll go where she goes."

"You think so?" Lou asked, daring to hope he was right, that Jamie would come home with them.

"I know so. That boy may have your name, but he's got plenty of my blood in his veins Lou. And the love of a woman is more important to him than any piece of land."

"There was one time when you didn't feel that way," Lou reminded him, not bitter, only rational.

"Well, thank God, he's got some of your good sense running through his blood too. He's realized without a war what it took me almost losing you to know. Love beats pride every time, at least in the end...or, at least it should."

"Yes at least in the end. But that's only the beginning isn't it?"

As if in answer, a shaft of golden light suddenly fell on both their faces and they grew quiet and turned toward it to greet a new day. Kid's eyes were quiet and restful, but also a little sorrowful as he watched the sun peek over a bright green ridge that was safeguarded in a white mist. Everything the sun touched glistened with dewdrops. It was beautiful.

However, Lou, instead of enjoying her last Virginia sunrise, chose instead to enjoy the light of her last Virginia sunrise bathing Kid's face in a million childhood memories.

A bird's cheerful chirping roused Jamie, and he jumped in surprise. He hadn't meant to fall asleep here. He looked a bit surprised to find Rose beside him, curled into a ball under his jacket, and still sleeping soundly. He was instantly relieved to know last night wasn't a dream.

"Oh no," Jamie muttered suddenly, realizing the implications of what he'd done. Although nothing more serious than a kiss had transpired between them last night, it surely wouldn't look that way if they staggered into Monroe Hall damp with the dew, leaves in their hair, and Rose in her nightdress. It had been torture to adhere to his sense of morality, and if her reputation was to be ruined anyway, he wondered why they'd bothered with restraint.

It had been tempting to both of them to go so much further. And being surrounded by the concealing fog of a warm spring night hadn't helped at all when he'd swept her out of the water and into his arms, feeling like Adam in the Garden of Eden.

She'd watched his eyes lovingly the whole time, and he hers.

"Jamie, I haven't done this before," She'd whispered softly to him as he lay her on a bed of pine needles. Her cheeks had flushed scarlet, and her eyes had avoided his.

Jamie sighed, and closed his eyes tightly, finding control he didn't know he had. He knew she was as willing as he to consummate their love, but he could not. Not here in the dirt, both of them shivering with the cooling air and damp with dew. She deserved more.

With trembling hands, he'd pushed the hair back from her forehead, and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss there. Then, he'd crawled to her side and gathered her against him tightly.

"Did I say something wrong?" she whispered a while later.

Jamie groaned, "God, Rosie. Hardly. But it wouldn't be right for me to do what I almost did here…it wouldn't be proper. You deserve better."

He thought she might have sighed with relief, and pulled her more tightly to him.

A few minutes later he sensed the question resting on her lips and squeezed her shoulder, "What?"

"Well, I was just wondering…" he could see the tip of her nose was turning red, and she turned it into his side, hiding her face completely.

"Ask me anything," he said with a smile.

"Well…I was wondering if you'd done th-that before?"

Jamie tensed. The question was inevitable, but he hadn't expected it just then. He tried to choose his words carefully, "Well, yes, Rose…I have."

He couldn't discern the emotion behind the quiet, "Oh."

He hastily tried to explain, "Well, Rose, you see…it's just more common for men to…and you know I was at school all those years, and my friends, well they talked me into it the first time…going to the whore-uh, brothel…"

"The first time? There was more than once?" She asked suspiciously.

"Well, yes…of course. I mean, it wasn't that it meant anything…I mean, it meant something, I didn't just use the woman, but I didn't love her, and…she didn't mind, it was her job…and, well it wasn't many times I went there!" he broke off, ashamed beyond comprehension. Sighing deeply he added, "If I'd thought then I'd be explaining this to you one day, I might have changed my mind."

She was quiet for a long time. "Well, did you enjoy it?"

Jamie couldn't stop a snort of amusement, "Well, yes, I surely did. Very much."

"Oh," that same guarded word that could mean anything.

"Rose, it's just something men do, honey. Until they get married I mean."

"Well, it's just that…well, what if you don't like it with me?"

Jamie laughed again and reached down to turn her face up to look at his, a matching shade of red. He wondered if his burning ears might not drop off at any moment.

"Rose, I promise I'll like it with you, and you'll like it with me too. It'll be better than any of the others with you, Rose. It'll mean so much more. It'll be special because I love you."

"But what if it's not?" Her voice was fearful and she tried to look away, but he held her chin firmly and willed her not to drop her gaze from his own.

"Trust me?" He asked her as he had many times before.

"With all my heart," she responded, smiling slightly.

Jamie nodded, leaning forward to kiss her gently, "Good, then just take my word for it until you find out for yourself."

Rose nodded.

The rising sun brought Jamie out of his recollection of the events of the night before and he leaned down to kiss Rose's forehead.

She opened her eyes and stared into his with confusion. Then, they grew wide as she realized they'd fallen asleep, and she sat up quickly, knocking her head hard against his.

"Ow!" They cried at the same time.

Holding onto his pounding forehead Jamie sighed, "Well, I guess we'd better get back fast, or we're gonna have a hell of a time explaining this one."

"What do we tell them?" Rose asked fearfully as she climbed to her feet and impatiently waited for him to pull his boots on.

"Well, the truth I guess, and hope they believe it."

"And if they don't?" Rose wondered.

Jamie gave her a lopsided grin and took her hand, "Then I may just have to marry you to save your honor. Let's hope mama and daddy are feeling unreasonable today, okay?"

And with that he led her at a quick pace back up the path.

"Will you look at that," Kid muttered softly as he spotted two covert figures dart out from the woods, hand in hand.

Lou gasped when she saw Jamie and Rose, who was in her night dress, sneaking up from the woods, "I don't believe it! Those sneaky little hellions!"

Kid laughed, "Remind you of anyone?"

"Well, but it was different for us!"

"How so?" Kid wondered.

"Well…it just was!" Lou spat when she couldn't think of any reason, "I'll have to talk to Rose. You talk to Jamie."

"What for, Lou? They're older than we were."

"Well, I don't care. We were raised like heathens, we should have been expected to act like them. But I won't have my son in the woods committing pagan rituals in the night!"

Kid burst out laughing at this.

"Kid! You're not taking this very seriously!" Lou charged him.

"Because it's none of my business, or yours either. We couldn't have stopped this if we tried. And short of chaining them up at night, we're not going to be able to stop it now either."

Lou sighed, the fight leaving her. "I guess you're right."

Kid's grin grew broader and his eyes flashed with mischief, making him look seventeen, "But that don't mean we can't have a little fun with him, does it?"

Lou's smile broadened as she realized she was about to evoke the parental privilege of mental torture.

Jamie left Rose at the front door with a quick kiss and darted for his room two stairs at a time. It would be easier for Rose to explain why she still had on her night dress than him to explain why he still had on his clothes from the day before.

When, thirty minutes later, he sat across the table from Rose, who wore a demure, high necked gingham dress, and kept her eyes averted from his, he dared to hope they'd been successful in not drawing attention. He wished Rose would stop blushing like a tomato, but besides pressing his foot down firmly over hers under the table there was nothing he could do.

Jamie noticed that Lou kept her face hidden by either her fork or her cup of coffee and Kid kept his eyes on his plate. An uneasy feeling began eating at him. He wondered if Jonathan noticed anything going on.

"Did you see the sunrise this morning Jonathan?" Kid asked, and Jamie watched as Lou nearly choked on her biscuit.

"No, can't say I did," Jonathan murmured sleepily. He was definitely not a morning person. Catherine and Marcus also looked bleary eyed, and Jamie was relieved that surely they'd not seen him and Rose sneaking back to the house.

Kid persisted, and although they really weren't guilty of anything, it certainly looked that way with the red spreading from Rose's high collar to her forehead. Jamie pressed his foot down harder and she defiantly yanked her foot from under his boot with a tiny huff of irritation.

"Well, I declare I stood there before dawn and stared right out at it! Looked so pretty shining on the gardens and the trees. Reckon I stood there for a good hour, and Lou too. Jamie did you see it?"

"Er…um, I slept through it," Jamie replied, caught off guard.

"Have a long night Jamie?" Lou asked innocently, unable to resist joining in.

Rose and Jamie exchanged a long glance…so they knew.

Still, they were ruthless, "Is that a leaf in your hair Rose?" Kid asked, wrinkling his brow in mock confusion.

Rose blushed deeper. She was almost purple at this point. She knew very well it was not a leaf in her hair, because she'd removed a dozen of them and checked carefully for others already.

"All right, enough!" Jamie finally shouted, standing up. "We get the point! You saw us! But I swear to both of you, nothing happened! Rose just convinced me to come home, that's all! Nothing else!" Kid and Lou stared at him calmly, and Jamie felt the pressure get to him, "Okay, okay! I kissed her! But that is all! Nothing else!"

"Jamie, whatever are you talking about?" Lou asked, blinking innocently, and looking engagingly wide-eyed.

"Oh, you're good, Mama," Jamie sighed, "Real good."

Kid and Lou grinned broadly in triumph. Whether they believed Jamie about nothing happening they didn't know yet. But at least they'd gotten some of the truth from him.

Lou glanced at Kid. Whatever their failures in life, they were pretty good at parenting, she decided.