Chapter 18: A Thousand Blessings

Rose's eyes were open long before the first streaks of dawn touched the frosty windowpane. In fact, they had yet to close. She lay on her side, curled in her blankets, watching the window without seeing anything. In the palm of her hand was Jimmy's silver star. The smooth tin still gave her the same comfort it always had as she stroked it absentmindedly.

It was her wedding day.

She couldn't quite put a finger on the emotions that ran wild through her heart ever since Jamie kissed her goodnight at the foot of the stairs. He'd spent the night at Rachel and Teaspoon's house to make sure he wouldn't see her before the wedding.

Great love for Jamie sang in her soul, making her tremble with joy, but there was an unexplainable melancholy below the excitement rushing through her veins. Only in these small hours of the morning did she let the sadness pull fully on her heart.

Her finger felt for the ridges in the badge. U.S. Marshal. She wished until she ached that Jimmy Hickok had lived to see this day. How she'd love to have him at her side, walking her down the aisle to Jamie!

She smiled as her finger encountered the small setting on top of the star. Jamie had taken it last week to have the star laid in a silver casing. He also had bought her a long silver necklace, and had given it to her last night. When she put the star on it, it rested above her heart. It wouldn't be visible under her dress, but Jamie realized without her saying a word how important it would be to have it with her.

A horse neighed outside, and an answering challenge soon followed. That would be her stallion, Dorado and Jamie's paint stallion Diablo calling to each other from their separate pastures. It had taken her weeks to decide on a name for her horse.

When Jamie declared his horse would have the Spanish name for his grand-sire, Satan, it seemed only right that her own stallion have a Spanish name as well. Golden he was, so "golden" he was called.

Thoughts of her wedding present led her to contemplate Kid and Lou. They'd been unfailing in their love for her since the first day they laid eyes on her, laying in the dust with a busted arm and an angry heart. She smiled slightly as the memory of the conversation where she asked Kid to give her away rolled in her mind.

"Kid, I was wondering…well I know it's Jamie's wedding, but I was hoping you might give me away…"

His eyes welled with tears that he tried to hide from her and he'd been struck speechless. In fact, he was quiet so long that Rose took it to mean he didn't like the idea.

"If you'd rather not…" she began.

"No! Of course I'll do it," he smiled slightly and took her hand, "I love you as my daughter. Always have. But I have to tell you, Rose...it is just sometimes I feel like I've robbed the man who was my best friend, who gave me my life, my son, and Lou, of so much already. I've had you all these years that he didn't. I don't know how he'd feel about this…about me giving you to my son now. Seems selfish repayment to a selfless man, doesn't it?"

Rose squeezed his hand, tears in her own eyes, "Well, I think it's only fitting. You've done right by him, Kid. There was no reason you had to take me in. He didn't owe me anything, and you certainly didn't. And you've given me my life. And I have loved my life with the McClouds. I have had such happiness and love here...he would have been honored by that, don't you think?"

Kid closed his eyes, freeing his tears and nodded. "God, I hope so, Rose."

Rose smiled, "Besides, Jimmy walked Lou down the aisle to give her to you. I think it's only right that you walk his daughter down the aisle to Lou's son. I think he'd have it that way."

Kid stirred slightly, careful not to wake Lou. He propped up on his elbow and watched her sleep.

She was so beautiful and he still loved to look at her, even after all their years together. She always would be beautiful, he thought, even when she was eighty.

Had they really been together all these years? How could it be his son's wedding day when he remembered his own wedding day so clear?

The bunkhouse had been too small that whole night before, as he tossed and turned, keeping everyone awake and earning himself jests in the process. He never doubted his love for Lou, but that hadn't stopped the terror of what he was about to do; take a wife as the express died and as the country exploded into an unprecedented war.

Looking into her eyes as she stepped from Jimmy's arm and put her hand into his had dispelled those concerns. And now, years, a bloody war, a profitable ranch, an adopted daughter that had completed their family and filled the emptiness Jimmy's death left, and a fine grown son later, he'd never been more sure of his decision. She'd been his life, his partner, and his soul through it all. He couldn't imagine his life without her, thought of all the ways their ships might have passed in the night and felt overwhelming gratitude for the course plotted for him by fate.

She smiled in her sleep. He wondered if she dreamed of her own wedding day too. Tears filled his eyes as he reached to stroke her cheek.

"Please God, let me die first. I can't last a day without her," he murmured the words aloud, his heart constricting with sudden, unexplainable fear that she'd leave him behind.

That was it, he decided, the true nature of love. It was both numbing fear and safe harbor, life's greatest risk as well as life's greatest blessing.

Jamie paced. It wasn't that he was nervous, but he was restless all the same, and more than ready to get on with the show. He smiled from ear to ear when he thought of seeing Rose walk to him down the aisle. Knowing her, she was probably still in bed, thinking too hard. He shook his head, thinking of the flurry of activity and preparations for the last few weeks. It was surprising how many people had come to see the wedding.

Cody and his wife Louisa, and two daughters were staying in the old bunkhouse. Both of Lou's younger siblings had come with their families to the wedding. Aunt Theresa and Uncle Jeremiah were staying in the main house. Sam and Emma were residing in Rachel's house. Jonathan Monroe and his sister Catherine had traveled all the way from Richmond to be there as well, and were in the bunkhouse with Cody and Louisa.

Two of his good friends from the university came, mainly they said, to see if he was actually going to go through with "strapping on the ball and chain."

They stayed in the newer bunkhouse with Seth, Patrick, and Buck. Jimmy's sister Celinda and her husband Nathan had come to see their niece get married too, and although he'd only met them a few times, he knew Rose spent a lot of time with her aunt while at school in Denver. They were staying in the hotel, sensing the ranch's resources were already brimming with the guests.

Seth and Patrick would stand beside him as best men, and the entire town planned to turn out.

There was no hesitation on his part, no doubts, no cold feet. He and Rose belonged together. It was as simple as that. He loved her so much that it scared him, and he knew she felt the same way.

She was his match in every way, and he couldn't afford to ever lose her. He'd rarely been so sure about anything in his life as he was that he wanted to marry her.

But that didn't make the waiting any easier.

Rose sat in a hip tub full of scented bubbles and sighed deeply, fighting back tears as she had all day. They were tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of terror all mixing and dropping into the steaming water.

Lou sat nearby on a stool, wiping off Rose's white satin slippers and smiling.

"You gonna be alright?" Lou finally asked.

Rose nodded, shuddered, and dunked under the water to hide her face for a minute. When she surfaced Lou was still looking intently at her.

"Oh, Lou. I just feel so strange. It's like I've left my body and I'm just floating. I know I want to marry Jamie, but I'm so nervous about everything. I just wish it was all over and done with!"

Lou smiled, "I suppose I felt the same way. I tortured myself wondering if I was doing the right thing. Kept wondering if it was fair to have to give up riding with the boys to marry Kid. Of course now, it's so hard to remember ever doubting it was what was meant for me. You're the same Rose. Jamie looks at you the way Kid looks at me, and you do the same for him. I've watched it for years and years. Even before either of you realized it. There's no one in the world I could want for my Jamie but you."

Rose smiled slightly and blushed at the compliment. Finally she gathered her courage and mentioned another source of anxiety for her, "Lou, I'm also worried about tonight…what will happen after the wedding."

Lou couldn't hide her surprise. She'd never fully believed that nothing had happened between Jamie and Rose that night in Virginia by the river. Or with John for that matter, or if not then, maybe during her time working in the saloons.

"You've never…?" Lou broke off, feeling her face color as well. She, who never blushed at anything.

Rose shook her head and averted her eyes, "I, well, I want him to be pleased."

Lou laughed at this, and when she saw Rose's baffled look explained, "I promise Rose, he'll be pleased. I'll bet my life on it. And I'd be willing to bet that you'll be pleased too, by morning."

Rose looked away, groping for the towel at her side and feeling her cheeks heat. She stood and dried off while Lou handed her the robe. Lou admired the girl's ivory skin and womanly figure. Jamie was in for a surprise indeed, she thought, and smiled happily.

A few minutes later Rose sat in a trance as Lou stood behind her and brushed her hair, a slow, methodic motion that relaxed her to the point her eyelids drooped. Rachel was in the room too, laying out her dress and looking for any wrinkles in the yards and yards of pure white satin.

Suddenly Lou smiled at Rachel and the older woman nodded.

The wonderful brush strokes stopped. Rose opened her eyes to find Lou and Rachel side by side in front of her.

"There's something I'd like to give you, that Rachel gave to me before my wedding," Lou smiled, feeling her throat grow thick as she remembered a blazing sunset from long ago and the small velvet pouch the woman who was both friend and mother to her pushed into her hands.

I don't know if I'll ever have a daughter, Rachel had said, But if I do, I hope she turns out to be just like you.

For years, Lou thought she'd never have a daughter either, but had planned to pass the heirloom to Jamie's wife when the time came. However, she supposed, it turned out she had a daughter after all, and her hands trembled as she reached into her pocket and pulled out the velvet pouch.

Rose felt tears rising in her eyes yet again as both Rachel and Lou's eyes starting welling, without having any idea what they were crying for.

Lou smiled when she looked at the tiny red pouch. During the war she'd had to sell it for passage back to Rock Creek to get help for Kid. She'd been infinitely relieved to find the buyer had held to his word and tried to hold it for her. She suspected it was more the hardship of war than anything else that really prevented the jewelry from being sold.

Rachel stepped forward and stroked Rose's damp hair as she explained. "My mama wore these at her wedding, and I wore them at mine, and Lou wore them at hers. Now it's your turn honey. Just as it'll be your daughter's someday, and her daughter's after that, and so on, long after we're gone."

Rose's hands trembled so badly that it took her several tries to open the tiny pouch and empty the contents into her cupped palm. Two tiny cameo ear bobs twinkled in her hand, beautiful and antique.

Her hand warmed with them, as if she could feel the hopes and the love the women who were her family had felt on their wedding days.

Suddenly and without warning, she wailed outright and threw her arms around Rachel and Lou, and all of them collapsed into sobs.

"Good God! Is this a wedding or a funeral?" Kid laughed at all three women as he opened the door to tell them that he, Jamie, and the males of the party would go ahead into town.

Lou sniffed and wiped her eyes, only to have new tears replace them. She glared at her husband. "Shut up. You wouldn't understand, anyway, Kid. You go on with the boys."

Kid shook his head and rolled his eyes before reaching into his coat pocket, "Rose, Jamie asked me to give you this. Lord knows I probably shouldn't, but when your eyes are swelled shut for your own wedding it'll be him and these two to blame. Not me. I ain't made you cry yet!" He winked at Rose and handed her an envelope before raising his eyebrows at his wife and Rachel and closing the door firmly, "See y'all in a little while if you ever stop crying!" he called with a grin through the safe barrier of the door.

In a moment Emma, Theresa, and Catherine arrived to help with the dress, and Catherine announced her intention to take charge of Rose's hair, a lifetime of experience with Richmond parties, balls, and weddings to work with.

Rose excused herself while the women all rushed about, getting scented powder ready for her skin, clipping the tiny roses that would go in her hair and heating the curling irons. She stole down the hall softly on bare feet.

She sat in a window seat that looked out over the entire ranch and with a small smile opened the envelope. Inside was a tiny dried flower and a note written in Jamie's tiny, meticulous hand.

My Rose,

I don't know if the image of the skinny, red haired thirteen year old that I first saw fighting three men twice her size will ever leave me, although the years have certainly only added to your beauty…and your fierceness, God help me. You've been my truest friend since the day I met you, and I know there have been times I took for granted your love and understanding of me, but I promise to try hard never to let that happen again.

You'll notice the flower in the envelope is quite old. So old, I'm afraid that you can no longer tell that at one time it was a rose. Your father, and my namesake gave this flower to me when I was only a boy, and not old enough to understand the impact of the words he gave me with it. Only now do I recognize his wisdom. I only wish he was here so I could tell him that. I give you this flower, the same one that not another soul on this earth knows I have, and I pass it's remarkable story onto you in the moments before you come to my side as my wife.

On a quiet day riding through the mountains with your father on one of his visits, he pulled this very same pressed flower from his coat pocket and told me its history. I was thirteen. You've been to Point Lookout, Rose, you know the ground was covered in mud and filth and little else. And yet somehow, within those stockyards of milling men, a flower pushed its way through. Uncle Jimmy told me it was hiding behind a tent, the purest white he'd ever seen.

When it started to wilt, he picked it as a reminder to him. His words are still clear in my memory:

"Jamie, hope exists in all things, in all places. Even in the darkest and coldest hours of our lives there is a rose. Sometimes it hasn't pushed through the soil yet, and sometimes it's hidden around the corner. Sometimes no one else sees it. But always, my boy, always it is there. Once you find a rose in your life, you never let go. I've let go of too many roses. Don't you do the same."

In my head, Uncle Jimmy's voice echos. I imagine I feel his hand on my shoulder as I write this to you. I've never felt his presence so strong Rose, not since he passed away.

I can't help but thinking long before he met you, he knew of us. I take this flower as a symbol of his blessing of our love, and I give it to you in the hopes you will do the same.

You are my Rose for life, starting today and not ever ending, even after I draw my last breath and my bones turn to dust. You were his Rose too, I believe, and he'll never let you go either.

I do love you more than my life, Rosie. I'll be waiting for you at the head of the aisle to tell the world that today. Hurry up, would you, and be my wife?

All my love for all my life,

James Noah McCloud.

Rose carefully folded the paper, her heart thumping rapidly. Surprisingly, there were no tears this time, and instead a radiant smile split her face.

She looked beyond the ranch, and the fields that had taken over the ashes, to the purple mountains where the shadows of the clouds rolled slowly by.

Her father had given her away after all.