Don't Trust Me

Disclaimer: I do not own Kid Icarus or Disgaea. That goes to Nintendo and Nippon Ichi. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters. I also don't own Queen's Blade. That belongs to Hobby Japan.

Summary: Pit had always fascinated Rob in more ways than one. Normally Shulk had warned him to not get too close to the angel or risk getting his heart broken. Rob wanted to just be Pit's friend, but unfortunately for him…Pit has had his fun with him in some timelines.

Pairing: Pit/Rob, Rob/Shulk, Pit/Laharl and implied Pit/Airi and Pit/Virtue (OC)

Rated: T (for Teen) with some M (for Mature) moments

Genre: General, Romance, Drama, Humor, Friendship, Angst and some Tragedy

Warning: Character death, violence, shonen-ai, spoilers for future fics (Mecha Galaxy), implied sex, some adult themes and unintentional OOC

I wanted to do my trash pairing. Do I need to say anything else? Enjoy!

Off Limits

"Pit, I swear to Bionis, if you even think of touching Rob, you're going to get impaled by the Monado!"

Pit rolled his eyes when Shulk threatened him at the start of this timeline. Rob was always Shulk's boyfriend except on a few occasions. Pit always had a different partner, so just casually mentioning Rob put Shulk on the defensive.

"Fine. He's yours again. You're no fun…"

Hardworking

Pit had observed Rob in many timelines. No matter how many times he had called the male tactician a nerdy loser, he had seen Rob doing his best to improve himself in Smash. Always in the shadows of his sister, he attempted to mimic her before he developed into his own style to stand out. All it took was Pit to coach him for a few days and convince him to be himself. Sure other Smashers have told him that, but Rob took Pit's word seriously. Pit was happy he got a smooch for his advice.

Cooking

Pit loved food. Rob was learning how to cook from Peach, but the minute that he met Gretel, his allegiance switched to her when it came to desserts. All of Rob's sweets were for Shulk originally, but Pit had snuck into the kitchen during his alone time and licked the whipped cream off of Rob's cheek.

"H-Hey!"

"You taste as sweet as floor ice cream."

"I take offense to that!"

Instinct

Truth be told, Pit probably was letting his older brother instincts kick in when he was around Rob. Pit had developed into a protective older brother ever since the incident with the Chaos Kin. He couldn't bear losing someone that was like a little brother to him ever again.

Rob was similar to him and he hated how Robin was not paying attention to her twin enough. If the female tactician failed to realize that her twin brother was in the slumps…then Pit would happily take her place and cheer him up. Rob appreciated this very much.

Difference

"Shulk, you want to know what is the difference between me and you?" Pit asked as he approached Shulk. The Monado boy may have been taller with a God slaying sword, but in that moment, Shulk was paralyzed in fear. "You treat Rob like a sheltered princess. I view Rob as a brother in arms. If you cannot understand the difference then you don't deserve Rob!"

Pit couldn't believe he said that in front of Rob. He didn't care though as he grabbed Rob's arm and dragged him out of the room.

Permanent

"So there really isn't anything we can do old man?" Pit asked with worry.

After examining the wounds that were in between Rob's legs, Daedalus stood up and shook his head causing Shulk's expression to darken.

"Unfortunately…no…whatever those aliens did to him made sure that it would continue in all timelines." Daedalus explained. "Fortunately, his sex drive won't be as bad as it was before…as long as he keeps his hormones in check."

The angel captain felt bad at the misfortune that fell the tactician magician. Who wanted to have an injury that affected your overall appearance?

Education

Rob was always willing to learn new things about the vast universe. He learned as much as he could in his world and now he wanted to know about the other Nintendo characters that arrived in the Smash Brothers Realm. His main target was Pit who was a Wikipedia when it came to the angel and demon realms. Rob wasn't going to leave Pit's side until he learned everything.

Pit only explained how the angel culture and demon culture worked was because unlike the other annoying angels, Rob actually wanted to learn.

Stress

War was stressful times. Many Smashers have not participated in war, so Pit didn't want to hear those Smashers complain when he asked Rob to be the tactician for the pointless war against the Red and Blue Kingdom in another human world. Rob had been in three wars and unlike his sister, had no problem making plans that would get the job done. Pit needed that sort of mindset to avoid the worse case scenario. Rob's reward for his hard work would be sex that would ease his mind at that moment. It's sex from an experienced angel after all.

Tiny

Rob was one of the shortest male Smashers that is human in Smash. He hated his small stature and would do anything to grow big. Pit chuckled seeing Rob trying to be taller than him by standing on his tippy toes. The light angel may have been short for someone his age, but there was hope that he would grow in 1000 years.

"Rob, just accept being a cute little human." Pit hummed as he patted him on the head. "I'm sure Shulk agrees with me."

"Shut up…"

Protector

Pit had called out Shulk for his motherly nature toward Rob. He never let Rob do anything on his own in Smashopolis fearing that something terrible would go wrong. Pit sided with Rob that he could take care of himself.

In the realm of a storybook where that succubus was trying her best to kill the two, Pit had stepped in front of Rob every time an enemy approached them. Maybe it was the succubus controlling his every action…or maybe Pit was a hypocrite. Regardless, he had sworn to protect Rob until they got out of this nightmare tome.

Nerd

Dominion's Descent was probably the best fantasy book that Rob read and he normally didn't like the fantasy genre. To be fair, there was some slice of life and was a romantic comedy too, but he was attached to the characters in the story.

Rob was always nervous when he approached the other female Smashers when it came to the story. It was popular with the ladies so Rob felt like attempting to join the conversation would get more scorn than what he already got. Hearing that the angel twins read the book together made his heart race. His smile gleamed how he and Pit would stay in the guest room all day talking about the plot along with more angel culture from the captain of the royal bodyguards.

Disgusting

Pit didn't know how to help Rob in this situation. The minute they were thrown into the world of the tome, the two Smashers had been caught by a malicious witch who attempted to turn Rob into a slime. She had no time to do so, and as a result, planted a curse on Rob so he would slowly turn into a slime monster. At first, Rob had some control of the curse and made sure that nothing would come of it. Overtime, something was changing either because the curse was getting stronger or the succubus wrote in the tome that Rob was losing control because reasons. Rob's mood had deteriorated the more his skin changed color from the pale skin he had to purple. It affected his body from his inner thighs down and it was almost toward his feet making it difficult for Rob to walk.

The group Pit had formed had to stop by an inn due to Rob's curse. Rob didn't want anyone to stop for him seeing as how they had to continue to fight the Queen's army, but the curse was becoming unbearable.

"Rob, if you need anything I'm here. If you're injured, I can-"

"I'm fine Pit. Just go away."

Pit was too stubborn to listen to him and ended up on top of the tactician.

"G-Get off me Pit! I don't want you to see…"

Pit needed to see how bad it was. His eyes widened in horror at how much the curse had spread all over his lower body. It affected his sex organs to the point that the slime was meshing his lower body together to be a blob.

"Don't look!"

"Rob…why didn't you tell me it got this bad."

Because of his half transformed body, Rob was able to squirm away from the light angel. His eyes were hidden behind his hair desperately trying to hide his tears.

"This body is disgusting! Why would you want to look at it?!"

Pit opened his mouth to deny that Rob was disgusting. Nothing came out and he ended up looking down toward the sheets as a response.

"…I don't know how much time I have left…" Rob began. "…I don't really have much hope…we haven't gotten that far in our journey, that stupid witch is making sure I suffer and it's getting the point where I won't be able to walk anymore! Dammit…I want to go home…"

Rob continued to hold back his tears even when Pit suddenly grabbed Rob's arm and pulled him an embrace.

"…Pit…"

"We'll get out of this nightmare tome Rob…just hold on for me…"

Rob wondered if he would be able to keep that promise.

Healer

There really weren't that many healers that Pit trusted with his life. The healers he knew would find some way to reverse the healing effect and harm him or charge him up the ass after healing him. Pit had learned some healing spells or kept healing powers to ever be forced to rely on anyone.

Rob's warm hands when he touched Pit's nasty injury made the angel captain want to trust the tactician with his life though.

Violet

Rob wasn't much of a flower person. Sure he enjoyed looking and smelling the flowers but he didn't really want flowers as a gift in any shape or form. Pit had pestered him about what type of flower would he like, and Rob finally caved him and just told him that he would take the violet flowers.

It would be an understatement to say that the beautiful violet flowers that Pit had brought from the heavens to give to him randomly dazzled Rob. He blushed cutely as he accepted the bouquet of flowers from the angel who continued to gleam in his direction.

Sexy

Pit was known for having some strange partners in his bed. The two notorious demons included a wraith who would vanish during sex (which always made Pit die a little inside) and a Mothman that desired to have babies with Pit (which was impossible since Virtue was a male). Whenever Rob was turned into a slime monster, his sex appeal was over 120% that if Rob's life weren't in danger as a slime, Pit would have begged for Rob right there. Alas, he would have to keep his demon sex fetish to himself.

Fight

"Why do you even like that alien?! He never notices you unless you spill your feelings out!"

Rob snarled in Pit's direction after asking again why he would fall for the Homs.

"He's kind. Unlike you."

"His kindness is hurting you! Why can't you accept that there is someone who likes you?!"

"Because I don't want to be more than friends with you, Pit! Stop asking!"

Pit was too stubborn for his own good. He refused to give up until Rob submitted to his love.

Massage

Pit was so glad that there was a hot spring in Smash Forest. Otherwise, he would have kidnapped Rob and took him to Skyworld to the 7th division's hot spring. The white angel had taken noticed how worn out the male tactician has been and wanted to give him a little treat.

"Remember to remove your pants before you enter the hot springs!"

"Why do I have to do that unless your present is…"

Pit blushed at the idea but still insisted that Rob take his pants off.

"Get your mind out of the gutter! Things will be easier with your pants off."

The shorter Smasher sighed as he obeyed Pit as he slowly took his clothes off. His face remained the color of a tomato as he made his way into the hot spring. He flinched hearing Pit get behind him and grab onto his shoulders.

"H-Hey! W-What are you-"

"I'm giving you a massage. What else do you think I would be doing?"

Rob groaned realizing that he wanted Pit to do something naughty to him. They were alone in Smash Forest at night after all.

Takeover

When Robin defeated Grima that should have been the end of the Fell Dragon. Unfortunately, because Robin had a twin, Grima went inside Rob and remained in a dormant state only waking up when Rob was under large amounts of stress. Rosalina had insisted that Grima was harmless, but Rob still feared the day he would lose control and harm those he cherished.

"If Grima takes over, I'll pound his ass into the ground and get you back!" Pit had declared causing Rob to laugh at how Pit's motivation speech came out wrong. "What's so funny?!"

"Nothing…"

Push

Pit had been so casual with Rob when he told him he had a demon fiancé. Rob was more concerned that Pit was engaged to an underage boy than the fact that it was demon incubus with a short temper. As a friend, Rob wanted to help bridge the gap between the angel and the demon, but found it difficult to communicate with Laharl.

"Why should I listen to that stupid jerk's mistress? You're only trying to trick me!"

"…Mistress…really?!"

"What else would you call someone who sneaks off into his bed and begging for his-"

"Hey! Kids like you shouldn't know this!" Rob shouted as he tried to cover the blush on his face. "I'm serious though, give Pit a chance! You will be surprised how much you have in common."

Rob didn't think he did a good job convincing Laharl to tolerate Pit. He was rather surprised how well those two got along if they just sat down and chattered.

Twice

"How many times have you screwed my boyfriend?!" Shulk asked ready to impale Pit with the Monado if he didn't answer.

"…Twice…" Pit muttered weakly. Looking up at Shulk's angry eyes, he looked back toward the floor. "Okay…maybe more than that…I lost count." Pit backed up realizing that Shulk was ready to murder him. "OH, COME ON! I'M NOT THE BEST WITH NUMBERS! WE HAVE GONE THROUGH SO MANY TIMELINES I HAVE LOST COUNT!"

Shulk didn't want an excuse. He wanted to draw blood.

Fortunate

"Pit, you should be nicer to your father." Rob had said suddenly after witnessing Pit having another argument with Daedalus.

"What did you say?!" Pit yelled not liking anyone siding with the fallen archangel.

"Be nice to your old man. He's gone through a lot."

"You have no right to get into my business!"

Rob knew that Pit was right but…

"Pit…you have a father willing to make amends with you. That's better than the majority of us who don't even have fathers…or had a father that tried to sacrifice you to the Fell Dragon…"

The brunette hated how Rob made this conversation about him. He felt bad about raising his voice because the tactician was right. He needed to treat Daedalus nicer. He just was too prideful to let his past wounds go.

Fire

When all else failed, it was best to burn everything to the ground. In times of war, Pit enjoyed seeing his enemies cooked by the flames. It made him want to go home and eat.

Rob probably was no better than Pit with burning his opponents. It was an effective method of getting rid of them, so he constantly cast Arcfire on his enemies. Pit caught the smile on Rob's lips though every time his enemies screamed as they tried to stop themselves from burning.

"Shulk would really hate you for wearing that look in combat."

Drunk

There was a reason why Master Hand didn't want any of the Smashers drinking in the mansion. Stupid things happened when the alcohol got into some Smasher's system. So many of the Smashers were lightweights and either passed out immediately or started doing stupid things while drunk.

Rob was the clingy drunk. Once he got alcohol into his system, he latched himself to the closest person like he was a pillow. Unfortunately, that person was Pit.

"Tee-hee. I love how soft your wings are." Rob hummed as he snuggled against Pit's back where he could feel the fluffiness of Pit's feathers.

Pit didn't realize how red he was when Rob embraced him from behind. He glared weakly at Shulk who was starting to get hammered.

"S-Shulk, get your boyfriend off me!"

Pit's demands were ignored as Shulk continued to drink with Reyn. The light angel sighed realizing that he would have to take Rob back to his room if he wanted to continue having fun with the rest of the Smashers who weren't out like a light.

Courage

It was a miracle that despite the destruction of Melody Galaxy and the other galaxies afterwards, Rob still managed to survive and make it back to the Comet Observatory in one piece. From there, Rosalina had warped Rob back to Skyworld to get a check up on his body. This would be the first time Pit had saw the permanent damage on the white haired magician making Pit want to kill Diamond the minute he saw him.

Rob's body was an absolute disaster and he had to blame the aliens who found him after Melody Galaxy fell. His body was objectified to the point that Pit might as well call him a sex robot. His body was mostly mechanical, but Pit assumed that it could be removed. The only permanent armor seemed to be where Rob's inner thighs were. Closer inspection revealed a nasty scar that showed how badly Rob was hurt during Diamond's attack on Melody Galaxy. The armor suppressed the pain, but upon removing it, Rob had covered his face in shame and let out a cry for help. Pit had to ask Ganondorf to hold the white haired magician in place to see what exactly happened.

"DON'T LOOK PIT! DON'T LOOK!" He cried trying to break free.

"Rob…what did those bastards do to you?"

"Pit, they saved him." Ganondorf reminded him causing the brunette to glare at the King of Evil. "Without this armor, he would have died a long time ago. However, as sexualized the armor is…this injury here is where his power is coming from. Also, the engagement ring allows you to remove all the armor with relative ease."

"What?! How did you…"

Rob remained silent at Ganondorf's deduction. He wanted to fade into blackness until he was nothing but a spec that should have died at the carnival.

"…I have no need to be here." Ganondorf said as he excused himself from Pit's room. Pit wanted to go after him, but he had to comfort Rob.

"Rob…I'm glad you're alive."

"I should have died back there…if it means not being some sex addict I would rather…"

"But you're alive because you want to save Shulk."

Rob only gave a quick glimpse toward Pit before sighed in defeat.

"Those aliens saved me…but I want revenge on Diamond for putting me in this situation in the first place…I'll never forgive him…"

Pit smirked at Rob's anger. Looking at the engagement ring, he was surprised at how bold Shulk was being after they learned about the previous timelines. Perhaps the Monado boy chose the wrong time to ask Rob to marry him.

"Rob, you need the courage to stand up to that bastard." Pit told him as he sat next to his friend on the bed. "I know I shouldn't be saying that now. You need to rest. We just found you after you almost got caught again…but I know we need all the help we can get."

"…I know…" Rob muttered as he sat up. He had his hands cover his crotch area so Pit wouldn't get a good look at the white lily design on his crotch again. Not like it would matter seeing as how Pit had already saw it when they crossed paths again. "Fighting Diamond on my own made me realize I need everyone too…I can't let him use Shulk for his evil deeds."

"Reviving Cube isn't really evil." Pit brought up. "What he's doing to the Homs and Bionis is. Us angels might not be able to fix the damage, but we can sure as hell make sure that we can save whoever is still alive in Mecha Galaxy."

"…Yeah…"

Pit chuckled as he gently placed a hand behind Rob's back.

"Don't worry Rob. Shulk is strong. His memories of the past will allow him to survive this torture. Trust me on this."

Encouragement

Pit knew what his relationship with Rob should be. He needed to be as encouraging to the white haired magician as possible. Rob as fragile but was capable of being the toughest Smasher around if he put his mind to it. Rob has gone through the most hell in all the timelines that Pit wished that he didn't keep a track of all the abuse his friend had suffered. Shulk would do better now at protecting him, but Pit had faith that Rob would stand on his own two feet after Mecha Galaxy from now on.

Me: Done with 4243 words.

Li: I swear Pitstain gets around.

Me: Yeah. I tried to make it more friendship, but it leans toward romance. Notes!

1. The injury Rob gets in Mecha Galaxy is permanent post Mecha Galaxy. I can't say who the aliens are that messed up his body, but they did it to save his life. I won't go into much detail of what exactly the armor does either, but I think "sex robot" is a very good description. Also the armor looks identical to Mirim's Vibrating Armor in Queen's Blade.

2. There are three confirmed stories where Pit does get in bed with Rob. I wrote two because Pit specifically recalls how he spent so much time with Rob. The first one is Future in my Hands foreshadowing Pit and Rob working together after Lucina is killed and a story yet to be written where a succubus named Jinx (one of the demons Juliet will later recruit) sucks the two into her magic tome and intends to drain their life energy via killing them in the book (she has no way of absorbing energy like a normal succubus and needs the book to do it for her). I can't spoil the tome's plot itself but Pit describes it as a nightmare so it's a dark fantasy where many people are turned into heroes or villains depending on how Jinx writes them. Anyone could show up and Pit got bad luck of someone he knows being the villain. This story will be called Tome of Lavender's Desire. The third one is Secret Smash Rendezvous where the implication of Pit hitting on Rob will actually end in them ending as a couple in that universe.

3. Rob has a bad habit of being turned into something. Usually it's a slime monster but Mecha Galaxy pretty much reveals that the "fall" Shulk described in The Path to God is actually fatal to Rob, but aliens who I won't name save Rob via modifying his body but then they go overboard after just intending to turn him into a cyborg which drives Rob up the wall that if he woke up sooner, he wouldn't have a lot of sexual things attached to him.

That's it. Reviews are appreciated. Ja ne!