Chapter 38: Ow my head, Stupid lifebond
Conrart shifted in his saddle, pushed the hem of his light cloak back from his shoulders, and gazed out at the snow covered ground beyond the safety of the vale's magical warmth. Outside the snow fell in soft fluffy flakes, inside the vale they fell as a warm rain. In a few minutes He and Holly would be making their way through the permanent gate to White Gryphon that had been established a few years ago in the old K'Sheyna Vale.
Here it was a bit on the wet side, even if the rain was warm. White Gryphon however, was too far to the south and west to get snow. Holly had warned him that it would be warmer when they got there – hence the light weather cloak he was currently wearing. Hopefully once they got there he could take it off.
He watched quietly as Holly opened the gate. She'd once told him not to worry about his own lack of magic, because when he was running this circuit on his own – there would always be a mage in the vale somewhere to open a gate for him. He'd thanked her for the reassurance; however it wasn't until Van reminded him that he could open a gate for them that he relaxed. He'd forgotten that all Vanyel needed to work a spell was the free use of his hands.
: It's time Chosen.: Vanyel said gently, calling him out of his thoughts.
Conrart smiled, patted the stallion's proudly arched crest, and braced himself for the sickening sensation of vertigo that always accompanied gating. It was all that was left of Vanyel's once debilitating sensitivity to gate energy. With how tight their bond to each other was it was impossible to shield the feeling out.
What he didn't expect was the excruciating pain that followed the gate closing behind them.
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Yozak laughed; amused by the rather raunchy joke Koren had just told him. He couldn't help the exuberance he felt at the knowledge that he would soon be home. They had just under a month left in their circuit. He couldn't wait to get back. He couldn't wait to see his friends. He'd have to wait a full 6 months to see Conrart again – but that couldn't be helped the man was busy being Heraldic.
He was about to reply when he was hit with an excruciatingly painful emptiness. He hadn't felt anything like it for years! Not since the last time Conrart had visited earth.
Somehow it was worse this time.
He screamed, doubling over from the pain and clutching at his temples.
Shinou it hurt.
What was going on?
Why couldn't he reach Conrart?
Was the other man alive?
Was he hurt?
"Conrart, be okay – please." He whimpered as his world went black.
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Herald Holly gazed down at the prone form of Herald Conrart. She'd been forced to knock him out earlier. She winched remembering his blood curdling screams after the gate closed. She'd tried desperately to get his attention, but had been unable to.
At the time the one coherent sound coming out of his mouth had been a name.
'Yozak.'
He'd been screaming for Herald Yozak.
He still seemed to be in pain, since his was brow creased and he moaned even in sleep. She'd spoken with Rohanan, and her companion believed that what had happened was due to the fact that Conrart's lifebond was still unacknowledged. Apparently Conrart's bond to Yozak had been stretching progressively thinner.
Each timed they'd gated, Conrart had been subjected to increasing pain, until he'd been living with a never ending and increasingly painful headache, from the time they'd left K'Teva vale.
According to Vanyel, Conrart would be fine but he would likely need reassurance that his 'best friend' was alive and well.
She sighed; she was going to have to get him to acknowledge his lifebond. The sooner the better it seemed.
Reaching out with a small finger of magic, she lifted the sleep spell she'd placed on him. He bolted up into a sitting position his shoulders heaving, before doubling over and clutching his temples – squeezing his eyes shut. The furniture groaned and slid a few centimeters to the left before he got himself under control.
He looked up at her then, and flinched, quickly closing his eyes again. "V -" he paused and tried again, keeping his eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Van says Yozak is fine, that I'd know if he died. But I can't feel him. Shinou, I'm so empty."
Holly raised an eyebrow. "Why are you squeezing your eyes shut?" she asked after a second, deciding to deal with what she could for now and deal with the obvious repercussions of his unacknowledged lifebond as soon as the immediate issue was handled.
"Hurts." Conrart replied softly.
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Koren groaned as he watched Yozak throw himself into his work. After the other man's fit two weeks ago, they'd been forced to return to the capital with all haste. The relatively younger Herald had been in a daze for almost a week and Mandy confirmed that Jissa had spent the better part of that week assuring her chosen that she could still feel Vanyel through the web that connected all Companions and their Heralds. She'd assured him that if Vanyel was still alive so was Conrart.
He and the rest of the circle were deeply worried about the man. He'd been throwing himself into his work since snapping out of his torpor. Koren was worried that the man wasn't getting enough sleep, and he rarely saw him in the dining hall if he saw him at all.
The circle and her Royal Highness Queen Selany had decided while they were out that they wanted all Heralds to take a class on basic Demonic customs and language – since apparently there were more ways to proverbially step in it with the Mazoku then there were ways to worship in Valdemar. For now the Heraldic Circle had Yozak teaching both the new courses on Mazoku language and Mazoku Customs in an effort to keep his mind off of the severely strained and still largely unacknowledged lifebond to Herald Conrart.
In addition to that he did just about anything else he could manage.
Koren sighed and turned away from his friend and headed down for lunch himself, maybe if he could have a word with some of the other man's friends he could stage an intervention. However, if the bags under Yozak's eyes where any indication he'd have to move fast – before the man worked himself to death.
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Herald Holly smiled sadly, she hated to say it but she was worried about Conrart. After she'd lifted the sleep spell he'd spent several days in a daze induced by the blinding headache he'd been suffering from. The healers and healing mages had been unable to fathom the cause behind his unusual reoccurring case of backlash. In the end it had been Vanyel who had figured out both the cause and how to fix it.
It turned out that while Herald Conrart was in full control of all of his gifts; his bond to Herald Yozak was another matter all together. The boy had been inadvertently trying to reestablish the connection between him and Herald Yozak, the end result being his recurring case of backlash.
Vanyel had been forced to interpose himself between Conrart and the mental and spiritual bond to Yozak.
According to Rohanan, even Vanyel wasn't sure how long ago the lifebond had started forming between the two. However the stallion did know that the bond itself was at least 32 years old. In her experience lifebonds tended to form only after both parties had entered puberty, and if everything she'd ever read was any indication – they tended to start at first sight.
Now the boy was throwing himself into his duties.
And that worried her far more then she would have been had the boy simply been a moping and inconsolable, irritable and anxious mess. That at least would have been consistent with the behavior most often found in persons with an unacknowledged lifebond.
But no Conrart was throwing himself nose first into his work with a single minded, pigheadedness that was more in line with his own personality. Unfortunately it also meant that he was neglecting the simple but important things.
Like eating and sleeping.
He paid almost obsessive attention to Vanyel's needs while utterly ignoring his own unless he was forced to acknowledge them.
The boy looked like hell.
She'd resorted to knocking him out last night after he'd stumbled back into their shared quarters at four in the morning looking like the walking dead.
It had to stop.
She didn't know what to do – if he continued like this he'd be useless as a Field Herald. According to Vanyel, Conrart wasn't the type to drown his problems in a bottle of liquor; however she almost wished he was. It was a lot easier to stop him from drowning himself in a drink then it was to stop him from drowning his problems in his heraldic duties.
She had to figure out a way to stop him – before he worked himself to death.
There was no other choice; she was going to have to inform the circle of what was going on with her internee. If he was lucky they'd find a way to fix this without sending him home.
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Mel smiled as he looked around his new room in the Bardic Collegium. He couldn't have gotten this far without the aid of the Companion Steffen. Idly he wondered how the stallion had known so much about the legendary Herald-mage. The Companion seemed to know intimate details that no one but Vanyel himself and possibly a select few should have known.
It made him wonder
Could Steffen be the Stefen?
He dismissed it almost as soon as he'd considered it. The idea was … utterly ridiculous.
The dinner bell tolled interrupting his thoughts; he rose to his feet and left his room to meet his friends in the hallway. He followed the other 2 boys and the one lone girl, down to the Heralds' mess silently reminding himself to snag an apple or three for the Companion that had made this all possible.
In the two weeks since his admittance, he'd made friends and was slowly but surely learning to read write and figure. He knew that his parents had been informed of his acceptance – still he worried about his mother. He knew Andrew would be pissed at the prospect of him making something of himself.
He'd begged the dean not to do anything about the fact that Andrew had deigned him an education – but she hadn't listened. So now he was silently worrying about his mother facing Andrew's wrath – and wondering when the man would get his revenge for the humiliation he had caused him.
Not to mention the steep fine the man's violation of the law had resulted in.
Halfway through their meal, his friend Jedric suddenly fell silent in the middle of a sentence, and seconds latter a deep toned bell began to toll solemnly. All around him students in grey, and White clad Heralds fell silent and lowered their eyes in respect.
The silence was deafening, as the few non-heralds followed suit.
Then as one every Herald in the room rose and walked slowly out in a sea of white and gray. They seemed to huddle together as if seeking comfort as they silently left.
"What was that?" Mel asked once the last of the White and Gray clad 'Chosen' had slipped silently out the door – including Jedric, the boy's normally boundless cheerfulness silenced by the bells tolling.
Elizabeth glanced over at him, fiddling with the hem of her light green uniform, before replying in a soft voice. "The Death Bell, it means a herald has died." She paused before adding "Jed was chosen a year ago but his gift is strong and his connection to Terrence is apparently stronger than usual. He likely felt it just like a full Herald would have."
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Yozak sighed as he leaned his head against the nearest wall, he was exhausted and the recent death of Herald Edmond wasn't helping, not when he was being battered by emotions every time he lowered his shields. The grief floating through the Herald's wing of the palace was thick enough to plow. To make matters worse - he missed Conrart to the point that his very absence had become a burning ache in his heart and soul. It was as if a part of his very being had gone missing.
He couldn't stand it.
He felt so empty.
Without Conrart –
He just wasn't Yozak anymore.
He was a shadow.
Norowa reta tamashī
The term was normally applied to Mazoku who'd so badly disgraced themselves that they'd severed their contract – or to half-breeds. It meant 'Damned Soul'. He'd never really listened to the name. To him a half-breed who'd never had a contract; it had been just that – a term. But now, now he understood.
He would sooner lose all of his senses then lose the contract between his soul and the element he was bound to. However it was the closest thing he could compare the emptiness to and without Jissa's reassurance that Conrart was fine he thought he might have sought the final piece that only the air itself could provide his spirit.
He was of the air and one day would return to it.
That was why the Mazoku looked down at half-breeds. Their beliefs where simple – when you died your body returned to the earth and your soul returned to the element that had birthed it. A demon with no contract was barred from that final rest.
Doomed to wander forever lost – a damned soul.
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Herald Mage Elspeth sighed as she gazed into the Telshion's glossy surface. In truth she was not – exactly surprised by Herald-mage Holly's report on the current state of Herald Conrart. How could she be when Herald Yozak was little better?
"There's no doubt about it." she said after a second, "they are defiantly lifebonded."
Holly's image on the telsion groaned, and Elspeth watched as the woman rubbed her brow. "So what do we do? Conrart's in no shape to continue on this way. He's going to kill himself if something isn't done soon. Damn it Vanyel has to force the boy to see to his own needs and I've resorted to knocking him out at night. The Haratsi are pretty helpful with that they've actually taken to spiking his tea just to get him to sleep."
Elspeth was about to reply when Holly continued. "I suppose, there's nothing for it, I'll have to send Conrart back to Haven."
Elspeth sighed, "I don't believe so. Up until now neither Conrart nor Yozak has flinched at their duty despite the vast distance that separates them. When most men would turn to other means to handle the pain caused by the painful stretching of an unacknowledged lifebond both Conrart and Yozak have simply thrown their entire selves into their duty. Gwena tells me that all the two need is tangible evidence of the other's wellbeing. Fetch Conrart and I shall fetch Yozak. If they are given the opportunity to see each other again they should be fine."
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Conrart blinked in surprise when Holly seemed to simply appear beside him. For the most part he was used to Yozak being the only person who could sneak up on him. One developed an overly sensitive sense of where people where when one's life was constantly in danger. The fact that his best friend was a spy had only added to his hyperawareness. So the fact that he hadn't noticed Holly until she grabbed his arm and attempted to lead him off somewhere was a bit of a shock.
"Where are we going?" he asked as he was dragged along with her.
"To see Herald Yozak," Holly replied flatly.
At the sound of his best friend's name his heart began to race.
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Yozak gazed into the piece of smooth glass in front of him and watched as a Herald he'd never met shoved Conrart (rather roughly in his opinion) into a chair.
: Holly, Herald-mage Holly;: Jissa informed him mildly, : She's Conrart's mentor.:
Yozak forced down the urge to protect his friend from the woman manhandling him. Silently he reminded himself that A) Conrart was on the other side of the bloody world and B) she wasn't hurting him - exactly - just making him sit.
Conrart looked like hell, and truthfully Yozak knew he didn't look much better.
Conrart looked up then, his brown eyes looked haunted like he had seen and lived through too much. His body was young and strong despite his exhaustion, but in his eyes Yozak could see his true age, and all of the hardships the other man had endured. The only other time he'd seen Conrart look so broken was after the war. After the death of his friend Julia and so many of their brother's in arms.
And even that didn't compare.
No Yozak realized the closest he'd ever seen Conrart come to this exact state was when he'd returned home late one night three months after Conrart's 85th birthday. He remembered how truly and completely exhausted Conrart had looked that night – or rather early morning – when he'd crawled into bed with him.
Conrart hadn't been sleeping well then and it didn't look like he was sleeping well now.
After a second Conrart seemed to notice him and his exhausted brown eyes widened in quiet surprise; "Yozak," he whispered.
"Hey," Yozak replied softly. "You look like death warmed over Con, when was the last time you slept?"
Conrart covered his mouth as he yawned, "Can't really remember, but that doesn't matter. When was the last time you ate Yoz?"
Yozak chuckled softly, "Jissa made sure I ate a bit this morning. It was rather funny actually. I thought I was the one who was supposed to bring her apples. Instead she cornered me in the gardens and would not let me leave until I'd eaten the apple she'd dropped into my hand." He smiled softly, "nice to know I'm loved though."
Conrart just laughed.
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Conrart walked quietly beside Holly, he felt oddly lighter somehow – as if someone had reached out and pulled the world off of his shoulders.
"I'm sorry" he said softly, once he realized Holly had asked him a question. "What was that? I must have been wool gathering."
Holly laughed softly and opened the door to the rather spacious quarters they shared with the 3 heralds currently assigned to White Gryphon. He followed her inside, past the common room and down the hall. It took him a moment to figure out where they were going, but once he realized it he flushed in embarrassment.
"Get some sleep Conrart." Holly told him firmly as she opened the door to his bedroom. "We'll talk in the morning."
Conrart arched a brow, "Holly it's only noon." He replied mildly, stifling a yawn.
"Bed." She told him firmly as if talking to an errant five year old.
He gave her an incredulous look. "But I'm not sleepy," he protested weakly; a yawn marking him as a liar.
Holly raised an eyebrow at his weak protest and pointed firmly at his bed.
With a sigh he obliged her, not because he was tired – but because he knew she was just as stubborn as Yozak.
"I don't want to see you until tomorrow morning." Holly told him firmly as he crawled into his warm, cozy, and oh so inviting bed, sliding one hand beneath his pillows and curling his fingers around the armband he'd stolen from Yozak's rooms. He could have told her that he was skilled enough to see to it that she didn't see him –
- but he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.
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Yozak sighed and looked down at the plate in front of him. Koren was insisting that he eat something again.
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A.N. here you go another chapter, with another one to follow soon. Please review. Give our muse a cup of joe and a kick in the pants. It also makes us want to edit more so we can post the chapters we've written. Review please. Let me know if we're boring you.