Chapter Forty Two

Bella

Life wasn't the same any more, there was a hole in my life where the Cullens had been and somehow I couldn't seem to get out of the deep dark hole I'd fallen into. I went to school, did my homework and spent Saturdays working at Newtons. Some Sundays we went to the reservation for dinner with the Clearwaters but I sensed there was a certain reserve where I was concerned, did they look on me as the enemy because I had been friends with the Cullens?

After all they had every reason to, they hated the family. I wondered if they would ever ask me about the Cullens? Did they wonder if I knew the truth? I was certainly never going to speak about them to anyone least of all the Quileutes. Jake Black tried to make friends although I was suspicious of his reason so I stopped going using school work as an excuse. Charlie didn't really mind, he and Harry could go off fishing with a clear conscience if I wasn't there.

Sometimes late at night I would take out the note Alice had left and read it through as if I might see something I'd missed the last hundred or so readings, somehow I felt a little closer to them when I held it. Their life must be full of danger and disappointments, after all any humans they befriended, even though they didn't know the Cullens true identities, would have to be left behind after a few years.

There was no continuity except the family and it was wonderful they were so close, they depended on each other, trusted each other when they had no one else to trust. I just wished we had been able to have more time together but I guess these kinds of partings happened from time to time. Maybe Edward had returned upset or had called them to join him and they had gone.

Slowly life began to improve after the first two months, I went out for coffee with Angela or Jessica, I even went to the pictures with Mike and some friends but there was still an emptiness deep inside and then I got it. After school I usually drove straight home and up to my bedroom to do my schoolwork or at least start it before Charlie got home if he was on one of the early shifts and this time there were four emails waiting in my in box.

Three were from my mother which wasn't unusual but the fourth was from an unknown sender and I was about to delete it when something stopped me. clicking on it I began to read.

"Hi Bella,

Missing you like crazy but we can't return. I hope you are OK and working hard at school. We didn't go back, maybe later but it's complicated. I just wanted to make sure you were being cautious. It's safer if you don't talk about us at all. I wish we could talk or even meet but it wouldn't be fair on you. I, we, will never forget you, you were like a breath of fresh air for us. Someone who accepted us for what we are. Best of luck in the future, I'll look out for you though the others think it would be easier if we just forget, not that any of us can, you certainly made a mark.

A,"

I printed the email out and tried to reply but it was returned to sender, a throwaway email address. Still it was nice to know they still thought about me as I thought about them.

Charlie noticed a difference in my mood and remarked on it,

"Good to see you looking perkier Bella. How was school? Isn't it prom soon?"

I groaned hoping he might have been in ignorance or forgotten but he smiled,

"Renee reminded me, I'm supposed to take photo's or else."

"I haven't been asked, I wasn't going, you know I hate dancing."

"Bella its prom, you have to go, if you don't my name is going to be mud with your mother."

I was keeping my fingers crossed but the very next day Eric came up in a panic, his date Lauren had broken her ankle and he had no one to go to prom with. Of course he had to ask me in front of everyone else so I couldn't get out of it.

Besides he had to be there, he was on the prom committee. Charlie was in seventh heaven and made sure his camera was working besides giving me fifty dollars towards a prom dress. That was the next torture, being dragged round the mall by Angela and Jessica. We compromised on a long blue dress without any frills and without a plunging neckline.

I have no idea how many pictures Charlie took but I was virtually blinded by the flash before leaving with Eric who arrived to save me. It wasn't as bad as I thought in the end. I avoided dancing and found a corner to watch joined by Matt and Stephen who were hiding from pursuing girlfriends who really wanted to dance. I found myself laughing and listening to the music dragged reluctantly onto the dance floor just once by Eric for his favorite song, luckily neither too slow or too fast. As we danced I thought about the Cullens, Alice would have loved this, she had been on the committee during the early stages.

Of course I had been expected to go with Edward and more than once he had made veiled references to my shopping with Alice to get a suitable dress. He had also suggested a limousine to take us the the prom but I vetoed that idea immediately. There was no way I was turning up at Forks high like that! In fact I was relieved when he left, I just wished the others hadn't followed him but then he was family, I wasn't although I would have liked to have been.

I wondered what it would have been like living with the Cullens, and how difficult it would have been as Edward's wife. I liked my independence and I doubted that as his wife I would have been allowed to enjoy it much. Emmett and Carlisle weren't like him at all so I guess it must be something he carried over from his human life. He'd told me about his mother, how she had sacrificed herself begging Carlisle to save her precious boy.

"Bella?"

Eric's voice jolted me back to reality,

"Sorry Eric. I was miles away."

He grinned,

"I know, thinking about Edward? He was a strange one, I guess they all were but there was just something about him in particular that jarred. We were all relieved when you two broke up, not that anyone would voice their opinion at the time. You seem more lighthearted these days."

It was a shock to realize that my friends had noticed Edward's behavior and were worried about me.

"Angela said it made her hair stand on end the way he used to stand there sniffing you as if you were a flower or something. I just told her maybe he liked your perfume or shampoo but it was a bit odd."

I hadn't noticed at the time but looking back they were right, he did insist on standing close and often put his face to my neck and breathed in deeply. I wondered if it was the scent of my blood that made him do it, a creepy idea I pushed away fast.

I waited in vain for another email from Alice but I was forced to accept I wouldn't be getting one after a few weeks. During the summer I worked full time at Newtons, I was saving up for college and now I had no boyfriend, not that I didn't get the opportunity if I'd wanted to take it, I could put most of my wages by. The crazy thing was that now Edward was gone Charlie started worrying about my social life, he was concerned I didn't have a boyfriend or go out often! He even tried suggesting I go out with Jake but he was younger than me and too immature, besides which the reservation gave me the creeps and I stayed away as much as I was able. Life may not be as good as it had been but it wasn't that bad yet!