Chapter 43: Reunions
Conrart sighed as he secured Vanyel's saddle, he was finally going home. The last part of his circuit had been a trial. He'd started having disturbing dreams while in White Griffon and those disturbing dreams had only followed him. It was beyond annoying, the fact that Van kept insisting they were perfectly normal didn't help matters. He'd never had one before so why was he having them now? Besides there was just something not right about dreaming of Yozak doing that.
Yozak was his best friend.
He shouldn't be having a reoccurring dream about his hands running gently over his naked body while they swam naked in a lake! It was true that it had happened once when they were younger about a month before his 95th birthday. But it hadn't gone nearly as far in life as it had in his dreams. In his dreams he … made love to Yozak.
At least he thought that was what it was at any rate.
It was the only way he could explain what he was dreaming.
What they were doing was completely… different from everything he knew of sex.
In his dreams he'd enjoyed it and Yozak had catered to his needs and had been gentle in a way he knew was not remotely possible.
In his dream Yozak had been kind and gentle.
It had felt like the man was worshiping his body with his every touch.
In reality he'd lost himself that night in the lake and had encouraged his friend's every move… he'd allowed Yozak's every gentle touch enjoying the way it made him feel. He'd been so caught up in the gentle feelings washing over him from Yozak that despite his fears he'd told himself everything would be okay, and had simply wrapped his arms and legs around his best friend's body. They'd come so close to having sex, but he'd freaked out at the feeling of Yozak's penis sliding against his backside.
Yozak had been kind to him afterwards, holding him while he cried and apologized for stopping them there of all places.
Yozak had assured him it was alright and they'd never spoken of it again.
In some ways Conrart cherished that memory.
In some ways he hated it.
It was usually the first sign that he was going to go into Heat, it turning into a full on erotic dream however was new. This season had been far worse than any he'd ever been through. He understood why but it was still hard to handle. This was his 6th season, like all young Mazoku his first several seasons had been erratic, and were only just starting to stabilize so that they were actually beginning to come on a reliable schedule, eventually his cycle would synchronize with his mate's. Assuming he ever took one, he may have been born for it but the idea of spending the rest of his life sexually pleasing someone else was not something he even wanted to contemplate. Gwilherm had spent some time teaching him what was expected of him as a submissive, and he'd be lying if he said the thought of living that life – even with Yozak – was even remotely appealing.
He shuddered at the memories.
He'd wanted to tell Yozak he'd lied about going through Rutt but he didn't plan on telling him while he was in Heat. The very idea terrified him. This was his third true season and it was becoming harder for him to control the driving need to find a mate, male or female it didn't matter. His body didn't care if he took or was taken, didn't care if he took control or surrendered it. He wanted Yozak, he wanted the comfort and security of his arms wrapped around him.
He was only two and a half months into his heat and yet already his burning need for Yozak was more then he could stand. Being separated was a physical pain and he couldn't help wondering if the fact that they were lifebonded had anything to do with his wanting nothing more to bury his nose in the other man's neck and breath in the oddly spicy musk that was uniquely Yozak. Just as he wondered if it was the lifebond that fueled his desire to feel Yozak filling him as the other man pounded him into a mattress despite his abject terror at the mere thought of the act.
Despite his feelings about sex he wanted Yozak to take him until the other man had no more seed left to spill and he was so full he couldn't hold another drop… and then he wanted to be taken again and again and again.
It scared the hell out of him.
Particularly since now he had to face his friend while he was in Heat, and he didn't know how long he was going to be able to lie to his friend this time. His Heat had been so bad he was sure Yozak would figure it out. The thought terrified him in spite of his earlier plans to tell the man.
Yozak could handle it in one of three ways as far as he was concerned. One he could handle it exactly how he'd thought the man would handle it if he'd been able to tell him when he wasn't in Heat, with a lot of teasing tempered with good natured and friendly protection. Or he could react in one of the two ways Conrart feared most. Gwilherm had taken delight in explaining both possibilities to him in painful detail. The lesser of the two evils would be that Yozak was so disgusted with him he'd refuse to be friends with a submissive. But what he truly feared was that Yozak would take him as his submissive. A fourth option which Gwilherm had always told him was the most likely, he knew would never happen. Despite their culture and everything Gwilherm had told him and led him to believe – he knew Yozak would never do what Gwilherm had said he would. That and Vanyel assured him the Companions would never allow him to be passed around when he was in heat.
Honestly he didn't know if he was more terrified of the idea of Yozak ending their friendship or the idea of Yozak taking him as his submissive.
One thing gave him hope and calmed his frayed nerves, at least tonight he'd be curling up to sleep in the safety of Yozak's arms, wrapped securely in the warm blanket of the other man's scent.
He'd worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
KKMHOVKKMHOVKKMHOV
Yozak felt rather silly as he rushed around his quarters cleaning up. Conrart was finally coming home and he'd be damned if he let the other man see his rooms in such a state of disarray. As a boy Conrart had often teased him, saying that he was attempting to come up with a working model of chaos theory. They'd both been rather surprised when Conrart had gone to earth and learned their actually was a chaos theory.
He couldn't wait to see his friend, to share in his adventures at the vales and learn about White Griffon and the things he had seen. Just as he couldn't wait to tell Conrart about his own adventures; about little Saori and the other orphans or for that matter the little fruit bats he'd rescued from that road-side vender.
One thing was certain Conrart was likely to die laughing at the thought of him teaching. He'd never been as patient as his friend, and tended to deliver harsh blows (both verbal and physical) to those stupid enough to cross him the few times he'd taken over training Conrart's recruits. That should be amusing. His previous teaching record aside he found he enjoyed teaching something other than weapons and as Conrart had once sarcastically called it "try not to die 101". Conrart was by far better suited to teaching weapons work, customs and survival skills. He always seemed to have an endless supply of patients that for some reason never extended to his own short comings.
That was Conrart for you, willing to accept every one's shortcomings but his own.
Yozak sighed as he finished putting away the last of his clothing, it was true there were servants who could have taken care of everything for him but he preferred to do things himself and they only came in once a week anyway. For the most part Heralds were expected to be self-sufficient. He couldn't help noticing that one of his old arm bands was missing. Idly he wondered if Conrart had nicked it. When they were younger and he'd been sent away to military school Conrart had often stolen his pillow, and a time or two he'd come home to find the other boy passed out on his bed with tear stained cheeks.
He'd been sent to military school when he was still a little young to truly attend, as such he'd come back to the palace a lot more frequently then was the norm. His early admittance had happened because Stoffel thought he was becoming a bad influence on Conrart. Actually the only thing that had kept him from being shipped back to the Nameless Village on Conrart's family lands was the fact that Conrart had thrown an outright fit at the thought of never seeing him again.
Stoffel had tried to use that as a way to prove his point but Queen Cecilia had pointed out that Stoffel himself had had a tantrum at the thought of losing his best friend and Conrart was still just a child. Her solution had been simple if he was a bad influence on Conrart he'd just have to be civilized. He was actually very grateful to Conrart's lady mother, as an orphaned present boy (out kingdom at that) the best he could hope for was to be a stable boy at the palace if he wanted to stay near his friend.
Military school cost money, money that had come from the queen's coffers.
He owed the fact that he was literate to Conrart –
But he owed the fact that he was educated to Conrart's mother.
Yozak smiled and shook off his melancholy, if Conrart had felt the need to swipe one of his arm bands then he would get it back as soon as the other man came home, if not then at least it was an old arm band.
His task complete he headed out of his rooms to the little vale on the palace grounds. Briefly he'd considered using the hot spring, however he really wasn't in the mood to soak alone.
It didn't take long to reach the mini vale, he sighed as the warm humid air washed over him. Yozak couldn't help smiling at the exuberant greeting he got from Squeak as the little 'flying fruit' flew down to land on his tunic. The bat was chattering on about his new mate and the babies their small clan would be expecting in a little more than a month and a half. After a few minutes the bat wound down and enquired after his mate and offspring.
Yozak flushed hotly well this was emberassing
: I don't have a mate or any children of my own yet.: He replied after a moment.
The 'fruit' made an inquisitive noise as it enquired. : No mate? What wrong?:
Despite himself, Yozak was mildly offended. : There is nothing wrong, only I have set my eyes on someone I can never have.:
Squeak chirped at him softly. : If already taken find another to fly beside you.: the little bat advised gently.
: Conrart is not taken, my friend, merely out of my reach.: He replied after a second.
KKMHOVKKMHOVKKMHOV
Conrart smiled to himself as they road through the gate into Companion's field, he was finally home. It was odd how quickly he'd come to think of Valdemar as home. Of course he'd always thought of home as being almost anywhere that Yozak was. Now however he had finally come to understand just why Heralds said their home at Haven was just a room and that their real 'home' was in their Companion's saddle. Like all Heralds before him he truly belonged with Vanyel.
Conrart snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of a somewhat high-pitched cry of surprise. A Companion stallion was headed towards them at a brisk trot his young Chosen clinging to his bare back, a look of wide-eyed wonder on his face. Conrart smiled wondering if this was the first time the boy's Companion had jumped with him on his back. The fence leading into Companions Field was just behind them and it was the only thing Conrart could think of that Companion Steffen could have done to make the boy squeal like that.
But then the boy couldn't have been much older than 12, so it was possible his voice had as yet not started to drop.
: Herald Trainee Melody, though he prefers Mel according to Steffen, brother of my heart. : Vanyel supplied mildly as he came to a halt and waited for his lifebonded. Holly and Rohanan continued on without them, Ambermoon riding pillion behind Holly.
Idly Conrart wondered if Steffen was Vanyel's Mate. Not that it was really any of his business. The Mazoku could marry or they could Mate. A marriage could be dissolved after a century had passed for no reason beyond the desire to go their separate ways, and their relationship could be monogamous or not based on the desires of the Dominant. However when two Mazoku Mated, they were bound together for life. The only thing that could break the bond between a mated pair was death. Being anything but monogamous was all but unheard of in mated pairs, for the simple reason that the bond was created over multiple seasons, usually requiring that a pair remain together and mutually monogamous through several cycles of fertility.
While spousal abuse happened in Demonic society, it was extremely rare if not nonexistent in a mated pair. Usually a mated Demon would kill to protect his mate and their children.
Conrart knew Vanyel was lifebonded to Steffen, but he couldn't help wondering if theirs was a love match as well. It seemed incomprehensible to him that someone as great as Vanyel should be stuck in a loveless relationship.
Vanyel's mindvoice was light and crisp like apples, : I am very much in love with Steffen Chosen, you need not fear for my happiness.:
Conrart had the grace to blush as Steffen sidled up to Vanyel and nuzzled him in a Companion's version of a quick kiss.
"Eww, gross mushy stuff!" Mel said from atop Steffen's back.
Conrart couldn't help it, he laughed. "You won't mind it so much in a year or so."
"Well you're mature aren't you?" Mel asked in a tone that reminded Conrart distinctly of Yuri.
"I'm a great deal older then you are at the moment, young one." He replied, with a soft smile, using the same tone he'd used with Yuri on their expedition to find and retrieve the demon sword Morgif.
Mel giggled, "True, you're ancient, I mean you're what 18?"
"Relatively speaking, I'm closer to 20." Conrart replied as Vanyel turned and headed for Companion's Stables again, Steffen falling into step beside him.
KKMHOVKKMHOVKKMHOV
Mel chatted amiably with the mostly silent Herald who rode beside him.
Herald Conrart
According to Steffen this was Herald Conrart, Chosen of Companion Vanyel.
Companions Steffen and Vanyel
The legendary Bard Stefen and Herald Mage Vanyel
Hellfires, his Companion was the Bard Stefen!
That made that –
Holly shit that's Herald-Mage Vanyel! As in Chosen of YFandas, Demonsbane, Shadowstalker, the hero of Stony Tor, THAT Vanyel! The same Vanyel who ordered the very trees to slay in protection of Valdemar, and haunted a forest for years as a border guard!
He's smaller then I pictured. He's not even as big as Steff. I wonder if his size as a stallion is relative to his size as a man?
Mel couldn't help evaluating Vanyel, even though he had a limited amount of experience with horses. Jedric had been teaching him a bit about horses in general and Companions in particular since they'd first met. Vanyel was small for a stallion, with a light build, and a high set tail. He also had a small muzzle. He was dainty and delicate and looked a lot like an even more beautiful version of the horses he'd seen some of the highborn riding.
Rather abruptly Steffen whickered – and Mel felt the stallion's laughter eco down their bond. :I Chose your many times great nephew that's how I know that lute you witched is still around.:
"You bewitched a lute?" Herald Conrart asked mildly, "whatever for? "
: I was bored, Chosen. It's not like I spelled it to play better or anything like that. Medren was going out on his journeyman year, and he loved that lute… so I put a spell on it so that it wouldn't break. Apparently I needed to work on my timing, too many of my spells are still around. I'm surprised I didn't kill myself from stupidity some times. And close your mouth nephew – before you start catching flies.:
Mel very nearly fell off Steffen he was so surprised.
KKMHOVKKMHOVKKMHOV
Conrart smiled to himself as he opened the door to Yozak's quarters. The man wasn't home yet, apparently he was teaching a class, which was honestly a little amusing. He sat gracefully down on Yozak's sofa, taking in the other man's unique and comforting scent. Without stopping to think he buried his nose in one of Yozak's throw pillows, curled up on the couch and fell asleep, lulled by the warm feeling that came from being engulfed in the safety of Yozak's rich and intoxicating scent.
KKMHOVKKMHOVKKMHOV
The river caressed his lithe body as he calmly treaded water. He gasped at the feeling of Yozak's hands traveling his nude body. He squirmed and moaned; he wanted more despite his alarm at the way the gentle caresses made him feel. This was Yozak he was safe. That was all that mattered. Yozak's hands slid down Conrart's back to caress his ass. The younger man moaned into Yozak as the other man invaded his mouth with his talented tongue. Yozak squeezed his rear sharply and pulled him closer, until their naked chests where pressed together. Conrart moaned, as Yozak nipped his earlobe and whimpered as the man began alternately kissing, licking and nipping his way down Conrart's neck to his shoulders. He made a noise deep in his throat and wrapped his arms around the other man's neck.
Yozak's hands slid down his buttocks gently caressing, before briefly the fingers of one hand slid between his cheeks. Conrart gasped, moaning in desire. Yozak slid his hands lower and dragged his legs up over his hips. Conrart wrapped them around his waist and hung on. Yozak supported him with one hand while the fingers of the other slid between his cheeks under the surface of the water.
One finger slid slowly into Conrart's body as he whimpered and moaned in an odd combination of fear and elation.
"Conrart"
KKMHVKKMHOVKKMHOV
Yozak sighed as the last of his Shin Makoku language students left the room. It had been a long day. Conrart was finally home, he knew that much though he had yet to actually see his friend. He'd briefly felt the other man's mind brush his in a soft and intimate caress, however that had been hours ago. He'd been able to feel their bond reforming and if he concentrated he could feel Conrart's emotions beyond the other man's tightly coiled shields. Conrart felt warm, safe and content with an undertone of something else that he couldn't quite place.
Smiling to himself he left his class room and headed down the hallway reaching for his friend's mind with his own. : Conrart?: he called softly
:Mmmm Yozak.: Came the oddly disjointed reply.
Yozak blinked that was odd. And he still had no idea where Conrart was, he sounded half asleep so he must have gone back to his own rooms. Yozak sighed he'd go drop his stuff off at his rooms and then he'd head over to Conrart's quarters and see if the other man was up to going out into the town for a drink.
They'd walk so that Van could get some rest, if Steffen would let him.
: If Conrart's too tired to walk and Steffen is occupying all of Van's time then I'm willing to carry double. : Jissa informed him happily. : Or if you'd rather, I can carry Conrart and you can walk.:
Yozak laughed as he opened his front door and froze in mild surprise, Conrart lay on his couch sound asleep with his nose pressed into one of his throw pillows. He couldn't help smiling when he realized which pillow his friend was using. It was his favorite throw pillow the one he usually rested against. He shut his door softly not wanting to startle the man sleeping on his couch, crossed the room and set his things down on his coffee table.
For a minute he simply watched his friend sleep. Conrart looked so young and he barely caught himself before he started purring. The sight of the other man curled up and looking so young and vulnerable in sleep set every one of his protective instincts on fire. With a soft sigh he reached out and gently shook Conrart's shoulder, calling his name softly to help rouse him.
"Mmmm, sleepy." Conrart mumbled, after a minute he yawned, and blinking sat up. The movement bringing with it a soft noise, and Yozak realized he had beads and feathers breaded into his now very long hair. It fell like a wavy, shimmering waterfall to the middle of his back and Yozak couldn't help smiling at the sight of the little brown ringlets that it occasionally curled into. He'd forgotten how wispy Conrart's hair used to be whenever he'd let it grow out. It looked like all Conrart had inherited from his father was a slightly lighter version of his general coloring, and his skill with a sword.
Conrart looked a little flushed and he couldn't resist the urge to tease his best friend, "Having a Nice dream?"
To his surprise Conrart's eyes flicked briefly down to his lap as he turned an even deeper shade of red.
That would be a yes then.
This could be fun.
"Oh you where." He offered his friend a wicked grin. "Was I in it?"
"Yozak!" Conrart screeched, his ears turning an alarming shade of red.
"Oh breath before you pass out from lack of air. I was only joking." He flopped down onto his couch beside his beet red best friend and added "you're too much of a prude for that."
Conrart swatted his arm, a little harder than normal. "Not funny," he complained.
Yozak grinned, "You know you love me."
"Can't imagine why though, besides it was just an old memory."
"You wound me."
"Good maybe you'll learn some manners."
"Ow." Yozak wined in mock pain. "Beer?"
"Not tonight, I'm sorry I'm just not up to going into town." Conrart replied softly.
"Not a problem, I have some ale or tea if you'd rather?"
KKMHOVKKMHOVKKMHOV
"You look tense, and honestly rather stressed," Yozak said after they'd been talking for the better part of four hours. "Would you like me to give you a massage? You know loosen up some of those muscles."
Conrart flushed at the idea of Yozak seeing him mostly naked now that he knew they were lifebound, he hadn't even worked up the courage to find out if Yozak knew yet. Thinking of the lifebond that tied him irreparably to his best friend, made him think of the man who had forced him to recognize it in the first place. For some Shinou be damned reason that made him think of the disastrous first time Ambermoon had tried to give his massage.
He felt something truly odd as he remembered the feeling of the other man's oiled hands sliding down his body. He felt like something was probing harshly at his memory, it hurt. He whimpered in alarm feeling the urge to beg Yozak for forgiveness. He shook his head, feeling embarrassment flood through him when he realized Yozak was about to see him throw Ambermoon into a wall in his terror. He couldn't let the other man know he had been that weak.
Nearly panicked by the soft sound of Yozak growling and the other man's insistent mental probing he slammed his shields shut with enough force that it was like suddenly being blinded. He'd effectively cut himself off from the entire outside world.
For the first time since puberty he truly was alone in his own mind.
Yozak recoiled from him sharply, as if burnt by some unseen force. "So," he growled softly, "the feathers aren't just for show."
Conrart gazed up at his friend, utterly bewildered by the fact that his instincts were still screaming for him to start placating the other man. It was aggravating, Yozak was accusing him of being loose.
How dare he!
How dare he, when Yozak's own memories revealed the fact that he'd slept with I'Ryn.
Of all the hypocritical -
He had no right!
"You're one to talk," he snapped.
"Excuse me?" Yozak growled his pupils contracting to mere slits, his eyes glittering with an almost dangerous light.
"You slept with I'Ryn, and who I chose to give my body to is no concern of yours!"
"So did you earn those feathers one by one or did they come from just one person?" Yozak growled sharply, raising to his feet so that he towered over Conrart, he leaned in all but pinning the smaller man to the couch with his very presence.
Conrart shivered, somewhere deep within him his instincts were screaming at him to calm Yozak before the other man asserted his authority over him for the first time. Another louder part of him was wholly pissed off by the accusation. He sprang to his feet, shoving the other man sharply away, "you ruddy bastard," he snapped only to find himself roughly shoved back into his seat with an oof.
Yozak was so close Conrart could feel the other man's breath on his neck as he spoke in a low and menacing growl. "For once in your life, pull that damned noble stick out of your ass and admit to the fact that you've warmed a few beds in your time, and I am not the one who was acting like a tavern wench."
Conrart's eyes widened and he gapped at his best friend in shock as memories of his past washed briefly over him.
The forest around him was quiet accept for the soft sounds of his own whimpering and the laughter and grunting of his guards. He squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment and tried not to think about what he was doing as Gwilherm slid in and out of his buttocks, pleasuring himself, while making Conrart feel so very cheap. "There's my good whore," the other man grunted above him. "You like performing don't you?"
Suddenly sick, and completely enraged Conrart slammed his knee upwards deliberately going for a very delicate portion of his best friend's anatomy. He shoved him sharply away while Yozak gasped for breath and whimpered in profound pain. Then he rose to his feet and stormed out of the other man's rooms, pausing briefly at the door to deliver his last parting blow.
"I never want to see you again," he hissed and slammed the door behind him.
KKMHOVKKMHOVKKMHOV
Yozak groaned as he poured himself a glass of strong liquor, tonight had not gone anywhere near like he'd planned. He had no idea what had come over him. What in the name of the Great One had possessed him to pin Conrart to the sofa like that? Oh he'd made such mess of things.
Damned Rutt, he wouldn't be acting first and thinking second in regards to his best friend if he wasn't in Rutt.
He had to fix this
But he didn't know how.
He'd give his friend a few days to calm down and then he'd go talk to him.
But he was going to be in Rutt for a little over a month. What if he screwed things up again?
He rubbed his brow, and took a swig of his liquor; he hadn't a clue as to how he was going to fix this.
KKMHOVKKMHOVKKMHOV
Conrart Weller sat curled up at the head of his bed, his arms wrapped protectively around his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks as he rocked himself lightly back and forth. He couldn't believe this was happening. Yozak was –
Yozak was everything
He didn't know how to function without the other man.
But he'd just lost his best friend thanks to his own stupidity.
He couldn't stop seeing Yozak's eyes glittering with rage. He couldn't get the sound of his deep throaty growl out of his mind. He wanted to crawl over to the man and beg for his forgiveness and only his pride kept him from doing so.
He wanted to lie down and sleep, just so he could pretend this whole fiasco had been nothing but a bad dream – but he couldn't even do that. Yozak was never going to forgive him. However what was worse was the fact that he kept hearing Gwilherm's voice. He could feel every painful thing his guards had done to him rising to the surface of his mind to haunt him afresh. He could hear Eckhart's cruel laughter and hear him cheering Gwilherm on encouraging the man to new heights of cruelty.
Worthless half-breed whore he'd been called that more times than he could remember.
He wanted to go to Yozak to have the man chase away his nightmares with his very presence. But he couldn't. He'd ruined his friendship with the other man.
Yozak was going to hate him now.
It was his own fault
There was nothing he could do, no one he could go to for comfort so he simply sat there and rocked himself slowly back and forth, desperately humming the tune to the old lullaby his mother used to sing to him when he was a boy.
He wanted his mother
But mostly he wanted Yozak.
A.N. Please review it keeps my muse working. also this fic will be moving into the M territory soon!