Chapter 4 Faith
Previously
*****Throughout the week*****
I keep waiting for him to approach me, to come talk to me, but it never happens. Tomorrow I'm being picked up and taken to go on the mission. He has less than twenty-four hours to figure out a solution. At this point though, I have lost almost all hope that he will actually come through for me.
If he hasn't by now then why would he?
Does he even care?
Present
It is now 5 o'clock in the morning and I am getting dressed in the pitch black cabin where the rest of its residents are still asleep, unaware of what's happening. I've already packed my bag and now I'm just grabbing my belongings. I have to sneak out, hoping they don't notice me.
I waited a week for Snake to show some sign that he was truly trying to help me but he hasn't done a thing, and now I have to leave for what will most likely put my life in danger. It could be the last thing I do. I wanted so badly for Snake to come through and help, but I guess a part of me always knew that what he said was just too good to be true.
Walking through the camp, part of me wants to stay in this safe haven. The other part of me wants to get as far away as possible from this place; from Snake and the rest of K-unit and their lies. There is a car waiting for me just outside the gates of camp. Slowly, I climb into the car, putting my duffel in the seat next to me.
The car ride is silent. I am left to my thoughts, wondering what lunatic I'm going to have to stop from taking over the world this time. Nodding off to sleep, I am left to my dreams. I wish that I hadn't been though.
(Dream)
I am sitting on the edge of a cliff, looking down at the water hundreds of feet below. I can hear voices calling out to me, they sound oddly familiar. Looking to either side of me I see no one. I twist my body to look behind me. Jack is crouched behind, I barely have enough time to acknowledge her presence when her arms shoot from her sides out toward me, pushing me over the cliff's edge. The air whooshing past me burns my face, crashing into the water my lungs fill with water. I can't breathe. Sinking further and further down, the more I kick my legs and push my arms trying to swim to the water's surface; the faster I sink. A man's figure comes close to me he thrusts his arm forward trying to latch onto my hand. The man's face becomes clear to me and his hand slips away letting me go. Just like before.
I am thrown from my dream, really it was more of a nightmare, by the cabbie calling out to me.
"Get out kid, we're here!"
Placing a cold, emotionless mask over my face, I climb out of the car tossing my duffel over my shoulder. I have to make this facade perfect. Mindlessly, I go through the motions of making my way into Blunt's office and getting my mission assignment. I pay attention. Sort of. I finally become aware of what is happening when I am guided into Smither's office to be given my gadgets. I am given a Ski suit that is apparently bulletproof that is paired with some infrared ski goggles. He also gives me an ear stud that's golden and is explosive. Next he passes a CD Player to me that has a panic button that sends out an alert if the fast forward button is pressed three times. The CD Player can convert into an electric saw when I insert a special Beethoven CD. I also got a copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets that has a gun built into the spine and a tranquilizer dart that can be activated when the author's name is pressed.
After gathering my gadgets from Smither's, I am led to a car where I am then driven to the nearest airport. Looking at the plane ticket that I had been given earlier, it says that I am heading to France. Making my way through airport security, I begin searching for the place I need to be to board my flight. There is still a couple of hours before I am supposed to board the plane, so after getting to the place I need to be I take a seat. I begin pondering what has happened and my opinion of my supposed 'father'. I still don't have a tight grasp on the situation, and I still can't shuffle through all these feelings. These foreign, unknown, feelings. I don't trust him. I know that much. At this point I don't think that I could depend on him for anything anymore. I don't particularly want to either. If he didn't think he could find a way to get me out of this situation, then I wish that he would have just told me instead of keeping me in the dark.
"Collin" I hear that name called out and I begin looking for the owner of the voice. My eyes fall upon Snake, who is dressed in civilian clothing and is carrying his own luggage. I can't possibly imagine why he would be here. This means I can't even relax here. I have to keep that stupid mask up. I just want one moment of peace. A moment just to myself in this chaotic life that I live. Is that really too much to ask? I've given so much. I just want to take, just this once.
"What are you doing?" The words come out harsh and cold. Just as they were meant to.
"I told you I was going to find a way to keep you from going on that mission. Come on, we have a flight to catch." Right now I have two choices: risk my life, and maybe die on a mission. If I do live, I'll continue to be blackmailed into putting my life in danger. Or option two, of getting on a plane and going somewhere possibly safe with a man who just happens to be my father, who at the moment I don't trust or feel like I can depend upon.
With a quick nod of my head, I pick up my bag and follow Snake's lead. It's not a very hard decision. He might even be pulling through on his word. Doesn't mean I trust him.
"Here's your boarding pass and passport, don't lose them." I notice that the flight we are getting on says that we are heading to Ireland. Why? Family? I voice my thoughts.
"I thought you were from Scotland."
"I am, but there are some people we need to speak to in Ireland and this will help keep anyone who starts looking for us off our trail."
Our conversation, if you can call it that, comes to a halt when we begin to board the plane, neither of us says anything until after the plane has taken off.
"Why aren't you at Brecon Beacons? How did you get out?"
"I have taken temporary leave for now and once we are safe I will send word to the sergeant to file the paperwork that I have left with him for me to officially leave the SAS."
"What are you planning on doing after that?"
"Probably take a job at a local hospital. I'm certainly qualified enough. Once the plane lands in Ireland, we will need to keep our heads low until I can meet up with an old friend of mine to get some papers from him. After that we'll board a boat that will take us to Scotland. That's the plan at least." He keeps his voice below a whisper, I can barely hear him even though I'm seated next to him and he's whispering directly in my ear. I assume that the papers he mentions has to do with our legal situation.
"I'll tell you more once we are in a private and secure place."
After a couple of minutes of neither of us saying anything, I pull out my iPod and some ear buds and tune everything out as much as I can for the rest of the plane ride. Maybe I should just talk to Snake long enough to learn about his plan and then once we are in Scotland I can begin ignoring. That way he might understand that I still don't like him very much now. Part of our deal was to include me in his plans. He never said a thing. Leaning my head against the window, I watch the world pass by. I can see houses, but cars are a bit skeptical, and people are impossible. Just like in the real world, I suppose. Honestly, right now, I wish I could just stay up here forever. Just watching the world pass by. I can see a rain cloud. It's fascinating. Seeing a rain cloud over a whole city, all of the rain concentrated on one place, and me having an overhead view? It's amazing. I'm glad I'm not there.
Once the plane has landed and Snake and I have exited the airport, we grab a cab and it takes us to what appears to be a farm. I have no idea why we would be here. Honestly, I'm starting to doubt why I followed Snake in the first place. Snake pays the cabbie and passes me my bag, after I have reluctantly climbed out of the cab.
"This is my friend's house, he said that he'll be off work at around seven. We need to be on the boat by 8:30 tonight. It's about 5:00 now, I guess I have a couple of hours to explain what's happening and answer any questions."
"Start talking."
He gave me this... look. It wasn't exasperated, but instead it was kind of... sorrowful? Asking for forgiveness, almost. Yeah, he wasn't getting that anytime soon.
"When my friend comes here tonight he's going to have some papers for us. The papers are a passport with your birth name, ID, birth certificate, and basically all the legal paperwork needed so that if anyone checks, I am your father and I am your guardian." Well yeah. It was true. Of course he was my father, why did he feel the need to announce it? Why didn't he just use the stuff we already had? The stuff that let us discover who I actually am. Whatever, probably out of date, I still didn't like this situation. Just as I am about to protest that I will have to go by the name that wasn't my name for the last fifteen years of my life, Snake speaks up.
"I know that you don't like the situation, but we don't have much of a choice. You will need to go by Collin Reed Murray, at least in public. When we are in private I can call you by you old name if that's what you really want. Also, since people will need to think that we are father and son, you will need to refer to my as something like dad or father. It's for your own good. When we are in private though, you may call me by my first name if you want. I'm sorry, but it'll have to stay this way until I'm absolutely positive that you are safe from MI-6 and that they can't get to you anymore. Again, I truly am sorry. Now do you have any questions?" I did. He explained a lot, but he didn't say everything. I also had questions I knew would go unanswered because of his ridiculous thought that he could protect me trough naivety. I wasn't even going to waste breath asking those.
"Where are we staying?"
"My family has some land in Scotland that is abandoned and there is a small house that is secluded and surrounded by woods. We will be staying there until it I believe it is safe, then we will move into my house in Peebles, Scotland. When we get there we won't be going anywhere for a few days. My mother will stop by to drop off some food and other things that we might need. She thinks I'm just taking a break from work. You won't be allowed to leave until everything is settled, and in that time. I'll be looking for a job at one of the local hospitals." I nod my head at this. Once again, I put my ear buds in and start blocking Snake out. I don't particularly like being locked in a cage, no matter what the reason. Before I start my music, I can hear him sigh and I see him shake his head at me. That's fine. I don't mind.
About an hour later I'm reading, earplugs out and on the desk, when I hear the front door unlock. I put my book down and peek out of the room. Snake is standing in the entryway talking to a man. After being given a file the man nods to Snake and then looks towards my direction, nods his head and goes up the stairs. Snake quickly walks back into the kitchen where I am seated and grabs his bag.
"It's time to leave. We have about an hour or so drive to the boat's dock. We're pushing time as it is, it took my friend a little longer than we had previously expected to get the papers in order. A cab is waiting outside, come on." Quickly shuffling out of my seat, I grab my bag and quickly follow Snake towards the cab.
The drive to the boating dock is silent, just as our times together usually are, as of late. I notice Snake using a flashlight to look through the documents that his friend gave him. When we arrive at the boat dock, Snake leads us to an old fishing boat. There is a man standing on it who looks slightly familiar. He walks over to Snake and gives him a hug. After releasing Snake from the hug he looks over towards me.
"Callum, it is good to see you again lad. I am happy that you came to me for help. Is that him?" The man asks with a light Scottish accent.
"Yeah, that's him."
"He looks just like her." He said it so fondly. Who was this man?
"I'm sorry but who are you?" My curiosity finally won out and the question came out a little more blunt than I would have liked. I don't really like being talked about and not being addressed. I'm right here.
"Collin this is your mother's father, your grandfather." The shock must have been evident on my face, because now I'm suddenly being pulled into a tight hug by the man. When he let's go he says, "You can call me Jacob for now child, if you'd like." I dumbly nod my head, I had been so unprepared to meet my family tonight. It was a gift, now that I thought about it. I was denying Snake as my family because he hadn't kept his promise, but I had nothing against this man. Maybe I was being a bit too hard on Snake.
"Callum, you might want to go ahead and take him below deck before anyone sees you. We will be leaving the dock soon and should be in Scotland in about three hours."
"Okay, and thank you for this. It was a lot to ask of you."
"No it wasn't, not for family. It isn't an issue at all." Snake just looks at him for a minute and then leads me below the deck.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I actually quite liked the surprise, and my voice was just questioning, not blaming.
"I didn't know how you would react to meeting family tonight and it wasn't like there was another option that was dependable and trustworthy."
Oh. So it hadn't been for me.
I just shake my head and go to sit down in a corner.
"You might want to get some sleep, when we get to Scotland we are going to have to walk a couple of miles until we get to the meeting point where another car will be waiting to take us to our new home."
"Oh and will there be another surprise meeting with another family member there?" My words come out harsher than they should have been.
"Yes, actually. My mother will be there and she will also be helping us a lot until we can safely be in public." The frustration in Snake's voice is almost tangible.
"Why am I expected to just keeping welcoming strangers into my life with open arms? I don't even know these people." I thought that I had spoken these words too soft for Snake to hear, but I was mistaken.
"You are expected to welcome them into your life because they are your family and they are trying to help you. They didn't have a choice in whether or not they got to be in your life as you grew up. None of us had a choice in the matter, if we had then we would have been in yours this whole time. You might not like me now for whatever reason but you have no reason to be rude or mean to them." I knew that. And I wouldn't be. I would be neutral to them. They meant nothing to me. "There may be other people in our family that would like to meet you and you just need to learn to live with the fact that you have a family that wants to be part of your life and that cares about you." The look on Snake's face is telling me to back off because it is all he can do to keep from losing his temper with me now, so I decide to shut up for now. Snake takes a deep breath.
"What do you want me to call when we are in private?"
"Alex, my name has been Alex for the last fifteen years of my life."
Here's a secret. I didn't want to be called Alex. It wasn't right. Not with Snake. Cub was what I wanted to say. Cub was my name around him. It wasn't some nickname that Beacon gave me, it was my name. Around him, or any of the others from there, at least. It was my name. It is my name.
But I couldn't tell him that. He would have thought that it was just some nickname. He would have thought that I wanted to be called something that I was simply fond of. That wasn't the case, but I couldn't explain that to him. He wouldn't have understood.
So Alex it was.
"Okay, Do you care if the rest of the family calls you Collin or do you want them to also refer to you as Alex?"
"They may call me Collin if that is easier." I'm starting to just not care anymore.
"It is, thank you."
I can tell that the boat has left the dock. Once we have been in the ocean for an hour or so I hear the door leading below deck open.
"We should be in Scotland in a couple of hours, it looks like easy sailing from here." The door closes once again, I notice that Snake has fallen asleep. Quietly I get up and head upstairs to deck.
"What are you doing up here lad? You should be resting." Jacob's casts a questioning look at me.
"Couldn't sleep, and I always thought that the waters were calming at night."
"On nights like this they are. Tell me about yourself." I am caught off guard by this question, I don't know why. I should have expected it.
"Back in England I liked to play football, and I love running."
"Your mother loved to go for long runs when she needed to think."
"That's why I do it sometimes. I should probably head back down before Callum wakes up." I, for some reason, didn't like hearing about my mother. it made me uncomfortable.
"Okay. Go easy on him son, he is trying to make things right." I nod my head at his words and try to figure out what he means by them. I wasn't treating him badly. I just wasn't associating with him. I head back down below deck and sit back in the little corner that I had previously occupied.
I must have fallen asleep because next thing I know is waking up to someone shaking my shoulder rather roughly.
"Alex it's time to get up, we need to leave now." I groggily get up and gather my belongings, after saying goodbye to Jacob. Snake wasn't kidding when he said we had a long walk. We must have walked for almost an hour when I hear Snake say that we are here. I look up and notice a woman getting out of a small car parked off the side of the dirt road. The woman runs up and hugs Snake.
"It's good to see you again son. I have made sure that the house is ready for the both of you. Is that him?"
"Yeah mum, that's him." Before I know what is happening I am in a strong hug from the woman who must be my grandmother. After a minute or so she let's go of the embrace.
"He looks just like her, dear. Come on we need to leave."
After climbing into the car and heading towards wherever the house is, Snake's mother speaks up.
"You can call me Ann if you like dear."
"Okay." I lean my face against the window. I can hear Snake and his mum whispering but they aren't talking loud enough for me to know what they are talking about. The car comes to a stop in front of an old rickety gate, Snake jumps out to open it and once the car is past it he closes the gate and climbs back into the car. After about thirty or so more minutes of driving through the woods the car comes to a stop in front of a small house that looks to be abandoned. We all slowly climb out of the car and walk up the stairs. Snake leads me to my room after I bid Ann a goodnight and tells me that he is going to make sure she makes it out okay and that he will be back in about a half hour.
I'm not sure what to think now, everything is a bit overwhelming. I will have to wait till morning to explore the house and the land that it's on.
*****Snake's POV*****
Once I made it back to the house, I am just about to head upstairs and get some shut-eye when I hear Alex talking in his from his room. I quickly go to his room and notice that him tossing and turning in his bed, mumbling incoherent words, and beads of sweat are forming on his face. I walk over to him and kneel beside his bed, I start carding my fingers through his hair and whispering to him that he is safe.
Finally, he calms down and the nightmare seems to have passed. Slowly I stand up and with one last glance I walk out of the room. It is better if he doesn't know about this for now, he is reluctant as it is to be around me I don't need him knowing that I saw him in such a vulnerable state. It would probably make him freeze me out of his life more than what he is trying to do already.
Hopefully I can talk to him tomorrow and figure out what his issues are so that we can start resolving them. I also need to make sure he stays away from the cliffs, hopefully I can warn him about them before he inevitably ends up at them.