AN: WARNING: depression and self harm in this chapter, tread cautiously or don't read it at all.

-o-o-o-

R = Relax

I stared at my laptop, headphones in, listening to what I have properly dubbed "Sad Songs Playlist". I just sat in my comfy rolling computer chair at my desk, a tub of ice cream next to me. I didn't even care that I skipped my work out this morning...

I sighed and scooted forward before placing my head in my arms. The screen was too close, and everything looked fuzzy, but I just couldn't bring myself to care. All I could think was, He's not coming you idiot, you're just annoying him again. What the hell is wrong with you, you needy bastard.

I sniffled and pushed my laptop away, burying my face in my arms and sniffling. You idiot, he won't come. He talks to you everyday, he's tired of you...

I hated that I couldn't just say that he's late or that something came up, but all my mind said was that he's annoyed, that's I'm too needy, that he doesn't want me anymore. I didn't take my medicine because I wanted to feel happy instead of numb, but I guess I forgot the sadness...

You're so much younger, he can go find someone his age, someone who he can relate with more, someone who can give him what he deserves - an accepting family, a happy home, maybe even a wife. He's 26 and you're 19, why would he go for a runt like you?

I never cried, and I wouldn't now. I just let all the berating, depressing thoughts flood my mind in a torrent. I didn't bother to stop them. I was in a pit and he wasn't there to help me.

Again...

But I guess it can't be helped, I'm not worthy of his time, I'm just a burden. A distraction.

I knew that my thoughts were snowballing, and I knew I would do something stupid, but I just... Couldn't bring myself to care. I was tired, I was lonely, I missed my lover, and I felt useless.

So, I slowly typed out, "Hey babe, I'm a little tired, I think I worked out too hard haha. I'm gonna go relax and stuff. ^-^ heh love you," and quickly shut my computer down.

I sighed and pushed up my glasses, fidgeting with my left arm. Scars marred my appearance, making my skin discolored and ugly. I couldn't stop it though, and I could feel myself reaching into my desk drawers for my tiny metal box.

I took out the five razors with a blank look on my face, thoughts and words swirling in my head of how I'm never good enough, how I can't ever do anything right, unneeded, unwanted, unloved, disgusting, fat -

I sliced my skin and a tear slipped down my cheek.

I bit my lip before whispering shakily, "I-I just need to re-lax Soul..."

-o-o-o-

AN: Not feeling too good, and I miss a certain someone, so... I decided to write it out instead of doing what Maka is doing ;u; idkmaybeIwilllaterbutmeh

I hope you liked it, and sorry that it's a bit of a heavy chapter. I had a fluffier thing in mind, but. I... eheh, this came out instead. ^^;