Chapter Seventy Nine

Carlisle

Esme had tried to calm Charlie down and had a little luck by pointing out to him that if he wasn't able to control himself we would be hunted down ourselves by the Volturi as a security risk, not only that but getting on a boat and crossing to Italy would be highly dangerous, especially if the captain were human.

"Why don't we just swim and be done with it? I thought vampires could do anything."

"We can within reason but there are limitations especially when we are going to be faced by humans once we reach the coast. Think about it Charlie. You must use some self control, it's all that keeps us safe. It's all that will keep you alive long enough to avenge Bella."

He calmed down after that and the rest of us heaved a sigh of relief although Emmett and Rose were both keeping a careful eye on him as we finally boarded the boat to find our skipper was indeed human. He wanted nothing to do with us just pointed to the seats and disappeared into the small wheelhouse. It wasn't strictly speaking a pleasure boat more a work horse that undertook some shady business during slack times.

Charlie

Being a vampire was much harder than I expected, all I wanted to do was get rid of this rage and the ever present thirst that was driving me crazy and not helping my temper in the slightest but I understood what Esme told me was the truth. If I wanted a shot at Edward and The Major then I had to control myself better than I had so far after all I'd got us ejected from somewhere safe already.

I found myself sitting beside Emmett who amazed me by his quiet and gentle nature.

"How do you do it Emmett? Keep so calm."

He smiled chuckling,

"Charlie man, I was worse than you when I woke up. I destroyed two houses..."

Rose interrupted,

"Three actually Em, you always forget that little place in Detroit."

"Oh yeah, sorry Charlie three. I was so angry all the time and the thirst drove me crazy but I was lucky, I had Rosie here who kept telling me I could do it and Carlisle. If you listen to him Charlie that's the best advice. He went through it all alone in London. He had no one to help him yet he never killed a human to feed on, he fought it, he's a stronger man than me by far."

I could hear the admiration in Emmett's voice and decided maybe I should give Carlisle more attention.

Carlisle

Esme, after listening to the conversation, moved away to watch the sea and Charlie took her place,

"Do you mind?"

"Not at all, did you want to talk Charlie?"

"I guess so. You heard me talking to Emmett. I want to know how you did it, how you controlled yourself. How did you get changed Carlisle? Oh sorry, maybe you'd rather not talk about it."

"No I don't mind Charlie although whether it will help you I don't know. My father was a pastor in a church in London. He knew of the existence of vampires or demons as he called them and he would lead gangs of male parishioners at night hunting them. Eventually when I was old enough he insisted I join them. I didn't want to, I wasn't sure I believed in demons, I'd never seen any but my father was a hard man. I was beaten and shut in my room until I was weak with hunger and then he dragged me out in front of his congregation as an unbeliever and I was forced to join the hunt.

For weeks we found none, just as I had expected but then the group turned on an old beggar beating him to death, cutting off his head and burning him as a demon. It sickened me but my father insisted I go out every time and the one time they actually found a real vampire I became separated from the rest. It was cold that summer, we had hard frosts, it was like the middle of winter and a group of noblemen were riding through the lanes looking for some sport. I dived into a cellar to wait until they passed and as I came out I was set upon by a vampire, he dragged me into one of the sewers and bit me then left me as he heard the commotion in the lane above. When I woke a vampire I knew I had to get out of the city or risk being caught by my father's group or another similar.

I was horrified at what I had become. I prayed and was led out to the countryside safely where I found a herd of deer in one of the royal parks and quenched my thirst. Day after day I continued to roam the country learning to live on the blood of beasts, fearing God's wrath if I killed one of his humans to feed on. I guess perhaps I was lucky rather than strong willed but I managed to carry on until I could blend in with humans without the overwhelming urge to kill them. I sailed to Europe paying my way as a surgeon's apprentice and decided that helping humans would be one way to pay them back for what others of my kind did to them."

"So you never killed a human to feed?"

"No, I managed to avoid that but it's harder for you because you have the rage and guilt of your daughter's death to contend with. I know you are a strong man though Charlie and you will control your rage if only to fulfill your mission in life. I will tell you that this is the first time I have felt I wanted to kill another sentient being. I will find Edward and I will destroy him a little at a time and I'd like you at my side, you deserve some retribution. Will you learn to control yourself so you can safely accompany me?"

"I'll try Carlisle, I'll try really hard."

Charlie

I meant what I said to Carlisle and I tried really hard but every time my thirst got the better of me. Sometimes I could hunt with Emmett and run my rage off but sometimes that didn't work or it came upon me suddenly and I attacked without thinking but every time they were there, the Cullens, waiting to help me. To hide my kills or give me moral support. Nothing I did made any difference. I attacked Rose once in temper and Emmett simply sat on me with Carlisle's help until I calmed down and apologized.

Why they didn't throw me out to survive on my own I have no idea but they were with me through all my struggles not matter what I said or did.

"Why do you keep digging me out of these holes?"

I stood over the body of a young hiker I'd just drained now feeling guilty as Emmett and Carlisle threw the body into the ocean below the cliffs. All I wanted was to throw myself over the cliff to join him but I knew in a day or so I would be looking for another to drain and with each kill I was getting further from Bella's killers not closer which made me more angry.

Suddenly with no warning the rage built up and exploded out of me, I found myself astride Emmett who was trying to keep my teeth from his neck with failing strength as Carlisle rushed up to help him.

"Charlie, you have to stop, you're going to kill him"

I heard the words but they were coming from my daughter's mouth not his, she was begging me not to kill Emmett and suddenly I found myself yards away on my back with no idea of what had just occurred. I scrambled to my feet to see Carlisle leaning over Emmett who was holding the side of his neck where my teeth must have sliced into his flesh.

All I could remember was Bella's voice begging me to stop but she wasn't here I knew that, my Bella was dead, hidden rotting away in some grave chosen by that bastard The Major. As I thought of him the rage started to build once more but then I saw her face again and it began to calm. I waited until it was under control then joined the others cautiously, apologizing to Emmett as I approached.

"What the hell happened.? Did you pull me off?"

Carlisle shook his head,

"No, you just flew backwards. What did you feel?"

I shook my head then explained what I'd heard and he nodded,

"Somehow the thought of what Bella would say kept you from killing Emmett, you literally flew through the air Charlie as if you were catapulted. Its something we should explore but not just now, lets get Emmett back home."

"You take him back I'll find him some food. Please."

The last came as Carlisle was about to argue so he just nodded and left me, helping poor Emmett along. I caught a goat a little while later and carried it back to the stone house on the outskirts of a small village that Darius had rented for us when we first arrived.