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We sat on the bench facing out to the city. It was peaceful and calm; words I rarely use with Thor. His main appeal to the opposite sex was his thirst for adventure. Achieving to the highest degree and bathing in the praise. Admittedly it did attract me, how he could command a room with his mere presence. But it is not the only thing. We are very different, it is a surprise we mesh so well together.
It was also surprising how different he acts when it was just the two of us. He loses his boorish temperament which is replaced by a beautiful gentleness, not even Loki could compete with. This is what I truly love how he feels comfortable enough with me to fully open.
"Why have you been avoiding me?"
I looked up at him his mouth a sad line on his profile as he did not turn to acknowledge me.
"I am sorry" I sigh, "I just thought we needed some space."
I upset me how he did not see I was protecting us. Only thinking I was being cruel. My head fell from his shoulder as he stood up in a rush.
"You never seek me any more preferring the company of others, every time in this last month that I have tried to reach out to you I have been shut down. Have you grown tired of me, am I too boring to waste your time" his voice had gradually lower becoming thick with emotion.
"I did not do it to hurt you!", I hissed. Hot blood courses through my veins. How could he blame me when he insinuated this ungodly relationship. He had come to me that night.
"need I remind you dear Brother! we share the same blood, what we were... are doing is wrong so I am sorry for trying distance us!" I walked to where he stood until our chests almost touched.
"And you have the nerve to whine like a child" I glared up at him channelling Loki when Sif set fire to his favourite poetry book.
Realising his mistake he turned and unexpectedly framed my face in his callous hands. They are warm and comforting. Against my better judgement I relax and rest my cheeks. I let my eye lids drop and sucked in a deep breath through my nose. He lent closer as I felt his soft breath run over my face.
"That is not what I meant Hel, I was rude, I am sorry" sighed, resting his forehead on mine. We are a mess. I had talked to Loki about my dreams before bed and the situation with Thor. I remember how it went comparing it to this conversation.
Oh Juliet you dunce, you have your whole life ahead of you. And you have wasted it on someone you have know for a week who is a convicted womaniser. rising to my feet I pace in front of my bed. bending the books spin with a bit too much aggression. Juliet is the kind women that causes the female sex to be considered weak. I explained the story to Sif once and we both agreed that if either of us saw the other acting like that we would wish them to kill us. Sif has never admitted it to me but I new she had feelings for Thor. I am not sure how I feel about that but I know that Sif is a truly amazing friend . No matter how much she hates Loki.
The sharp click of the door latch shocked me out of my thoughts. My eyes came to rest on the shadowed figure leaning against my door. Only one person would linger in the dark, my drama queen of a brother is set on having this conversation.
"Why hide away, reading mediocre Midgardian literature when you should be out showing the worlds just how fearsome you are" he whispered as he strode over to me.
Our smirks mirror. "You have something against Shakespeare dear brother?" I sit back down on my original seat and Loki comes to rest next to me.
"Only the love stories, could do without those give me a good tragedy though and I would be happy" he admitted modestly.
"Then you must read Macbeth, I won't spoil the ending" I rise to move over to my abundant book collection, the Midgardian ones Heimdall secretly let me retrieve with out the worry of punishment from Farther.
"You know I did not come here to talk about Midgardian stories" his eyes dug into mine, leaning his body forward, clasping his hands as he rested his arms on his knees. I stop my advance to shelves.
I know I can't escape this conversation. Unlike the one with mother I cannot tell half truths and white lies. He would know. we are always open to each other, even through the transition from children to adults our hold on each other never failed. Even when other feelings grew and changed for others. Ours was constant, like the ground beneath our feet, always there holding us up never changing.
"I dream of death" I whisper.
"Who's death?"
"I know not, only the agonizing screams and moaning's of the suffering plague my nights" I feel the weight of my hidden turmoil lessen as if Loki has taken some on his shoulders.
"Have you not told Mother of these visions, she could help" he questions confused.
"Nothing can stop my visions and comforting words do nothing but lul me into a false sense for security. Eventually the prediction will occur and will end or I will become accustomed to it. You codling me like a baby does not help" I glare at the floor.
"you have checked there are no depressant remedies" he continued imploringly. I sighed and moved to him. Flopping inelegantly on to the seat next to him and rested my forehead on his shoulder.
"Every book in Mothers personal library" I huffed into his shoulder. "Well I guess there is no helping it" Loki slumped back against the end of my bed.
After a short while Loki turned to me again, "That was not the only thing I came to talk to you about"
groaning I replied " Oh what now Loki tis late and I'm tired?"
"Thor Hel, you have taken over his mind, I can scarce get a word out of him that isn't about you when we are alone, and when we are out with the others he no longer tries to charm the surrounding women into joining him for the night. They have all noticed, thankfully when they brought his strange behaviour up I was able to deflect it off any topic of you!"
This information did give me great pleasure, knowing I was constantly on Thor's mind. It also however worried me greatly. I had hoped we could brake these new found feelings for each other. Even thought it would hurt me, knowing he felt the same only made me believe this relationship was going to kill us.
"This has to end Hel, If any one found out your reputation would be ruined, forget Thor nothing could affect his 'favourite child' status but you...us we're disposable. Please end this for you sake, You need a clean brake" he pleaded reaching the arm closest to me to rap around my slim shoulders.
The idea had been spinning round in my head. A clean brake was best I did not want to feel the throbbing in my chest every time I see him. So I will have tocut out as much contact as possible. I had also overheard mother and farther talking of a betrothal with a Valdaheim Lord in the up coming months so I guess I do not need to worry about the distance. Ever since I was introduced to him in the summer he had been quit taken with me and he held decent conversation. Gods knows why I could not have fallen in love with him. I wonder if Thor knows. Well it would be unlikely.
"Promise my you will end it" our blue and green eyes locked, "It will be just like when we were children, me counting on you and..."
"you counting on me" I finished softly. "It needs to be done, will you stand by me" I probably looked like a lost puppy. Recently I have been feeling quite pathetic, I am the crown princess of Asgard and Third in line to thrown of the realms. Yet I did not even fee like waking up in the morning any more. Embarrassing.
"Always, we are one in the same, chiselled from the same stone sister we will be each others rock through thick and thin" my chest swelled. I loved my brother I just hope that will be enough.
"Tis late Loki and I am tired" I started.
"You will go to sleep will you not" his voice condescending.
"Yes!" I stand up and pull him to his feet. Pushing him towards the door. "Oh and before you go have this , come back to me and tell me what you think" shoving Macbeth against his chest.
"Remember what you promised" was what he shouted to me as he moved down the hall way to his room. Closing the door and resting my back against it, running over the previous conversation. Remembering Loki's words of a clean brake. All the indecisions on my head disappeared. I had to end this, and I know I would have to be the one to do it god knows Thor is too much of a brute to give anything up. Foolhardy was the word. I go to bed knowing what I need to do.
Now looking up at Thor I knew I had to do it. Act like my heart was stone which probably soon become. Moving back slowly I look up at him. He froze sensing something was wrong. I reached up to grasp his wrists, removing his hands from my face. Now or never Hel.
"No Thor your right I did abandon you. I did it to show you how weak you are" hissing like a snake. "All I have to do is lift a finger..." tilting my head imitating a dog "... and you would come running".
I slowly turned and started to walk back to my room. Please please do not protest. I had almost reach the corridor and was about to sigh in relief. He spoke. Why.
"What!?"
"Did you not listen brute or are you death as well as weak" my voice was as soft as I possibly could make it but I knew my words cut.
"I am not weak!"
I laughed at this " Of course then prove it, show me that you don't need my to wipe your face after every bite."
"You are a witch, messing with my mind, and your silver tongue that whispers lies!" his voice raising in a crescendo. I had done it. There was no glee in my achievement only sorrow that he could not see through my charade. To stop this relationship I have to brake his trust for me, which it looks like I did.
"I am not weak I am the crown prince of Asgard soon to be King and you will respect me and not treat me in such a way!"
"I already have" I hissed softy before stalking back to my room, leaving a fuming Thor behind me. Channel Fraye and her stuck up bitchieness, channel Fraye, channel Fraye. The chant filled my head as I moved into the dark corridor running away for the situation. Locking my self in my room for the rest of the night till my maids came in the morning to dress me in my ceremonial regalia for the coronation.
Hope you enjoyed it not entirely sure on the details any ideas are welcome. mouseyx