Hi, I have had no feedback so am not sure how this is going and would really like to at least hear back from one of you. mouseyxx
The landscape was exactly as I remembered. The harsh waste land vast. I am in the same spot I left, sitting on the large stone table. Recalling what happened last time I rush to bring my hands to my face. Looking over every bump and callouses, checking for any minor changes. Although you wouldn't say changing blue is a minor change. Good no changes only my familiar pale slim forearm and fingers.
Satisfied I look up the sky was a constant crisp blue. A winter sky. This time it seemed I am alone. The giant I had met previously no were to be seen. I had realised already this was not a vision as they mainly consisted of me watching over the scene. Never being a part of it. After my little conversation with Thor I had distracted myself by researching my latest dream. As it turned out mother had an extensive collection on astral projection. Leading me to believe she had also experienced "Soul Wandering", but I could not question her without eluding to my own and going into the detail of pervious nightmares and how it differed.
So I just trolled through the books, finding no information of how to stop my spontaneous wandering but was learning how to separate myself at will and conjoin when needed, controlling if I am visible or not whenever from my body. That is why I had turned blue I had been adapting unintentionally to my surroundings. Or that is a least what I had theorised.
This had been exceedingly entertaining when testing it on Volstagg while he was trying to steal a midnight snack from the kitchens. He became incredibly frustrated when the fifth pie was snatched from his hand and him being too tired to even be considering what was going on had stormed off grumbling. I was giddy and desperately wanted of share my new found skill and without realising had made my way to Thor's door still invisible (which I prayed to Valhalla I was thankful for after). So happy was I that I forgot my promise to Loki and the hateful glares I had received from Thor of late which I pretended did not deeply hurt me.
Thor was in his room with a young women that looked familiar but I could not put a name to. He had her pressed hard against one of the walls kissing her deeply. Almost violently. I had only been kissed once. It was sweet and innocent. I had heard tales of Frandral's exploits but seeing it right in front of me with Thor made my stomach churn. Is this what a true kiss was meant to be like, fumbling hands and gasping breaths promises of further pleasure. I did not know.
I only knew in that moment that the women Thor held so tightly and passionately was not me.
She was completely different.
Tall, tanned, blonde, and extremely buxom. His type it would seem.
All my excitement over my achievement felt meaningless. A cloud hung over me. I knew one day he would marry and have children. But he had moved on so quickly from me. Which sowed seeds of insecurities in my thoughts ' had he ever felt the same, if that is how you are meant to kiss the how come we didn't if he did' only one small peck that felt perfect at the time not felt dirty and tainted. Like rotting fruit.
At big gatherings I felt this way, unwanted and inadequate something that did not fit and that's other did not want to fit. Unattractive and unworthy. Maybe Thor had done this out of spite for me. But then I recall all the little comments from his friends of his late night activities that I had ignored at the time and pushed the thought away as wish full thinking. He has too in control of me even after the scene on the balcony. I am strong, but around him I am the one who is weak. What a hypocrite I am.
Feeling sick and worthless I ran back to my room and body to lie awake for the rest of the night and cry.
In the morning my tiers were all gone. Over the course of the night my heart had frozen. I had come across the spell in a book on the far side of the library behind the papers on Midgardian culture many years ago. When I first read it I found the idea barbaric but it seemed I am now I desperate need of it. Origionally the idea of cutting off your emotions seamed dangerous and unnatural, but now it was a God send. Kallhjärtad it was called. Used when in battle by the Valdaheim warriors of old. Cutting of an extreme emotion of choice, fear for its original purpose. Love for Thor was mine. I had decided to use it up until my marriage to Lord Brot of Valdaheim. Fitting isn't it my escape would be from that land and my future cage.
I felt no different. only the heavy set of my hard heart in my chest.
I am awoken from my thoughts by a deep chuckle full of secretive humour, like a child on the playground who knows a secret and takes pleasure in you not knowing. The large figure of the giant stands just to the left of me. I can't help the spike of fear through my blood.
"You have returned little one" his voice was harsh like rock grating on ice. The endearment 'little one' felt sincere even though his lips were curled into a smug grin. Surprisingly reminding me of loki.
"Not out of choice large one" my voice braver than I was.
I could not be killed while separated from my body or permanently harmed so I feel more in control of this meeting than the last.
"wound me with your words lítiðblóm i know you are curious of this situation" I did not know Jotium so I ignore the word. He made no move towards me probably worried i would flee. He wanted something from me i could tell.
"I doubt you know the reason, you were just as surprised to see me. Even more so if I recall truthfully" I did not want to anger him too much but enough for him to slip an reveal his intentions.
" That is true and I apologise my emotions got the better of me and I hope I did not harm you too much. I almost thought you would cry a sea. Not the prettiest you have looked lítiðblóm. I now know the reason it is a second chance and I am not willing to let it slip by lítiðblóm ". A gain with that word ,only when he said it this time his eyes became sad and grin melted to a smooth line. Why.
" I do not speak Jotium so I am sorry that I am not offended by you words, do not feel sad over it and I doubt you know the reason savage ". livid how dare he make fun of my understanding of situation. I tried not to show any expression on my face but at my words he walked to me suddenly until he stood a metre from me. I'm sure my face was a picture.
"Do not speak of things you do not understand"
"Explain it to me then"
At that he stopped surprised at my steadfastness on this. He probably expected me to cower. Never again.
"You are more stubborn than I anticipated" he mused softly looking into my eyes and searching. He smiled slightly.
"your subconscious leads you here to me why? Because it wants to ask questions only I have the answer to" he continued, talking as if we were old friends. I had no response so he continued.
"And maybe I have some questions for you that need answering."
"What do you want to know?" I sighed out cautiously. "What could I possibly tell you".
"let us start with something simple ..." his playfulness returned, something I thought would be uncharacteristic in a Frost Giant.".. what is your name?"
I did not expect that.
"Hel" oddly enough this exchange felt natural, comfortable. If only father could see me now, improving Asgardian Jotium relations.
"fits you lítiðblóm" was his only response, then he seemed content enough to sit on the ground before my feet and sigh.
"And you?" myown voice breaking the silence surprised me. " What is your name?"
"Call me Faðir , lítiðblóm" a soft smile graced his harsh chapped lips.
"You are not at all like the stories mother told me" the words were out of my mouth before I even registered them. I cringed unexpectedly feeling embarrassed at my crudeness. Not wanting to ruin the small building blocks of friendship we had made. Look at me pitiful, worried over losing a possible friendship with a savage Frost Giant.
"I would hope not I have been on my best behaviour" relief washed through me at these words. Thank goodness he was not offended. He even chuckled again.
I smile. Faðir smiled back.
We spent the rest of the meeting mainly in silence. I was comforting, no social obligation. We probably looked very odd. but I did not mind. I am content. I was always good at making the unlikeliest of friends, Heimdel, several of the kitchen and library staff and finally now a frost giant. I mothers wouldn't be so horrified she would probably laugh till she cried.
" This has been nice lítiðblóm I hope to continue this again" he softly whispered honestly.
"And I with you Faðir" my words also quiet.
At that I felt the tug of reality and again I fell back into my body.
Gasping in a large breath I sat up. Looking around I became aware of the day. My armour set out on my draws the shafts of light through the curtains hitting the opals so the reflection winked and taunted me. My crown next to it, a haughty reminder of my obligations. Today was the corination day.
Turning to my side desk my eyes landed on the tiny glass of silver liquid I had prepared the night before. Kallhjärtad. Did I wish not to feel today?
Remembering the Frost Giant and how I had stood my ground, I know that by using the remedy I was running away like a coward. Would I become dependant on the numbness it brings. Like an addict, weak?
I frozen and let my mind process the endless possibilities. Until I finally glare down at the depressant.
I will not rely on this. I am not pitiful. I will injure the pain and it will make me stronger.
Taking the tiny glass I strut to my window and toss the contents out. A shock of power ran through me.
A nock on the door informs me of my maids.
Today I will prove that only I can control myself.
No man.
No God.
No drug.
No spell.
I will be glorious.
Hey hope its going okay. I wonder if you can guess who Faðir is. Please review. Mouseyxxx