Guest Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Yeah. I'm trying to show both sides fairly here but sometimes, things get complicated.
BlackShip007 lol. Got another short one for you. :) I hope you enjoy their conversation in this chapter then.
Reader: She's not a saint. Rachel shouldn't have lashed out but sometimes people behave badly. The important thing is working the issues out and trying to be better.
Fabraygron Good, that's what I was going for. :) However, hopefully you'll understand her motivations after this chapter. & no, she hasn't given up.
DarkBlueMint The fight was definitely two sided and I plan on addressing the fault on both sides, don't worry.
DameonCain Sorry? At least I ended it on a positive note though, right? Hopefully this next chapter will appease you.
Reader again: Two reviews on one chapter? I'm flattered and honored. Thank you. It's true, your friends should have your back. But at the same time, we all need our friends to give us a kick in the ass when we're being idiots. Quinn's friends weren't saying that Rachel wasn't also at fault, they were just trying to give Quinn some perspective on her own behaviour.
KC Thank you. My thoughts exactly :) Yeah, Rachel was a bit of a bitch, but her behaviour wasn't unfounded. She has her reasons
gllover22 Don't apologize for your opinions. As a writer, I'm honored that you care enough about the story to have thoughts and opinions on what's going on. And I appreciate that you're coming from a different perspective. Though to be honest, I never thought of it as Quinn groveling. More, she was being the "bigger man" so to speak and making the first move.
lochie17 Sorry you didn't like it. Hopefully this next one will be more to your tastes then, it's a bit more perspective on the situation and addresses the fault on both sides.
ichigo111981 It's not so much that the blame is on Quinn as it is the onus of responsibility is being put on her, by her friends. They're telling her that if she wants to fix things, she needs to step up and make her apologies rather than play the injured party and wait for Rachel to come to her. And don't worry, Rachel will be held accountable for her actions as well.
LaurenKnight13 Hopefully this issue satisfies you then, as some of their issues are laid bare.
LSpatz Thank you, lady. Glad you enjoyed it. I like that you picked up on the fact that Quinn was tongue tied and shy when she went to give her apology. :)
Guest Thank you.
Harley Quinn Davidson Thank you, glad you enjoyed it.
Sophiek I'm glad you're enjoying it. I hope that you continue to do so.
Author's Note: I'm sorry for the delay in getting this chapter up. I really have no excuses other than, life got in the way. I just didn't get as much time in front of my computer in the last few weeks as I would have liked and getting this chapter written didn't happen as quickly as I would have liked. I apologize. And I thank you for your patience.
Also, I'd like to say, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday. It's been a pleasure writing for you guys and getting your feedback.
And I'll try and have the next update up in a more timely manner.
Chapter 24
Quinn didn't know of many restuarants in New York. Esepcially not ones with a menu that would satisfy Rachel's diet but she'd come across some when she'd been googling ideas for their date the night before. While their perfect evening seemed a lifetime away now Quinn could still remember the address of some of the listings and that a few of them were in this neighbourhood. And because Rachel was letting her, Quinn led the way to one of them.
They walked in silence, the tension high between them, making Quinn's stomach churn uneasily and her muscles tight and taut. She gripped lightly to the hand in her own. The simple gesture Rachel had extended earlier a muted reassurance that they would be able to work through this and Quinn clung to it like a lifeline.
They rounded a corner and Quinn tugged Rachel gently in the direction of the restaurant door. Rachel altered her step to follow and then faltered when she caught sight of the name scrawled across the windowpane.
"Quinn..." She pulled to a stop and and turned so they were facing.
"I told you, Rach, when we eat out, I want you to be comfortable." Unable to help herself, she brought a hand up and cupped the other woman's face. Her thumb stroked at Rachel's cheek lightly as she offered up a soft smile. "I want you to be able to enjoy your meals and not be limited to a handful of options."
Rachel stared at her, eyes searching for something within her expression. Quinn resisted the urge to fidget, instead holding still and meeting the other woman's gaze, heart pounding as she hoped desperately that whatever Rachel was seeking, she found in her expression.
"It scares me a little bit that I can't tell if you're being very smooth or if you're really just that sincere," Rachel said softly, reaching up and placing a hand over the one against her cheek.
Quinn eyes dropped, falling to glare down at the pavement as she tried not to let the words sting. In light of certain revelations about Rachel's ex and her past relationships she could see where the wariness was coming from, could appreciate that Rachel was just being cautious. That still didn't make it hurt any less to know that Rachel couldn't tell the difference between Quinn being genuine and some operator.
"We've got a lot to talk about," Quinn said in reply, pulling her hand away slowly. "Let's just go inside."
She turned to lead Rachel inside once again.
"Quinn, wait."
She stopped and turned slowly on her heel, eyes meeting Rachel's for only the briefest of moments before settling somewhere just beyond her shoulder.
Rachel was silent for a long moment and Quinn grew tense and uncomfortable waiting.
"Never mind. Let's just go in."
Quinn nodded once and spun around, crossing the short distance towards the door in three long strides. She tugged on the handle, a little harder than neccessary and stumbled backwards with the weight of the heavy wood swinging towards her.
Small, steadying hands settled against her sides holding her upright and preventing her from falling backwards. Her breath caught in her throat and her muscles coiled in tension at the touch even as she reeled for balance. A moment later she found her equilibrium and held herself still, waiting for Rachel to release her.
Rachel's hands slid away slowly and Quinn tried to deny the faint shiver that skittered up her spine as they dragged across her hips. Tried to steel herself against her bodies phsyical reactions to the other woman's presence and touch.
With a broad sweep of her arm, Quinn ushered Rachel inside the restaurant ahead of her and then trailed slowly after her. The faint vestiges of confidence she'd had in this situation shattered by Rachel's whispered admission.
Her hand felt cold now as it hung empty by her side. She flexed her fingers and made a fist, rubbing her thumb across her own knuckles as she watched Rachel glide on ahead of her towards the hostess stand. She hovered a few feet away as Rachel leaned agains the low black pedestal and spoke in low tones with the young woman manning it.
After a few minutes of hushed conversation the hostess stepped out from behind her station and motioned the two of them to follow her. Without turning back to look, Rachel reached behind her and clasped Quinn's hand before falling into step after the hostess.
Quinn allowed herself to be led through the dining room and then down a small narrow hallway and finally up a set of twisting stairs to what appeared to be a large, formal dining room. None of the tables were set up and most of the lights were off save for the emergency lights along the wall.
"Have a seat ladies," the hostess said with a smile and a sweep of the room, indicating their choice of spots. "There's wine at the bar and I'll be back with your meals."
"Thank you, Vanessa," Rachel said, offering a warm smile and a light squeeze of the woman's arm.
"They use this room for dinner parties, events," Rachel said once they were alone. "The last show I was in, we used to rent this room all the time. I thought it would be a good place for us to sit and talk. Minimal interruptions."
Considering the luck they'd had with wait staff and poor timing in the last couple of days it was actually a very good idea. It would have even been romantic, if not for the state of things right now.
"All right, take a seat." Rachel gestured towards the bare tables before striding across the room towards the bar. Quinn watched her circle around behind it but when she ducked down to get something from behind it she turned and headed for one of the tables. She chose the one in the corner by the windows and slid into a chair. A moment later Rachel appeared at her elbow with two glasses and a bottle of wine. She set one down in front of Quinn and the other at the empty seat adjacent. They were both silent as she uncorked the bottle and deftly poured.
Quinn took a sip of her wine as Rachel slid into the seat next to her, close enough that their elbows bumped and their knees brushed as Rachel angled herself to face Quinn.
"I'm sorry," Rachel said softly, her gaze flicking up to meet Quinn's for a brief moment before falling to stare down at her hands as she played with the stem of her glass. "I hurt you," she continued slowly, speaking so softly that Quinn had to lean forward to hear even sitting as closely as they were. "And I'm sorry."
She swallowed thickly and darted a glance at Quinn before turning her attention back to her hands. "It was the last thing I ever wanted to do. And it kills me that I did. But, I need you to hear me out. To please let me explain myself. Without getting upset. Or offended." At this, Rachel raised her gaze, meeting Quinn's steadily for the first time since down on the street. Her eyes pleading. And, Quinn realized with a jolt, scared. It made her reach out on instinct, one hand coming up to rest over Rachel's, stilling its motions against the glass.
"I want to work this out," Quinn said, squeezing her hand. "That's why I'm here. Of course I'll listen to your explaination."
"You're not going to like some of what I have to say."
"I'm right here," Quinn said, offering what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Okay." Rachel took a deep, shaky breath and nodded once then broke their gaze, eyes going downcast once again. "So, this morning. I wasn't expecting Aubrey to show up."
Quinn let out a faint murmer, letting Rachel know she was listening and urging her to continue even as she felt a spike of anger and dislike at the name finally being given to the face.
"I wasn't interested in seeing her again. From the moment you wrapped your arm around me, when we were walking back from the diner, I knew that things were over between me and her. And I didn't give her a second thought the entire weekend."
It was reassuring to hear and it put to rest of one the niggling fears in the back of Quinn's mind.
"You have to believe me on this." Rachel's eyes met Quinn's, pleading and desperate.
Quinn nodded. "I do."
Rachel's lips quirked up in a small, brief smile.
"Seeing her at my door, it threw me. I was just stunnded. And then she was hugging me and-"
"I remember." Quinn couldn't help herself from interrupting. She had no interest in rehashing that particular chain of events. Both of them winced at the harshness of her tone. But before she could apologize, Rachel shook her head, as if shaking off the moment and continued.
"I didn't encourage her, in anway way. But I didn't discourage her either."
Quinn kept her expression neutral, masking both the surge of pain at the admission and an underlying sense of relief that Rachel had conceded the point that Quinn had been trying to make during their brief argument that morning. The words justifying, at least partially, Quinn's hurt and anger from earlier. It was the audible proof that she needed to hear, that she hadn't just been imagining things.
"It wasn't because I was relishing the attention or anything like that. I was just stunned. I wanted to push her away, to tell her to leave but I was just..frozen."
Quinn nodded at the explaination, she certainly understood the sensation of being stunned into inaction. She couldn't exactly fault Rachel for it, despite how much it had hurt to witness.
"Then there you were, arm around my waist, hand up my shirt, calling me babe."
Quinn couldn't help but flinch at the force of the scorn in Rachel's voice on the last word.
"And I could think of a dozen ways in which it would make me feel so good to have your arms around me, calling me that. But the context was all wrong. There was no affection in it. No warmth in your voice. Because you weren't really calling me that. You were using the word for Aubrey's benefit. And I had never, in my life felt more degraded, like property than I did in that moment."
Quinn opened her mouth but Rachel held a hand up, forestalling her protest.
"You were fighting over me like I was a prize to be won."
Quinn's mouth snapped shut and her cheeks burned with shame. She had no refute for that.
"That's why Aubrey and I broke up, she treated me like I was something that belonged to her, to be used and discarded at will. She demanded that I be available to her when she wanted me and dismissed me when she was otherwise occupied. And standing there, I just kept running through every fight, every confrontation in my head. All those nights when I'd come home and she'd make me account for my time and try and talk me out of plans that I'd made. Then suddenly, it wasn't Aubrey I was imagining. It was you that I saw, demanding to know where I was going and who I'd been with."
Quinn tried not to feel stung by Rachel's words, tried not to feel hurt and angry that Rachel had cast her in the role of her ex.
"And it scared me, how easily you slipped into that role. Both in my head and right in front of me. You've always had this way about, this mastery of words, of getting people to bend to your will and standing there, I just, I panicked. After Aubrey, I told myself that I wouldn't let myself get pulled into that kind of relationship again and here I was, potentially trading one for another. That's why we fought this morning"
Quinn stared at Rachel, dumbfounded, reeling at the thought that Rachel saw her like that. She couldn't help herself, it was instinctive when she pulled back, her hand sliding from Rachel's even as the other woman's fingers scrambled to keep her there. Her breathing was laboured and shaky as she sat back in her chair, arms crossed against her midsection in a meager effort to protect herself against the words being directed at her.
She could feel Rachel's gaze on her, could practically picture the faint frown and the furrowed brow that marred her features as she stared at Quinn, but she couldn't bring herself to raise her eyes and meet that gaze.
"And that's why I wouldn't let you apologize," Rachel continued after a protracted silence. "It's why I was hesitant to accept your invitation tonight. Because I knew, that if you managed to get out an apology, it's be sweet and seemingly sincere and I'd be swept away. I'd forgive you and let you back it. But I wasn't sure if I could trust that. If I could trust you."
Quinn felt bowled over. It was like she'd been stampeded and crushed. It literally hurt drawing each breath and tears pricked, hot and sharp against her lids. She couldn't believe that Rachel would think so poorly of her.
"What I wasn't...what I neglected to consider in all of this is, who you are. My perspective was so skewed by what happened with Aubrey that I wasn't seeing you." Rachel continued. "My assesment of you had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me."
"It's not me, it's you?" Quinn shook her head. "Really, Rach? That's what you're going with?" She raised her gaze for the first time and met Rachel's eyes, directing all of her hurt and fury into her stare.
Rachel met her gaze steadily. "You promised, remember? I told you that I was going to tell you some things that you weren't going to like but I needed you to hear me out. Are you going to let me finish?"
After a moment Quinn dropped her gaze and nodded. Although a part of her, a small but rapidly growing part was questioning why she should even bother, if this was how Rachel viewed her.
"I was looking at our relationship through an Aubrey filter, the rapid courtship, the passion, the sex and finally, the argument. What I failed to consider was, the Quinn factor. You're not Aubrey. Your motivations aren't hers."
Quinn's heart siezed and then picked up it's pace at Rachel's words.
"Things got physical very quickly but we've also been opening up to each other. You've let yourself be vulnerable in front of me. You showed me your insecurities and you didn't dismiss mine."
Quinn found herself nodding along to Rachel's words to let Rachel know that her assessment was correct.
"We talked about your tactile nature just last night. When you put your arm around, that wasn't you being possesive. At least not entirely. It was an anchoring, it was reassurance. Wasn't it?"
Quinn nodded, not trusting her voice to speak.
"And your apology, the flowers, this restaurant, that's just you, being sweet and sincere, isn't it?"
Again, Quinn nodded. The lump in her throat making it hard to swallow, hard to breath but it was a discomfort she could tolerate as long as Rachel continued to give her hope.
"Calling me babe though, that was jealousy and possession though, wasn't it?" Rachel asked, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips.
Quinn couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up in her throat and slipped past her lips on a shaky, uneven breath as she nodded once again. "Yeah," she managed to get the word out, a hoarse utterance followed by a strangled sob as the weight and ramifications of this conversation slammed down upon her. She buried her face in her hands and breathed deeply, trying to get a handle on her emotions.
"Oh, Quinn. I'm sorry." Rachel's hands tugged at her wrists, trying to pull her hands away from her face. "I'm so sorry."
Quinn allowed Rachel to pull her hands away and lace their fingers together but kept her face averted. She didn't want to say it was okay, because she wasn't sure that she was but she did accept Rachel's explaination and she really just wanted to move on from this.
"I'm sorry too," she said softly. "I was hurt and angry and I-"
"Not that I'm condoning your behaviour. Or saying that it will be in any way acceptable in the future," Rachel interrupted. "But can we just agree that we both behaved badly and promise to try and do better? Can we just chalk it up to to learning each other and the early stage of our relationship and move on?"
It sounded like a wonderful idea to Quinn.
"What do you say?"
"I say, beauty and brains? You are a catch, Rachel Berry." Using their joined hands, Quinn tugged Rachel gently forward and captured her lips in a kiss.