Chapter six

Nessie's point of view

I sat down with the twins in my lap, explaining and apologizing how I acted this morning. Then Momma and Grace started talking about her shield. That's when Jacob showed up.

"Sorry I'm late. I didn't miss anything did?" Jake asked, rushing into the room. There he was met with Grace hiding in my side, Sage glaring at him, my parents figuring out which way was best to kill him, and my shocked look.

"What? I made sure to make it back in time for dinner. I would have been here sooner but there was traffic from a wreck." Jake explained, throwing his bag on the floor. "Is something wrong?"

"No. I'm…" I trailed, not really knowing what to say. I could tell by his thoughts that he did break down just right after I left like I knew he would. "What happen with your tutoring secession?"

Jacob greeted Momma and Daddy-knowing they were watching his every move-kissed me and then bent down to kiss the twins.

"Hey, my monsters. How was school?" he asked. Grace buried her face in my side and shied away from Jacob. That was strange. She was the first one in Jacob's arms. I knew she was scared of him. It was just Jacob's turn to change her mind. I couldn't do that for him.

Jacob turned to Sage, probably already expecting the same result. But Sage was just a little bit braver, "None of your business."

"Sage Edward." I scolded. He shrunk down, knowing that wasn't the best move to make. "He's still your father."

I saw the hurt but expected look on my Jacob's face as the twins wanted nothing to do with him. I barely got them-Grace-to speak to me. This wasn't going to be easy on him.

"Don't worry about it for right now." I showed him.

"I need to worry about it right now."

I asked my parents to give us time, and thankfully they did, only asking Jacob for their chance to chat after the twins are put to bed. I knew our food was getting cold but I don't think that was everybody's main worry.

Maybe the twins.

"Sage? Grace? Can you look at me? Please…" Jacob asked desperately. I moved so Grace could see Jacob but she just dug deeper into my side. It so reminded me of when she was a baby and wanted no one but me. If it was a different time I would have thought it was cute and rubbed it in Jacob's face. Not tonight.

"I'm so sorry for the way I acted last night. I know both of you were scared. You don't see me like that and I try to hide it. But I never meant to try and hurt you. Or if I did I never meant it. I will never try to hurt both you and your mother. The three of you are my world and if something happen to all of you…" Jacob said, his voice shaking, "I'm so sorry."

I grabbed Jacob's hand as he got from his crouched position on the floor and moved to sit. He still had a lot more begging up his sleeve, "I love both of you so much. Nothing can change than and nothing ever will. Not even when I lose my temper. Even when I say I hate you I don't mean it. I was just being stupid.

I could see them cracking. Hell, I was cracking too. I can never stay mad at Jacob even when I try. I knew he would never intentionally mean to hurt us. That was a thing my wolves worried about was hurting their families. It was the fact of getting so angry that they destroy and hurt the ones they love and care about the most. It was like my family was worried they haven't hunted enough when around the twins. Or like I'm afraid my self-control will slip and I'll lose it too and hurt them. I'd die if I do that.

"Daddy?" Grace asked, her eyes filling with tears. "Are you mad at me because I couldn't keep my shield in? Do you hate me?"

"No, princess, I don't. I could never be mad or hate you." Jacob said, wiping her tears away. She was already going back to being the daddy's girl.

"What about me? Do you hate me because I've been so mean?" Sage finally spoke up.

I ran my hands through his silky hair as Jacob kissed our son's forehead, "I don't and I can't. You were looking out for your mother and sister's best interest. You were protecting them when I couldn't. I could never hate neither of you."

"Do you hate us?" I asked the twins, "Because I know for sure me and your father are incredibly sorry for not smothering you in enough love that you think we hate the two of you?"

Sage and Grace giggled, throwing their arms around our necks and apologizing. I loved these moments. Where one hug from our angels and everything was okay.

"So truce?" Jacob said with that adorable grin I loved.

"Whatever that means but okay." The twins said. We couldn't help but laugh.

Now I moved onto the topic that started this whole thing, "Now where did this wanting a little brother or sister come from?" I asked.

Jacob looked at our son and daughter, his eyebrows knit together but I shook my head now, looking down at the twins. We were most likely going to get our answers from them.

"Well…I saw Laila with her little sister and I thought it would be fun to have a little sibling." Grace explained.

"Sage is younger than you." Jake pointed out.

I slapped him upside the head while Sage spoke up, "Grace doesn't think that it counts."

"It doesn't!" Grace said.

"Does!"

"Doesn't!"

"Does!

"Twins." Jake and I said together. Not bad this time.

"Why are you so angry about that, Sage? It's just a baby." I said to my son.

"I wasn't angry about it. I just didn't want her to ask." He shrugged in typical Sage like manner.

"Why?" Jake asked, pulling us closer to him.

"I remember when Grace and I were little that you said that we were going to have another member to the family-a baby. I remember that we use to argue over us having a brother or having a sister. I was excited but then I remember Momma upset over something and you, Daddy, said that Momma couldn't have the baby. I figured if Grace brought it up again you would remember and be upset again."

I could have went all day without hearing that…

"Sage," I said, my voice wavering as I made him look at me, "you can come to us with anything. You don't need to worry if it'll make us upset or not. Don't try to hide something like that from us."

Sage nodded and Grace bit her lip, "So does that mean we are going to get a little brother or sister?" she asked.

Jake and I looked at each other. We've talked about it but that's been a long time ago. The last time we talked about it we agreed Sage and Grace were enough for us. Besides, we weren't the best people to have kids. And I gave Jacob hell during my labor with the twins. You would think that would be traumatizing enough. It was for me. The pain, the moods, the unbelievable craving, the big stomach. But them being here was worth every bit of it.

I rolled my eyes at the sexy look on Jacob's face. Grace took it as we were considering it. Jacob may be but I was too busy blushing and trying to hide a laugh.

"Please, Momma and Daddy. Please. We'll take great care of it. We'll spoil him or her like everybody does us. We'll make sure it keeps our secret. We'll even make sure it stays out of trouble-less than we do!" Grace begged, poking out her bottom lip and batting her eyelashes, making her cinnamon brown eyes larger, as she looked back and forth between me and Jacob.

I know she was using that look for a purpose. Jacob always caves the second she pulls it. And I could see him caving now.

"Grace, honey, you act like we're getting a puppy." I said, praying Jacob keeps his mouth closed. He better not get her that.

"That can work in the meantime." She suggested.

But the thing that came out of my son's mouth seemed to erase anything about a thing about a third child.

"I don't see why we need a puppy when we have Daddy." Sage said.

And that's all it took for me and Jacob to bust out laughing. I can't remember the last time I've laughed this hard. Our connection to each other wasn't helping our case out either. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I doubled over. Jake gripped the twins to keep from falling off the couch. Grace pouted while Sage just looked around confused.

"Well…" he said, "It's true."

That's only making things worse.

Momma and Daddy walked in to our laughing fit, asking what was going on. Jacob and I couldn't really answer so the twins had to. Grace gave an angry, short version while Sage was embarrassed his parents were acting younger than them.

"Why don't we warm up the lasagna while your parents get over their fit?" Daddy offered the twins. The bounded into their grandparents arms, ready to get away from their parents.

I settled down after a while, making Jacob do so too. We leaned against each other and let the last of our tears fall. I didn't know if it was a mixture of laughter and breaking down but it was something.

"I…can't remember the last…time we acted like that." Jake breathed.

"I was pregnant with the twins?" I suggested, wiping the tears away for the both of us.

"And to think it all came out of having another baby."

"Actually Sage called you a puppy."

Jacob glared at me, "I'm a wolf. Big difference."

I raised up, pushing hair out of my face. "Not really. Four legs, fur, you bark, a tail, and you're annoying. Not a big difference there, babe."

I patted his leg and started making my way to the dining room until I felt Jacob scoop me up and threw me over his shoulder.

"Jacob! Put me down!" I demanded.

"Sorry, my girl. No can do."

"I'm not your girl. Now put me down before the twins see us."

"Not until you promise me something."

I hate getting into this. "Fine."

Jacob put me down and pulled me close to him. He locked his arms around my waist so tight that it would be a good fight to get out of. He stared at me with those melting dark eyes and I could feel the heat rush through my body. I wanted him to kiss me.

Why does he do this? Does he like seeing me vulnerable?

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Oh, I already have that. I just wanted to annoy you." With a smirk he released me from his hold and walked into the dining room.

He always does that! Why does he always leave me so dumbstruck that I can't barely do anything right? Oh wait. I can't do that already.

I sat down with my family and ate. I couldn't help but look at them. Sage and Grace were talking to their grandparents about their friends at school, Jake was answering Momma and Daddy's questions about his college classes. I couldn't understand why they were talking about this with him exactly when they were going to almost kill him.

As I played with my food, not really hungry, I noticed my sleeve was pulled up again. It showed the bruises but also my promise bracelet. I looked up and saw Jacob starring at those bruises.

"It'll be okay. It's just bruises. I'll heal." I showed him.

"But I could have done a lot worse." He thought back. "I could have hurt the twins if you didn't stop me. I could have killed you."

I grabbed Jacob's hand and squeezed it tight. He was worried about this. I knew it was a back burner on his mind but now it was all he seemed to think about. He'll worry himself sick over it.

"Momma? Why do you have those ugly bruises?" Grace asked. I hope she doesn't know.

Jacob winced and I pulled my arm away. "I bumped into something I think. They'll heal by tomorrow." I lied. It was hard. I tell my six year olds to ask anything, but how can I give them honest answers?

"Oh. Okay." Thank you. "Grandma thinks we should have a little brother or sister too."

She's really wanting that younger sibling.

"Grace." Sage warned. I shot him the warning look.

"I don't think that appropriate to talk about at the dinner table, princess." Jake said as if he was choking on something. He was a million miles away but his body was here with his family.

"Besides," I smiled, "if we had another baby right now I wouldn't be able to show you the stuff I got the two of you in town today."

That seemed to do the trick. They kept trying to pipe the answers out of me that I kept brushing off. Eventually we all went back to being one big happy family. But that one big happy family had one worry.

How long would these moments last?

"Can we see what you got us?" Sage asked as the twins hopped out of their chairs.

I was about to say maybe later when Momma shoved me into the living room, "We've got the dishes. Go spend time with your family."

"But-"

"And we got bedtime." Daddy said, giving me a look. They've got bedtime to hype all over again.

I pulled out a black leather coat for Grace that had faux fur around the cap and sleeves. She put it on with a squeal and lunged to hug her. I put Sage in a darker leather coat that was less feminine than his sister's. They were so cute!

Jake put his shades on Sage and pulled the jacket collar up. Sage crossed his arms and looked at me and his sister. Jake leaned down to whisper in his ear, "You know, buddy, that every girl's crazy about a sharp dressed man."

Grace obviously heard it. "So does that mean Sage is getting a girlfriend?" she asked, her face dropping.

I looked at Jake and he started to stutter but Sage was the one who soothed his sister's worries, "No, Gracie, that doesn't mean I'm getting a girlfriend. You'll always be my girl." He hugged Grace. "Now let's go show Grandpa and Grandma what Momma got us."

They ran off while I put everything away, most of it being Christmas presents, and I leaned against Jacob smiling. He took my hand and kissed it before smiling back at me. But I could still tell that he had the haunted look behind his mask.

"What? Why are you smiling?" he asked, tracing patterns in my hand.

"They're amazing." I simply said. "I love moments like these. Sage and Grace are just normal kids. Momma and Daddy beg us to let them keep the twins, you're with me. I have the best life."

Jacob was silent. "Me too." Was all he answered.

I noticed something in his eye but it was gone before I could say anything. He got up from the couch and took off his shirt, "I'll be back in a few." He said.

I got up and looked at the twins as they followed Momma and Daddy up the stairs. I made a move to get up but Daddy's playful growl made me sit back down.

"Let us do it." He thought.

I stretched out on the couch and sighed, hearing the twins giggle. I wondered how long this would last. The giggling, the smiling, the laughing. How long will it be till the room is so tense with hatred and anticipation that I would scream if I could? Where I worry even more of every second if my twins are going to be okay. How long will these wonderful moments last?

"I think Grace needs a trampoline for Christmas." I heard my father say. He sat down in a chair next to the couch and took my hand, "Are you okay?"

I ignored the question and answered the comment before instead, "I think she decides to come alive right when it's time to go to bed."

I smiled, remembering her coming to life right when I would get comfortable enough to sleep when I was pregnant with her and her brother. She always kicked in the positions that made me want to move. Try tossing and turning with a huge stomach. Sometimes Jake wouldn't get any sleep because he would wake at every little movement I made. Especially when my original due date was flown out the window when I looked to be due any day.

"You're avoiding my question, Renesmee."

Dang it. "Not technically. I just choose not to answer your question."

"Get some sleep, angel. I love you."

"Love you too." I mumbled, finding myself drifting off.

~~~~~~ Forever ~~~~~~

You know you're in a dream when you run a high body temperature but you wake up freezing cold.

That's what I felt like. I was cold. For the first time since being pregnant I shivered. I was in a dark room, freezing of course, and not able to see anything.

"Hello?" I called out like an idiot. My voice seemed to echo in the hallway. Damn it.

"Answer me." I demanded.

I heard the giggle of a child echo from across the room. "Sage? Grace? What are you doing up?"

The lighting changed and I realized I was in my bedroom. A fire was going in the fireplace, candles were lit everywhere, and the lights were dimmed. It was a perfect romantic moment that Jacob and I would never share. If it wasn't some creepy dream I would wish dream Jacob could at least share it with me.

I found myself walking down the hall, still shivering. Every step I took sent cold shakes throughout my body. Every step I took my brain told me to turn around and run. I shouldn't be here and I shouldn't see what I was about to see.

I made my way to the twins' playroom where I smelt the scent of decay and blood. My body raged for me to turn around and run but I opened the door anyway. I wish that I hadn't.

I covered my nose at the stench and my mouth to hide my scream. Blood soaked the carpet. It was on the walls and windows. The twins laid there, lifeless, clinging to their daddy as blood seeped out for their mangled bodies. They were dead! Jacob tried to save them while I was asleep! If this was a dream then why did this heartbreaking pain feel so real?

I rushed over to the center of my worlds, trying my best to cradle all three of them. They were the reason I lived and now they were dead. They were my life and now they were gone. I swore I would protect them but I didn't. I let them down.

I sobbed, begging that they forgive me for not doing anything. I don't blame them if they hated me. I deserved to die. They didn't.

Finn appeared out of nowhere with a wicked smile on his face. He got what he wanted and he knew it. He wanted me broken. He took away everything. I have nothing now. He should be happy.

"Go ahead. Kill me." I snarled. "You've taken away everything else."

"Killing you would be easy. I like you to suffer. But be prepared. Our fun game is just getting started. Remember that the slightest ripple can cause the biggest wave." Finn warned.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

I jumped awake, still thinking I was in a dream. It wasn't until I felt myself in strong arms that I actually relaxed. Jacob brought my face up to meet his with a worried glance on his face. I saw that there was nothing wrong with his face. There was no damage. At least to his face that is. Him being with me was scary enough.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked, bringing me closer to him.

"It was nothing." I said, half asleep. "Some stupid dream."

"Wanna talk about it?"

I got comfortable again in his hold, laying my head on his chest. "Oh, the usual you know. What I'm worried about is what are you doing here?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "After threats from Edward and Bella, and finishing up my school work, I thought I should spend time with you. Only when I came in you were asleep."

"Then why didn't you go to sleep?"

"I don't know." He answered. "I've just been thinking."

I turned, laying on my stomach and propped my chin up on his arm. "Thinking…"

"I can't think?" Jake asked with a smile. He finally saw the door he opened up, quickly saying, "Don't answer that."

"I can, in fact, invade your personal space. Hence, reading your brain." I showed him, smirking. He hates it when I do that.

"True. It's not that interesting though."

I crept up until I was over him, inches away from his lips. "We'll see." I smirked, bending down to kiss him.

"Okay." Jacob said between kisses. "You win."

I giggled as I settled into his arms again, smiling in triumph. With him I always get my way. I've taught my kids well.

"So what were you thinking about?"

My Jacob shrugged. "Just a bunch of random stuff. School, work, you and the twins, my screw up…Grace wanting a younger sibling."

I bit my lip. The first few things were typical. Not surprising. But it shocked me that he was thinking about his mess up and another baby. I think I found my second conversation.

"So that's why you can't sleep?" I asked, running my fingers through his silky hair.

"Sort of. Plus all the evil vampires wanting to take away my reasons to keep moving. That's about it." Jake basically said.

I knew we would have to eventually sit down and talk about the twins' protection once things get rougher. We needed to make sure there was no holes in our plans. Who could we trust? If something happen to us what would we do? Who would take care of them? I knew normal parents think about this too but that doesn't make it any easier.

"Jake. It's okay. It was an accident and you didn't mean it. I hope not at least. If you did then it would be a different story-"

"How all you put it I did mean it." Jake snapped.

I put my hand on his bare chest to calm him down. I didn't want this moment to end with Jake leaving angry. In fact, I didn't want him to leave period. I wanted him to stay.

"I'm sorry. It's just…I promised I would protect them from anything. I didn't think I would have to protect them from myself."

I made Jacob look at me. "We knew this risk when we had the twins. You're a werewolf with a temper problem. I'm part vampire. Of course we're going to worry. But that doesn't change how much they love us or we love them."

He snorted but brought my lips to his anyway. The sun gleamed though the clouds, making my skin glow. I knew this moment was about to be up.

"So what do you think about Grace's idea of another baby?" I asked for the heck of it.

"Where does Grace get most of her ideas?"

He had a point. "A third baby…a piece of cake right? I mean, who doesn't want a younger sibling?"

I didn't really have the opportunity to think about a little brother or sister. The only chance I would get is my parents doing what Carlisle and Esme did and "adopt."

"I had two sisters. Ask them."

I laughed at Jake's comment. He missed his sisters. One alive and one was dead. He still blames himself for Rebecca's death. I don't think he'll ever get over that. It just made him want to protect Rachel more.

"So…what do you think? Want to try?" I joked.

He pulled me closer, acting like he was considering it. I knew his thoughts on another baby. But that didn't mean we couldn't joke about it.

"Well…it would make Grace happy. If it was another girl Sage would make sure that it never had a boyfriend until she's like thirty-five. Forty. Grace will be the same way of course. And Sage" Jake rambled with that joking gleam in his eye.

"And then you will be extremely moody, almost killing me like last time. And I'll…act like I know what I'm doing." He continued.

I slapped him but knew he was right. I just wasn't going to admit it. "But seriously. Do you want to try again? Even if we really don't have a chance? Just to say that we tried but it didn't work so we'll both be happy?"

Jacob considered it seriously this time. The last time we had this conversation it ended up in heartbreak. But we had to go ahead and put it to rest.

"I really don't see us trying. Why waist our time? You haven't gotten pregnant now. What makes us think we can get pregnant again? The last time we tried it ended up not only us losing the baby but almost losing you too. I don't think I could handle that pain again." Jacob finally said. I was about to open my mouth but he continued. "Plus we have so much going on. We're barely keeping the twins safe. It wouldn't be fair to the other baby too."

Jacob had a point. If I haven't gotten pregnant yet, what makes me think I can at all? My miscarriage was a game changer and I didn't want any more rules changed. I didn't want to get the twins' hopes up. And we did have so much going on. It wouldn't be fair for any of them to be in this.

"So would you want another if I said I was pregnant again?" I asked.

"Why are you so curious? You're actually making me thing-"

"I'm not pregnant. Trust me, you would know. I'm just wondering. We have so much going on that I just thought it would be fun to dream a little. I mean, I agree with you. The last thing we need is another baby. We haven't even gotten married yet." I laughed.

Jacob's face turned solemn at the mention of marriage. "No, it's not bad to dream. So yes, it if happen I would welcome another child as much as I have the other three. Other than that I'm happy where we're at."

Not my face changed. Was he actually talking about marriage too? He had no clue how much I want to change my last name to Black. I wanted to marry him so badly. It's back firing me in the face now. I wasn't going to run on him again. I wasn't going to take the twins away from him. Not anymore. If I had the opportunity I would run down the aisle to marry him. I would say I do in a heartbeat. Maybe even quicker. That's how desperate I was.

I laughed, louder this time. Jacob seemed worried about my cackle outburst more than anything else.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head, not and answering. Here we were talking about a baby and a marriage that would both never happen. Not when we almost had a death sentence hanging over our head. We had so much to worry about more than silly ideas. Jacob was going to graduate in a few months' time. We shouldn't be worrying about things that won't happen.

"It's nothing. I guess I didn't get it all out last night." I said after calming down.

Jacob and I settled back into each other's arms. The twins would be up pretty soon. I should be down in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Jacob should be doing patrol. But neither of us had any intentions of getting up.

"Momma said we should go to Washington and leave the twins with them. Or at least let us do something alone and let them keep them. Basically so they can destroy the house." I said, running my hands through Jacob's jet black hair.

He sighed, relaxing. "And you worry about me."

I laughed, knowing he was right. You think my parents weren't like Jake and let them run around crazy. Trust me, they're wrapped worse than Jacob. Which is a shocker.

"So…are you going?" I asked. I knew my parents would cut their trip short so Sage and Grace could see the twins' other family. But none of them have seen the twins. My family or Jake's. It was hard doing the happy medium.

"I would say Thanksgiving would be good but I know your family would want to see the twins, so unless they can come to Forks that would be great."

"That could be arranged." I smirked. "You know they'll go anywhere for the twins."

"True. I guess we'll see. It'll all depend on work and school." Jacob said, kissing the crown of my head.

I knew there was more to it than what he was putting off. If the pack was in trouble Jake would be the first one to hop on a plane and be over there. It seemed weird. Was Jacob liking it here more than at Washington? We've always said that after his school we would move back. But we've already set roots here. I had a job. Jacob was very successful. Sage and Grace had friends. It's hard to uproot those roots once they were set.

Was he backing out of the pack? I knew he never asked to be Alpha but he loved his job. Now it seems like it's on the backburner like everything else.

"The twins will be getting up pretty soon. I should be getting breakfast ready." I said, crawling out of bed.

My wolf grabbed my wrist. "Wait." He said, pulling me back in his arms. "I want to enjoy this moment a little bit longer."

And so we did.