Chapter Eight

Jacob's point of view:

I tried to focus on my professor's lecture but I just couldn't pay attention. So much was running around in my head. We leave today for Washington. I should at least do something right.

Fridays I had early classes and have the rest of the day off. Okay. I go into work. And then I go spend time with my family. I'm such a good father and boyfriend.

Hah! The sarcasm's dripping off my tongue. We're talking about a man who loses control because he can't resist the urge to phase. He hurts his imprint, tries to hurt her again, tries to hurt his children, and then he can't remember why he's running around the woods like some delusional freak.

Bored yet? It gets worse. He realizes he's done something really stupid because he can feel is imprint angry at him. He feels his children terrified of him. So he cooks breakfast, apologizes for something he can't remember, and then does what any other man would do. Go to school.

Throughout the day he's lost. He acts weird. He pays attention in class, takes notes, but he can't get rid of those feelings. He hopes at least his love reads her letter so she can shed some light on why he feels this way. A text probably would have been better but he forgot his wallet and phone.

He sees her. She's angry and worried. But at least she seems happy to see him. He hopes at least. He knows that he really screwed up. He just can't remember what he did…this time.

He barely eats his lunch, he's so sick of himself. She drags him outside where he finds out who was lurking in out in her vehicle. He wants to worry about that until he sees bruises on his arms. He wants to kill somebody for hurting his girl. Until he realizes it was him. Until he realizes that he tried to go and hurt his twins! He tried to hurt his family! The family he vowed to protect! He had to protect them from himself.

After she left he finds a quiet spot to break down. It was obvious he was. He couldn't focus for the rest of the day. He skipped the tutor session and rushed home. His kids were terrified of him and it killed him to see that reality. Some things never leave a child's mind.

And you want to know who that pathetic excuse of a man is? It's probably killed you with wonder. That pathetic excuse is me. Yeah. No good in there, huh?

I'm terrified to be around them now. I know I can't avoid them but I always fear I'll do worse if there's ever a next time. So much is going on right now that I can easily snap. I had wanted to hurt them. I hurt Nessie. When will there ever be enough?

Nessie seems to think Thanksgiving will get my mind off of things. Barely. Thanksgiving will be the hardest yet. Everybody will be there to witness how much I'm losing grip of things. They'll tell me I told you so in a heartbeat and I couldn't stand that right now. It's bad enough that Nessie's acting the good and supportive imprint when she has this bubbling hate inside the pit of her stomach. She's trying because she loves me. If I screw up again I'll welcome her killing me. What kind of person tries to hurt their family?

I snap back into reality to try paying attention to my professor. I couldn't. I just want to go home. I'm normally not a whiner but I just want to give up. I want to be…anywhere!

It didn't hit me until the puppy comment on how much Nessie and I needed to talk about expanding our family. Nessie threatened when Sage and Grace was born that I better not get her pregnant again. That all changed when we decided to try for another one two years later. We thought it was the perfect time. Not. If it was we wouldn't have gotten pregnant when the twins were two and it seemed Nessie and I were headed to splitville.

I was happy with what I have. I try to give my son and daughter everything and anything. But this…I can't. I won't.

"Jake…Jake!" I heard a voice say.

I jumped, seeing Amelia and Corin standing over me and calling my name. I realized the class ended. Great. There goes that A.

"What?" I asked.

"The class is over." Corin said slowly as I didn't understand.

"Oh. I wasn't sleeping was I?"

I gathered up my books and bag, heading out the door. I didn't think I would make human friends. I mean, my own kids appear human. So hey, why not? I wasn't going to be a recluse.

"Not really. Just starring out the window. What? Thinking about a proposal?" Amelia answered, nudging my arm.

I know. I need to go ahead and marry Nessie. I want to. I really want to put a ring on her finger. I might not get this moment again in a long while. I knew she's worried about it. She wanted it. She was ready. Sage and Grace would be excited. I just needed to hop on the bandwagon before it passes me up.

"Not yet." I said. I technically wasn't thinking about the proposal. I was more or less thinking about how much I really want to marry her.

"You should before anybody else does. I mean, that woman is smoking hot. I would marry her this instant!" Corin really doesn't hide the fact that my girlfriend is hot. Normally I would get jealous but it's Corin. He's as harmless as a fly. All I can do is really agree. My woman is hot.

I decided to mess with him. "Then why don't you marry her then?" I joked.

"Gladly."

Ha! In his dreams.

"I would think again, my friend. Marrying her would be hard. Living with her is hard enough. Why don't you that before thinking of marriage? You won't last." I laughed. I'm the only brave one out there.

I will gladly take the life I have now than have the life of a single man. I love my daughter and son more than anything. I love their mother more than anything. I wouldn't trade that for a part any day.

"Being a family man can't be that hard." Corin said, rolling his eyes.

"For someone who can hardly make it to class on time? I don't know how you made it into an Ivy League school." Amelia snickered, winking at me.

I know it seems weird but these people remind of me of my family back home. Corin reminded me of my brothers while Amelia reminded me a lot of Rebecca. The very thought brought pain to my chest, remembering my dead sister who I should have saved. I can never get away from constant reminders.

"One, you have to make sure my children are happy and content. Two, you have to make sure my girlfriend is happy and content. Plus you have to work, study, and be a father on top of that. It's not as easy as it looks." But I wouldn't change it.

"This is my stop. I'll see you guys later." Amelia said, walking off.

Sadly, I had one more class and then work. Nessie was going to kill me when we leave late. Either was I was going to be killed by her or get killed by her. When I said the women would be the death of me I didn't mean it literally. Women are so hard to please sometimes.

"So. There's a party-"

"No." I shot. "I can't. Family, remember?" And Nessie threatened me about that to so I haven't even tried.

"Okay. Okay. You have a crappy, boring life."

Oh, if he knew.

"I don't-"

"When's the last time you and Nessie went out?"

I was stumped there. Did going Christmas shopping with the twins count? Probably not but we didn't care. Did we?

"See."

I rolled my eyes and walked to my last class of the day. I've finally decided something. I was going to propose. I just need to plan it out first.

~~~~~~ Forever ~~~~~~

I rushed through class and work, ready to get home. I debated on phasing but I knew my big mouthed brothers will spill my plans.

I am going to propose to Nessie. I just don't know when yet. I have no clue what even brought it on. Something could rip my family apart. Something will rip my family apart and I don't want it to happen until I change Nessie's last name.

I was excited. So my excitement made me race home earlier. I wanted this proposal to be the last one.

I busted through the door, hoping she didn't see or feel my excitement. I didn't want this one to be out of the blue. I wanted it to be special. I wanted it to be a family thing. Just me, her, and the twins. They were a part of this too. They wanted this probably as much as I do too.

"Ness-" I stopped when I saw Sage in Renesmee's lap, Grace next to him. For some reason my linked changed. I wasn't just feeling Nessie anymore but also the twins.

"Jake? What's wrong?" Nessie asked but I could tell she was distracted the most. She knows something or I'm just paranoid.

"Um…" Don't say anything. "Nothing. I should ask the same thing."

I noticed my son was holding an ice pack to his cheek and Grace's knuckles were bruised. I rushed to them and crouched down. Images of me harming them took to my mind but I pushed them back. I had to think about…nope. Scratch that. I can't or Nessie would know. And that's all I was going to say.

"What happen to you two?" I asked Sage and Grace. I took the ice pack off Sage's cheek and he winced. There was one ugly bruise around my son's eye.

"They got in a fight." Nessie showed me. Now that was strange for them.

"Marco was bullying Grace and I punched him. He punched me back." Sage answered. I could feel Nessie's worry match my own but yet I knew it would eventually happen. Every boy has a fight. I just pictured it to be around eight or ten maybe. Not six.

Obviously Grace didn't' like her brother's blunt explanation. "Marco kissed me and I threw a punch at him like you said, Daddy. Then he kept on bullying me when Sage was there and I punched him again. And then Marco threw Sage to the ground and…well….the three of us got in a fight." She explained.

I stayed silent. The good parent in me wanted to tell my twins fighting wasn't the best way out of things. But…the little brat has been messing with them for a long time. Sometimes enough is enough. I did tell Grace to punch a boy who kissed him and Sage was very protective over his sister. I can understand.

"Are we in trouble?" Grace and Sage asked together.

My face got serious and they shrunk down in their mother's side, waiting for me to scold them. "One," I turned to my daughter, "you punched a boy who kissed you. Good job. Same fate goes for any other boy. We'll just have to work on you punching without your knuckles getting the bad end of the deal."

"Jacob." Nessie said in a surprised tone of voice. "They're six not professional wrestlers."

I ignored her, turning to my son. "And me and you, mister, are going to go outside in the very near future and I will show you how to fight and defend yourself properly. Next time the others will have bruises while you're on top. No more bad end of the deals."

Nessie slapped me upside the head but I ignored her yet again when the twins lit up. "Thank you, Daddy!" they exclaimed, hugging me.

"Okay, you two, we need to get ready or we'll miss our plane." Nessie said. The twins ran off somewhere when I yanked her to her feet. She squealed, wrapping her arms around my neck and smiled. "Did you miss me that much?"

"I always miss you." I smiled, pulling her close.

"Really? You're hard at showing it." Nessie smiled.

"I can easily show you."

"Nah. I'm good."

My lips were already close to her by the time her statement was finished. "Too bad because I'm already doing it."

My lips touched hers gently. She was the one who depended it. I tried to pull away but she wouldn't let me. Okay, I didn't put up much of a fight. She pushed it further and my resolve crumbed at the spot.

I finally found the guts to pull away before the led to more while my twins were under the same roof. "Ness, no."

"Why not?" she asked, trying to kiss me again but I turned my head.

"Because I really don't want Sage and Grace scarred for life." I said.

She laid her head against mine and sighed. I could feel her breath, her lips tempting me again but I focused on her eyes. She laughed, which brought my attention back to her lips. "I'm sorry." She said. "I don't know what came over me."

I twirled a curl around my finger as she closed her eyes. "I do." I joked, whispering in her ear.

"Oh, then what is it then?"

"Because I'm so irresistible."

Nessie laughed. "Come on. Entertain the kids while I finish packing. Or you can help me pack. Both sound real good."

She tried to get up but my hand wrapped tighter around her waist. "Know what else sounds good? Me, you, and the twins take a road trip."

"What? Normally the runner is the one that's on the go. Not the practical one."

"Maybe I just want to spend time with my family before things get hectic." I shrugged. "Let's go pack."

~~~~~~ Forever ~~~~~~

The plane ride was long. Especially when you're trying to study and catch up on work and your daughter gets air sick.

The visit was even longer when Nessie and I broke out into an argument right in front of well…everybody. Or when my future in laws and my father ask why Sage and Grace look like they do. Or when all the kids get hyped up and I leave Nessie because Grace's shield was getting too much to handle. And then there are a bunch of other things I'm not going to elaborate on.

Can you understand now why I'm so exhausted?

"Then why don't you just do to bed. Ivy League has made you into a big baby." Quil joked as we ran in wolf form.

"It's called being jetlagged. Try it sometime." I grumbled. "Anything on the scent?"

"Not since you trying to kill everybody in sight." Ethan said. I knew he didn't mean it like that but I really didn't want that brought up again. It never leaves me anyway. To think of it I didn't want it to. I needed to be reminded.

"Do you think it's those Italian leeches?" Sam asked.

"Could be…but I don't think so. We know their scent." I had this feeling that it wasn't them. Not right now. They're appearance is coming. Soon but not so soon. It can't be them. I know it.

"Ah, the "knack." Another Alice. Just a wolf this time." Jared joked.

Har, har.

I rolled my eyes. They called my good intuition a "knack." I say it's because of my blood line. I'm a descendent of a long bloodline of powerful spirit warriors. My dad says their blood runs in me. I don't believe any of that really so I do what most people do when they're possibly wrong and ignore them. But then Nessie is powerful too. Could that mean that our son and daughter are powerful? If I can feel their mother and them, what will it be like when Sage and Grace grow older?

Three chains pulled, signaling that my family needed me. I should go…

"Go!" everyone shouted.

I made my decision and phased, throwing my shorts back on. I should be planning a proposal. For the second time. But I needed to make it the last one. I got a few days before we leave. I have time.

Should I hurry, get a ring, and then propose to her while everybody was in one place? No. That meant the twins wouldn't be involved in it. They were our world.

But first I needed sleep.

I crawled through the window of some random room and made my way to the room we were staying in. We had the option of staying in the cottage for old time's sake but that decision was already made when the twins collapsed on the bed asleep.

I walked into the room and took a moment to sit and look at my family. I remember when the twins were just hours days old and the four of us crawled up in that one bed to sleep. There always seemed to be enough room. Looking at them now I've seen how much has changed. We've moved, started a family, gotten jobs, going to school, the twins are older. But for that moment time seemed to stop and I was at that place again. Nessie was asleep with our newborns cuddled next to her. Being a new father I sat and watched this new family I was responsible for. This new, beautiful family I had and loved. I was scared yet excited at that time. Could I be a good father? Could I protect my daughter? Could I teach my son how to be an honorable man? I was just nervous even changing their diapers much less thinking I could do something wrong and it could hurt them. It seemed scary then. It seems easy now.

I crawled next to my beautiful family. All three were as beautiful as precious gems. Before I thought Nessie was my life-my world. She still is and will always be, but now that spotlight has just gotten bigger. This was my family. I would die to protect them. Even if that meant protecting them from myself too.

Grace curled into my chest and I tensed up. What I had done flew into my mind. Seeing it through outside eyes scared me. I was a monster. A wild mad man. I think I was more animal than man. I tried to push it away but I couldn't. Maybe I should have just slept in wolf form.

I felt sick to my stomach as the choking feeling came back against. I shifted uneasily. My wolf instinct told me that I should bolt when the human part of me told me to stay put. It was a waging battle that I think nobody would win.

I got up and grabbed my books. I can always study. That'll keep my mind off of things. I hope. It hasn't before but I'm always up for that to change.

Before I could focus I felt something change. For some reason I was scared. I jumped at every sound I heard. I flinched at every movement. I could hear my son whimper so I rushed over to him before he could wake anybody, or himself, up.

I put my hand on him and scooted him closer. "It's okay, buddy. Daddy's here." I whispered. I seemed to relax him because his breath evened.

Next was Nessie's hand automatically finding mine. She does that a lot and she doesn't even know it. She knew I was there even when she wasn't even awake. Or it may be out of habit. I just wish I didn't have to let her down so easily.

~~~~~~ Forever ~~~~~~

Thanksgiving

This is what I hate about holidays: The dead being brought up. Yet my son and daughter loved them so I do what any other parent does and hide the fact that I hate them.

I slipped out while my family was still asleep. I went to Mom and Beca's grave. I hated it but I also had to do it. I don't hate them but I keep thinking about the what if's. I shouldn't blame myself-well, my sister's death I have every right to. I just have a hard time letting go.

Next was my brother-in-law trying to get on my nerves. That's all I'm going to say. But what was worse was my argument with Nessie.

One, she wanted a relapse of when we left home and I told her no. Two, Sage reminded me of teaching him how to fight. Nessie said no. Three, I told her I had to go home early. Let's just say she hasn't talked to me since.

I watched the twins play with Will as Rebecca and Zaeden tried to keep up. I tried to sit and talk with my father but my eyes kept wandering toward Nessie and Abby. I knew there was still tension in the air between us but can't we just…forget this all ever happen? That seems like the easiest anyway.

"How long are you able to stay?" Dad asked. Why do I have a feeling everybody knows I'm leaving earlier than planned. Oh wait. I've cut the trip short before to get back to my normal life and ditch my old one.

"I'm leaving tonight." I answered. Dad gave me a look. "What? Other responsibilities don't care whether you haven't seen your family in months or not."

"Your family is supposed to be a responsibility."

Why do I have to admit he's right?

"I know-"

"You have children, Jacob-"

"Don't." I snapped. I knew where this was leading. I've heard it a million times from Nessie. I don't need to hear it from anyone else. "You're not the first one that's told me this. Can we just quit talking about this?"

"I'm just saying-"

"I get what you're saying. Moving on." I said, getting up and going into the house. Right now I'd rather be anywhere than right here at this moment. I wish I could just give up my roles here and be permanently in Hanover. I wish I didn't wait for Nessie and went ahead on to college. I wish I was human and didn't have to phase anymore. I envy those stupid, normal, humans.

"Jake?" I heard Bella ask.

I growled in aggravation and ignored her but she kept coming. "What?" I asked.

"Why are you in here by yourself?"

I shrugged. "Just wanted to be. Are the twins okay?"

"Of course." She answered and then huffed. Great. More heart to heart conversations. This should be fun. "I know this is none of my business but are you and Nessie okay? I know I'm her mother and I worry about her. I worry about both of you."

"Thanks; but we're okay." We weren't but what could I tell her. She was Bella. I thought I was in love with her at one point. She was my closest friend. I could tell her anything. But I couldn't tell her this. I couldn't tell her that my relationship with her daughter is falling apart. It seemed like things were going great for us until now. We're falling apart. I don't even think we were together to begin with.

Bella saw the look on my face and dropped the conversation. I was thankful for that. Things would get pretty awkward from here on if she didn't.

After everybody left I saw Nessie in our room hours later. So I cornered her before she had the chance to run and hide. I wanted to take the twins to the meadow. They loved it-beside the fact that they play at a spot where they were conceived. (They don't know that and they won't know that for a very long time.) Plus I wanted a something on my side to tell her what time I was planning on leaving.

I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer to me, and kissed her neck. She automatically tried to brush me away but eventually stepping into my embrace like the magnets we were.

"Jake, the twins could come in anytime." She whispered.

"Good." I said. She slapped me. "Let's go to the meadow."

"No."

Ouch. "Why?"

"I'm not leaving the twins."

"Perfect. I don't want to either. So we'll bring them with us. It's a win, win situation."

"You're serious, right? Jake, it's freezing out there for them!"

"We'll bundle them up and they have us for warmth."

"No."

"Nessie-"

"And they'll be mad at you for leaving."

"I begged you to come home with me. Nessie. Come home with me. You, me, Sage, and Grace. You know we can't be without one another. Let's go home."

Nessie hesitated. "I-I can't. My family nor yours hasn't seen the twins in months. I can't see why you want to leave in a few days."

I bit my lip. "Yeah…about that."

"What? You're not leaving?" she asked. I could see the hopeful look in her eye. I was about to squash it.

"No-I mean, yeah, I'm leaving. Tonight actually."

Renesmee seemed to drop whatever she was holding. "What? You've got to be kidding me?"

"Not really." I answered, backing up a few steps. I've remembered that my girl is scary when she's angry. Or shock that turns to anger. "So…let's pack our bags and leave."

Maybe if I laugh and joke she'll kill me later.

"What? So we can sit at home while you're at who knows where? So you can push away me and the twins again?" she said in an all too serious tone of voice. I hate when she gives me those looks.

I flinched as if she punched me. That stung. It felt like a stab wound. I felt like I was being bit all over again. Maybe I should be.

"How can I be pushing away you or the twins?"

"Really? When was the last time you said I love you? When was it when we actually had a date? Not going to the meadow or…whatever. You missed the twins Thanksgiving program at their school. They were so excited but then you don't show up. You promised. You do remember what that word means, right? You just love letting people down don't you?"

That freaking feeling came back again. There was no more joking. Just pure anger. I've spent time with my family. Who was there while she was off taking photos? Who's always been there when she can't?

"Watch it." I warned. "I forgot, okay? I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you."

"I'm not perfect."

"You're acting like you are! You knew I would be busy going back to school and then with opening the shop. I wanted to wait but you're the one who pushed me to go. We knew this would be hard. If you don't like it then you should have thought about it seven years prior. You were the one who wanted to stay home with the kids! I can't help that I want more out of my pathetic life than staying at home!"

The tears that threatened to fall came even closer. I pushed it too far. Our connection changed within that second. It was distant. Here we go pushing away each other again.

"At least I'm the one that's worried about being a parent than having a social life. So go ahead and pack your bags and just go. You might get an earlier flight if you flirt with the attendant enough."

Another stab wound into the heart. How many was that? Good…I've lost count too.

I heard a gasp and something else changed. We turned around and saw Sage and Grace standing in the doorway. Nessie rushed to them while I stood there. I don't need to be around them when I'm to the point of breaking. I don't want to screw anything else up.

"You're being pathetic." Renesmee showed me. Don't worry. She was too.

Nessie saw my thought and looked up at me with those glassy, watery eyes before turning her attention back to the twins. Grace's eyes were glassy while Sage's was black like mine probably were now. They heard us arguing.

"We're leaving?" Sage asked.

"I don't want to go." Grace said. I knew they were upset about more than just that. Nobody wants to see their parents argue. It doesn't matter what age.

"No. We're staying here." Nessie said, wiping her thumb under Gracie's eyes.

"And Daddy's going? For good?"

That sent me into motion. I crouched down near them. "No. Of course not. You'll be home Saturday. That's only two days away."

That meant two days in hell.

"Why do you have to go so early? Can't you just forget about everything over there?" my son asked.

I laughed, ruffling his curls. "It's not that easy."

Grace looked at me and took off. Sage chased after her. Nessie, only after giving me another tearful glance, got up. "I think time apart will do us good. We should both be calmed down by then." She said before following thing twins.

I closed my eyes and slammed the door hard, making the walls shake. What have I done?! We've screwed up everything!

~~~~~~ Forever ~~~~~~

I sat down in the plane seat. Alone. Yes. I said alone. I went ahead and left, pissing off…well, everyone.

The twins wanted nothing to do with me. They were mad I was leaving. Nessie refused to look at me. Dad was disappointed. It was one of those feeling where I felt like I was going to be sick after the look he gave me. Rachel was hurt. Edward threatened to take back his blessing. It didn't matter. I was going to marry her anyway. If only she would still have me.

I growled in frustration before digging in my pocket, pulling out a box. I flipped the lid open, revealing a ring. A stupid engagement ring.

Earlier I took the twins ring shopping with me to get ideas what I wanted to get her. But we saw this ring and I ended up buying it. I knew her size by heart. I really didn't want to use the ring that brought up so many other demons for the both of us.

"Daddy, I think Momma will like this one." Grace said, pointing at a ring.

I picked them up to get a better look of it. Overall they were more serious about it then I was. I was just shopping to get an idea. I wanted to ask their permission first to marry their mother. They said yes and Grace wanted to know if I got a ring yet. They were confused why I wasn't married to her before like their friends' parents. I knew the questions would come up so I was prepared to answer them. So I just simply said that Nessie and I focused all our attention on them and didn't think about a wedding back then. They took it and lunged at me with excitement.

"I don't think so. It's too big." Sage said.

"Then what do you like, buddy? You have a say in this too." I said to my son.

Sage bit his lip, something him and Grace got from both Nessie and I, and looked at the case. "I like that one." He pointed out.

"Sage," Grace said, "that one's boring. Daddy, what do you think?"

I looked around. I didn't really come here thinking of buying rings. Just getting an idea is what I would call it. I wanted the twins to be a part of this as much as possible.

"I really don't know." I asked.

"We have this collection that just came in." the jeweler said. I don't he got the idea that I was "just looking." But hey, everybody's got to make a paycheck don't they?

I looked down, glancing at them. I considered a few, only liking certain things from different ones. It wasn't until the twins were literally jumping out of my arms that I noticed why.

"That one!" they shouted in union. "Look!"

"Okay, okay." I looked down at the ring and knew that was the one. Screw the "just looking." I could see that ring on my Renesmee's finger. I could see me sliding a wedding band next to that ring.

"Please, Daddy. Get that one. Momma would like it." Sage said.

"It has what we both like. Please."

I couldn't tell them no. Their begging eyes made it worse. Plus, I really like it too so I gave in. "We'll take that one."

As the ring was getting sized I sat the twins up on the case to talk about something else. "So, my monsters, since the two of you are such a big help when do you think I should propose?" I asked.

"Thanksgiving." Grace shot up. I couldn't help but laugh at her excitement.

"Gracie, that's too boring." Sage rolled his eyes. That's Nessie's son for you.

"Then what do you suggest?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I say Christmas. When we open our presents you give it to her. Just me, you, Momma, and Grace."

That was a good idea actually. "Hmmm…that does sound good. Just the four of us. We'll make it special. What do you think, princess?"

"One, I think that's very romantic and Momma will love it. Two, why does my name always come last? It's always Sage and Grace. Why can't it be Grace and Sage sometime?"

So Christmas it is.

I couldn't help but smile at the memory. How could a day be so good and then the next thing I know it's horrible? Grace thought us arguing meant I wasn't going to propose to her. Sage thought I was leaving and they were staying for good. How can I be so stupid?! How can Nessie and I be so stupid?!

I wish I could have rewind the clocks. As I was getting further away the pain in my chest was becoming worse. It made me sick. I was feeling my family's hurt and anger. I clung to my chest and groaned in pain. It was painful. The further I was away the more I felt it. I know the three connection felt it too because it kept hurting.

Why did I leave them?

I looked down at the ring again. Were we going to make it to that day where I actually can ask her to marry me? Again.

"Christmas." I thought to myself. "We'll make it to Christmas."