Chapter Eighty Eight

Bella

Once we were alone again the atmosphere became awkward, there was so much that needed to be said, plans to be made yet neither of us broke the silence for a long time, we just sat looking at each other and wondering who would break first. I should have known it would be me, Jasper had the patience born of long years as a hunter although I hoped he would never be so again. But was that arrogant of me? To believe I could truly change his nature?

"So where will we go?"

He shook his head,

"I have no idea. There is nowhere that Demetri won't track us to eventually."

"Demetri?"

"The Volturi tracker, he's the best. All we can do is to keep moving and make sure there is no pattern he can seize on."

"You mean choose places at random? Do you think the Volturi will ever stop looking for you?"

Again he shook his head,

"They can't afford to. I could be recruited by someone else and become a danger to them. Besides they own me."

"No, you're a man not a dog, no one owns you."

"That's not quite the way they see it Bella. I'm like an attack dog, you buy it, train it, and expect it to work for you until it no longer serves its purpose and then you destroy it. If it falls into a rival's hands you still endeavor to destroy it."

I hated this analogy and his cool level way of saying it and went to him taking his hands in mine feeling their icy touch send tingles up my arms and straight to my heart.

"Don't they say that you should never give up hope?"

"Bella, I gave up hope the day I woke as a vampire."

"Maybe so, but you were forced into it, you had no choice and no one to help you. Now you have me, to stay with you and help you remember the man you used to be. I'm not naive I know you can never be human again but that doesn't mean you have to remain the Major. You can be whatever you want to be, if you want it enough."

"You make it sound so easy Bella."

"No, I have no illusions that it will be hard and agonizingly slow maybe but if you want it enough I know the man is still in there. Think about it Jasper, would The Major have sat here talking to me like this? In close proximity for days? Would he have saved my life? Brought me back from the dead?"

The Major

She was right of course, I was stubborn if nothing else and I had a steely determination but the thing she failed to realize was that in order to save me, to make it work, she would have to join me in my world and what beautiful young woman would willingly give up her life, a life she had already almost lost once already to spend eternity with a reforming monster with no guarantee that even if she succeeded he would stay with her?

She couldn't possibly know how I felt about her, she was a human. She was also big hearted and had a depth of compassion I had never met before. Did I have the right to take all that from her? Could I gamble that she too would not become a monster in my world, especially if the Volturi captured us. Would they turn her into another killing machine? It was a risk I was not willing to take.

Almost as if she could read my thoughts she smiled a little sadly and shook her head,

"You're wrong you know."

"Wrong about what?"

"It's not your choice to make, what I do with my life, or how I end it. You brought me back from the dead remember and I owe you my life. Let me use it to some good purpose."

"Saving me is not a good purpose Bella, trust me. I can think of many more things you can do with the life I gifted you and remember I was the one who took it in the first place, don't make me out to be some kind of savior."

"I forgive you."

"You shouldn't. Don't forget Charlotte has gone back to make sure your father is coping with your death and his part in it. You should hate me for that."

"I don't but I know it's going to be difficult to forget my dad."

"Forget him? Don't you want to go back to him?"

"No, as far as he is concerned I'm dead and as I can't ever go back that's for the best."

I shook my head and attempted to pull my hands free but she refused to let me go,

"Jasper listen to me. I don't know what this all means but I know I'm the only one who can help you and I intend to do that. I am aware what that means and I'm ready to make that commitment."

This was just too much for me and I tore myself free and almost ran to the door,

"No, I won't let you do that. I won't be responsible for killing you twice."

"Then I'll find somebody who will."

I turned feeling angry now,

"You have no right to threaten that. I'll stop you if I have to stay at your side for the rest of your days."

She smiled,

"Now that's a tempting proposition but I'm not sure you'd fit in with my human life especially if you insist on scowling like that."

She walked over until she was so close I couldn't tear myself away from those soft liquid chocolate colored eyes, her scent clouding my mind.

Bella

I knew I had to make him understand that I was serious, that I understood our futures were one and the same but I was scared to take that final step. To acknowledge the feelings I had for him. I didn't blame him for what he'd done, it was what he'd been taught to do, it had been beaten into him until the real Jasper Whitlock had hidden away somewhere and I really wanted to see him.

I could tell he was a good man, a broken and beaten man but one with the strength to pull himself back from the brink. I could listen to my head that told me what I was doing was rash, that I needed time to think about the ramifications of what I was considering or listen to my heart that told me I had to stay, I had to be with this man, that he was my life and without him I would curl up and die.

"You...Bella you should...think...think hard...this isn't the life for you. It's dark and dangerous, soul destroying...you...you don't...don't deserve this kind of pain."

I think it was the word pain that did it, either that or the scent of him filling my nostrils, the warmth in my chest at his closeness. Even the crimson eyes, so different from those of the Cullens made no difference although I knew only too well what they represented. I took a deep breath trying to straighten out my head and stepped back.

"Good choice Bella."

"No, there is no choice for me but I will give you one. I'm going to tell you something and then you can choose whether to turn and leave or stay with me."

"I won't leave you until I know you are safe."

"No, that's not the way it goes in my world Jasper. You are in or you are out. I can find somewhere safe. As long as I am away from you and the Cullens the Volturi will get tired of worrying about a silent human. After all as you said yourself they have bigger fish to fry."

"I don't see it like that."

"I don't care how you see it quite frankly, this is my ultimatum. I promised I would stay with you and help you to overcome what was done to you. All I need in return for this is your blessing to become like you. It has to be an all or nothing venture."

He started to shake his head again and I hit him in the chest which I wasn't sure amused or surprised him.

"Listen to me, you can stay with me as Jasper Whitlock. The man I am happy to spend eternity with because I can't imagine my life without him in it or you can leave as The Major but if you do you must release me from my promise and in turn promise me that I will never see you again and you will never come anywhere near me ever."