I will now reveal to you the most important lesson of all. Everything that came before this was merely preparation. Those lessons are insignificant compared to the almighty significance of this most incredible significant lesson. Which, by the way, is important. The lesson is- Oh yeah! Almost forgot- I've finished grading your homework, and I have to say… I am disappointed! Only two person bothered to do it! Of the two, only one met the word limit. So, I will include the entirety of their assignment right here as an example to you all:
This sucks. x17567.
That's right, I bothered to do the division. It was a 35,134 word essay. "PASS!" is what I would like to say, but, unfortunately, the student forgot to put his or her name on the paper. So you all failed. But that's okay, it's not like any of you are paying to take this class. But I will warn you that if you don't practice, you probably won't do too well on the exam.
Now where was I? Oh, yes. The most important lesson of all: make me care what happens.
If the main character is an irredeemable prick, I'll probably pray that he falls down an open manhole or something. On the other hand, I hope that sweet little Alice will eventually get out of Wonderland, maybe learning a bit about the world in the process. Perhaps the most important thing to have in your story is a sympathetic, relatable protagonist. Unless the entire point of it is being able to laugh at the terrible things that happen to a tremendous a-hole. Know what? That's your homework this week. Write a short story, 200 words or less, about a prick who has misfortune befall him or her.
That's all for today, take care! What? What do you mean class isn't over? Shoot, I still have loads of time left. Hmm... okay, I've got it. I'll tell you all about an important influence upon the author's world: censorship.
In professional writing careers, what you write will be changed by editors and censors so that it doesn't offend some backwards nut who spends their free time trying to find ways to take the fun out of things.
Therefore, I shall now list the words which are more likely to get a film rated R than full-frontal nudity.
Fuck, asshole, tits, shit, shitfuck, damn, Goddamn, c***, fuckfuckfuck, dick, piss, cock, and Fuuuuuuuck!
My, wasn't that fun. Let's hope the dean doesn't cancel the class because of this. Now remember, these words should only be used in T or M rated fanfiction. And don't use them too often. An otherwise great story can be ruined just by overusing swearwords. Sorry, students, but I've decided to give you more homework. It's good to be the teacher. I'd also like you to add into the comments any words I missed, for the benefit of your classmates. Thank you, and have a nice day!