"Maybe you shouldn't come back to me
Tired of being so sad, tired of getting so mad, baby
Stop right now, you'll only let me down"

Once I digest seeing Arizona after years as my TA, I lean back on the seat, resting my head on the back rest. I feel like suffocating. I really don't know what I'm feeling right now! I'm so confused and so mad at her.

After few minutes, I open her CV and finally start reading that for real. She is an engineering student and has really good grades so far. However, this is sort of strange that an engineering student would TA for a cultural studies course.

The girl, whom I have been searching like mad for last few years, just has walked into my life again as somebody I'm going to work with everyday. I'm not ready to do it right now. Even without thinking much I just walk towards the administrative building.

"Hi, Dr. Roy"

"How was the meeting? You are okay, right?" Sylvia asks me consciously.

"I mean, why an engineering student would TA for this course? I need somebody who knows about the content."

"She knows, Dr. Torres. She took few non credit cultural studies course…and we almost didn't have an option."

"But…" I actually don't know what I'm talking right now. Seeing Arizona has been so overwhelming that I have become little mindless now.

"And her English is really good." Sylvia is trying to convince me. I suddenly remember how proud Arizona was about her English. Within those few days also I noticed that how annoyed she used to be when people made silly mistakes in front of her. I found that extremely cute. I guess, I found everything cute about her. I huff a little on my own.

"Ena, can you please look at if we could swap with anybody?" Dr. Roy asks her assistant in an annoying voice.

"This is already swapped. Ms. Robbins was really interested to TA this course. She even gave up her full paid TAship for this half-paid course."

"What?" This is surprising information. Ena looks at me and continues, "Yes, when we circulated the advertisement for the TA of this course, she almost came running to the office. She wanted to work with you."

Arizona wanted to work with me? Within a second, I change my mind, "okay…I have no problem working with her. I just wanted to know why an engineering student is there. But, I'm okay Dr. Roy!"

"Dr. Torres, then you are coming for the social tomorrow evening, right?" Sylvia asks me from behind.

"What social?"

"There is a small gathering with the visiting professors, TAs and our own faculty in a local bar just to know each other."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Please send Ms. Robbins the TA offer."

Now all I need is to go home and have a long sleep so that I can get over the present intense feeling I have about the entire situation. I really cannot think straight right now… well, I think all my straight thoughts were vanished right away when I met Arizona Robbins four years back.

At the bar, when the mingling has started, my eyes are unconsciously searching for Arizona. What if she has decided to drop the course? Oh gosh! I guess I was too rude to her. I start panicking a little, then I see Arizona is coming with Sylvia. Immediately, I straight up my back and start talking to the next guy sitting to me.

"Here is your Prof. So, Dr. Torres, Arizona is yours now." Sylvia makes a little fun, but I see how Arizona becomes stiff at the comment. I just cannot resist but to interject, "I have been waiting for this day for years, you see!"

"Arizona, make it sure that Dr. Torres is comfortable with all." Sylvia nods at me and leaves.

Arizona does not reply but silently takes a seat beside me.

"So, what can I offer you today?" The Spanish professor asks me. Before I reply, Arizona answers, "She does not drink. Offer her a diet Pepsi."

I just raise my eye brow, oh! She remembers that I'm a fan of diet Pepsi. "No, I drink." I lie because I want to show her that things are changed over the years.

"You do?" There is a visible surprise on her face.

"Now I do." Then I turn to the bar tender, "give me martini." Then I look at Arizona with a victorious look. But, there she is- I clearly can see a small smile is playing in some corner of her eyes.

"Okay! If this is what you want." Again those typical remarks of hers. She orders Cockta, a local soft drink. I remember how she was missing Cockta while in Canada.

Once the martini comes, I take the first sip and it's so dry and bitter. I have never liked the taste of alcohol. But, I try to make a straight face and concentrate in finishing the drink. I need to go to washroom to wash the inside of my mouth. It's like drinking perfume to me.

"Excuse me…" I quickly move to the washroom. Once I feel little okay, I just stand leaning on the sink for a while. Oh! It was a bad decision to take martini. I should have taken wine instead.

"So, you really liked the taste." I look up and see on the mirror that Arizona is standing behind of me maintaining a little distance. She is smiling softly. I cannot take my eyes off.

"Are you trying to tease me?" I ask her looking on the mirror. My frustrations are so visible on my face, but I feel helpless not to able to hide them.

"Why are you trying to behave like not yourself?" Arizona asks instead taking one step towards me.

"How do you know that I'm not myself?" I can again feel my fuming frustration.

"You are not…"

I quickly turn on my heel, "things change, Ms. Robbins…"

"But, few things never change." Arizona speaks almost out of breath. "Like you are still so tempered, still so cocky, still so full of emotions and still so bad at telling a lie…just like before.. just like years back." Arizona takes one more step towards me.

I can feel how my self-resistance is breaking down like a sand wall. I can smell her scent. She used to smell good then too… those eyes, which are full of wit and humor, are locked at mine.

"I'm so grateful that you still remember me!" I give a sarcastic smile, but in reality I'm having a high time to control my steaming eyes.

"I remember everything… you know." She says so quietly that I feel that she has not spoken those words. "Everything…" I notice she is looking down.

Here, all my walls crumble down and I give up trying not to reach to her. Taking a step closer, I touch her left cheek with my right hand, "how are you?" I always wanted to know how she was. I know, I should not do this. This girl will never care about my feelings does not matter what I do, does not matter what I feel, does not matter if I break into thousands of pieces in front of her like a piece of glass.

Arizona closes her eyes, as if savoring my touch giving me enough strength to cross the personal space of hers. Then somebody opens the washroom door and both of we jump out of each other. Oh, shit!