The week that followed their movie night seemed to drag. Dean worked. He worked a lot. He normally had a three day on four day off schedule, but with all the time off that he had had, Dean wanted to try to make up time. That made this week a four day work week. This made it easier for Cas to finally finish Lucy's manuscript and send it to his father. He and Charlie and Dean texted each other pretty much was a nice constant. By Wednesday he dreamed again. The cold that filled the room carried him to his desk, and the keyboard once again felt his fingertips dancing over the keys.
This dream and the subsequent story that came from it had a deeper darkness. In the other dreams he had been somewhat disembodied from the participants, an observer hovering just on the fringes so to speak. In this dream though, he was Sam, and they were dying. It had not begun that way though.
It had been late. The building had been closed for some time. Periodically, Sam's phone would buzz on the desk. The messages were all from Ruby. She would send a picture of herself looking bored or a text that was meant to convey empathetic affection over their shared late night at the office. They had taken a break for dinner together, but that had been many hours ago. For Sam, the end of the quarter expense reports were due. For Ruby, her boss was conducting a company wide audit, and she wanted to be ready.
By 9:00 Ruby had texted him that she was going to start packing up to go home. He had responded by telling her that she was a wuss. Then he called her to tell her in person. "Nine o'clock is like a kiddie bedtime." She had been there since 6:00 am so he could hardly be taken seriously.
"I expect you home within the hour." Ruby still sounded like she was wide awake. "Really, Sam. We've been here all day."
"You want me to go home now?" He sounded almost like he wanted her to say yes. Then his eyes fell back on the spreadsheet that was still only partially complete. "I think that I maybe have another hour to go."
"So, I guess that I'll see you in an hour." She sounded disappointed. "You shouldn't ask me if I want you to come home if you have no intention of doing so."
"I'm sorry." And he was.
"I'll just leave slowly. Maybe you'll catch me in the lobby."
"I'll do my best." They hung up and Sam poured over the numbers, hoping that he wasn't being inaccurate in his haste to just be done. Thirty minutes later and he could smell something odd. Suddenly, the alarms were going off and flashing out in bright white strobes of light. "Shit." He got up, and processed for a moment that this was maybe not a drill. He moved to the door and looked out into the hall. There was smoke. It was billowing in from the stairwell. He made his way to it anyway. He pulled his shirt up over his mouth and nose to filter out the smoke. He opened the door and a backdraft blasted him back from the space. Smoke poured in thicker than before.
Sam collapsed to his knees and then scrambled away from the flames that were now all consuming in their rage. He crawled to the other end of the hall. The fire was in that stairwell too. He broke the cover over the fire extinguisher that was in the recess and used the butt end of it to break out the window. It was like the dream from before, only now it was not surreal. Sam was dying, and Cas could feel it with each painful breath.
His heart was racing in a panic as time was running out. The window broke in a sheet that crumbled away in a spider web heap. He pulled himself up to the window, taking long gulps of clean air. He could hear the distant scream of sirens making their way to him. He yelled out the window for help. There were people there, too far away to make out who, but they were there. He felt the heat at his back intensify. The flames were pouring in from the far stairwell, but they were also eating the door next to him, the one that went to the other stairwell. The door popped and then crashed open, releasing more flames into the space. It was too hot. He threw himself past it to the middle of the hall again.
The smoke, all black was everywhere. He tried to breathe, but there was no air, only the smoke waiting to take possession of him. He tried to pull his shirt back up to his nose. It wasn't filtering enough. Time, time, time, he thought. I just need more time to think. He clawed his way more into the very middle. It was the only place left that wasn't burning. The space was rage and heat. It was hopeless, and in the end Sam knew it. He sat there in the roar of noise knowing that it was over, and that there was nothing that he could do.
His last thoughts were a cloud of faces. His last breath was all smoke and heat. He slumped slowly over onto his side and it was over. Cas was separate from him now. Sam's spirit stood at his side and the two of them looked down at the body that was once Sam as it laid there almost peaceful in the inferno that surrounded them. They both stepped back from the body.
Time passed and the room was all orange and red. Cas wondered how long they would stay. Then there was a crash of noise a ladder was raised to the broken out window. A fireman in full gear climbed in. He moved through the flames to the middle of the room, as if he didn't care about the danger. He stooped down next to Sam and pulled him up over his shoulder. He carried him to the window. Cas could not see past the flames to understand how he got Sam's body out. Sam's spirit reached out to him urging him to follow. They passed through the flames and out to the street. An ambulance was waiting. The fireman gave Sam to the EMTs. He pulled his mask off to breath, and then it became clear that it was Dean.
He stood there as the EMTs rushed to close up the back doors and tear off to the hospital, just a few blocks away. "Dean."
Ruby was shaking, standing at his side. "Oh, thank God you weren't in there." He pulled her to him. She was not calming down. The shaking was becoming worse.
"Sammy!" She called out toward the ambulance that had long since disappeared in the night. "Sammy!" Her legs gave out and Dean carried her to the side of the road. "I need to get to him. I need to be with him." She curled up on herself, gripping her stomach as he held her.
Sam's spirit moved them again. Cas felt himself being pulled to the hospital. He saw the night progress in quick moments. It was like watching a video at double the normal speed. There was no sound, just action. Sam pulled him from the chaos to another place, a quieter place. Cas was there already. He remembered the night his family had brought him there. He remembered the good news that they had received, that they had moved to the top of the transplant list, that a heart was ready for him.
He looked to Sam at his side and said, "I'm sorry." Sam just smiled at him.
He rested a hand on Cas' shoulder and they watched for a time. Sam moved over to the end of the bed and seemed like he planned to wait there for some time. Cas felt the space grow cold. The room became dark and then he woke up.
Cas had Missouri over the next morning. He poured her a cup of coffee and told her what he had seen. She looked concerned with he described the fire and the way that the event unfurled at the hospital.
"I worked at the hospital that night Cas. The timeline that you are describing for when he would have come in and also, the way that he died is what happened in reality. He did die of smoke inhalation. It was just after ten. His family signed off on the organ donation not long after."
Cas watched her sip her coffee. She still looked concerned. "Something else about the story was bothering you though."
"I read something." She slipped her phone out and clicked around on it until she found what she was looking for. She slid it over to him. "Here. It's an article on the fire." Cas took it and she added, "They said that it was faulty wiring, but you said that the fire was mostly in the stairwells."
"It was. It seemed like that was where it was coming in from."
"Well, that doesn't make much sense, but what do I know. Seems like a wiring problem would manifest in a different location, not the stairwell, let alone both stairwells." Cas read through the article and remembered how Dean had questioned the exact same thing. Somehow, he felt in that moment that Dean was right. It had been something worse.
They finished off the coffee and breakfast, and Missouri headed out to go to work. They made plans to get together in the next week. Cas said, "But not to talk about my creepy dreams though. Let's just plan to hang out."
"That sounds refreshing." She leaned into the doorframe as she was about to leave. "You know, I wonder sometimes if the closure that Sam needs isn't some great mystery solved. Maybe he just needs to find a way to tell his family goodbye."
Cas thought about that for a moment and said, "Maybe he needs both. The dreams aren't exactly sunshine and rainbows."
"Yeah." She moved out the door. "See ya, Cas."
"See ya."
Cas decided that he wanted to learn more about that night, about what had happened to Sam and if Dean had in fact been the one to find him in the hall. Lunch?
Dean's response came quickly. Yeah. Meet me at the station. So not Ellen's. Cas readjusted his mental plans. He decided to walk. Driving to the station made no sense. He rounded the corner and saw that Dean was already waiting out front, leaning against the wall of the station.
"Hey there." Cas walked up to him.
"Hey yourself." Dean pushed off of the wall and nodded in the direction that lead to the lake. "Needed to stretch my legs a bit. Thought that we could just grab hotdogs and walk out to the dock to eat."
"That sounds nice." Cas started rethinking his plans from before. I don't need to know about Sam's death. Any talk of Sam would change the mood of the moment. Dean doesn't need that. Dean was apparently a close walker. His arm was pressed up against his own. Cas liked the feel of him there, and of course had zero complaints. They got to the little lakeside park and the hotdog vender that was a regular at the site.
"Two." Dean handed over a ten and nodded for Cas to take the first hotdog. Dean took the second one and the change. They wandered out to the end of the dock and sat on one of the bench seats that were often occupied by fishermen. It was late afternoon though, and the middle of the week, so most of the benches were empty. "So, what've you been up to today?"
"Nothing too exciting. Had a breakfast date." Dean's face fell a little. Cas noted it. "Missouri came by and we had coffee. She's been doing some research with me for my story."
"Oh, so she gets to read it but not me. I see." Dean took a giant bite out of his hotdog. It was half of the thing. He chomped away at it in a way that was a little gross.
"Dean, smaller bites." Cas looked away.
Dean mumbled around the mouthful, "Don't tell me how to eat." He smiled though.
"Put out any fires today?" Cas asked after a little quiet had stretched between them.
"There was a car fire over on Harrison. It was easy." Dean wadded up the wrapper and tossed it into the garbage can that was next to the bench.
Cas finished the last bites not long after. Dean watched him. "I should have eaten faster. You're making me nervous."
"Oh, sorry."
"Not your fault. I'm just that good looking." He laughed as he said it and got up to throw away his own wrapper. They wandered back the way that they had come. "You gonna be home tomorrow?"
"Yeah, actually I'll be home late tonight." Dean was back close to his side again as they walked. "Why? You wanna make plans?"
"Well, the courtyard party is happening tomorrow. I didn't go to the last one." Cas felt Dean's steps falter a bit.
"Oh, uh, I don't know."
Cas stopped walking and Dean did too. He turned to face Cas. "Is it because of the last time?"
"It's weird. Plus, I might run into the woman that I brought back to my place. I think that it'll be awkward."
"Just stick with me then. I was planning to ask Charlie to join us." He reached up and squeezed Dean's shoulder.
Dean rolled his head to the side a little and looked at Cas. The look reminded him a little of the way that he had looked that evening in the wisteria. It was a wistful look that seemed to say something of want or desire. "Okay then."
"Oh, I see. You only agreed to go because Charlie will be there. You are a fickle friend Dean Winchester." Cas bumped him a little while they walked and sent him a sidelong grin.
"I would have agreed without Charlie being there, but she is the literal best. She's like the sister I never had."
"Oh, don't tell Ruby. She'll be jealous." Cas was enjoying the warmth of Dean, the way that his eyes looked as they tried to squint past the sunlight that was burning down on them.
"Like I said, she's like the sister I never had."
"I thought you and Ruby got along." Cas felt Dean's hand brush the back of his, and somehow Dean's movements matched his so well that their hands stayed back to back for the rest of the walk.
"We do get along. She's just more like the kind of family that you always have to compete with. So, she's not older than me, but she is like what I imagine an older brother would be to me, if I had one." The station house was just ahead, and Cas slowed his pace a little. Dean seemed to do the same. "Charlie seems more like a little sister. She's snarky, but kinda adorable too."
"Wow, Dean, adorable. That hardly sounds like you." Cas felt his heartbeat drum a little faster as they got to the station. Dean leaned into his side a little more.
"I guess I just feel blessed lately. Maybe it's all the therapy, the talking stuff. I may have lost Sam, but my doctor has made me spend some time thinking about the things that I haven't lost. I've also spent some time thinking about the things that I have gained lately too."
Cas leaned back against the wall by the door. "So what have you gained Winchester?"
"Well, I've met some people." He dipped his head a little and added, "People that seem to care an awful lot about my well being, people who maybe put up with a lot of my bullshit." He moved to open the door and go in. Cas reached out to stop him.
Dean turned back to him. "Come see me when you get off work."
Dean seemed like he wasn't breathing for a moment. Then he said, "I'm not getting off until way late."
"I guess you'll be exhausted then." Cas let him go.
"Yeah. Tomorrow though." Dean gave him a small wave and went back to work. Cas walked home and wondered if Dean was even remotely aware of the effect that he was having on him. He hadn't even asked him all that he had wanted to ask him. He had felt the joy though, the unimaginable joy of just being that close to him. The closer he got to home though, the more he started to think that he was making a mistake. If Dean was just an affectionate friend, then he was setting himself up for a world of hurt. I could just ask. He had considered it before, but Dean had seemed so happy with what they were to each other. Plus, how does one ask about something like this? Do you say, hey I think you might mean something to me? Do you say that you want to try dating without your other best friend having to tag along. But that was unfair. Charlie wasn't a third wheel. Also, we did just have lunch together, alone. He decided to push down the worry, and the growing need to move Dean into a different relationship category. I can be content. He told himself this and set the thought to repeat as he made his way back to his apartment.