Cas woke up so freezing cold that he was sure that the marrow of his bones had entirely turned to ice. He reached an arm out toward what he hoped would be a warm patch of Dean, but found that nothing was there to greet him except cold. It was ironic, in a way since his dreams had been fire and so much heat that he thought he might choke on it all.
He finally cracked an eye open and was a little blinded by the light that was slipping past the curtain to lay languidly across his face. He blinked and let his eyes focus. On Dean's pillow was a little a-frame piece of paper with his name on it. He rolled over more and propped his head up so that he might get a better look at it. His body was still waking up and despite the cold felt all loose and gummy from the night's activities. He smiled at the recollection.
He pulled the note to him and turned it over so that he could read the other side. The scrawl was Dean's. He had that distinctive script that seemed to match his personality, wild sharp letters that were still controlled within the spaces provided by college ruled lines. He dragged his fingers over the letters, Dean's letters.
Cas,
I watched you sleeping. You sleep like the dead. I seriously could not wake you up, and I stared hard enough that you should have noticed. I even ran my hands through your hair and still nothing. I thought about calling in sick to work, but I'm not sick. I'm too fucking well to go to work. I'm pretty sure that there are ethics that I need to have, like not taking time off work for sex and such.
Regardless, I made you coffee and breakfast, which will likely be cold by the time you wake up. I'll be working until 3:00. In an ideal world, you'll be in my bed when I get home. In a slightly less ideal world, I'll come home, and you'll be gone, but waiting for me in your apartment, where we will test out your bed. This is only less ideal, because it involves approximately five extra minutes of not being in the same room as you while I walk down the hall to your place.
I hope you don't have regrets.
'till 3:00 (actually it will take me 10 minutes to get home so 3:10),
Dean
He reread the note three times. The last line bugged him. He started to get out of the bed, to find his phone. His clothes were all neatly folded at the end of the bed. He turned to the nightstand and saw that Dean had placed his phone there and had even plugged it into a charger. He pulled it to him and typed, The only regret that I have is that I sleep like the dead. Is it 3:00 yet?
The response came back in seconds. 9:07. I honestly hate time. It goes slow when you want it to go fast and fast when you have reason for it to be slow.
How poetic of you, Dean. Maybe you should be a writer, make your own hours and such.
I'll leave the writing to you. BTW you still need to show me your work.
Meh.
Are you still in my bed and mehing at me?
I am still in your bed and have yet to find the energy for clothing, so yeah. Meh.
God, no details like that when I still have six hours to get through.
Okay, fine. I'll just tell you about how freezing it is in your apartment.
Seriously? It's like 80 degrees out. You should be roasting in there.
Hmm, guess I should get dressed then. Clearly, I am not normal.
Wouldn't have you any other way.
Normal or Clothed?
Both. See you in a million hours.
K
Cas clutched the phone to his chest, feeling the coolness of the metal edges on his skin. He wanted to just keep laying there, but the bodily urges of the morning were catapulting him out of the blankets. He stumbled a little toward the bathroom. A cold fog came from his lips as he stood in front of the mirror. "80 degrees, my ass." It was then that he heard a noise coming from the other room. He leaned out of the bathroom door and tried to concentrate on it. The bedroom door was closed, so the sound was muffled. There was definitely someone in the living room.
He was naked. He debated getting dressed before confronting the intruder, but he worried for a moment about losing the element of surprise. He picked up a baseball bat that Dean had leaning against the back of the closet. He crept slowly to the door, and in one swift move threw it open with a yell as he raised the bat up over his shoulder.
Ruby stood across from him and yelled too. "Goddamn it, Cas. What the Hell are you doing here?" Her eyes popped down to his way way naked body and she added, "Where are your clothes?"
Cas dropped his hands down to obtain some minuscule sense of modesty. "I thought that you were a burglar. Shit. Let me get dressed. I'll be right back."
"Don't get dressed on my account. The view's plenty fine." She smirked. Cas edged back into the room and closed the door. He pulled on the clothes as quickly as he could and then made his way back out to the living room. Ruby was grinning away like she had discovered the greatest secret in all the universe. "So, you and Dean, huh?"
"That appears to be the case." He waved out at the boxes that were on the table. She had apparently been looking through them. "What were you doing?"
"I was looking for some stuff of Sam's.I thought that I told Dean about it. Guess he didn't mention to you that I might stop in. Looks like he maybe had other things on his mind." She started putting the boxes back on the floor where they had been before.
"Yeah, he may have missed sending out that memo. Sorry about the Full Monty startle-fest there."
"I've got a great memory, and you in all of your naked glory will be on memory repeat for some time. So, are you like living here now?" She had one more box to put on the floor, but she didn't. Instead, she began thumbing through it. It looked like it had a ton of papers and such.
"No. This is kinda new, like last night kinda new." He wandered into the kitchen. This moment requires copious amounts of coffee. He flicked open a cabinet and was happy to see that he picked right the first time. Dean had a wide assortment of brightly colored mugs. He pulled out a green one and filled it with coffee. He turned to Ruby and said, "Coffee?"
"Nah, kinda need to get some real food." Dean had left him some toast and a sad little pile of eggs that had gone cold. Cas doctored up the coffee and leaned into the counter to drink it down.
He then scooped the eggs up and ate them, thinking about how Dean put them together for him. He ate the cold toast too, and made a solemn vow to get up with Dean the next time that breakfast was being made. Toast after all is best served not cold. "You wanna come by my place? I'll throw together some breakfast, lunch or whatever this time calls for."
She turned to him and seemed to consider. "You look like you already ate."
"No where near enough. Come on." He beckoned her to the door. He turned the little lock on the door handle. "I assume you have keys and can get us back in later." He smiled as she stepped past him.
"Nah, I just picked the lock. But, yeah, I can get us back in." He pulled the door closed and they walked to his place. He left his shoes in Dean's place. The feel of the hard carpet under his feet felt a little funny. Ruby picking Dean's lock also felt a little funny.
"You always go around picking locks?"
"Actually, yeah. I learned it at Maker Faire a few years ago. It is a way valuable skill to have. Sam use to forget his keys all the time. I saved us so much money. It has come in handy in other places too." She trailed off a little, obviously proud of her criminal skills.
"Well, I'll remember to call you over a pricey locksmith if I ever forget my keys." He sent her a little smile which she returned. He fished out his keys from his pocket and opened his door. He walked right into the kitchen and surveyed the space. Somehow he still felt cold. "Is it cold in here?"
"Yeah, a little." Ruby stood off to the side and ran her hands up around herself in a bit of a hug.
Cas kicked out a dining chair. "Here, sit." His laptop was open on the table, but the screen was sleeping. He moved it over and swiped his finger over the trackpad to wake it. He typed in his password and saw that he had an email from Charlie, that he ignored. He walked away from it to the fridge. "So, sandwiches?"
"Sounds fine." She reached over to the laptop and swiveled it toward her. She clicked on the trackpad.
"Whatcha doin'?" Cas moved back over to the laptop.
"Snooping on your laptop." Her eyes went wide. "Uh, Cas, what the Hell is this?"
He spun the laptop back to him and saw that she was looking at the first chapter of his little story. He had meant to change the character names in that chapter, but he hadn't managed it yet. The rest were all Megs and Adams, but chapter one was all Ruby and Sam. Shit. "I write things. I liked your name and Sam's. I changed them in the later chapters though." He hoped that she wouldn't feel like her whole privacy was invaded. She turned the laptop back to herself and looked at the screen again. Her brows knitting up as she read.
"Did Dean tell you how we met or something?" She looked up at him then went back to the reading.
"Uh, no. Why?" Cas leaned on the back of the chair next to her. He wanted to take the laptop away, close it up. He couldn't figure out how to do it though without being rude.
She looked up at him, brows still knitted. "Of course he did. No way you could know this stuff if he didn't tell you. I mean this is totally how Sam and I met."
"He didn't tell me this. I dreamed it. I dreamed it, and then I wrote it." He gripped the back of the chair more. There were things in the story that he didn't want for her to read. There were things that surely would be unpleasant for her to read, seeing as she viewed the opening chapter as accurate. No way in Hell she should read about Sam dying.
She scrolled a little. He wasn't sure how far. She looked upset. Shit. "You chose the names Meg and Adam."
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I don't know. They just came to me." He felt nervous. His stomach was a gymnast, and it was not winning the gold medal. He needed to get the laptop away from her.
"Out of all of the names, in all of the world, that you could pick, you picked these two names." It was almost a question, but what made it worse, was that it wasn't. It was more like she just needed to say this to herself. He reached out then and pressed the laptop closed.
She looked up at him. "Let's eat." He turned back to the fridge and pulled out the sandwich paraphernalia. He set it out on the table and they each slapped together the finished products. They ate in silence and Ruby seemed to be thinking too much in the space of that silence. Her eyes kept fluttering over to the laptop like she would burn it if she could. Cas watched her over his choked down sandwich, worrying a napkin in his lap between bites. "I'm sorry. I didn't intend for anyone to ever see it." He nodded over to the laptop.
"Hmm." She was mid-bite. She methodically chewed and stared at him. "I don't like it. I'd be happy if you deleted it."
He didn't want to do that. He wanted to finish it. It felt like it was almost going to tell him something, something that he needed to know. None of his other stories had been like this. They had developed out of a plan, an outline, a finish line clearly laid out up ahead. This story was something else entirely. He never knew what fresh details would come out of his dreams. When he wrote, it was like he was not himself. He could almost feel himself floating off in the corner as his hands danced over the keys, spelling out the rich details of Sam and Ruby's lives.
He didn't want to upset her though. So he told her what he thought that she would want to hear. "Sure Ruby. Like I said, I'm really sorry."
They finished eating, Ruby looking no less settled as the meal progressed. Cas got up and cleared away the sandwich fixings. He noticed that Ruby's hand was hovering near the laptop. The room felt colder suddenly. He wasn't sure why, but something in him propelled him toward her. Her hand darted out to the side, a half empty glass of water was there. She spilled it. Cas got his hands to the laptop and scooped it off the table before the water got to it. It was almost unnatural, the speed with which he moved. Ruby jumped back from her chair and swore. "Sorry." She started swiping at the table with her sleeve. "Shit, sorry." Cas set the laptop over on the counter, far from the scene of chaos. He snatched up a dishrag and wiped up the water.
"No worries. No damage."
"God, you have catlike reflexes." She stepped back from the table as he wiped up the last of the water. She edged back to the wall. "I think I'm gonna get going."
He looked up at her settling the towel on the chair as he did so. "You don't have to if you just wanted company."
"No. I'm good. I'm getting use to the alone thing." She looked off away from him. "Actually, I'm not ever going to be use to it." She leveled her gaze on him. "I miss him. Seeing his name in your story, it really set me off."
"I'll delete it." He looked at her and hoped that she would believe him. He didn't like the look of desperation that blanketed her face.
"Thanks, Cas. And for what it's worth, I'm really happy for you and Dean. Guess John and Mary misread you two a little. They said it was like Dean was getting a new brother with you around." Her look softened a little as she turned to the door.
"I'm definitely not that." He did his best to sound lighter. He opened the door and she walked out into the hall.
"See ya around."
"Yeah. See ya around," he replied as he slowly closed the door on her retreating form.
He should have told Dean about Ruby's visit immediately. Cas kept replaying aspects of it over in his mind. There were things that he found troubling about it. He wondered if it was just because of the dreams or if it was something more. It was getting harder and harder to separate out the two, his dream world and his waking world. Ruby, for instance, was not just Ruby; she was also the woman that occupied so much of his sleeping mind. The things that she did there though, stood in contrast to what he saw of her in his waking life, until today that is.
There was a knock on his front door. He looked over at the clock. It was after 3:00. He was certain that it was Dean. He had been quietly trying to occupy himself as the time ticked down. He needed to share what had happened, how it had made him feel. Talking about it would help. He reached the door and opened it, and all of his plans fell apart.
Dean was standing there, slightly out of breath, like he had run up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. He was still wearing his work clothes, the tight navy blue t-shirt with the loose pants held up by suspenders. Cas felt his own breathing hitch up at the sight of him. All thoughts of conversation seemed to scatter from his mind. "If my memory serves, I think that you said that you liked this outfit once." Dean took a step into Cas' apartment and into his space. He pushed the door closed behind him and moved closer to Cas as he did so. "I thought that I'd find you at my place still. I made an unnecessary stop. Would have just come right here if I'd have known."
"Uh." Dean pushed closer to him. Cas felt his back come into contact with the wall behind him. Dean's chest pressed up against him. Cas found words through some miracle of will. "I was going to go back, but I was locked out."
Dean's hand ran up his arm. He looked down at Cas through the veil of his lashes a grin stretching out, making small lines form at the edges of his eyes. "I almost faked being sick so that I could come home early."
"You should have."
"It was busy today. I would have felt guilty. Still, I almost did though."
Cas ran his thumbs under Dean's suspenders and pulled him by them. He walked backwards toward his room, towing Dean along. "I need to tell you about my day."
"After." Dean leaned in and kissed him. It was light and sweet. He gradually deepened the kiss. It was a leisurely process that made Cas forget his words again. His hands slid down the track that the suspenders made, and he felt like everything was just fog and him and Dean. Dean let him go and Cas' legs were a little weak, so he slumped down to the bed that was behind him. He hadn't remembered getting so close to it. He remembered moving together but not so much. Dean stood over him, and Cas stared up into his face. He let his eyes rake down his body. The pants were so loose. He wanted to slip the suspenders off his shoulders, watch gravity take over, do its fucking job.
Instead he found words again, "We have to talk."
Dean hooked a finger up under the left suspender and dragged it off his shoulder. The side of his pants dipped, a hint of what was to come. There was skin, skin he had seen before, but the fact that it was usually covered, a secret meant only for him, made his body twitch in anticipation. "You sure?"
About what? "I don't even remember what I said before. I find you distracting."
Dean hooked up his thumb under the second suspender and slowly dragged that one over too. He was all confidence and bravado. In a word, the very personification of everything that Cas found hot. "Good." He released the suspender and gravity did not get the memo. The pants clung to his hips as if they knew, just knew how much Cas wanted them to fall and they were determined to mock him from those fucking hips. Cas leaned forward and pressed his lips to those hips. The moan of contentment that he got from Dean was intensifying his desire to speed up the process.
He found words again. After all, maybe he could talk and not talk at the same time. "Ruby came to your place." He kissed from one side of Dean's body over to the other, lips trailing along the lower reaches of his stomach.
Dean tensed up a little and reached down to Cas' chin, angling his face up to look at him. "What did she want?"
"So, now you are ready to talk." Cas smirked up at him, running his fingers up the inner seam of his pants.
"Talk quick before I change my mind. Is she okay?" He took a tiny step back and Cas' hands fell away from him. He must have looked disappointed, because Dean stepped back up to him. He dropped down to the bed and sat right up next to Cas.
"She broke in."
"She what?" Dean looked confused.
"I woke up and heard a sound coming from the other room. I thought that there was a burglar in the house, so I got something to fight with and went out into the living room. I didn't even put on clothes, just so you know."
"Are you crazy? What if it had been someone dangerous? You don't just go all naked commando on fucking burglars, Cas."
"Yeah, well it was instinct and adrenaline. Luckily, it was just Ruby. It was weird though."
"I'd say. Why did she break into my place?"
"She made it seem like it was something that she did sometimes, like I shouldn't think of it as a big deal. She was looking for some paperwork that she said she needed. Something about Sam. Like I said, it was weird. I got dressed and took her back to my place for an early lunch and to get her out of your place." Cas folded his hands together in front of him. He worried that he had made assumptions about Ruby that Dean would find disconcerting. He had assumed that she was not there for entirely noble reasons, but he didn't want to say it outright.
"Did she say what the papers were?"
"No."
"That is weird." Dean shifted a bit in his spot next to Cas. "It also means that she knows about us."
"Yes. She seemed a little pleased with the knowledge."
"She would. She always seemed to like having insider info. It means that I'll need to tell mom and dad about us sooner rather than later." Dean huffed out a sigh and slumped over a little.
"That worries you?" Cas reached over and rested a hand on his back. He hadn't considered their reaction in any of this.
"No, I just wanted to have this for just us for a little while before other people knew. I liked the idea of no one else having a clue, because it was like if they didn't know then you were just mine."
"I can still be just yours even if they know." He leaned over and kissed the side of his lip then he laid his head on Dean's shoulder. "So, they won't be weird about it?"
"They'll be like your parents, I think. My dad might be a little weird. He only pictures me with women, but they aren't bigots or anything." Cas tipped his head back a little and stared at Dean's neck. It was a funny vision, being this close to him, all the little hairs right up next to him. There was a hickey that was small, but clearly there on his collarbone. Cas grinned and tapped it with his finger. Dean looked down at Cas. "Yeah, thanks for that. Saw it in the mirror after a couple of the guys asked me if I had had a nice night. They were using their tone of implication on me, and I couldn't figure out how they knew until I got into the bathroom and saw your little present there. Don't know how I missed it this morning. Must have been in a bit of a haze then."
"I have that effect." Cas smirked. Dean moved out from the bed and onto him, pressing him back into the mattress.
"You do. Do we need to talk more?" His lips were already descending to his neck and Cas was sure that Dean was trying to leave a little present for him now too.
"She tried to knock over a glass of water onto my laptop, because she didn't like what I had written on it." Cas wasn't sure why he couldn't just go with the Dean flow, but he wanted to get it all out, the whole weirdness of his day with Ruby.
Dean popped up. "What had you written?" That was not a question that he wanted to answer. Dean might feel the need to dowse his laptop next.
"You're right. We can talk later. More of this please." Cas let his hands trail down Dean's back and Dean kept staring at him as if he wasn't sure whether or not to talk or act.
"You'll tell me after?"
"I will." He promised quickly, but he didn't really want to keep the promise. It was good enough for Dean though, because he resumed his duties. Cas chose to fall into the fog that was his bed, and the world outside of Dean no longer existed.
The next night Dean worked, but he would be home the following night. Cas slept and dreamed and woke up at his usual 3:00 am hour. He wrote more of the story, and as the morning greeted him with a rosy colored sky, he felt himself getting sucked back into a fuller consciousness. He looked over the story and made a decision.
It had been all well and good to share this with Missouri, but he needed to know if he was crazy for thinking that Sam was really talking to him. He had considered showing Dean the story. He had considered just telling him. He didn't know how to make that conversation happen though. He felt a chill growing in the room and his heart sped up with the temperature change.
He considered another option now. Dean would be out at work all day, so this would be the time to do it. He hit print on the story, and when it was done, he put it in a folder to take to Ruby's later. First he had to build up the courage. After all, the last time that she had been around Cas she had tried to drown the laptop just to destroy the story. Maybe this time would be different.
If things went well, he thought that maybe he would be able to get back to the apartment before Dean. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell him. It was that he needed to just tell one person at a time. Let's just focus on Ruby for right now.