Pairing: Rachel/Quinn
Notes: Santana gets Quinn to talk about what happened the other week and somehow ends up making a confession of her own.
Warning:
Disclaimer: I own nothings, but the random ramblings of which occur in my brain. Glee and any other copyrighted content used belongs to their respective owners.
The sun broke through the clouds and casted a warm glow on the people of Lima, Ohio.
"See Q," Santana smirked triumphantly, "I told you the weather would be ok to take Beth to the park."
'Alright, know it all," Quinn shot back half heartedly.
"Spit it out already would ya?!"
"Spit what out?"
"Oh don't give me that 'I don't have a clue what you're on about' shit Q," Santana said firmly.
Quinn kept walking, pushing the stroller in the direction of the park, "I'm not giving you any sh-" she stopped herself short, "I wish you wouldn't cuss in front of Beth," her daughter was at that age where she'd mimic whatever she heard, "and I really don't have a clue what you're on about."
"Allow me to refresh your drink," The Latina said pointedly, "a week ago I did you a solid, arranged it so you and Berry could go out on an actual date, I took care of the kid, another solid and I made Berry look hot, yet another solid."
"I know," the blonde sighed, she knew where this was heading, "and I'm very grateful for all that you did, you know that."
"You've been weird ever since!"
"No I haven't," Quinn argued pointlessly.
"Bull!" Santana grabbed her best friend by the elbow, "Now I gave you a few days, let you process your thoughts or whatever but it's been a week Quinn and you're still all" she waved her hands about, "which means some serious shit happened."
Quinn yanked her arm free and marched off down the sidewalk, she made it as far as the bench around the bend before quietly saying "I hate you." Her voice was hoarse and her eyes stung with the threat of tears.
Santana had managed to keep pace with Quinn and put a comforting hand on the blonde's shoulder, "I know."
"She's never going to be free of him," she deflated as she sat on the bench.
"It's not going to happen overnight Q," the dark haired girl said softly as she sat beside her opposite, "you know that. We all do."
"I just," Quinn's voice broke, "I thought she was doing better."
"What happened Q?" she asked, placing a hand on her friends knee.
"I can't..."
"You can," Santana soothed, "you need to."
"It wouldn't be fair to Rachel," Quinn said quietly, she knew the Latina would get it out of her and that she needed to talk but she also needed some reassurance, for someone to tell her that it's ok, to give her permission to talk.
"And this isn't fair to you," Santana pointed out, "Q, it's me. Talk to me. It's ok to talk." She knew exactly what the young mother needed to hear.
"I just..." she ran a hand through golden silk, "I feel so guilty."
"Ok..." Santana quirked an eyebrow, "Gotta admit, you lost me with that one Q."
"Because!" Quinn buried her face in her hands and shook her head, she felt guilt and shame for the things that went on inside her head, "Rach went through something truly horrific and life altering," she spoke through gritted teeth, "and I've been thinking about how it affects our relationship, how it ruins things, how it comes between us," she paused, there was more but she couldn't bring herself to say it.
They'd been friends for too long, they knew each others ticks and could read each others body language with ease, "Say it."
"He's always going to come between us," she said sadly, her eyes cast down at her lap, "I'm never going to be good enough."
"Ok, I think you're mixing your daddy issues up with what's going on here," Santana said dryly.
"I'm not San, I..."
"What?"
"She thinks she's his, that she's not mine, I...I don't know what...I just...she's my girl and she doesn't see it that way..." her voice got quieter, "she begged me to make her mine, to make it so she wasn't his anymore."
"Q..." she wasn't sure what to say, how to comfort her friend.
"I did something," her voice was laced with guilt, "something wrong. I made it so it was happening again for her."
"Quinn, look at me," Santana said firmly, "c'mon, look at me."
The blonde reluctantly did as she was told, turning her body slightly but enough so that she could keep rocking the stroller back and forth with her foot, she was thankful she'd thought to give Beth her sippy cup.
Santana placed her hands firmly on Quinn's shoulders and shook her slightly, "You did nothing wrong, you understand me?"
"But I-" her words were cut short.
"NOTHING!" A sigh escaped her lips, "Q, this shit is fucked up, it's gonna be fucked up cos something majorly fucked up happened. Somedays even I forget that Rachel is still healing cos she seems almost like her old self but she's not and I doubt she will ever be that girl again, but you can't blame yourself anytime something happens with her. It's not your fault. All these nightmares and flashbacks and God only knows what else, they all rest on that bastard's shoulders. He did this. Not you."
"I'm scared to touch her S," Quinn all but whispered, "what if I trigger her again? I don't want to be the reason she keeps having setbacks."
"Do I need to smack you upside the head? Are you purposely not listening to a single fucking word I'm saying?" She gripped her friends shoulders to emphasise her point, "You're not triggering her, it's not you. It could happen to anyone, someone could stand too close to her on the wrong day and trigger her. You're not, never have been, never will be the reason she has setbacks. Q, you're a huge part of the reason she's doing as well as she is. It's gonna take time for her to be...ok, doesn't seem like the right word but you know what I mean. She's still got healing to do and by the sounds of it, so do you. You can't keep blaming yourself Q, we all ignored that something was wrong."
Quinn swiped at the falling tears with the back of her hand, "I hate that you know me so well," she forced out.
"Yeah well," Santana shrugged, "works both ways you know."
"Sometimes I wonder if it does," she admitted with a dry laugh.
"You're the only one that knows me and Britt aren't just fooling around. You're the only one that knows I'm in the closet."
"I wouldn't say that, no one thinks you're straight."
"They all think me and B are fooling around though, experimenting or some shit."
"Since when do you care what people think?"
"Since I realised how big of a coward I am," she admitted.
"S, of all the things I can think to call you, coward most definitely isn't one of them."
"Really? I can't even come out to anyone."
"So? What does it matter who knows? I mean, Rach and I aren't exactly out and proud."
"That's different and you know it."
"Not really."
"You're trying to protect her."
"And maybe part of me is just as scared as you are about what other people will think, what they'll say."
"Christ..." Santana dropped her hands to her sides, "wait, how did this end up on me?"
"I have no idea," Quinn gave out a watery laugh.
"I mean it though Q, you can't keep blaming yourself. You gotta let it go."
"I'll try..." Quinn took her friends hands within her own, "but you've got to try and not care about what other people think of you and B, you deserve to be happy too S. You're so busy protecting everyone else, taking care of family...you need to be happy too."
Author's note: Hi guys, you should all go thank my best friend Davis B.P Thank you for always being my number one reviewer and helping me to get all these ideas out and onto paper (so to speak). Also a big shootout to MikA-FaberryLuver4395 for proofreading for me.
Sorry it took so long for an update and I hope you liked it - I feel incredibly rusty when it comes to writing.
I'm very much aware of the tragic passing of Cory and I myself was very upset at his sudden passing. This said Cory gave us all a fantastic character, one that some of us love and others of us hate. I have no intention of removing Finn from Long Way to Happy, nor will I be changing the way I portray him. If this is upsetting to you I understand but I figured that I should let you all know my intentions when it comes to Finn. R.I.P Cory - thank you for all you gave us.