On the seventh day of Andromeda
My true love gave to me;
Seven Geth incidents!
"I still can't believe she did that!" Garrus grumbled under his breath, wiping more mud from his face and flicking it at the wall as they walked through the mess.
"Shepard-Commander's intentional compromise of our squad was typical of her behavior." Legion pointed out, the Geth also covered in mud. Across the room, Miranda was staring at the threesome like she might be able to set them on fire, griping her mug with white knuckles as they tracked mud all over her nice, clean ship.
"Sending us into a mud pit just for kicks was a bit much." Tali was still trying to wipe an acceptable amount of the goop from her mask. "Ugh, it's getting in my filter. Gross..."
"Should we be worried about that?" Garrus asked nervously.
"Oh, the filters will make sure I don't get infected. But sterile, clean mud, is still mud, and it's all goopey and gross." She let out a groan. "Oh, keelah; it's squishing on my skin every time I move. Urrg!"
"We need to get here back for this!" Garrus Pounded his fist into his hand, sending droplets scattering and making a sickening squishy sound.
"What is the purpose of pushing Shepard-Commander into a mud pit?" the Geth inquired. Tali shook her head.
"Not what we were saying. Just replace her toothpaste with blueberries or something." She waved him off, and marched towards the med bay, where her clean room was waiting.
The next morning, to her exasperation, Shepard would walk into the mess with a basket of blueberries, and announce that she 'appreciated the gift, but would like her toothpaste back.' Mysteriously, it would be Legion who 'found' the toothpaste.
When they entered, Anderson was already talking with the council.
"Ah, there she is. Shepard, would you like to deliver your new evidence tot he nice man?" The Human Councilor asked pleasantly. There were here to try, once again, to prove that Sovereign wasn't Geth technology. What better way than make them hear it from a real Geth and a Geth expert?
Much to Tali's dismay, it was Sparatus who was on the line. Shepard's annoyance was expressed with a light, mournful sigh.
"Great. It's Councilor Bosh'tet." the Quarian muttered, soliciting what qualified as an 'odd look' from Legion.
"Alright Councilor, you wanted proof Sovereign wasn't Geth tech, here it is." Shepard 's voice was already testy. "Legion?"
The Geth stepped forwards, stance as polite as a Geth with a giant hole ripped through it could get. And then...
"Greetings, Councilor Bosh'tet." It said. Shepard clapped her hand over her mouth, and Tali drew in a sharp gasp. Oh, keelah; what have I done!? Anderson was now biting his knuckle, his chest shaking slightly with a faint noise as he tried to keep from laughing out loud.
"WHAT!?" Sparatus exclaimed furiously. Legion's eye plates flicked up.
"We assumed this was your title." It told him. "Soveriegn was not of Geth origin; we do not have the technology capable of making such a ship."
"Then obviously, the Geth who attacked us were much more advanced! Commander, you would do well to keep your trophy bot on a leash; it might have an 'accident'." The Turian snarled. "This conversation is over!"
Legion flinched. It looked at Shepard. "Had chances for success lowered because of our factor?"
"No." Shepard was still trying to hold back snickers. "It was Tali who taught you that language!"
"I've created a monster." The Quarian sighed as Anderson's laughter released itself.
Vacationing on Illium. With a Geth in tow. Not exactly something she thought she would ever be doing, but after the Omega Relay mission, Shepard had said they all deserved a break.
And stuck Tali and Thane with Legion-sitting duty. Mainly; keeping the Geth from being shot at, and keeping it from wandering off and doing something... strange. In a constant effort to try and understand organics, Legion and it's computer logic often took things literally.
I need a nap. She yawned beneath her mask, but alas; where Thane and Legion went, she had to follow. Even into the fancy open-air restaurant that Thane wanted to visit; apparently, they served meals specially for biotics that he enjoyed greatly.
"This unit does not require sustenance." Legion commented as they made their way through the door.
"This is just for Thane; this place doesn't look like it serves dextro-friendly. Just do what I do." she yawned, making her way to one of the back tables. She pulled out a chair, tested it's reclining capabilities, then sat with her feet kicked up on the table, her hands cushioning her head. Snatching a magazine off the table, she put it over her mask to block out the light, gunning for at least a short doze.
Legion looked at her, and then at one of the other chairs. It pulled the seat out, and attempted to copy her position, unaware of the entire restaurant staring at it as it propped it's legs up on the table. One woman took a picture with her omnitool, posting it on her page, labeling it: Real or Fake? It glanced at Tali again, and then tried to affix a magazine over it's eye light in a similar manner, only for the article to fall of onto it's chest. It looked up at Thane, who was standing in front of the two with his plate in hand, looking amused.
"Tali, it is considered bad manners to put your feet on the table." he rasped.
"I went on a suicide mission; I don't need to be a good girl." she grumbled sleepily.
"Think of the children." he insisted with mock weariness. "You're teaching Legion bad table manners!"
Tali slid the magazine off her face by a fraction to peer at the Geth, who flicked it's eye plates up at her questioningly, the magazine still flopped lifelessly on it's chest, it's body still reclined in mirror of her own relaxation.
"I think it's an improvement."
"Okay... so tell me again how this happened?" Shepard asked, arms crossed, as Garrus inched out along the branch of the tree above and pulled out his combat knife.
"Well... I thought it would be a good idea to climb a tree, to get a better feel for out position." Tali explained as The Turian began to cut the vines. "I... well, Quarians don't climb trees."
"We volunteered to assist." Legion added helpfully... from where he was hanging upside-down, wrapped haphazardly into a bundle of Geth, vines, leaves, and small branches.
"And you didn't take into account that you, say, might have been too heavy for that branch?" The commander asked testily.
"Visual scans led to the conclusion that the branch could support the weight of this unit. We did not account for internal wood rot." the Geth told her. "We-"
The vines snapped, and it was sent crashing headfirst into the ground.
"Got it!" Garrus chirped cheerily from above. Legion stood, covered with leaves, scuffs, and now, mud. Tali stepped forwards and pulled a leaf out from between it's eye plates.
"Ugh, keelah you're a mess." she exclaimed. "No way are you going back on the Normandy looking like this!"
Shepard let out a sigh as Garrus jumped down the last few feet off the tree, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. "Come on, you three. Let's head back."
They started back towards the shuttle, passing a few Blue Suns corpses on their way. Another groan from Tali as she tried to pick a large burr of moss off of Legion; if there was one thing everybody knew about Tali'Zorah, it was that dirty tech bothered her to no end, to an extreme that put OCD to shame.
"Tali." Garrus put a hand on her shoulder, allowing the Geth to escape her grasp.
"What!?" she snapped at him.
"Stop mothering the Geth."
"Um... Garrus?" Shepard couldn't stop staring. The Turian's fringe had been dyed a shockingly bright pink. He looked up at her mopingly. Today, the crew would be splitting up and heading their separate ways. She could only imagine the questions he would be asked.
"Tali asked Legion to show her a picture of Rannoch. I said it looked desolate." He let out a mournful sigh. "Next morning I wake up and this had happened."
"Tali punished you?"
"No. They both did it; I know it. She's got that Geth wrapped around her finger, I swear I saw them fist-bump earlier."
"Well, just try not to insult Rannoch anymore."
"What am I going to do with you?" Tali shook her head. "It's like things have hardly change at all!"
"We did not intend to cause distress among the crew." Legion shifted his feet. She couldn't put her finger on it quite exactly, but ever since rescuing him from that dreadnought, he seemed more... alive than he had when she last met him. He took things a little less literally as well.
Not to say there weren't still miscommunications.
"Well, um..." Copeland, too, shifted her feet, but with nerves. She'd pulled a gun on the Geth, who had, though as gently as possible, disarmed her and pinned her to the wall in defense.
"We will see to alerting the rest of the crew of our presence on board the Normandy." The Geth did a sort of shuffle. "We apologize for any long-term physical harm."
"Well, Gabby and Ken are in engineering, if you want to go talk to them." Tali told him. All Legion had known before with the Cerberus crew, but the two engineers were the only ones here from that line-up. "But, uh, stay away from Port Cargo. Don't even use the engineering door near it. In fact, why don't I come with you, just in case Adams freaks out."
The last thing she needed was for him to end up body-slamming Adams; or worse, running into Javik, who had made his opinion on the synthetic quite clear.
"Turian, why do you let the machine do that to you?" only a primitive would let the device continuously poke them in the shoulder such as the Geth was doing now.
"Tali told him to do it." The sniper drawled sadly, head propped up on one hand. "She seems entirely convinced that I'm hiding all the 'good dextro food'. Why don't you come over here and poke me yourself!?"
"Because, as Admiral, I have duties to preform before we assault Rannoch. Legion has free time." the Quarian called back from the other side of the command center.
"Just throw the machine out the airlock." Javik shrugged, shaking his head in disbelief. The Quarian was naive in trusting this 'Legion' so completely.
"Well, you're little attack dog is just going to have to keep poking me forever then." Garrus reclined, ignoring the Prothean. "In fact, what do you get out of this, Legion?"
"Creator Zorah insists we are aiding in the pursuit of justice." Exasperation radiated so profoundly from the primitive, Javik could sense it without touching him.
"'Justice'? Really, Tali!? It's only food!"
"We also find this action gratifying." The Geth added. "Based off of social classifications, you are placed under the category of 'annoying'."
The expression on the Turian's face was completely blank, followed by a sudden burst of exasperated anger. He reached under his personal console, opened a compartment beneath it, and shoved a small package into Legion's hands.
"Take the cookies, and tell her I surrender."
I'm seriously so sorry for this, guys. I thought I posted this chapter, and I've been believably busy these last few days. I'll be doing a triple-update today to make up for it!
There were many ways this chapter could have gone; it ended up being a series of small drabbles. I think the Illium one is my favorite, just because of the mental image of a Geth and a Quarian reclining like they're at a spa or something, even though poor Legion can't handle a magazine.
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