"I'm breaking apart inside.

I cry in my sleep at night.

I'm breaking apart without you.

… … … … …

And I'm hoping, you're doing fine too"

Chapter 19

I start the week like someone who does not have any motivation left to do anything. I'm tired and fried. Officially, this is my last week, so I need to catch up a lot, before the week ends. I have class again on Wednesday- fortunately I am not going to meet Arizona before that. After writing my last email of the day, as I start getting up to leave the office, someone knocks at the door. Oh! I'm too tired to talk to anyone.

"Come in," I say anyways.

Neesha peeks in, "I'm sorry to come at this hour. Are you leaving?" She asks with a sorry look.

"I don't have that much of time." I reply sitting back.

"She loves you." Neesha blurts without any introduction.

"What?"

"Arizona loves you." Neesha again says, this time maintaining an eye contact with me.

"Neesha. Do you even realize that you are talking to your Professor?" More than angry, I am irritated because Neesha is not supposed to talk about this with me.

"I know." Neesha reply softly, "but, Arizona is my best friend and I love her. Please give me just 5 minutes. Please." Neesha begs.

"Neesha, I don't think there is anything I can discuss with you. This is too embarrassing."

Neesha quickly opens her bag and brings out a small card, then she gives me that. Instantly, I know what this is. This is my old card, which I changed two years back. But, why is she showing me that? And how come she has one? "so?" I ask keeping the card back on the table.

"This is your business card, which I Arizona had. She always keeps this card in her purse."

Now I remember that I gave my business card to her. "did she?" I cannot help but ask.

"She had always feelings for you."

"Did she tell you?"

"I know that she has. When you came here, I have seen how happy she was... she did every possible thing just to be your TA when the advertisement came on your name. She never told me that you were the one about whom she always used to say. But, I already have seen that card."

"Neesha, I don't know what she has for me. But, that is painful and unhealthy for both of us. Arizona would never say what I want to hear and I am at the edge of my patience… I'm old enough to do this stuff." I get up signalling her that I need to go.

"Dr. Torres, I don't know what had happened the other night, but she is in distress... a total mess now. I have never seen her like this. Please don't let her break like this. She cannot take it again."

"Again?"

"Arizona grew in a foster home, but her parents were abusive. She has never known what love is while growing up. She is not habituated people caring her. She runs away when there is an attachment. I am the only one, with whom she has stayed…" Neesha tells these breathlessly as she sees me getting ready to leave.

"I didn't know this, but why is she running from me?" I feel sorry that I have never asked her about her parents, mostly because I have noticed that she never likes talking about family.

"Because she loves you- I don't think anyone can love you as much as Arizona does."

"Neesha, thanks for being such a great friend to her. She needs you."

"Dr. Torres…but…" I interrupt her softly, "I too can feel what Arizona feels. But, she needs to make a choice now. She needs to stop me now, stop hurting me. I'm not going to do anything- I have tried enough- now it's her call."

"Then, she would never do that…never." Neesha retorts sternly.

"I know it." I come out from the room and start walking towards the exit. Once Neesha catches me up, I pat her back, "I know you are going to take care of her. Maybe, someday she would find happiness in you."

"Her happiness is you…with you…but that stupid is letting everything falling apart."

I really don't know now- not sure about anything. I have never been this scattered in life.

Wednesday morning rolls in before I even know it. In the class, both Arizona and I do our tasks and once the class is over, I quickly give her assignment grading rubrics, "here is the last rubric… once you are done just email me those grades. I want to have a look at them before you upload them." I tell her not making any eye contact. To be honest, I am not able to look at those eyes. The first thing I have noticed how disordered she is looking today.

"Do you hate me?" Arizona blurts out.

"Arizona… not again…I have to leave for the conference on Friday morning, so I need to finish everything by tomorrow." I answer her still looking at my laptop screen.

Then Arizona rounds up the table to come to my side and she twirls my revolving chair towards her, "just I need to know, do you hate me?" she kneels in front of my chair, but I look away to control the forming steam in my eyes. Do I hate her? In this life time, I cannot hate this girl. I can do everything, but hating her is never an option. When I don't answer for a while, she cups my face to turn it towards her. Then I see that baby face with baby blue eyes. Those golden long locks are messed up today. I gently hold both her hands on my cheeks, "No, I don't. I cannot hate you, kiddo. I can never do that. But, it's always sore between us." I know that I have used the word kiddo, which I have not used after coming to France. Hearing this word rolling down, Arizona smiles with water pulled in her eyes, "I thought, I would never hear that again."

Then she gently strokes my cheeks, "I can tolerate anything but I will not be able to bear if you hate me…I am still me…I am still that teenager…I'm still your kiddo…and I …" She pauses and takes a long breath as if trying to say something. I see her expressions and clasp her hands tightly in anticipation. Arizona keeps staring at my eyes with glistened eyes few more seconds and then I see how her eyes backtrack. Before she does anything else, my phone starts ringing. I reluctantly let go Arizona's hands to take the call.

It's my dad. I quickly look at the watch- it's 6 am in the morning in Canada. I receive the call hoping that everything is okay back home.

A/N: Why is there a call from home? And what was Arizona about to say?

And this is strange that you guys didn't comment about the name 'Eliza'. Ha ha…