Chapter 123

Bella

It seemed such a long while since we had seen anyone yet I still wasn't sure I was ready. I had enjoyed a couple of weeks peace in Darius' apartment giving Jasper time to recover from his injury and for me to persuade him that the time was right for me to become a vampire too. After all my mother was now happy in her new house, all paid for by the Volturi, via Darius to recompense her for being ousted from her old house for a day.

The only stipulation was that she ask no questions and did not expect to hear from her ex or daughter again. Darius made it appear we were in witness protection which of course worked well all round and though she was upset the large check that appeared in her bank account along with the deeds to a larger house in a more affluent area helped to ease the pain considerably.

I expected to find the first few months of my new life to be difficult, everyone I spoke to warned me about that but I knew Charlie had calmed down fairly quickly so I expected the same even though Jasper explained Charlie's shield might have had something to do with his easy passage into the vampire world.

As it turned out I was being optimistic in the extreme! For the first six months, I was a nightmare. Jasper moved us out to a cabin that he rented well away from the temptation of human blood, but I hated drinking from animals, the burn in my throat never gave me a moments peace and I found myself arguing with him over the smallest thing. I even attacked him on occasion getting in a few vicious bites, but he never lost his cool with me which only made me madder because I couldn't be as calm as him.

The only time I felt anything like myself was when we made love and even then I had an itch that just couldn't be scratched, I was as hungry for his body as I was for blood and he was only too happy to oblige but I wanted so much to be in control of something so I tried incredibly hard to take charge in bed and at that point he drew the line but it was fun fighting him for control.

The days and weeks flew by as I tried so hard to overcome the urge to escape and try human blood which I knew would ease my terrible thirst and became enraged when Jasper calmly told me he wouldn't allow me to start.

"Bella resisting human blood is so much easier if you never tasted it."

"If that's true how come you stopped so easily?"

He shook his head,

"It wasn't easy, it still isn't. But I would much rather fight my demons every day than become a killer again. If you want to taste human blood it means killing a human, taking a life. Are you ready for that? Could you live with yourself knowing you had murdered someone? And not just one person, but one each time the thirst became too much?"

"Why do we have to kill someone to feed? Why can't we just feed on them, take enough and then let them go?"

"Well for one the humans would soon know of our existence that way, secondly when you start to drink human blood it is almost impossible to stop until you drain your prey and thirdly if you bite a human you inject your venom into their system so if you don't kill them you turn them into a vampire and then it is your responsibility to watch over them until they learn to control."

"Well, how about donated blood? Couldn't I try that?"

"Yes you could but it would only make you want more, it's like a drug and it would lead you to kill to feed. Trust me, Bella, this way is much better."

Then one-day temptation came knocking on our door quite literally when a human broke down on the road close to us and knocked to ask to use our phone as cell reception was awful. Jasper was out back chopping logs and here was a human, with such sweet smelling blood pumping around his body that my mouth flooded with venom just to smell it. I invited him in even though we had no phone, struggling with the almost overwhelming urge to bite into his neck, slice into his jugular, and taste the warm salty blood as it pumped into my mouth. I found myself moving closer as he looked around for the phone and then attacked only to be thrown across the room by Jasper who had run in on hearing the man's voice. I screamed in frustration but he turned and glared at me and suddenly I found I was too weak to do anything but slump down on the floor.

I heard Jasper explain to the man that I was on medication after a breakdown and not responsible for my actions. He took the guy out back where reception was better and they arranged for a garage to tow him then Jasper watched him off our property safely before coming back inside where I was struggling to my feet ready to rip his head off. Suddenly I was captivated by the sawdust on his hands as it fell slowly to the floor.

I wanted him, right here, right now, and I wasn't going to take no for an answer, not after he ruined my chance to try human blood and I sprang at him knocking him over and ripping his clothes off in a kind of frenzy before forcing myself down on him hard and biting into his shoulder in a mixture of desire and anger. We fought and tussled but by the time we finally collapsed side by side I felt much better and each day after that was a little easier still.

When I found out we had been here at the cabin for eighteen months I found it hard to believe and it was another six months before he allowed me my first outing into town, a place teeming with potential prey. I was determined to show him I could be trusted and I forced myself to ignore the smell of warm spicy blood that was all around me. I was rewarded with a hunt and sex after controlling myself and after that I insisted on weekly trips to bigger and bigger towns until I was finally told I was ready to fly. I could go to Italy and see my dad and the rest of our friends.

Peter and Charlotte had wanted to visit before, but Jasper always put them off. He said it would be better not to have any distractions, but I knew the real reason. He was afraid that Peter, still a human blood drinker might encourage me to try it, might be the voice of the devil at my shoulder and I guess he was right but I was looking forward to seeing everyone again and finding out how things in Volterra were going. The calls to my dad and Esme weren't the same as getting the news first hand, seeing for myself the differences in the citadel. We opted in the end to use the Volturi jet for our flight to Italy only because it was already in Boston and could fly down and pick us up for the return journey. In a way I was relieved, I hadn't been looking forward to so many hours in the company of hoards of humans in such an enclosed space although I would never admit that to Jasper. I was determined to make him proud of me after all the crap I had put him through the last two years.