Ryou had been laying here for… Gods knew how long, really.

He'd been laying in the window sill in Malik's room, listening to Malik laugh and converse with his siblings. He would estimate it had been at least an hour, judging by the position of the sun in the sky. He was currently twisting one of the rings he'd received from Ishizu around his finger, staring at the door, and wandering around and around in his mind.

His mind kept meandering back toward the past, and he kept diverting it back to the present, only to have to go back again.

It was becoming unspeakably annoying. And incredibly inconvenient, as well, since he could no longer keep a solid train of thought. His mind wanted to reminisce, but he wanted to think. His mind wanted the comfort of the past and he wanted the comfort of the present instead.

You know it isn't going to work.

Yeah, I know. But that isn't going to stop me.

You're too difficult for our health.

Always have been.

It's annoying.

You're annoying.

You just called yourself annoying.

I realize that. I don't care. I'm annoying. You're annoying. We're annoying and no one likes us.

Malik and Yugi like us.

They haven't met the real us. And they don't like you. They like me.

They're just smart enough to know that I'm a sociopath. Green-eyes was quite dismissive, as usual.

Ryou was hardly surprised, nor was he particularly pleased. There wasn't much he could do, though. Doing anything to Green-eyes was useless - Green-eyes would just return anything he dished out with glee and far more fervor. It was only self-destructive, regardless of that, anyway, because Green-eyes was him and he was Green-eyes.

Having Dissociative Identity Disorder was a real bitch, especially since his alter could fucking talk to him. That wasn't supposed to be a thing, he didn't think. He and his alter weren't supposed to be able to talk to each other without some difficulty, but here they were going back and forth like an old married couple.

Wish they'd be smart enough to know that I need some serious help.

I'm sure Malik realizes it. Green-eyes probably shrugged. Ryou couldn't be sure. But I'm also pretty sure he thinks that finding Bakura will help you. Not that he's wrong, of course, because if you remember I was much quieter around him.

I remember. Ryou assured him. And I miss it.

Green-eyes gave a cackle to that.

Ryou wished he wouldn't sound so smug. It was utterly infuriating.

He also wished that he wasn't so fucked up in the head. Life would likely be much easier for him if he wasn't. If he could function as a proper human being. God how he missed being able to function as a proper human being.

How many years had it been since he'd been able to do that?

Lord, he'd been tiny at the time.

It was before the car accident, meaning it was nearly… Oh, dear. He'd wager about 10 or 11 years. It had been about three months before he and his father moved to Domino, after all. Three months before his father shot himself in the head in front of him.

He tried to shake the memories away, but to this day he could still sometimes hear the gunshot and feel the splattering of his father's blood across his own face. It always made Green-eyes act all giddy. The sight of blood, the sound of a gun, the very idea of someone else in pain, was enough to make that psychopath giddy.

I'm not a psychopath. Green-eyes taunted, I'm a sociopath. There's a difference~!

"I don't care." Ryou groaned, and even though he didn't mean to respond out loud, it didn't really matter. It wasn't like Malik was listening. He was too busy with his siblings. He probably thought Ryou had left with Yugi.

That would bring a bit of a nasty shock for him when he came up to go to bed.

When Green-eyes chuckled this time, he wasn't alone. Schadenfreude was one of the only things they really had in common aside from a distinct interest in Bakura, Marik, and Malik. Oh, and horror movies! They loved horror movies.

For wildly different reasons, of course, but the fact remained that they had it in common.

Think you'll ever go away? Ryou inquired.

Maybe one day, dear. Maybe one day.

Ryou sighed. But when? I'd like to have my head back.

Maybe when we get Bakura back. I might not go away completely, but we both know I'll be quieter.

… He was more of a cure than he knew. Ryou sighed again.

Indeed. And oh, we loved him…

We still love him.

We do.

Ryou licked his lips and checked his pockets. He would kill for a cigarette, right now. He was getting a headache from interacting with Green-eyes so much and nicotine always helped. He cursed softly. He'd left his only pack of cigarettes in Valhalla. Stupid. He gave a groan and leaned back, massaging his temples.

He almost didn't hear the bedroom door opening, but thankfully he wasn't quite that far gone just yet. The soft gasp following it made his lips twitch.

"I thought you left." Malik informed him softly, shutting the door with a quiet, barely-there click. "What's wrong?"

"Headache." Ryou informed him just as softly. "Why are we whispering?"

"I'm not sure I want Ishizu to know you're here." Malik shrugged as he approached. He glanced out the window. "Want me to get you something?"

"Such a gentleman." He teased gently, though Green-eyes definitely influenced him a bit. "But unless you have a cigarette, no. I'll survive."

"You know, conveniently enough, I keep a pack around for you."

He blinked at him. "You… You do?"

"Yeah. I almost stopped when you told me you quit smoking, but I figured it was better safe than sorry."

"That's…" He struggled for a moment. "That's so thoughtful. I didn't think you were capable of being that sweet to anyone who wasn't Marik."

Malik snorted softly. "I was never even this sweet to Marik. I'm definitely sweeter to you." He moved away from the window and retrieved a pack of cigarettes from his nightstand drawer. "Here."

"I did kind of wonder why you still had an ashtray over there since you don't smoke and I quit." Ryou said as he took the pack. "Thanks."

Malik just snickered and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Ryou thanked the gods that he didn't actually need a lighter to light a cigarette - just some concentration. When the very first traces of the sickly smog he so craved entered his mouth, he felt his whole body relax. The dull throbbing in his head faded. Green-eyes gave a relieved sigh.

He felt so genuinely content, for the moment, that he chose to blow the smoke out in a ring rather than a cloud. Malik clapped softly.

"That was really well formed." He said.

"Thanks." Ryou shot him a smile, feeling his eyelids droop a bit. For once he decided to let his emotions run their course. Maybe he'd be less confused - and besides, he rarely let himself be happy. Content. Even just relaxed.

Malik smiled back at him. "It's been awhile since I saw a genuinely happy smile on your face."

"Been awhile since I genuinely felt like smiling because I was happy." Ryou shrugged.

"What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Dunno." Ryou shrugged again. "Just… Feel happy. And maybe if I don't try to hold all my emotions in they won't confuse me so much."

"Maybe." Malik frowned slightly. "Come here."

"Huh? Why?"

"Just come here."

He sounds so much like 'Kura when he orders us around like that. Green-eyes swooned.

Hush.

He chose to obey in order to avoid making this awkward, sliding off the window sill and swaying his way over to where Malik sat on the edge of the bed. Malik opened his arms. Ryou smiled again and perched himself happily on Malik's lap, wrapping his free arm around the man's shoulders. He rested the other on Malik's bicep, cigarette extending from between his fingers.

"Did you just want to hold me?" He asked, vaguely amused by the thought.

"Yeah." Malik admitted. "Well, that and I was worried you might get a bright idea sitting over there next to the unlocked window."

He thinks we might decide to jump. Green-eyes observed.

No, really?

It's weird how I can still hear the sarcasm when we're not actually talking.

"You said it yourself, Malik… I might not be afraid of dying, but I don't want to yet. Not until we find Bakura." He pressed a kiss to the Egyptian's temple. "Besides… If I were to go, we both know I'd go in a fight or while doing some sorta black magic occult type bullshit in the middle of the night."

"True enough." Malik looped his arms around the skinnier man's waist. "Can't say I don't worry, though."

"Thats sweet." Ryou took a drag off his cigarette and blew the smoke out away from Malik's face before he flicked the ashes into the ashtray. "You're sweet."

"You've told me that already." Malik rolled his eyes.

"Well it's true."

He rolled his eyes again. "I think you need to go to sleep."

"Maybe."

"Definitely."

Regardless, Malik didn't make any move to make him lay down. He remained upright, holding him close. It felt so nice to be held… Ryou lost himself in the moment for a bit, allowing his head to fall forward, nose bumping against Malik's. Malik gave him a gentle squeeze around the waist and a small smile.

Looking at that smile, Ryou could almost believe that Malik gave a shit about him.

You know, I think he honestly does. Green-eyes almost sounded like he was in shock.

Ryou didn't blame him. The idea of anyone other than Bakura genuinely caring for them was almost like something that would come out of a fairy tale. A really badly written fairy tale. One where the plot is supposed to focus on some weakly thought out plan, straight from the mind of some jilted villain or another, but instead focuses mostly on the love story between the un-loveable main character and the boy who sees the main character's unforgivable flaws as something to be admired.

Oh, Ryou thought, wait. That's every fairy tale ever.

He snorted quietly, pulling back a bit and taking one last drag off the cigarette before he snuffed it out in the ashtray. He had to lean over quite a bit to manage it - or maybe 'a bit' was putting it lightly. The point was that he very nearly fell off Malik's lap trying to put his cigarette out, but still managed to do it before Malik realized what was happening and drew him back up and into a tight embrace.

"Careful." He gave a somewhat weak smile.

Green-eyes swooned, and Ryou had to try very hard to avoid doing the same. He did accomplish his goal, though, and instead gave Malik a smile. "No promises."

Malik rolled his eyes. "So… Any plans for tonight?"

"I was hoping to be able to annoy you for a while." Ryou shrugged. "Past that, not really."

"Well you aren't annoying me." Malik chuckled. "Stay a while longer?"

"If you want me to."

"I want you to." Malik laid back, pulling Ryou onto his chest. "In fact, I'd like it if you stayed all night."

He tried to sound nonchalant, but didn't bother hiding the nervousness in his face. Ryou's head was resting on his chest, so he couldn't see the way his was biting his lip, or the way he slowly started biting down harder the longer he went without a response.

Finally, Ryou kissed his shoulder and chuckled. "Sure, why not? That's something new."

"Yeah, it is."

"Wanna get more comfortable?"

"... Yeah."

They rearranged themselves on the bed, stretching and popping joints to make sure they'd be comfortable before they actually laid down. And, against his better judgement, Ryou finally turned his back to Malik to allow him to spoon him. Malik smiled into his hair and pulled him close.

Ryou had forgotten how nice it was to feel safe and protected. How nice it felt to be held like that. Three years of sleeping alone had never dulled his want to be held, but he had started to be able to ignore it… He didn't think he'd be able to do that again, now.

They really needed to find Bakura soon, so that his feeling of being safe wouldn't be tainted by his thoughts of "what if he tries something?" and "he could kill me right now." He knew Bakura better than he knew anyone else - he could trust him. No matter how much of a raging psychopath he was, Bakura would never hurt him intentionally. There had been a couple times, early on, but they hadn't known each other then. They didn't trust each other. They were both grasping at straws for some kind of companionship but Bakura was too mistrustful.

It had taken them almost a year to get comfortable around each other.

Bakura hadn't really ever hurt him since, and, in fact, had been extremely protective of him. Any time he so much as nicked his finger carving a Monster World figurine, Bakura insisted on helping him bandage it. Insisted on checking for infections because his carving knife was really sharp and if a piece of wood got in there it could be terrible for him.

The only exceptions to Bakura "not hurting him" was when he was used in Bakura's plans. When they thought that Yami and Yugi would be spurred on by Ryou being hurt.

He pushed the thoughts away, licked his lips, and took a breath. He pressed his back against Malik's chest, though somewhat hesitantly. Malik made a soft pleased noise.

About an hour later, the Egyptian was fast asleep and Ryou was fighting the deep-set urge he always had to leave.

He sighed.